Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
This week, Sarah shares her story with us. I love her honesty about her struggles with consumerism (we’ve all been there!), and her determination to continue on a minimalist path.
Sarah writes:
Ever since I was little, I’ve had a love/hate relationship with “stuff.” Acquiring it gives me a thrill, having it when I need or want it gives me a feeling of security and control, but having it in my space grates on my nerves!
I am the kind of person who feels uneasy and mentally scattered amidst clutter. In my teenage years, I acquired masses of stuff. Somewhere around 18, I downsized much of it. This cycle has continued throughout my life, and today I’m in debt as well as a downsizing mode again.
I currently live in approximately 650 square feet with my boyfriend. I lived in this one bedroom apartment alone before he moved in and I had a bed, dressing table, dresser, couch, chair, flatscreen tv, 2 end tables, dining table, and 6 dining chairs. My boyfriend contributed another flatscreen tv and stand, an elliptical trainer, and quite a few articles of clothing, toiletries, etc.
Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in our stuff, but I’m hesitant to part with things because I’m in so much debt that I literally can’t afford to replace anything if I need it later. I am also struggling with how to declutter while living with another person (who sometimes questions why I am selling things) and what the next phase of minimalism is after my physical stuff has been decluttered.
This is not to say that I haven’t come a long way. I own considerably less than most people my age. When I moved into my current apartment, friends who stopped by before I got settled were shocked at the paltry number of boxes I had. I recently became vegan (primarily an ethical choice) and I am trying to focus on simple pleasures like walking to the library, taking trips to the beach, and cooking at home.
I haven’t completely freed myself from the grasp of consumerism. Makeup, shiny hair, and high heels are a big part of my identity and I love having the perfect outfit or accessory for an occasion. A part of me still has expensive tastes and desires status symbols and exotic vacations. However, I keep striving for true luxury: a simple and minimalist home with one prominent vase of lovely flowers; a clear and uncluttered mind with one focus at a time; a serene and grounded life.
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Minimalism is always decided on a personal basis. I find nothing wrong with wearing makeup, using beauty products, and wearing high heels; if that’s what makes you happy, then include that in your life. The thing with female minimalist wardrobes is that being a minimalist really forces you to focus on the 20% of your wardrobe that you wear and can use in multiple ways. You can still be fashionable and put together with a smaller wardrobe. I freely admit that I have a terrible time figuring out my wardrobe. As far as smaller possessions go, I’ve cut down to my essentials, but I have a huge problem with cutting down to a few pieces of clothing.
Gosh, Sarah–you sound exactly like me and my relationship to stuff. I wonder if part of our issue with stuff is that when you pay attention to style and fashion, you are hearing the consumerist drumbeat, and they do a lot to make you feel insecure so you’ll buy stuff. You and I are natural minimalists, though, because we really feel a lot better with a streamlined space. The trick seems to be being very discriminating about what you let into your space–not just stuff, but also media. Certain magazines really stimulate me to go out (or stay in) and buy stuff (Allure, Lucky). Others impart style information without triggering a spending spree–I suspect I am a lot older than you, but O Magazine has some good information on what to look for to keep current enough. The styling is a bit more classic, so you won’t risk fashion victimhood (with the corresponding credit card bills)–you can start achieving a timeless wardrobe that is also uberstylish. You may have more than a few pieces, but if you wear all of them and have something appropriate for most occasions, then it’s minimalist for you. Some of us have more particular taste for what is appropriate than others, which is fine–don’t deny it. Just make sure everything you have works fit and style-wise and that you wear it.
According to cosmetic chemists like the Beauty Brains, shiny hair doesn’t have to cost a fortune–the top drugstore brands like Pantene, L’Oreal and Tresemme have the exact same active ingredients–I am not wild about the smell, so I do spend for the higher end stuff, but it really doesn’t work better than the cheaper stuff. Heck, L’Oreal owns most of the high end companies anyway. Check TJ Maxx and similar stores, and online, for discounts on products you prefer.
As far as what’s next after decluttering–well, that’s up to you, but I am trying to develop better skills in assertiveness so I not only don’t have a cluttered space, but my schedule is also filled with the things that are important to me. Minimalism to me is about being intentional in what I have in my life–everything I need and/or truly enjoy and nothing more.
I am not quite sure what to comment on other than I am a pnicrtipatiag member of Project 333. I am also one of the few guys pnicrtipatiag by election. In fact, I had to really work on my wife to participate and she isn’t exactly following the rules with her whopping 37 items. hahahahah. Seriously though, the experiment has taught me that many things I thought I needed I really only needed for one occasion or one day. True, I have a major advantage in that I work from home. However, I don’t wear PJs to work and I do have to leave the house with some frequency so I do have to look presentable. But jeans can take on a number of looks provided they are well tailored to begin with and of a decent appearance. I doubt my old Bon Jovi jeans would cut it with a few of my clients. hahahaha.
“I am also struggling with how to declutter while living with another person (who sometimes questions why I am selling things)”
I have this problem. Sometimes its nice because my husband really does keep me grounded, but other times its just a pain and makes me even more anxious about making decisions on what to get rid of.
I personally don’t feel there’s anything wrong with desiring “Makeup, shiny hair, and high heels.” As a fellow high-heel lover I don’t think I could ever give them up. Minimalism doesn’t have to be about giving up the things that make you you. Its about choosing what is important to you. Its important to me to have nice clothes and shoes and look good, so choosing not to spend $200 on some new gadget is a choice I make in order to put that money towards something that I really enjoy. I won’t get the same feeling of confidence if I were carrying around a shiny new iPad like what I get when I have a cute skirt on with heels and a couple fabulous accessories.
Sarah,
As mentioned by Candice, you don;t have to surrender who you are in order to become minimalist. I have still have a few things I enjoy, and by downsizing my possessions, I enjoy those items even more.
On the other hand, things I SWORE I would never part with were put in the donation bin this weekend, so as time goes on, it’s easier to let go.
The bottom line is you can still be a mimimalist by remaining true to yourself. Hope this helped!
Gil
Sarah, You’re going through many of the things I went through when my boyfriend (now husband) moved in with me. I felt suffocated when our stuff was combined in our 650 square feet apartment. But over time he began to see the logic behind my constant selling of furniture. We’re both slowly reaching a point where we’re happy with the amount of stuff we have.
Regarding keeping things because you’re afraid you’ll need them later, it’s a hard habit to break. I have to take a few deep breaths and remind myself that if I haven’t used something in a year (or more, in some cases!) I’m not going to need to use it in the future. And we’re talking pie pans, shoes, clothes, a piece of clunky furniture that no one uses. Those won’t be things you’ll ever need in a pinch. Furniture and kitchen wares, especially. And remember there’s always Freecycle, Craigslist and friends/family to borrow from if you did find yourself in a pinch. Good luck to you!
Miss Minimalist, thank you for posting my story.
Mneiae, Kathryn, Candice, Gil, and Red, thank you for your comments. It’s great sharing with and learning from like-minded people!
Sarah, we sound very alike. I do enjoy “stuff” but give me a cute dress with all the bells and whistles and I am happy. I admit that I have 2 closets with clothes, accessories and shoes yet my home looks like a college student on a wine budget style. : ) We are very comfortable in having less things but I went too far in letting go of my clothes and the likes, as I do really enjoy them. They are who I am right now in this moment where I am at. Nothing wrong with that. We too enjoy travel. I’d rather take a great warm vacation than buy another chotsky for my shelves. Enjoy your life now…don’t regret or beat yourself up because you are who you are.
I think you need to find what minimalism means to you, not what it means to someone else and then do what works for you. To me it means to own less but to have quality items of the things that I do buy. Example: I spent $60 dollars on my sneakers, but I have a couple of sneakers. I don’t have a huge shoe collection, I own less than 10 pairs of shoes. I don’t feel guilty if I buy things that I need and I want, my point in being a minimalist is to own less stuff, but when I do buy things that I need or want I make sure to buy quality items that will last for awhile.
Don’t feel guilty with wanting to take nice vacations or with wanting nice things, its human to want a nice life, minimalism is really mostly about letting go of the stuff that weighs you down so you can spend time on what matters to you. Sure I’m a minimalist, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon my sense of fashion and live in the woods. That’s not it at all. Do what works for you, don’t let anyone ever make you feel guilty.
Sarah, Thanks for sharing your story and your struggles. It is encouraging to know that I am not the only one trying to figure out what minimalism means to me and trying to live as a minimalism according to my lifestyle and not according to the way others live it. I admire you for your courage and honesty.
Sarah I relate on so many levels – the thrill of buying but then the worry about all the stuff around me. The attempts to get rid of stuff balanced against the fact I have a husband who doesn’t always see things the same way (sometimes a good thing!) Being a vegan. And a love of clothes and make-up (though I am lessening that now I work from home and have less of an ‘excuse’ to wear heels and such – they don’t work on the school run, trust me!)
While others have said you need to find your own level of comfort, and it is not about getting rid of everything, I think there is more going on here (and excuse me if I am completely wrong) – I think that is another thing I can relate to: I like my nice clothes, but they are still ultimately making me unhappy as in the end I ‘know’ I don’t need them. So which ‘desire’ do I follow – the one for nice clothes? The one to downsize how much I have? And if I have made an investment in all these clothes (I have some very nice stuff!) is it a waste to just give it away? What if in five years I think ‘I wish I still had …’
Sorry, not trying to hijack your excellent post, I guess I am just trying to say ‘I get what you are saying!’
It’s hard to let go of things that we feel identify us and define who we are. I’ve always valued gadgets far more than clothes and heels, but the mindset is the same. It was easy for me to get rid of half my (mostly donated second-hand) clothes, and so painful to (finally!) sell my second iPod. Do I need two iPods? No… but it was part of my identity.
As time goes on, though, I’m learning to tell the difference between what I think I want, and what I really want. I want one, expensive, shiny, uber-gadget that does everything… not a dozen cheap(er) gadgets that do bits and pieces. Instead of half a dozen cheap outfits, why not one, uber, made-to-measure outfit?
This de-cluttering thing is far harder than it seems what with the emotions that go along with it. There was a great TV series on Britain’s BBC TV called “Life Laundry” some years ago (clips on YouTube) that explored this emotional side. It’s still possible to get the two books on this series.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Life-Laundry-How-junk-Your/dp/0563534753
If anyone knows where the DVDs for this series is being sold, please let me know!
hi sarah,
i love your story for it’s honesty. minimalism and simple living is a process, it doesn’t happen overnight, at least i don’t think it does. i love that you are putting so much thought into your lifestyle. as a fellow vegan, i think it is one of the simplest ways to live that has profound effects on the body and also the world. you sound like a very smart, determined woman and i like that!
~janet
I used to follow fashion. I used to like shopping for clothes. But in truth I prefer, and always choose to wear, the comfiest, simplest clothes. All the fashiony, trendy, or high maintenance clothes would mostly just sit in my closet. And high heels. Ugh. Ditto for make-up, I only use 3-5 products when I do wear make-up. I have a vivid imagination and I was sort of playing dress-up and trying on “images”. The thing with that is that once you have tried it, on to the next thing you must go, just like fashion does. For “real life” I have always wanted to wear something simple and easy, and I finally realized that while I do still like CLOTHING somewhat, I do not like FASHION. So I go shopping only when I NEED something, and choose what I LIKE, without knowing what is “in” at the moment. Then I don’t get seduced by the fairy tales fashion magazines offer (that your life will magically turn into a spectacular affair if you dress a certain way) but buy something that is comfortable and wearable for the life I actually lead, that I truly love, be it in or not.
Because more was never enough, I chose to opt out and say that less is truly enough.
Being minimalist is a very individual decision. We all have things that are important to us. No one person would make the same decisions. The idea is that consumption should be a mindful choice. I save beautiful greeting cards in a notebook, but I only own 5 pairs of shoes including my flip flops. If you are out of debt, saving for retirement and have all the necessities covered, the rest becomes personal choice. My husband retired at 55, I was 53. We put our kids through college, did what we were supposed to do and saved by not being big consumers. We never had a big house because we didn’t need a big house. Think before you consume and think of a smaller footprint on the earth.
I am getting rid of some magazine articles I’d saved. Along with my hobby and craft books, I need to get rid of more of the instructions I’ll never use. More importantly, I can always get crochet or quilting patterns off the computer or at the library. I have been giving away jewelry, the one thing I do collect, that I don’t wear very often.I have some I am planning to sell.
I have some beautiful jewelry I haven’t worn in quite a while. I am going to make an effort to wear it more often in the future. My daughter in law inherited some jewelry from her grandmother and she has been wearing it lately.
I have given away a lot of books. I have two books for each craft I enjoy. I have 4 pairs of slacks. I put my nicer tee shirts away until spring. I wear the older ones under sweaters and sweatshirts. I also have 2 shirts with collars. But I love my costume jewelry. I remember who gave me each piece. I just gave away a bunch of clip earrings because no one I know wears them.