Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details. (Note: the schedule is now full until December — but if you don’t mind waiting, feel free to send me your submission!)
This week, I’m honored to present Fawn — one of my minimalist idols! I’ve been reading Fawn’s posts on the Simple Living Network for almost a decade, and they’ve been an incredible source of inspiration to me. I’m so excited to introduce her to all of you!
Fawn writes:
Fawn
Minimalism by the Numbers
I think that a preference for minimalist living is a personality trait like extroversion or a dark sense of humor. But it can be affected by life experiences.
In my teens and twenties I accumulated music, books and household equipment, which is normal for that time of life. My things reflected my preferences and declared my independence from my parent’s preferences. Then, I had some unusual experiences which have strengthened my minimalist leanings: during my first marriage we moved 9 times in 3 years. The first three moves I dutifully packed EVERYTHING, but the last year, I was jettisoning any item that we did not use regularly. During my last marriage we lived on a farm that had been in the family for 150 years. And there was 150 years of clutter (nobody got rid of stuff; just put it in one of the sheds.) My work as a hospice nurse puts me in close contact with people at the end of their lives. For 20 years, I have watched people detach from their stuff as they grow more ill and noticed what a burden those possessions can be to their grieving loved ones.
About ten years ago, I got an opportunity to leave behind all but the essentials. I packed up my four kids, a week’s worth of clothes for each of us, a small box of dishes, a couch and a table. It felt incredibly freeing. Stuff began to creep back in our home and I made up a game to keep it just to the essentials. Every year on my birthday, I count my things. I keep a separate count for the things that I share with the children. My goal is to have only 100 items. Here is a link to my count this year: http://www.simpleliving.net/discussionforums/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=67786.
{If you’d like to read more about minimalist living, please consider buying my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
I love lists, so I love her count of possessions :)
It inspired me to do a little counting of myself. I started with my wardrobe, including outerwear and shoes (socks count as one, panties as one, bras as one) and I came up with 129 pieces. It’s still quite a bit, though it’s much less than what I used to have. I aim for under 100 pieces in total for my wardrobe:) Which means I can’t replace everything that goes out one-for-one. I do have an excess of tops and a couple of sweaters I just never seem to wear and so on… And living with four seasons there is need for separate summer clothes, warm weather clothes, in-between jackets, and super warm winter jackets, sigh.
Anyway, I could still reduce my wardrobe at least 25% and not even notice it.
Fawn has also been a tremendous inspiration to me over the last 10 years! I used to be a regular on the Simple Living forums, but just don’t have time any more. However, I still have a printout of one of Fawn’s early lists, and many of her ideas re: household management, cooking, and life in general have really stuck with me. And someday, when MY family is out of the house, I hope my house looks like hers!
In the meantime, I’ve reduced my own possessions by a considerable amount – though my count will never be under 100. For example, I have very few clothes, but I have 14 pairs of shoes/boots/sandals which are all practical, beautiful, and top-quality; I work in a professional setting, and have found that I can get by with a very basic wardrobe if I have fantastic shoes.
On the home front, though, I have to contend with a partner who will tolerate my decluttering to a certain point, but insists on hanging onto certain household items. Fortunately, he’s moved most of his work stuff and music equipment off site.
I’m inspired by the postings I see here, and on other like-minded sites. Having been a traveler for many years, discarding has been a way of life for me. However, I have been based in Australia for the past 10 years, without an overseas trip. So perhaps on the travel front, I’ve become a little rusty. Nevertheless, I’m pleased to have connected with a variety of minimalist/minimal travel sites before I got on the plane. They inspired me to pack less rather than more. I am in Singapore for 7 days, on holiday. I have 2 dresses, 2 trousers, 1 skirt, 4 tops, 2 shoes, 1 jacket and some socks with me. this is a VAST difference from previous packs. I knew I could probably get by with 1 dress, 1 pr trousers, 3 tops and 1 pair shoes, but this is a new exercise for me. So I think my pack was reasonable. And I’m pleased that I didn’t have ten tons of ‘STUFF” to haul around and try and find space for in my small hotel room. Yours inspiredly (hope that’s a word!d), Christina
It seems like children hinder minimalists less than partners! I would think that seeing 150 years of stuff might make anyone want to own less. I love that your sharing your values with your kids – making a game out of getting rid of things.
I agree with you that a preference for minimalist living is a personality trait. I look forward to making a count of my belongings soon.
TheSimple Poppy, that’s probably true. Children are attached to their toys and books, but don’t insist on having a toaster AND toaster oven, or complain loudly when you insist you don’t need 3 types of cold medicine, 20 dishtowels, etc.
I can really relate to Fawn’s opinions about stuff after working in a hospice. A few of my close friends had to deal with surprising deaths in the past year, and those who had the fewest possessions to sort through were the least stressed. I would hate to leave my current mess of stuff to a grieving relative – all the more reason to simplify!
My daughter had a friend over this weekend and gave her “the house tour.” The friend has a delightful sense of humor. When she got to my room (which has only a bed in it) she said, “It needs more posters!”
The 150 years of stuff used to give me nightmares. I would dream my (then) husband was killed in a freak farm accident and I had to deal with all the stuff.
I’m glad to read that some old simplelinving network friends are reading miss minimalist’s blog. I really enjoy it here.
Fawn, I have loved your updates and your inspiration. Nice to finally “meet” you.
Wow, Fawn, my SLN hero! (I can’t believe you’re blonde! I always thought you had dark hair, for some reason…) So fabulous to “meet” you and hear the story behind your 100 things. I too haven’t been on SLN for ages, I’m trying to cut down my online time. I’m “pudding” there. :)
Kelly, Heather, Michelle- (waving) Hi! Nice to see you here too!
Cat’s Meow–the secret to four-season wardrobe counting is layers. If most pieces are solid colored and in compatible colors, and simple in cut–you just keep tossing on layers until you are warm enough. :)
Kelly–14 pairs of shoes is really not outlandish in a professional setting. And I would argue that when you only have a few things, they all should be quality and hard-working pieces.
Christian D–Singapore! How cool is that?
TheSimplePoppy–I don’t know that children hinder less than partners. My kids all have way more stuff than I do. I guess the advantage to kids is that you hope they will leave home someday and take their stuff with them. I am fortunate that my kids see my minimalism as an amusing hobby and are not upset that I refuse to have a TV.
Victoria–let us know how your count goes.
Dena–One of my patients died 2 years ago. I ran into her daughter at the store last week. They finally sold the house, but still have 4 (!!!) rental storage spaces filled with things to go through. I do think that it prolongs the grieving. Somehow it feels like every item given away or tossed is killing them again.
Fawn, it’s so great to see you featured on Miss Minimalist;s blog. I too am a member of the Simple Living Discussion Forum and I have always enjoyed your posts. It’s also great to see a picture of you and put a face with your name.
Wow, what an inspirational post. Thank you for sharing!
Fawn, your statement about your experience as a hospice nurse and the observations you made regarding possessions and the absolute burden they become to family members hit such a strong cord with me that I almost gasped outloud in front of the computer. The last seven years have been a quest for me/us to unburden and free ourselves from so many of the things that cause stress – and it is amazing to me how many of those things have to do with stuff – the maintenance of stuff, the taxation of stuff, the “what are we going to do with” stuff. I would like to have just a little. And I am on my way.
I love how you were able to see people at the end of their lives and their connection to their possessions. Often I will hold onto to an item thinking its preciousness will be passed on for generations. As I let go of that idea it is very freeing.
When my Grandmother died a few years back she had a small collection of things. We each got one or two of these items to remember her from but were not burdened with a large estate. It was one of the greatest gifts she passed on to her family at the end of her life.
One of the experiences that really pushed me towards minimalism was doing clean-outs in the homes of people who had died, and one for a woman who was dying. In the case of the woman who was dying, the process was wonderful and healing; she was a very special person, and used this unique opportunity to divest herself of all the meaningless clutter so that the teenaged son and the sisters she left behind wouldn’t have to deal with it. And she boxed up everything she wanted to pass on.
As far as the homes of the deceased, my god! One was the home of a very old woman who lived in the house she grew up in. She still had her parents’ mail, as well as all the mail she’d ever received, as well as all their stuff, the stuff of her sons who had moved out many years before… The clothes in the closet were all stained, it was impossible to cook in the kitchen – which I guess didn’t matter so much, as apparently she lived on Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and cigarettes during her last years… That was quite an experience, and I vowed that when I die, my family can just take a few boxes of my clothes and effects to the Salvation Army and that’s that.
Fawn..Very inspirational and helpful. Thank you! One thing I am learning as a relatively new minimalist is that you never “arrive”, but it is a constant journey and one that needs to be maintained.
Paige–isn’t it funny how you can have a picture of someone in your mind…and it’s nothing like what they really look like?
Sheri–thank you. One of the most positive things I have gotten from the internet “friends” I have made is the sense that there are other people out there, somewhere, that value my “quirkiness.”
Diana–this journey has been one towards freedom for me too. Or (since parenting children isn’t freedom of any kind that I know) freedom to have the time and the money for what I value (parenting). Recognizing how little stuff we need, has freed me to work part-time and be home with my kids while they were little. I feel tremendously blest to have figured this out before I become a hospice patient myself. :)
Molly–yeah. Most of what we think is “the good stuff” out descendants are not too interested in. One or two precious objects, but it’s the time and love that we shared that we REALLY value. The trinkets are just a visual reminder of the love that we have shared.
Kelly–it is the rare individual that can use their dying process as a healing for the folks around them. Kudos to you for recognizing it while it was happening. He he….Reeses cups and cigarettes…..sounds like the “pleasure diet” we recommend to hospice patients….
Gil– it’s true that you never “arrive” because our priorities and interests are always changing. But it is possible to get to a place of “enough” and to know that all the people and events and possessions in your life are exactly what is needed “right now.” The next “right now” may require different things, but when you don’t cling to what doesn’t work anymore, what you do need shows up. I know that sounds Woo Woo. But damn, if it hasn’t happened to me so many times I have lost count. Good luck on your journey….
Fawn its terrific to see an outline of all your stuff – not just the personal – after all we all need to eat and sleep!(Most bloggers don’t really go there). I’m totally inspired! I was interested to note no music? Or is it on your laptop? Is gardening your main hobby? I’m an artist and like making things – so that is where I come unstuck. I get immense pleasure out of making dresses for my nieces or doing a drawing or collage but it can be very hard setting a line in terms of how much art materials to retain. I recently gave my silk painting supplies away since I hadn’t done it in many years, but I still have a lot of art materials – much of it recycled or found so its of no value to anyone else.
Rebecca–I have some music on the laptop, but rarely listen to it. I do listen to the radio when in the car. I like being present and hearing what is going on around me, whether it is hearing the traffic noises and crickets or my kids practicing their instruments or my kids talking in another room. I don’t want to be “entertained” all the time. I like my thoughts as well as anybody else’s.
I joke that my hobby is raising my kids and decluttering. So I don’t have the items that creative hobbies require. I used to sew my clothes and quilts before I had kids and I might go back to that after they leave home.
I think that a reasonable way to store supplies for a hobby whould be to give it a certain amount of space like a box or a closet or a room, depending on the hobby. Or enough supplies for 4-5 future projects (like yarn) and then you can’t buy any more until you use up what you have.
Good questions.
Hi Fawn–I enjoyed reading about your minimalist lifestyle. I just checked out your list–very interesting, thanks for sharing that. Today I donated all my heavy furniture–sofa, recliner, table, etc. It’s pretty sparse in here right now and I have to say I love it! My goal was to keep everything I could carry out myself–have another move coming up in a few months. I think about what I’d be leaving–I’m healthy–it’s just something I’ve been thinking about lately.
Beth-Moving is just about the best decluttering event I know. How cool that you are experimenting with how little you need now.
Cleaning out a lifetime of hoarded papers and mildewed books and fabrics was hard. My adult son asked me if people had storage units when I was a girl. I said people kept their stuff in attics and basements generally. My mom is in a nursing home and every week I go through her papers and magazines and bring a stack home. She has no space to hoard which is fine with me. I need less stuff and more goes each week.
I have mostly lived with very little and I’m glad I’ve come across minimal living sites. Everyone I know personally has a huge house with huge closets full of stuff. I keep finding more things I want to recycle or give away. Some people can’t move on with their lives because they have so much.
When I am very old, I want to have just what I need and nothing more. I don’t want drawers full of papers or boxes full of junk. SO I keep tossing things out.
My friend has a big house full of junk. I told her I would come over and help her clean out her bedroom. I get uncomfortable in the living room which is the cleanest room in the house.