This week, Tammy of Rowdy Kittens wrote a wonderful, very thoughtful post about her wedding ring. I liked it so much, I was inspired to write one about mine.
When my husband and I married five years ago, we were already well into our minimalist journey. Instead of a big, expensive ceremony, we opted to elope to Iceland – I packed my dress in a standard ziplock bag, and we sent out postcards from Reykjavik announcing our nuptials. It was a beautiful, romantic experience; and best of all, the event left us with no debt or excess possessions.
Accordingly, I wanted my wedding ring to reflect our minimalist philosophy – so I chose a simple band with seven tiny diamonds across the top (pictured at left).
Instead of the big, flashy, multi-carat rings featured in magazines, I wanted slim, subtle, and elegant. I wanted the kind of ring I’d feel comfortable wearing all the time: while traveling, hiking, walking through urban neighborhoods, or riding the subway at night. I wanted the gold to be recycled, the diamonds to be conflict-free, and the piece to be handcrafted rather than mass-produced. I wanted a ring that would be timeless enough in style, and durable enough in material, to last me the rest of my life.
But mostly, I wanted a ring that reflected my ideals: meeting my needs with just enough, rather than the most I could afford.
(Of course, one can argue that no wedding band would be the “most minimalist” choice. However, my philosophy has more to do with owning a few carefully-chosen items than nothing at all.)
I wanted my choice of wedding ring to be consistent with the other consumer choices we’d made: like buying a cozy 1920s bungalow instead of an outsized McMansion; driving small, fuel-efficient cars instead of luxury models or SUVs (and eventually switching to public transit); opting for well-made, classic clothing over trendy or logo-laden items; and supporting artisans and small businesses instead of big brands.
Our choices may have seemed modest, frugal, or eccentric to some – yet they made us perfectly happy. We never found need for bigger, better, or more: our little house kept us as warm and dry as any mansion; our cars conveyed us from point A to point B without fancy hood ornaments; and my tiny diamonds sparkled just as brilliantly as one-carat stones.
In essence, we chose to “right-size” our consumption instead of “super-size” it. This strategy enabled us to live well, while achieving our dream of moving to the UK and traveling the world.
Sure, a wedding ring is a consumer item; there’s no doubt about that. However, it satisfies my criteria for inclusion in my life: it’s useful (I wear it everyday, and it does a superb job at deterring unwanted advances ;-)), it’s beautiful, and it’s meaningful. And when I see it on my finger, it reminds me not only of my commitment to my husband – but our joint commitment to the minimalist lifestyle that’s brought us such happiness.
{If you’d like to read more about minimalist living, please consider buying my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
It is a lovely ring. What is more lovely is that you and your husband share the same values. Finding a partner that is also minimalist can be very difficult.
Wow! Iceland! That’s pretty awesome! I wish we could have afforded to do something that adventurous! Kudos to you for your ring choice! When my husband and I got married earlier this year, we opted for a quick, informal ceremony in front of the Justice of the Peace. I’m a rare woman in that I do not like weddings – not the formality, not the cost, and we certainly did not need gifts (that’s more for young 20 somethings who are just starting out and NEED those items), though the gift cards that we got anyway were certainly appreciated as we are new homeowners. I also do not like flashy jewelry (it doesn’t take much for me to consider it “flashy” – lol!) and have strong feelings against owning diamonds unless they are manufactured or perhaps Canadian (just my personal feelings against the shady diamond industry – not judging diamond owners). So my husband and I got matching Tungsten Carbide bands. I think we spent less than $150 for both. Tungsten won’t scratch or tarnish; it will always look as nice as the day you first put it on. And yes, they can be removed in an emergency. I think it was a great minimalist choice as these rings don’t need any maintenance and were inexpensive.
This post made me so happy this morning. I suppose forwarding it to my boyfriend, would be tacky, but I’m doing it anyway. I look at that site and could be very happy with many of the rings they offer, and even though eloping is out of the question for us, I’d love to have big cookout in my mom’s backyard. With all the tv shows about bigger and more elaborate weddings,(Platinum Weddings is pretty gross) it’s nice to have a voice for simplicity in this area. Weddings Minimalist Style: wonder how that reality show would do.
My Fiancé and I are still to get married but we’ve been putting it off. After over a year of engagement we still have no plans. I really don’t like weddings at all and would rather never have one.
We’d just be happy with a nice meal and nothing more really, perhaps have the day off too.
The ring I got her for our engagement, a single solitaire diamond with a white gold band custom made to my design. Nice and simple.
Your ring is very nice too.
I wear my parents’ wedding ring. DH and I were fresh out of grad school and were extremely poor (we could just afford a really simple gold band for my fiance), so my mom (who had “upgraded”) pulled her original ring out of a ziplock bag and said “here – wear mine.” Twenty years later, I’m still wearing it. I could afford another, and have offered it back to my mother, but she likes the idea of my wearing it. As do I.
our wedding was much less minimalist than i would have liked, but it was important for my husband to have a big party – so the ceremony was like 30 people, a simple{ish} dress, and the tuxedos were free because he used to work for a tuxedo shop.
then we had a huge bash for everyone we knew, including karaoke. it was definitely money well spent, and we didn’t go into debt doing it.
my only issue with what you wrote is that your diamond is “conflic free”. it’s been proven that even those diamonds tend to be mined in conflict areas and smuggled into “conflict free” zones – for me, i couldn’t be part of the diamond trade in any way, knowing that.
so we got me a “space rock” – literally. it’s a stone that was found on a meteorite that has then been lab reproduced, is just as strong as a diamond and actually more lustrous. no one believes me when i tell them it’s fake, and it cost like $200 for a huge 1.5 carat rock. sweet!
I agree with you about the diamond trade! Is your “space rock” the same as a manufactured diamond? (No, not a cubic zirconia, but an actual diamond that was manufactured in a lab and costs a fraction of a real one). My husband really wanted to get me one, but even though it is a great alternative to mined diamonds, I still don’t like them. Again, too flashy for my personal taste (plain jane here ;). But I always recommend manufactured diamonds to people I know. Too many people believe the lie that there is such a thing as a conflict-free mined diamond. Well, technically there is: Canadian diamonds, but the price is astronomical.
Hmm, the fact that there are diamonds doesn’t make it look very minimalist at all. It’s actually more fancy than most wedding rings I’ve seen in Europe. We generally just have simple gold bands without ornaments. And it’s not like people would pride themselve minimalist for those, it’s just what a wedding ring should be.
You should see some of the wedding rings here in the U.S.! The trend among my colleagues seems to be three big (and I mean big) diamonds on a band. Flip through any American bridal magazine and you will see what I mean. This is very minimalist in comparison.
sorry i agree with this. typically, engagement rings are what draw the most attention with flashy diamonds and settings; the wedding band tends to be much simpler. i have a plain white gold band and wouldn’t call it minimalist. just practical (and inexpensive!)
I get the impression that Miss Minimalist didn’t actually have an engagement ring so that would make this a very simple and beautiful piece of jewellery as it is THE piece that symbolises their commitment, rather than two rings – one showing the engaged state and one showing the married state..
In Scotland (the UK too, I guess), people tend to splurge on the engagement ring and have a simple wedding band. The “tradition” is that the engagement ring costs one month salary for the man but the wedding ring is unlikely to cost more than a couple of hundred pounds. Both are worn on the left hand.
In Holland, one ring is purchased which is worn on the left hand until the wedding at which point it is transferred to the right hand.
I THINK that is what men used to do here if they wanted an engagement ring – transfer it from one hand to another? (But I might be wrong there.)
Karen
(Scotland)
I love it! When my husband and I started dating, I didn’t want an engagement ring, just a simple wedding band. I have little interest in diamonds (for multiple reasons, including a personal vendetta against the social injustices that surround the mining and harvesting of precious gems) and told him as much. Although he insisted on an engagement ring (he felt very strongly on that one, and compromise is important!) he opted for a ring from greenKarat (www.greenKarat.com) a socially and environmentally responsible jewelry company. He DID buy that engagement ring, but it’s a beautiful alexandrite stone (created) set in a recycled white gold band. The wedding band is a white gold ring that matches its partner in width. While some people disregard the fact that I wear two rings as a sign that I am married, and some have even gone so far as to tell me that my husband must be cheap (which, as anyone who knows him would say, cheap he is not), I love that he knows me well enough to find the simplest pieces that also match my personality and, more importantly, my values.
Oh man, that’s almost the exact same ring I got my wife! Beautiful and simple.
My wife and I got married at a beach on a lake. It was August and HOT! But it was also fun and inexpensive. There are alternatives to expensive weddings that I think are more memorable for not only the Bride and Groom, but for the guests too. We were out of our wedding cloths and swimming in the lake in less then 30 minutes!
And our wedding bands were $10 each of plain silver. She recently replaced her’s with a small diamond band similar to yours. Mine eventually broke and I was thinking of replacing it with tungsten or titanium, which I much prefer over gold. I actually don’t like gold at all :)
Very lovely story, Francine. I also chose a very small and understated engagement ring. When I got engaged, most of my female co-workers wore very large solitary diamonds. I made sure I chose a style that I would still like many years down the road. The size of a diamond does not measure the level of love. I’ve been married 27 years. Oh yes, and a small ring makes it easier to wear gloves in the winter!
Oh wow, my husband did something different. He told me he had a surprise for me and took me to a jewelry store and said “I want to marry you but I don’t know what ring you like”! He gave me a very hard choice! The choice was picking a ring! Then the jeweler had an idea about making my ring stand out….It did not have to be traditional. So I had two white diamonds taken out and replaced with bright green diamonds next to white middle tiny square diamond on my wedding band. I only wear it when I’m not involved in art! I have a very simple plain wedding band that is safe when I paint away in my studio. When I go out and have fun, I wear both and be proud of my “green” ring that matches my eyes!
My husband and I were married 15 years ago this December. I was 22 years old and pregnant and the pressure from my family to marry was palpable. Planning the wedding was terribly stressful since no one really believed it would last. My mother – an avid consumer – helped me choose our wedding rings and even paid for them. They are matching modest bands, gold and white gold, with 5 microscopic diamonds across the top. For years I looked back on that time and the wedding with terrible resentment because of the feeling of disappointment I perceived from my family. But I have always looked at our wedding bands differently, gratefully, because out of that entire experience, these bands are the symbols of our commitment that have been a steady constant in our lives. The bands have become a symbol of the love we have for each other: simple, strong and enduring. And through the years as girlfriend after girlfriend has become engaged and proudly displayed their brilliant rings with gargantuan diamonds – I have never felt envious. I simply twist my unexceptional band around my finger a few times, admiring the smooth, permanent impression it has made in my skin, and wish for them to have as wonderful a union as I have had with my husband.
Boy, I guess I’m out of date. I thought wedding rings were plain gold bands, and the engagement rings had gems. Maybe my version of minimalism is ‘retro’. My engagement ring was a large garnet solitaire, which I stopped wearing several years ago because it got a bad scratch (that’s one reason why diamonds are popular; they don’t scratch so easily). My wedding ring is a gold band, and it is usually the only jewelry I wear. My background was heavily influenced by Quakers, and I guess it shows through even after a few generations.
What a simple, beautiful ring! I would like a minimalist husband to go with it, too.
I love your ring and I loved hearing your wedding story. Thank you for sharing it. I love that you “right sized” what works for you.
Once again I’m sitting here with no ring on my finger, becuase I didn’t put my big ol’ solitaire this morning since I had to put my gloves on to walk the dog. Your band is all the sparkle with none of the hassle.
Wish I’d been more minimalist back 25 yrs ago when I got married. But now that I have 6 girls (& 3 boys) I can help them not fall into the consumerism trap, including wedding time. Our eldest was getting married in June (but fortunately ;) she broke the engagement off) and wanted a sundress and very simple party with intimate friends/family but her fiance wanted the traditional bride-in-white-gown and invite ‘the whole church’. She was willing to get a bachelor suite, but he wanted a 2 bedroom. She was content to sleep on the floor, but he had to get a bigger bed, etc. I’m hopeful that our children will have learned to be content with less and find happiness in themselves and relationships rather than the stuff they could fill their lives with.
What a thoughtful and interesting post – thank you! Milly – perhaps I’m out of date too – my 14 year old wedding band is a simple 1/8″ gold one and I love it!
Beautiful ring!
I have a simple gold band. We were married by a judge at city hall on a Friday afternoon. It must have worked – 27 years later we are still together!
When I was married I bought the typical US ring for my soon to be wife. It was way more than I could afford with a meager income. But I thought it was the only thing that would make her happy. Later in our marriage she needed to get it re-sized and it was at a shop for two weeks. During that time she wore a small gold band that she had since childhood. Funny thing happened during those two week, she found that she enjoyed the small simple band better. After that she only wore the larger ring for special occasions.
I love wearing my minimalist wedding band. I bought it for something to wear to the gym or roller skating, if I fall I will not mess up my other ring. Funny, I like it better and wear it all the time. Only $4.85 off Amazon.
New 2mm Titanium Ring w/ Comfort Fit Band 100’s of Sizes & Styles Available
Just search for Rumors Jewelry on Amazon. Men and Women’s wedding bands. I have had mine a long time now, no problems and so comfortable I never take it off.
There are 100’s to choose from and you will spend $5-$28 dollars. Matching sets too.
http://www.amazon.com/Titanium-Comfort-Sizes-Styles-Available/dp/B003A0O1RU/ref=sr_1_1?s=jewelry&ie=UTF8&qid=1288893860&sr=1-1
Plain wedding rings (as Susanne mentions above) are more of a European thing … I rarely notice any embellishment on them here in France. My wife and I have been together for 32 years, and our wedding day 14 years ago was just about the last time she was able to walk (20 years of MS) whilst gripping my arm tight… and was celebrated on her birthday as well which was doubly enjoyable without taking the halved costs into account! A couple of gay friends witnessed the happy event and they shared a simple vegetarian omelette and bowls of salads on a candle-lit table at the foot of a Welsh mountain. We didn’t even think to pre-order an iced cake, but driving home it snowed hard so we really did have a “white” wedding… and the day was so uncomplicated – as in “minimalist” without us then being aware of the movement – we still remember every moment.
My husband I skipped the engagement ring also. We couldn’t justify spending so much money on something I really didn’t even want. Instead we ordered two bands off the internet for a little over $200. Our wedding was very low cost as well as we had no desire to contribute to the “wedding industrial complex”. :)
This is a lovely post and a lovely ring. : )
My husband bought me something that I consider just right. I am AMAZED at what gals expect as a ring these days…I could buy a new car with most. : ) I know everyone has their own choice but I choose simple and smallish. As far as weddings, we were married by the Justice of the Peace…best choice we ever made. We wore matching Hawaaian prints..me a dress and him a shirt….and we bought a cute plate we had customized with our wedding date on it. We had a nice picture done and framed. My total cost for everything, including the license, was $450. : )
Very beautiful ring. I love rings from the 1930’s and 1940’s with their smaller stones—will never understand the appeal of the “big rock.”
After kindly sharing where you found your ring, would love to hear where you find clothing to suit your minimalist, simple, classic approach. I can’t be the only woman frustrated by that particular hunt. Well, maybe I am, ;-), but I sure hear a lot of grumbling from other women in the same boat.
I love reading all these readers’ stories about their weddings. I got married 10 years ago after dating my husband-to-be for about 4 years, so I knew he was the right one. I wanted the wedding to be simple & fun, yet also elegant. My dad had long-ago set aside $5,000 to go toward my wedding, but I knew nothing about it. He told me a few months before my wedding, and insisted that I accept it as a gift. He said that it was something he & my mom had always wanted to do for their only daughter–contribute to the wedding day, etc.
I was like, “Are you kidding? That is way too much money to spend on one day…actually a few hours of my life!” My dad said that I could do what I wanted with the money, save it, use it for a house down-payment, etc. He has always been very cautious and careful with money, and holds no debt. I learned a lot about finances from watching how well-disciplined my parents were in handling money.
Still, I had a lot of fun planning my wedding. I made all my own floral arrangements (silks), 3 bridesmaids’ dresses, and I even got a beautiful white “Wedding” dress on the clearance rack at Dillard’s for $29. It looked just like an Amy Michaels designer gown that I had lusted after in a bridal magazine. My dress was snow white, long, straight sheath, flowy georgette fabric…so gorgeous, and so simple. None of the fluff & poofy stuff with encrusted jewels and embellishments & all that junk. Of course, the one in the magazine was about $3,000…and mine was $29 on the clearance rack of leftover prom dresses. Seriously, it was a true score! (My husband’s sister got her dress the same way about 5 years later when she got married! She was a minimalist even then too:) We had the wedding in a church down the road from where I lived, and my mom had made the food for the reception. There were only about 40 people there, and we had a great time. We had family in from all over the country, so after the reception, we changed clothes & took the family out to dinner. It was a lovely day and I think that in all, including dresses, flowers, food, photographer, tux rentals, etc., we probably spent $600. That’s not quite as minimalist as eloping with a dress in a ziplock, but for America in 2000, that was dirt cheap. We used the rest to take a nice 4-day trip and then put the rest of the money in savings for a down-payment on our 1st house.
I had a coworker at the time who had just gotten engaged & she had cut off all ties with her father when he refused (or was unable) to pay for the $30,000 wedding she had planned. I was like, What the hell are these people thinking? She said that if you didn’t have a big wedding, then people would think you were poor or that your family didn’t love you or some nonsense. I was like, “Am I on the right planet?” I told her, “No, living under the crushing pressure of massive debt is what would make someone feel poor.” She never had a response to that…
Oh, btw, my engagement ring was pretty fancy with lots of diamonds, but my husband had picked it out because he thought that I should have “one really great piece of jewelry.” He knows how picky I am about things, so when he proposed, he said, “if you don’t like it, we can return it for another one.” I was kind of torn about not keeping this ring that he had carefully chosen, but it was so not my style & so out of his budget, so I told him that I think I would feel better about a more “understated” ring. He was happy to go with me to choose whichever one I wanted. I chose one kind of like yours, Francine, but it had a few more tiny stones…I think it has 12, but very small…just enough to sparkle. Love it. Never been happier. Never have to really take off, unless I’m working in the garden, etc. His band is a simple tungsten band. We are so glad that we kept the focus on the important things, not all the trappings of the mammoth bridal industry!
I went to a wedding a few weeks ago which I would describe as a “circus” wedding, with all the trimmings. While very beautiful, it was incredibly over the top and NOT my style. I ran into the bride at the reception, and stopped to tell her what a beautiful event she had co-ordinated. She interrupted me (she may have had a few drinks by this stage) and started yelling, “Elope! Don’t do it, I have just had the worst week of my life. Everything goes wrong, and nobody warns you but it really is the worst week of my life. It isn’t worth it. ELOPE!” I started stammering that surely it was worth it in the end..? She just said, “I cant wait til this is all over and we can go on our honeymoon.”
I had to stop and smile for a second. If even those who aren’t minimalist and DO value big circus weddings don’t enjoy them, then what is the point? Surely, there is none. I’m not planning on getting married any time soon but when I do, hopefully the man in question will be very relieved about my lack of interest in spending a fortune on one day!
What the world would be like if everyone was minimalist!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-11699678
I’ve been married twice, the first very non-minimalist and the second much more simple. First wedding church, big dress, fancy car, reception for 150 etc etc cost tens of thousands of pounds and the rings were a huge 3 carat art deco platinum and diamond thing with a matching full diamond eternity band. I hated those rings they were too fancy, I was constantly worried about losing them, they were his grandmothers so he wouldn’t let me remodel them and the style not me at all but then as it turns out neither was the marriage. Second wedding on a cruise ship, dress was long but a simple shift, groom ordinary shirt and pants, no guests (we hired witnesses from the crew)cost of wedding on top of cruise holiday (which we probably would have taken anyway) was $1000 (including cake, photos and a special dinner in evening)and organising it consisted of filling in 5 forms. This time the rings were my engagement ring which I designed, 1/2 carat oval diamond in a floating setting, with the date of our engagement engraved inside and the wedding ring (which I see from other posts is a European thing), was a simple gold band but with the nautical co-ordinates of where the ship was engraved inside. The engraving means more to me that the physical rings and the marriage is much better and simpler than the last.
Great post. I really appreciated Tammy’s honesty on her post and this post was the yin to her yang. I only have good feelings and memories tied to my ring but I do sometimes wonder if we should have gone for something smaller. My husband chose the stone and I chose the setting. He went much larger than I expected. It’s a beautiful ring but I am sometimes uncomfortable with how it is perceived by others.
This is a lovely post and I understand your sentiments exactly. I wasn’t a minimalist in any way when we got married (well, I had tendencies that way – I wanted to marry with only our parents, sisters and Grans as witnesses but my husband didn’t and the wedding got bigger from that point on…).
So, my husband spent the “traditional” one month’s salary on my engagement ring. At the time, I accepted it as the norm. He’d saved for it so a. there was no debt and b. he’d proved himself a saver! My wedding band is just a simple platinum court ring.
Both have been worn every moment since they were given to me almost ten years ago (the wedding ring has never been off!). I wear no other jewellery apart from a watch. The ring, being a simple platinum diamond solitaire has held its value so my husband’s “investment” in the jewellery wasn’t fashionable or showy.
Would I do it the same now? No, but I’m a different person now. I don’t want to undermine or mock the person I was – I am older and (just a little bit) wiser now and I have grown into a very frugal and more ethically aware woman (wouldn’t even have know bout diamond mining back in my early twenties, I’m slightly ashamed to say.)
However, the rings meant something to me, they still do and they always will.
:-)
Karen (Scotland)
My husband and I got married when we were together 18 years. 8 years before, we gave each other a silver ring with a cat engraved in it (we have 2). For our wedding, we had them cleaned and had a text engraved inside. We hardly wear them, just on special occasions, so it would not be worth spending a lot of money on them.
@ maloyo: I bought a pair of white linen trousers, a linen blouse, and I knit a silver-grey tunique in ajour. Cost: about 200 euro’s.
We had 8 guest, just friends, at our home, and ordered a really good Italian cold buffet. It was a really nice day in good company. One of my friends helped cleaning the house some days before, another made my bouquet and the flowers at the table, and a friend of my husband gave us the wine. Several of us had their camera’s with them, and those fotographs were fine. What more could one need?
There was no family invited, because my parents are divorced and my mother, after more then 20 years, still can’t behave when my father is around. We had them over for dinner after the wedding (separately!). We didn’t tell our family about the wedding, just phoned them a couple of days later. My mother is still angry about it. But it’s because of her behaviour that we dit that! Of course I can’t tell her so.
Hi, Francine. As you know, we were not always minimalists, and when we got married (second for both of us) my husband bought me a stunner of a ring that served as both engagement and wedding ring. We did the minimalist thing and got married at the courthouse in our travel clothes and used the wedding funds for a honeymoon in Paris, but still…the ring. It was thousands of dollars and pretty flashy for a woman who now doesn’t even wear makeup!
Here we are several years later having sold our home, all of our belongings, and taking a trip around the world with just 2 backpacks. And my wedding ring is being stored at my mom’s house. Right now I don’t wear one at all, and I still feel just as married as I did before. When I think of all the experiences we could buy with what we spent on that ring!
So my cautionary tale is that an expensive flashy ring will give you a moment’s pleasure, but the right partner is really all you need. When we get back to the US I’m selling the ring.
It’s incredibly beautiful and simple; I get a little uneasy thinking about how ‘elaborate’ rings can be because they don’t suit my personality at all, but this is perfect. If I had to wear a ring this would be it!
Thanks so much for this post!!! Francine, even though you are on sabbatical, I hope you might consider writing a post or two about planning your elopement. This is something that I am currently going through and would love to get your outlook as well as your readers on the subject. Looking forward to your return.
My wedding ring is almost exactly the same but with no stones. Simple white gold with some etching detail to make it just a bit more than a plain band. Both my parents have plain bands and I always loved the simplicity. The love of a marriage is more than enough…no need for bulky wedding jewelry! And who needs both the band and the engagement ring, one ring on one finger is quite enough thank you very much. Plus I literally NEVER have to take it off. When I do there’s an indentation that is likely now permanent, like marriage is supposed to be :D
My ring was purchased second hand. Many tiny diamonds. When we travel, I wear a cheaper second hand ring and a small right hand ring. I like the idea of something different. I picked up some earrings for 50 cents a pair to take on our travels, too. A dash of color is all I need.
When we married in 1972, we got simple white gold rings. However, my MIL wanted me to have a fancy engagement ring. I remember someone saying I had the smallest diamond she had ever seen. I don’t need a lot of expensive jewelry. I have some nice things I’ve been given over the years. I’ve been collecting Native American jewelry for some years now.
I have been giving things away lately. I was offered some beautiful jewelry lately, but I have been giving away 2 pieces for each one I get. As I get older, I need less and less.