Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details. (Note: the schedule is now full through mid-December — but if you don’t mind waiting, feel free to send me your submission!)
Today, it’s my pleasure to introduce you to R. S. She has two young children, and shares with us how she and her family have simplified their lives — and the payoffs of doing so! To read more, please visit her blog, The Suburban Minimalist.
R. S. writes:
Photo by R. S.
First, the caveats: We are definitely in-process. Because there are two adults and two toddlers in our suburban household, we are constantly bombarded with “things” from doting relatives and increasingly, demands on our time (pee-wee soccer, play dates, pre-school, etc.). Staying the minimalist path is definitely a challenge living where we live and having kids to boot, but I truly love the whole shebang. I’ve gotten a kick out of getting rid of our crap, I feel psychically cleansed (sorry about the psycho-babble), and in the process have become a better parent and smarter consumer.
In little less than a year, we’ve lost hundreds of pounds of stuff, and I’ve lost about seven pounds of fat. And I’ve not shied away from the Ben & Jerry’s.
So…what have we done?
1. We got rid of the TV (well, almost). We Freecycled three of the four sets that had been taking up space and making noise. We cut TV service completely (“You don’t even have basic?” asked my sister, incredulous) but kept our Netflix subscription so that my husband and I could enjoy “Lost” and the kids could still watch Veggie Tales. PAYOFF: More reading, more NPR, more conversations. We’re better-informed, less distracted, and we laugh more with the kids.
2. We passed on our treadmill. PAYOFF: We get out rear-ends outside to walk, garden, bicycle or bask. All the energy previously spent alone, staring at a wall and a calorie counter (whilst dreaming of my head on the J.Crew catalog’s model) now transferred to being in nature with our children.
3. We have alternately Freecycled/handed down/Goodwilled/Salvation Armied bags of clothes that are in beautiful shape but no longer fit, home decorations that don’t fit on our walls, and kitchen appliances and dining room accoutrements that fit more an idealized version of how we live rather than how we actually live. PAYOFF: We know what we have, we cherish it and are grateful, and we take care of our stuff. We’re somehow more genuine when we have people over. The food tastes better, the conversation is sweeter. Without a food-processor bossing me around to make a pie, I give homemade bread as a hostess gift. People rave.
4. I finally closed my Facebook account. I decided that I would prefer to tend to the relationships that meant the most and leave the more superficial ones behind. Before I left, I let all my “friends” know that I would be leaving, and I gave everyone my e-mail address. A handful of people responded, wanting to keep in touch outside of FB. PAYOFF: For me, FB made me more narcissistic than I’d like. Call it user-error, I became preoccupied with writing witty status updates and taking photos that showcased the best parts of my life. I’m convinced that some precious moments were lost because I would have to whip out the camera and say, “Wait! I have to get this on Facebook!” Absent the self-centered desire to impress, I now just live the moment.
If you were to visit our house, you would not think, “Oh, a minimalist home!”. But it is (fairly) clean and certainly uncluttered. The people that live therein are (mostly) very happy, (almost) debt-free and (suddenly) feeling very rich.
I am indebted to blogs such as Simpler Living, Zen Habits, The Non-Consumer Advocate and Miss Minimalist. Naomi, Leo, Katy, Francine: Thank you.
~R. S.
{If you’d like to read more about minimalist living, please consider buying my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
I absolutely love the stance against facebook and it’s time wasting, life complicating characteristics. I boycotted it months ago and am so glad to have that mental clutter out of my mind. I also recently left twitter, so now just enjoy “old fashioned” email and my blog for online communications. I laughed with you, my head too is no longer occupied with coming up with witty status updates or tweets!
I really like this story, I don’t know why but it is very moving. I completely agree with the fact that sometimes we don’t really value what we have, and we should feel very rich (and thankful) for everything we have.
Great post :).
Thank you, Chris. Your comment is very kind and means a lot. ~R.S.
I laughed when I read about donating bags of clothes that don’t fit. I had the same thing. I really wanted to declutter and rid most of my clothes but I was finding it hard to do. When I actually went to try them on non of them fit anymore. It was much easier after that.
I like wearing merino wool clothes, such as Icebreaker and Smartwool. They don’t itch like traditional wool and they don’t hold odour. We can save on water with less washing and wear the same clothes for weeks.
I never liked facebook, so I’m not on it. However I am on Twitter.
It’s always good to hear a minimalist voice coming from someone with children. It’s doable I think (just look at Leo), just different than when you are single and I know a lot of people will enjoy reading about your experiences. Even as a single I’ll be checking out your blog, I’m always looking for inspiration. Thanks for sharing!
Wow I’m impressed! Thank you for sharing your story R.S. It shows we all have common areas in this process if we are single or have young children, or live in a city or in a suburban area. I loved reading your account–I am really leaning toward letting go of FB.
i love your story. i love the analogy of getting rid of the tv’s and their noise. that is exactly what tv has become. noise.
also re facebook, i’m new to fb and don’t really get it. i do have a blog and it is my creative outlet but it really does appear that i have a perfect life but it is not and i have to remember that.
thanks for sharing.
~janet
Thank you Beth and Janet.
Janet: Your blog is delicious! Do you mind if I put a link on my page?
~R.S.
I’m mixed about Facebook. I totally agree that FB can waste a lot of time, and I found myself developing a bit of narcissistic trait that I didn’t like. But on the other hand, because of FB, I reconnected with a childhood friend that I hadn’t seen in over 10 years. One of the highlights of my summer was visiting him at his home in Oregon. Now, I have most of my news feeds turned off, post very few status updates, and only go to the FB site once or twice per week.
One of the problems I had with FB (I deleted myself 6 months ago) is that it really encourages you to share the good stuff. That forces you to mentally block the rest, which isn’t healthy. After reading about someones week and realizing that they never mentioned commuting to or from work, any conflicts with co-workers, fights with the significant other, or cleaning up after the dog…come on!
Anyway, congratulations on your transitioning, and believe me, despite what you read, we’re all in transition!
It feels great huh? we have 3 kids and have managed to become pretty darn minimalist. my 2 older kids didn’t even have anywhere to hide halloween candy in their room! LOL
you are making me seriously consider FB again. it is a huge time waster and “popularity contest” ugh, i have a love/hate with it!
coco
I LOVE hearing from other families with children!
It can be very difficult to try to find a balance of minimalism, especially now that my oldest is 11. We are a homeschooling family and that helps alot with the “pressure of stuff” that kiddos get today.
Minimalism can be done with kids! Thanks so much for this post :)
I loved reading this and can relate so many of the points R.S. listed (no TV, getting rid of kitchen stuff that never, ever gets used because it’s what we fell we ought to have).
I’ve never really quite got the point of Facebook and I lost all trust in them when they re-jigged everyone’s privacy settings last year. However, I did decide to cut my daily blog list down to ten and make sure they are most relevant to my life. I miss some of the more creative and “pretty” blogs but they don’t add to my life right now – they just make me feel guilty that I still have to use the Quick Start guide to thread my sewing machine… :-)
I’m away to check out your blog now, R.S. as we’re a suburban family with four kids so your life and changes sound interesting to me.
Karen (Scotland)
Hi,
Your post struck a chord for two reasons especially:
1. You are easy to relate to b/c you have kids and are not an “extreme” minimalist like some of the blogs I see. I like those ones, but feel like with a husband, kid on the way, and outside pressure, I’m probably not going to take too big a leap!
2. You gave up Facebook, which is so awesome. I’m continually saddened by seeing different ways this technology has taken over people’s lives and cheapened relationships!
Hi all,
I’m another one who identifies with the ‘transitional’ phase RS is going through!
My partner and I are in the middle of moving interstate, and I’m currently trying to ‘downsize’ a lot of our extraneous stuff. The first thing to go was clothes, and over the last few days it’s been kitchen crockery that I’ve been hauling around for YEARS (why do we need 15 plates when there’s only 2 of us?!). I’ve also sold some household appliances and a bicycle on ebay. Today I’m taking some old linens (mostly towels) to the local veterinary hospital. With Christmas coming up, I’m considering asking friends to please not give us gifts, and instead to come and spend an evening with us in our new home.
RE the Facebook thing… I barely use my account now, but because I have a lot of friends and family members overseas, it’s good for photo-sharing for major events.
The one thing we will probably ALWAYS struggle with in terms of achieving minimalism is in the area of CD’s. My partner has well over 1000, and as a musician, he does consider the album art collectable – so pure digitisation isn’t really in option in our household!
Also – I love the comment by RS about some possessions representing an ‘ideal’ of how we want our lives to be, rather than the reality of how we actually live. Bang-on!
This is so true – “We know what we have, we cherish it and are grateful, and we take care of our stuff.” That is exactly what happens when you have just a few special items.
Thank you for all the kind comments! Of course, I thank Francine for the inspiration and the opportunity. Kind regards to all. ~R.S.
What a great post – thanks for sharing R.S. I particularly love your thoughts on Facebook and totally agree that it encourages us to be narcissistic. Jesse’s comments are right on the money – it does encourage us to share only the positive aspects of our lives. I really like the new FB feature that allows private groups. I created one for my family because my brother and I live overseas and it’s a great way to post pictures of our kids and to keep in touch with our scattered family without making everything public.
Thanks for sharing your story! I have a love/hate relationship with facebook…it can be a great tool for keeping in touch, but it does encourage narcissism and preoccupation with one’s own image, as you mentioned.
Thanks for including me in your list, R.S. I’m flattered.
I sold my TV over the summer, but I really like Netflix, especially since I can watch shows like “Battlestar Gallactica” without commercials.
I’m ambivalent about giving up Facebook because it’s helped me reconnect with childhood and college friends. We can always e-mail, but I like seeing their family photos and commenting on their status updates.
I took FB and Twitter off my phone, though, to cut the amount of time I use them.
Cheers,
Naomi @ Simpler Living
I love how you show the small step with the big advantage of it! I have Facebook, but I only use it once a week to every other week. I don’t need to answer questions (“why are you not on Facebook”) and people won’t think strange about me.
It’s not about having it or not, its about the amount of usage. I can check my mail every 10min or I can do it 1-2 times a day. Or do you want to close your mail account because it cost you time? I won’t erease old friends from my address book because we lost contact (once in a while you remember them and may want to contact them)… so why should I do this with Facebook?
I am probably one of those “weird” people that you wonder about—I have never had a Facebook account. I am completely techno-savvy, so its not that I don’t know how or don’t get the concept. I do get it, which is why I have avoided it. It just never appealed to me. All the people that I want in my life are already in my life and anyone else, well, good luck. I don’t like the idea of wasting that amount of time on something that is, to me, pretty meaningless. I can understand the reasons that some people have cited for using it, and that idea about private groups sounds like a good thing. It is just not my thing. It seems to be counter-intuitive to where I am going in my life right now. I have seen firsthand the Facebook phenomenon in action. I work at a university & I have seen my coworkers brains, time, and entire days get sucked into the vortex that is Facebook. I am no Luddite, but I just have different ways to spend my time, and by looking at some of these comments posted, I don’t think I am alone. Have fun with it, but its probably one of those things that is best in moderation (like pretty much everything. LOL)
R.S., Congratulations on living a minimalist life with two young children in the suburbs. Your story is very inspiring with practical applications. I think your children are blessed to have parents who care enough not to give them what everyone else thinks children need to be happy. The best to you on your minimslist journey!
R.S.–You are smart, your kids are lucky, and your cat is adorable.
Hi Francine – I’ve found you! Followed a link from the Surburban Minimalist. I will most certainly be looking through your archives over the next few days to see what gems I can find. I too am simplifying my life with my hubby and two kids in tow, and am making progress but still much more to be done, so hoping that there will be plenty of inspiration in your writings…. Jo
Really enjoyed this column. I have high hopes to clean closets, take old towels to the ASPCA, take a look at so many closet items with a sharp eye and boxes. We are a family of only 2 now, with 4 bedrmms, and 3 baths, and stuff everywhere.
Hopefully, I will keep your notes handy and re read, often, as inspiration.
Hope that 2011, will be the year of clutter free. Have nearly made it to debt free, only 11 k to go, and have all the plans made to rid of that.
Happy New Year
There is always more to learn and more to do. I helped teach a craft class on building bridges, especially the drawbridges we have in Chicago. A big difference I noticed was that some kids don’t have the concept of planning before you make the item.