Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
This week, I’m happy to bring you Aisha’s story. I love her honesty, and think we can all relate to her decluttering experiences. Minimalism doesn’t happen overnight—but it’s the journey that gives us a wonderful mindfulness. Surf on over to her blog to read more.
Aisha writes:
Aisha's stored stuff
I’ve come a long way on my path to minimalism, even if I’m not quite there yet. When I went off to college in 2003 I brought things like a Merriam-Webster’s dictionary with me. What was I thinking? That my dorm’s Internet would temporarily be down right when I NEEDED to look up a word?
I studied abroad and moved around quite a bit throughout my 6 semesters in college, each time by plane, and it really forced me to pare down my belongings.
But I still kept the bulk of my stuff at my dad’s place. Even though I clearly never used those items, it was nice knowing they were there, however far away “there” was. Then he remarried and had more children, so space was suddenly at a premium. When I moved after graduation (again by plane) I was forced to take only the most important things with me. And yet I took advantage of media mail rates and shipped my rarely if ever used books, CDs, and DVDs to my mom’s house.
I’ve moved a couple more times since then, and while I’ve donated, trashed, or sold many of the things I had spent so much time and money to transport, I’m still nowhere near where I’d like to be. It’s frustrating. Many of the things I’m keeping are from my childhood, in hopes that I can pass them on to my unborn child. But what if my child doesn’t want my old stuff, or worse yet, what if I never even have a child? And then there are things I don’t even know why I’m keeping except for the fact that I can’t bare to rid myself of them. Not yet, anyway.
In the meantime I’m staying conscious of every purchase I make, and every time I visit my mom I make a point to go to her storage room to try to get rid of something. Sometimes, during the process of weeding, I rediscover something that was buried away, like a Daniela Mercury CD, or old photos from elementary school. Times like those reinforce the notion that ridding yourself of the unwanted allows you to focus on what’s really important. (In case you’re curious, I ripped the tracks I liked the most from the CD and will pass it on to a co-worker, and I scanned most of the old photos.)
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
This post really resonated with me – I just spent a couple weeks at my mom’s house, sleeping in my old bedroom which is still full of my stuff. The problem is, my mom won’t let me get rid of any of it!! I did (finally) succeed in trashing 3 bags full of old notes and projects from college but even that was met with resistance from my mom. I did look through some of my old things, like calendars from high school, and think “I really should get rid of these” but then I flipped through and saw the spaces where my best friend had written notes or song lyrics on random days, or my notations of special events like the day my cat had kittens. And I like having things like that to flip through and reminisce. But now that I am home I’m scanning most of my “memories” into the computer so I can still look at them but don’t have to store them.
And on the “saving it for my kid” thing: My mom saves a LOT of stuff “for the grandchildren” (my daughter is 18 months old and the first and only grandchild thus far) Most of the things are either too old, fragile, or unsafe for her to play with, or she is not interested in them, or I’m afraid she will ruin them. I figure if something is special enough for you to save for years for your kids, it’s probably TOO special to let them actually play with! :-)
As a college student myself, I think there is just something about the whole college experience of constantly moving and living in small spaces that causes people to think about minimalism. I mean, I’ve basically had to move my stuff twice every academic year (once to the dorm, and once back to my parents house). That’s 8 moves over 4 years!
I took way too much with me to college, and held onto things for a long time too. I’d always been a person who liked to get rid of things I didn’t need or want (born to organize, which we all know is not the same as minimalism :P), but the sorting never happened on a large scale until I read Your Money or Your Life. Something just snapped and I was able to let go of way more than I had before. I’m still working on it too, but that book helped tremendously. I like to say YMoYL is minimalism in disguise – it’s all about having “enough” – it’s how I realized I was becoming “a minimalist” (honestly I think everyone needs to read YMoYL just to be financially sane, even if they still want tons of stuff). Other books that helped: Scaling Down by Judi Culbertson (aimed at older people, but found lots of inspiration there), and The Joy of Less (you can get rid of things, but the extra push towards just having the minimal amount to make one happy is what I got from MM’s own work). Good luck :)
Aisha, I guess the path to minimalism is longer for some (you and me both!) than for others. I am constantly trying to find balance between the simplicity of minimalism and a maximalist design aesthetic! Keep up the good work!
I saved a bunch of stuff to give to my unborn daughter… and then I had two boys. My nieces got a whole bunch of wierdly personal stuff from my childhood that meant very little to them. At least I resisted the temptation (actually suggested by someone!) to continue to save the stuff for another 30 years for a potential GRAND-daughter!
I have been thinking a lot recently about saving/not saving stuff for the potential-future-child I don’t even know if I want to have. It’s neat that so many others are thinking of this too!
I have two children and would have loved to pass something onto them that was mine as a child. My parents have not kept any of my baby or childhood clothes, only some LEGOs and matchboxes, which the kids do play with when we are at my parents’ house. Even though I am a minimalist, I do have a box dedicated to each of the kids, in which I kept some of their baby clothes and toys. If, in the future they want to pass it onto their children, great, if not, I’ll at least have something to hold and to ponder about when I am old. :)
My mom saved some of my baby clothes, and except for the christening gown I used none of them for my own children! She could have decluttered them long ago. On the other hand, the scrapbook she made with baby pictures and school pictures and vacation pictures and pictures from my high school prom is something my kids LOVE to look at (they coo over the baby pictures and laugh at the high school ones). It’s one scrapbook, and I don’t mind storing it. BTW, I’ve save the christening gown in case my kids ever have kids, and I’ve made each kid a scrapbook of their own (not to be finished until they’re adults).
Most things your children won’t be able to or want to use. Really be selective as to why you are keeping things. My husband has his dad’s cookbook (he was a kitchen manager) Since his dad is gone, it is sentimental to him, but it also has some use.
Good for you for slowly weeding through the things!
Bernice
Is it time to sharpen your saw?
As a student myself, reading your post, I would honestly advise to just cut yourself some slack. The evil part of minimalism is obsessing too much about constantly giving up items. If these things make you happy, then keep them. Each of us have a comfort zone. It honestly doesn’t matter whether you have 100 items to 10000+ items. If you need x number of items to accomplish the things in your life, then so be it. That number is a personal choice and each person’s needs and necessities vary.
hi. I’m writing from Tokyo, Japan where as a city we’re having to rethink our priorities in terms of stuff, power and fuel. As you may know, this country is in the midst of the greatest national crisis (earthquake, tsunami, nuclear plant meltdown) since WWII and as I write, tens of thousands of people are stuck in evac shelters with no cash, no home, no job and a dark, uncertain future. Those of us in Tokyo send money and supplies and go out on weekends to volunteer. It’s nowhere near enough, however and it seems like we go from day to day clinging to a bizaare hope that tomorrow or sooner, things are bound to get better.
What’s crushing for myself and many others in Tokyo is that we had let ourselves be lulled into an unforgivable state of complacency. We had convinced ourselves that to work 14 hour days and shop like crazy was the norm and prerequisite, for living in one of the wealthiest, glitziest and convenient cities on the planet. The reality is that there are 10 – count ’em -10 nuclear power plants in the northeastern region of Japan, mainly to feed and fuel this one, particular city. Nationwide, there are 53 nuclear power units, any one of which could be seriously damaged and leaking radiation in the event of another major quake.
How did we let this happen? The Japanese are natural minimalists; living on less and the desire not to own stuff is embedded in our DNA – borne of a long history of constant civil strife and the knowledge that in a country with zero natural fuel sources, the best option was to live with nature instead of against it. Yet, in the pursuit of wealth and convenience and the need to become a global contender, Japan ditched a lot of hard-won wisdom for short-term gratification. Tokyo has a lot to answer for, but at this point in time we don’t even know where to start. Individually, people are trying to save on power. Individually, many are abstaining from spending and excess. But we’re told that to do so will wreak havoc on an already wilting economy. Ironically, the more we work to try to survive, the more we use fuel which gives the electric company and the government more of an excuse to keep those nuke plants operative which tips the scale that much further to trigger another catastrophe.
Personally, I want off the grid. For me, the first step to real minimalism is to let go of worries over what other people think and to liberate myself from the dictations of the status quo. I’m hoping that the majority of the city
will come around to the same conclusion – causing us all to turn off the main switch, open all the windows and see what happens.
Thank you so much for all the pointers and guidance. Have always loved reading this blog!
Kaori
Kaori, thank you for writing such a poignant and beautiful comment.
My heart goes out to you and the Japanese people. I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to live through such a tragedy, and am so sorry for the tragic loss of life that occurred.
Your words are a beacon of light for all of us, and a reminder of what is truly precious: not consumer items and luxury goods, but our friends, our families, and our health.
I would love to see Japan lead the rest of the world in a return to a mindful, natural, and sustainable way of life.
Me too. I’m still a student as well. I have a lot of stuff at home, and it doesn’t help that my parents keep everything.
I made some progress last Christmas. I hadn’t been home in a year, and hadn’t really thought much about my kelly doll collection. Before I went home I listed all the dolls I remembered, and it turns out I could only remember 35 (out of 51) so I’m going to get my parents to donate the others.
Kaori – your mail is very thought provoking.
Thank you, and I wish you and everybody else raw strength and courage.
I kept stuff for years to pass on to kids – in part because those items my parents had passed on to me were the best things I had as a kid – only to discover we can’t have children!
@Kaori: living off grid is a great incentive to minimise consumption. We are OG and use 1/20th of the national average consumption (0.5kWh per DAY) without suffering in any way – we still enjoy the use of computers, fridge and freezer for example.
Living with less has enabled us to retire early, to live in a smaller space than any of our friends and to have no debts. There is probably more we could get rid of, and we will when our younger son has a place of his own. There are at least 3 pieces of furniture I could get rid of if we wanted to downsize further. I sometimes think of a studio apt or a 1 bedroom but my husband wouldn’t like it.
A friend who lives in a huge home is thinking of downsizing to 2000 square feet. So she called me because we moved into a condo 13 years ago. I told her to start sorting her things now and get rid of things she doesn’t use or need. It wasn’t too hard for us because we never had a huge house to begin with. They have a 2 car garage that doesn’t hold their cars just for starters.
I think people who have 4 BR houses with 2 car garages and a basement just put off giving things away and throwing things away because they don’t have to really deal with their possessions. I was in another basement full of papers and because I love to sort I was asked to sort papers going back to 1998. My husband and I have a 2 drawer file cabinet and don’t have any place to keep that much paper. When we have a small pile of papers at home, I start sorting and shredding or recycling. There is no place for a pile of papers to develop.
We are empty nesters with a lot of friends who are also empty nesters. They have huge homes with basements and garages full of stuff. We never had a big house, it was 1400 sq ft with a basement and attic, but no garage. I am always giving things away. Today, we made a trip to Goodwill with 3 big bags full of clothes no one wears. My husband was looking at sweatshirts and I asked what he was planning to give away to have room for another sweatshirt. He stopped looking. I have a jacket I might give away at the end of this winter if I don’t wear it.
I get a few magazines for free. I tear a couple of pictures out because of the color combinations and then pass them on. I like to see what people are wearing and I never wear Capri pants or shorts because I have short legs with broken blood vessels. I notice women wearing tops with holes in the shoulders or down the sleeves. I think that will be a short fad like the uneven hemlines they show sometimes. I wear men’s T shirts because they are cut higher in the neck and are plainer than women’s.
When I watch people I wonder if they think they are walking a red carpet or a presenter at an awards show. Sometimes I think they believe Architectural Digest will do a spread on their homes. It is sad to think of people living beyond their means for eye make up. Or a purse. I tell people not to buy kid cereal, sugary drinks or candy.