Not too long ago, I received an email from a reader inquiring about the demographics of minimalists. She was wondering if the urge to purge had any correlation with being the oldest, youngest, middle, or only child.
That’s a great question, but I’m unaware of any polls or studies that have been done on the subject. I’m an oldest child myself. However, there’s someone in my family even more minimalist than me: my younger brother.
Believe it or not, my brother’s lifestyle makes mine look maximalist. He’s single, completely carefree, and has mastered the art of location-independence while working a professional job (he’s a self-employed engineer, and his clients are scattered all over the world). He hasn’t owned a car in over a decade, and all his possessions fit into a carry-on.
Most of the time, I have no idea where he is. Last year, he realized he could live on-the-road for less than he was paying in rent, and has been globetrotting ever since. He plans nothing, and just hops the next cheap flight when he’s ready to move on. While I’ll stay somewhere for three months, he’ll pick up and go after three weeks.
I see him every so often, when he happens to turn up in my neck of the woods. We last met up in Paris, when I was there for a long weekend and he was passing through. We spent the evening at a little bistro, catching up while practicing our not-quite-fluent French.
So I was surprised to receive an email from him recently, saying he was in town for the night. We planned to meet for dinner, but at the appointed time, he still hadn’t shown. I called him on his cell phone, thinking perhaps he’d hopped a last minute flight to some exotic locale.
“Uh no, I’m still coming,” he said. “I’m just having a laundry issue.”
It turned out that the one dress shirt he owns had somehow gotten stuck in the hotel’s washing machine. The concierge had promised to resolve the issue, but still had not done so by the time he had to leave for dinner. To make up for the inconvenience, she asked his size, ran down the street, and purchased him a brand new shirt. He threw it on in the lobby as he was heading out the door, and managed to show up only fifteen minutes late.
Not only was he completely unfazed by this wardrobe malfunction, he was quite pleased with his new shirt. He wasn’t upset or frustrated, but rather amused by the whole experience. It’s a perfect example of how he lives: going with the flow, and trusting that exactly what he needs will come along when he needs it.
A common barrier to minimalism is the compulsion to plan, stock up, or own things “just in case.” When we’re decluttering, we’re often paralyzed by the fear that we’ll find a need tomorrow for what we throw out today. However, as the story above illustrates, things will likely work out just as well (maybe even better!) if we let go, live on the edge, and let things occur as they may.
Anyway, I digress—this post was supposed to address the impact of birth order on minimalism, although I really don’t have the answer to that anyway. I also don’t know (but am curious) as to whether minimalism runs in families. I’m sure my parents wonder what they did to produce two children with such an aversion to “stuff.” We grew up in a neat, well-maintained household with what I’d call a normal amount of possessions—so we certainly weren’t influenced by an extreme environment.
So let’s take an informal poll in the Comments. If you’re a minimalist (or conversely, struggle with clutter issues), are you the oldest, youngest, middle, or only child? Do your siblings or parents have similar tendencies? It’ll be interesting to see if any patterns emerge…
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I’m the oldest of two. My mother likes to keep things just in case, but my father likes to throw away things. Our family have an average amount of things and is neat overall.
Could you do a post on all the responses to this question please? :)
Minimalist. . .middle of three. Eldest = stuffaholic. Youngest = wannabe stuffaholic (she’s peripatetic because of her job, but you should see the size of her luggage. . .)
oldest of 2.
I am the oldest daughter of two. My sister isn’t a minimalist at all because she likes lots of things. Several things have turned me in this direction. The economy, wanting to live on less, I want my days to be earth friendly and also not ruin the planet for future generations.
I’m the oldest child and even though my mum has never liked ‘Stuff’, she is still amazed and a little envious of my minimalist lifestyle. My dad is a bit of a hoarder of big expensive ‘toys; and I would say that my younger sister is more of a minimalist than most people i know but still has a number of crafty things.
This post got me thinking that can minimalism be gender based? Women love to keep sentimental things, decrate their houses, have their favorite shoe in every color, etc. Look at retail stores men vs women: women have many options and colors to choose from, men’s section is usually simple and occupies a small section in the store.
I am an aspiring minimalist and the youngest sibling. My friends would tell you to lose the “aspiring” from that last sentence but I would like to go way further than I already have. But I am a long way down the path and getting-rid-of-stuff is one of my favourite things to do. I swear I can feel the weight of the stuff lift from my shoulders as it leaves our house. Best of all I have stopped buying stuff. One day I went cold turkey and I haven’t looked back. And in contrast to just about everyone I know, I take great pleasure in not buying new clothes or bits and bobs for the house.
In some ways I sense my older brother is a minimalist at heart. But you wouldn’t know it if you visited his house. He talks the talk but he doesn’t walk the walk. He has plenty of disposable income and this is reflected in the amount of stuff he has. Seriously, how many laptops does one person need? He even has multiple iPads.
I think my own minimalism is borne of the home I grew up in where you might as well have had the phrase “we’ll keep it just in case” painted above the front door. I am nearly 40 now and I know for certain my parents still have (blank) notebooks and pens and pencils that I had when I was about six. The thought of this makes me shudder. My Mum brought over some bags of spare wool a few weeks ago and said she thought I might be able to use them. Firstly I don’t knit. Secondly I remember some of the balls of wool from when I was a child. She had no use for them then just as now. From an era of hardship post-war she can’t bring herself to throw away something that appears perfectly good so she gave them to me to salve her conscience. I understand and sympathise with the origin of the mentality but I sure can’t live with it.
Minimalist. Oldest of 5. Sibling down from me is a minimalist too, the other three are too young to know what they are yet. Mother definitely not a minimalist, dad probably was, but wouldn’t have called himself that.
Older of two children and a minimalist. My brother is a teenager and doesn’t seem to show any such tendencies (but he is not much of a hoarder either).
My parents like stuff a lot, they have a gazillion books in the apartment, father also collects CDs, some remain unopened. He is a playwright so a few (usually hideous) prizes are strewn around the house.
Mother likes to relax with shopping.
While I think most of their possessions is high in quality, our house has always been far too cluttered and I disliked it.
I won’t even go into grandparents – let’s just say that living through a world war does a thing with your hoarding tendencies. Apparently, when the soviets sort-of-invaded (or brotherly helped us, as it was phrased, if I remember correctly) in 1968 my great-grandma shouted at and berated my grandma for not stocking up on food because a war will come now and what will she do?!
Right now, I am a student in process of trimming my possessions. Liberating and fun.
Although, usually when I tell people I wash my hair and brush my teeth with baking soda they get this weird expression …
Oh man, I was just writing in my journal about this. I am the oldest child and very neat. I discovered minimalism earlier this year, and consider myself minimalist in my relationship with my belongings and the way I want to live in the future (minisumer), although I still have more stuff than some commenters. My is supper messy. I never bought many clothes or much makeup, while she is much more likely to make purchases without thinking about them. I don’t ever see her living a minimalist lifestyle, but we are both under 25, so who knows? My father is a packrat and has run out of room in the garage, while my mother could live with much less stuff. Her parents have lived a fairly spartan life compared with many other older people I know, while my father’s parents are more packratish.
I’m the oldest daughter of two. I like to purge regularly and keep my number of possessions low. I wouldn’t say I was an extreme minimalist though. My younger sister is just the opposite – she “stocks up” and is a clutterbug.
Love this story! I’m the youngest and I’ve always been a natural minimalist like my father. The middle one my brother is sort of in-between. The oldest, my sister, is like my Mom, they love stuff and live in packrat-land. So it’s funny that we run the gamut.
I’m the second and youngest child in my family. My mom and older brother do not have minimalist tendencies, but my Dad and I share them. I’ve heard all my life that my dad and I are two of a kind, and when it comes to stuff we usually will say “just get rid of it”, “you don’t need that”, or something of the sort!
I’m an only child of parents who had a hard time throwing anything away. When they passed away and I alone had to deal with ALL the stuff they left behind I find myself becoming more and more of a minimalist.
What a great story about the shirt! In my minimalism journey, only started a year ago, I am plagued by the “what if I need this down the road” question and it’s a struggle sometimes to let go. It is so true that things do work out in the end and it’s nice to hear an example so thank you!!! I am the third of four children. Two older bros and one younger sis. We definitely grew up in a household that didn’t get rid of many things/stuff so I was very much inclined to save everything until a year ago when things changed. Basically I was being swallowed alive and the decluttering mission began. I think I have inspired my siblings somewhat but in general, it’s a real shock to everyone that I am taking this journey. After the shock though, I hope they see the smile on my face, the positive change in me and the freedom I have gained from owning less stuff. Your site is a constant source of inspiration for me. Much love!
Wow, great post.
I’m 47 years old, minimalist, only child, brought up in a clutter free home, both parents still ‘sort of minimalists’ could it be a genetic thing ?
One of five and we all struggle with too much clutter. We’re all working on it except the oldest who seems content with his clutter. Parents were depression era kids, thrifty to the bone and didn’t like to throw away anything that might be useful.
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Does your brother live in hotels? Do his clients pay all his travel expenses? How does he pay taxes? Does he have stuff stashed as a family member’s home? So many questions… I hope you get him to write a Real Life Minimalist post sometime soon.
Yes, I’d be interested to read a Real Life Minimalist post from your bro as well. I have to say, if it happens that he does have a bunch of stuff stored at your parents’ home (or in a rented space), that kind of undoes his super-minimalist image. If it’s stashed somewhere, it’s really not needed, is it? But he may truly be living with only what he can carry, which is very cool for a young single person.
There are studies that show that a younger child who got hand me downs all the time may rebel and become more materialistic later on, because they finally can have new stuff. And that an older child will become less materialistic if ‘things’ were not the main focus in their life growing up. If they had healthy good food, clean clothes, were shown love and safety they often will see having needs met not wants met as being more important.
And a child who comes from a secure, loving environment wont be looking to ‘things’ for some type of approval, real or otherwise. Like the person who thinks people will accept them more if they wear certain clothes, own certain things.
I know I’m putting up a lot of replies today, but this is an interesting topic.
It’s true my younger sister did get a lot of hand-me-downs from me (I’m the oldest), and she IS much more materialistic than I am. However, I got hand-me-downs from an older cousin, and the fact that I rarely got new things bought expressly for me has not made me a shopoholic. Many other at factors are at work, I would say.
I agree, Karen! While the fact that she got a lot of hand-me-downs as a child *might* have contributed to the fact that my younger sister is materialistic and loves to buy expensive things, I, as the oldest child, also got hand-me-downs from older relatives, but I am quite frugal. She once told me that she feels that she is the way she is regarding stuff because money was tight when we were younger. We were both raised the exact same way yet I’m still pretty careful about what I spend, while my sister had quite the opposite reaction.
I had a lot of hand me downs while my older brother had new things (name brand clothes, furniture, CDs, you name it). I was never very materialistic. My problems with hand me downs were that I was a GIRL and didn’t want to wear any BOY clothes and the blatant favoritism. I just wanted some things that were mine, originally for me, and that weren’t just cheap.
Im the eldest my brother married a minimalist,my Mum liked stuff but wasnt a hoarder.My Dad keeps everything.My sister likes stuff but throws out too.
I’m the oldest and a minimalist. My Dad’s a clutterbug. My Mom just gets sentimental about things, especially family heirlooms. My younger sister will let things get cluttered up and then purge. Things will get cluttered up a bit, she’ll get sick of it and then purge again.
I’m the oldest of two and probably the one with the most minimalist tendencies, although no one in my immediate family tends to accumulate a whole lot of stuff. My mom is somewhat minimalistically inclined too, I’d say, although she doesn’t use the label for herself. Interesting question!
I’m the oldest of 4 and a minimalist. My dad is the oldest of 4 and he is a minimalist too, although he doesn’t label himself. He came as an immigrant from Lebanon and we always said he would be happiest living in a cave with only a candle. He’s been an over the road truck driver for 45 years and lives with the bare necessities in his truck and has hardly any possessions at home (we are sure we are his only family ;). I’m the same as him. Mother=packrat, 3 brothers=packrats. I do think it’s a first born, perfectionist, neat freak, control freak thang.
I’m the oldest of 2 and I am the minimalist in our family. My mom doesn’t like stuff but doesn’t get rid of the extra possessions, while my dad loves to bring home “treasures”. My little sister is also a collector of “things”, almost to the point of hoarding. Overall, my family’s tendency to have tons of stuff is part of the reason I want little more than my basic needs.
I also was lucky to marry a man who indulges my minimalist side, as long as I stay out of his side of the office and closet we are all good.
my dad – collects lots of stuff – could own a museum with his stuff – but neat and clean about it
my mom – does not collect, average in possessions, tolerates dad’s stuff
me (oldest, girl) – minimalist
next kid (boy) – likes things organized
next kid (boy) – big collector
next kid (girl) – big collector
I’m the youngest of two siblings. My older sister and mother have so much stuff. They both love to shop. Mom purges once a year but still ends up with so much stuff. My father has little stuff but keeps a lot of junk. He also has a hard time giving or throwing things away. Contradicting, but true! They still don’t know I’ve been trying to be a minimalist since last year. I still slip (I love to shop too but try to limit it now) but I think I’m getting there.
I am the oldest and just started getting rid of stuff due to the economy and lack of a job. My youngest sibling is very much NOT a minimalist and well as my mom. I like spending less time cleaning the junk and more time with life. I still have more that I can get rid of but I just hate the thought of my closets due to so many clothes. I will tackle it soon.
Youngest of three.
Oldest sister: likes to keep everything, Middle sister: not so much, then me.
Youngest of 2.
I am the oldest of two and a minimalist. My mother is a total pack rat but she also grew up in the Phillipines with not a lot. My younger sister saves everything and always has. My father was in the military and I loved moving but hated the packing and unpacking.
Oldest of four. I am a confirmed minimalist, and have been for years. Not the 100 items or less kind of minimalist, but am a stickler for being clutter-free. Use it or lose it, I say. My partner is not a minimalist. . . so we compromise. :)
I am the eldest of four, and the rest of my family (all of them) have clutter issues. So, as you can imagine, these differences are a constant source of conflict. They never come to my home, and i just want to declutter and clean at their homes.
The youngest of three. Father could have been a minimalist. Mother is certainly not. Although, I am working on it. : )
I’m the only child. I feel more comfortable with less and am working my way towards minimalism. My mother was a hoarder.
Here’s something interesting. I have 8 children with a mixture of minimalist and clutter bugs.
#1 dd clutter bug
#2 ds not
#3 dd clutter bug
#4 ds not
#5 ds clutter bug
#6 ds clutterbug
#7 ds not
#8 ds too young to tell
I really struggle with my little “collectors”. With a family our size it is a daily battle against stuff, especially paper! but I’m winning. Our family of 9 owns less than anyone else’s family (all with less children) that I personally know.
So interesting! I second the first request–please sum this all up for us, Miss Minimalist, and it would be interesting to hear from your brother too.
I’m an only child. I’ve come around to this minimalist-ish outlook slowly. But gowing up with divorced (not friendly) parents, I do remember the pressure over gifts at every birthday and holiday. Of course I liked them all. But I knew it was important whose gifts I liked more (to my mom). And then there was just too much. I used to feel horribly guilty if I didn’t spend equal time with all my stuffed animals, even the ones I didn’t like.
After my dad died when I was 18, I inherited his whole houseold of possessions. I couldn’t let go of them then because they felt like my only link with him (he had always lived far away and had Beautiful Stuff). Through my college years, I moved multiple times, carting many of these things with me and storing the rest at my mom’s. A library of art history books. A full kitchen. It was crazy.
Only finally now, 20 years later, am I almost finished parting with all this Beautiful Stuff from my dad. It was hard to let go, but feels so good. I have 2 boys, both of whom are tolerarant but wary of my purging (my)possessions. It will be interesting to see if they become minimalists too.
I’m a middle child with an older and younger brother. We’re all minimalists who grew up with two hoarding parents.
I’m the eldest. I’m just starting to downsize.
Hey Francine! I’m the eldest daughter of four and just a quick flip through the comments tells me that I’m not alone!
However, I would say that I live a lot like your brother, although I have to make a few exceptions being female and still a college student. I don’t tend to make plans at all – at the moment I’m living out of a suitcase in Hong Kong with no return flight booked. I just go wherever the wind will take me (or the cheapest flight). My friends back at home never know where I am, and if it wasn’t for the occasional status update they might not even know I’m still alive!
I wonder why it tends to be the eldest (or youngest) that are interested in a minimalist lifestyle? What do you think?
Jessica.
I’m younger than my only brother. Thou it’s been a year since I’ve learned about minimalism.
I am a minimalist. I am 3rd of 4 children. 2 older brothers, 1 younger sister. My fiancee is a packrat. She is the oldest of 4 girls.
I am tempted by minimalism, but am actively living in the “carefully and thoughtfully giving away things I don’t need and carefully resist accumulating things I don’t want or need” vein. I don’t think I can actually call myself a minimalist.
I’m an oldest child, my younger sister and her husband have mainstream-normal amounts of stuff, my mother is a constant declutterer, and my father is a packrat.
Oldest of 2, younger sister definitely a clutter junkie, but neat – father a messy clutter junkie, mother – not as bad into clutter, but big on heirlooms and sentimental ceramic things
I’m the youngest of five. Eldest sibling (brother) is definitely a minimalist like me, doesn’t like clutter or excess stuff and is very organized. The second eldest (sister) is a hoarder, the third eldest (brother) is a packrat and is taking after my father what with all the extra vehicles parked in the pasture and sheds full of stuff, the fourth oldest (sister) likes her stuff and is materialistic, has a lot a lot of stuff but thinks it is a normal amount for americans.
Youngest of four. My brother is also a minimalist and he’s 3 years older. Our two older sisters are very far from minimalism. It’s very strange and we’ve all remarked on how different we are.
I am the 3rd of four children. I am definitely the most minimalist of the four, with my siblings bordering on hoarders. I grew up in a fairly average family with a normalamount of household items. Both my father and mother are very neat and organized for the most part, but are not ruthless about their posessions.
I have commented in your blogs before, but since its the subject and you asked….. : ) I am an only child, 52 yrs old. My hubby is oldest of only 2 boys. We are TRYING to embrace a sort of minimalistic way of thinking after 24 yrs of marriage and about a dozen cross-country moves. We realized we have acquired, acquired, acquired and have to consider out “stuff” that stays in boxes move after move when looking for the next house. What REALLY brought this lifestyle home to us is dealing with our elderly parents as their health is declining and looking at what THEY have hung onto thru the years and if they don’t deal with it, we will have to someday. Both sides LOVE and CHERISH all their STUFF and won’t listen to us. We have one son, 21, that we DO NOT want to do this to in HIS future. So, we are trying to downsize NOW and looking forward to a small, minimal retirement.
For the poll: I’m the eldest and I also come from a very “hoarding” family. But my grandmother was a minimalist, owning a few quality pieces, so I think I get it from her.
I’m the youngest of three, but: I don’t think the birth order matters, at least not in my family, because all three of us had/has major issues with clutter. My big sister and I often discuss where this propensity to “stack, pile, store” came from (Mom) and wish that we could purge, reduce, eliminate. My late brother had the same trouble and he married a decorator (in that she’s got lots of stuff to decorate for every imaginable holiday – and loves to show off her house, she happens to also be the youngest child FWIW but her older sister is the same way).
We were also the children of Great Depression parents. I believe that has more effect on our propensity to hang onto everything and anything.
I am fighting these urges, but I am starting to wonder if it’s not a losing battle…
Still, I keep coming back here to learn more clues, perhaps there’s still hope?
;)
I am the oldest. Younger brother and father horrible packrats, they keep everything- it makes me crazy. I visit to there houses is the best thing when I need to purge. Go visit come home and start giving stuff awaty so that I never even come close to that many possesions. My mom is pretty middle of the road, but the most laid back person I know. Your story about the shirt is so like my mom, NOTHING fazes her. She is a nurse guess thats what you get after working the ER for years
I am the 3rd out of four kids. Older brother and sister as well as a younger sister. I am not “naturally” minimalist but have been changing over the past couple of years. Clutter stresses me out now!
I love this post, I think it’s my favorite. Maybe just because I can picture the whole scene with your brother waiting for his shirt. Does he have a blog?