Not too long ago, I received an email from a reader inquiring about the demographics of minimalists. She was wondering if the urge to purge had any correlation with being the oldest, youngest, middle, or only child.
That’s a great question, but I’m unaware of any polls or studies that have been done on the subject. I’m an oldest child myself. However, there’s someone in my family even more minimalist than me: my younger brother.
Believe it or not, my brother’s lifestyle makes mine look maximalist. He’s single, completely carefree, and has mastered the art of location-independence while working a professional job (he’s a self-employed engineer, and his clients are scattered all over the world). He hasn’t owned a car in over a decade, and all his possessions fit into a carry-on.
Most of the time, I have no idea where he is. Last year, he realized he could live on-the-road for less than he was paying in rent, and has been globetrotting ever since. He plans nothing, and just hops the next cheap flight when he’s ready to move on. While I’ll stay somewhere for three months, he’ll pick up and go after three weeks.
I see him every so often, when he happens to turn up in my neck of the woods. We last met up in Paris, when I was there for a long weekend and he was passing through. We spent the evening at a little bistro, catching up while practicing our not-quite-fluent French.
So I was surprised to receive an email from him recently, saying he was in town for the night. We planned to meet for dinner, but at the appointed time, he still hadn’t shown. I called him on his cell phone, thinking perhaps he’d hopped a last minute flight to some exotic locale.
“Uh no, I’m still coming,” he said. “I’m just having a laundry issue.”
It turned out that the one dress shirt he owns had somehow gotten stuck in the hotel’s washing machine. The concierge had promised to resolve the issue, but still had not done so by the time he had to leave for dinner. To make up for the inconvenience, she asked his size, ran down the street, and purchased him a brand new shirt. He threw it on in the lobby as he was heading out the door, and managed to show up only fifteen minutes late.
Not only was he completely unfazed by this wardrobe malfunction, he was quite pleased with his new shirt. He wasn’t upset or frustrated, but rather amused by the whole experience. It’s a perfect example of how he lives: going with the flow, and trusting that exactly what he needs will come along when he needs it.
A common barrier to minimalism is the compulsion to plan, stock up, or own things “just in case.” When we’re decluttering, we’re often paralyzed by the fear that we’ll find a need tomorrow for what we throw out today. However, as the story above illustrates, things will likely work out just as well (maybe even better!) if we let go, live on the edge, and let things occur as they may.
Anyway, I digress—this post was supposed to address the impact of birth order on minimalism, although I really don’t have the answer to that anyway. I also don’t know (but am curious) as to whether minimalism runs in families. I’m sure my parents wonder what they did to produce two children with such an aversion to “stuff.” We grew up in a neat, well-maintained household with what I’d call a normal amount of possessions—so we certainly weren’t influenced by an extreme environment.
So let’s take an informal poll in the Comments. If you’re a minimalist (or conversely, struggle with clutter issues), are you the oldest, youngest, middle, or only child? Do your siblings or parents have similar tendencies? It’ll be interesting to see if any patterns emerge…
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
I’m the oldest of three. Parents had what I thought was a “normal” amount of stuff, but looking back, lots of clutter although always neatly packed away. Lots of furniture. Both brother and sister are about the same. When I had a discussion with my sister-in-law about living in a more minimal way she accused me of wanting to live like a prisoner in a cell!
None of my friends is as minimal as me and I am by no means extreme. (One of my bug bears is cars: ours never has anything in it, most people’s are travelling rubbish bins!)
youngest of 8. as far as I can tell only one other sibling, #6, is tending towards minimalism. My mom and dad began downsizing after they finally got rid of all of us.
Wow, I’m stunned by the number of comments this post received. Thank you all for your wonderful responses!
Is anyone here good at data analysis? ;-) Reading through the comments, I don’t see any particular pattern emerging–the tendency to be a packrat or minimalist seems more determined by personal values and experience than genes or upbringing. I was sure upbringing would play a role, but so many of you have siblings with completely different attitudes towards stuff. I have to say, reading about your families has really been fascinating.
Re. my brother: as far as I’m aware, he doesn’t have anything stashed anywhere. What he owns is in his suitcase. Amazing, I know. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t expect a blog post from him anytime soon; the last thing in the world I can imagine him doing is writing about himself. I don’t think he reads my blog, which is why I felt I could get away writing about him. ;-)
Great article and I love your story about your brother! I’ve experienced both sides growing up. I’m the oldest of seven, and it’s just me and a sister who live more simply these days.
Once my Mom & Dad went from a sprawling historic country home in WI to a KOA camp in CO, with five kids (at the time)and no stuff. Each of us kids had a foot locker for all our worldly possessions. We moved a lot, (I remember at least 14 times during my childhood) so each time my mom would get rid of everything and then after we moved she would buy, buy, buy, all over again.
I had an eccentric aunt who was a world class pack-rat and I vowed to never ever live like that. You know those houses with a tunnel for walking and no other available space, not even for sitting? Ugh!
I wonder how much of my being from a large family plays a part in craving a peaceful space and quiet. And a simple lifestyle to possibly counter-balance the chaotic lifestyle I grew up in.
I think being a minmalist might be linked more to our psychosocial development. Something even harder to statistify. ;)
I am the oldest child in my family. My parents are pack rats, my brother and sister have stuff too, but I’m the one with the least stuff. I have the 2nd biggest room in the house and my lack of clutter makes it look like the biggest =P
I am the oldest of the family.
Ms. Francine,
You did it again. Knocked this Blog out of the Ball Park. I could relate to alot of what others said. I am jealous in a Way of your Brother that he can NOT get upset over much. At least the way it seems. Like with the Shirt. I was getting anxious just reading it. I guess that is HOW he has managed to do what he does. Id like just a Little of that. Thanks again. WOW
Me again. Reading about what you said about your brother NOT writing a Blog anytime soon about himself. That is interesting. Do you mean that he doesn’t like to Boast about what he does? I was thinking this plays a part in how he takes things as easy as he does. Just curious to his sense of self. He sounds very humble indeed.
I’m the 2nd oldest of 4 kids with my mom and the oldest of three with my dad. I wasn’t raised with my dad’s other kids though and don’t see them often. I did grow up with lots of clutter and at some point while reading online I came across Zen habits and unclutterer and something clicked and I realized I didn’t have to keep all this stuff and be like my mother which she was constantly pressuring me to do. it’s been really liberating.
I am the oldest of three. Neither of my siblings have minimilast tendencies, though they are both relatively young (college and high school aged).
My parents are quite different than me. My mom has the “getting rid of your Stuff” thing down pat. It seems like she wants to have a impromptue yard sale every other weekend. The reason for this is that she cannot grasp the “stop buying useless Stuff” notion. It’s like she has Stuff Bulimia (that sounds horrible, doesn’t it). My dad, on the other hand, hardly ever buys the amount of things she does (just those large purchases like flat screen TVs and BMWs) but refuses to let go of things.
I recently moved back into my parents house, and they recently also moved to this house which is smaller than the last. As a result they have way to many things for this small space. When I try to suggest that we sell certain things, my mom is all for it while my dad is either hesitant or refuses that we sell it.
Great post. I’d like to read more stories about how people solve the problems arising from minimalism (when they needed something they don’t have). For me the strongest reason of having stuff is the fear that what if I throw away something I’d seriously need later.
I’m youngest of my family, I’ve got one big brother. My family has been rather packrats than minimalists and my mom’s mom greatest of all. I’m just struggling to diminish my possessions, but my brother has been more towards minimalism (and good order of his stuff) from our childhood. His family is not minimalist but they throw away all the stuff they don’t save stuff for emotional reasons either.
My father is a natural minimalist, but my mother has obvious hoarding tendencies (everything is clean, but her house is full of organized junk). When it ended up just being my father and I then I was able to let go of most of my stuff and enjoy a free life. I’m almost done clearing everything out again after almost being drowned in stuff. I have a goal for everything except my furniture and pets to fit in my car by the next time I move.
I totally didn’t say my birth order, I’m the youngest of 2 but our family was sort of fragmented so I wasn’t reliant on my older sibling.
Middle child; Mom ‘treasured’ her things (at times it felt as if she loved her ‘things’ more than her family); Father is pack rat (as was his side of the family). Sister pack rat, brother not minimalist, not packrat, right in the middle.
Great post. Will be fun to see results…sometime???
Forgot to enter my own status…tendency towards minimalism.
Youngest of 2. Grew up in a normal environment. Ironically, my brother tends to go more towards the side of hoarding as does my dad. My mom, however, has more recently taken me as an example and gotten rid of the vast majority of her stuff.
You should have added a pick one type poll in your post so it would be visually easier to see the results of this. I’m curious to know too!
I’m the middle child and only girl with an older and younger brother. I wasn’t spoiled or a little princess growing up. In fact I was a second class citizen in my family of 5 because I was a female. I had to fight to learn how to drive or to go to college. Crazy but I was born in the USA of non-immigrant family growing up in the 1970’s. Anyway some of my earliest memories were of calculating how much money I needed to leave my family and never look back and what possessions I would take with me. A minimalist was born out of necessity. I moved away from the lifestyle in my 20’s with the freedom of living on my own and being able to buy any possession I wanted (within reason). I came back to minimalism in my 30’s after a divorce and the realization that I wanted to work smarter and not harder for my money. Money went a lot farther when my bills were a lot less. I embraced minimalism again and have been living a frugal, simple, minimal lifestyle for the last 12 years or so. I find it funny that it is now popular when I used to feel like such an odd-ball.
Gosh Kat, you sound a lot like me. I am glad you have found your minimalist roots again. : )
I am the youngest of three girls. My oldest sister has a normal amount of stuff, maybe even less than normal. changed in the years. The middle sister is… well actually I have no idea because she lives in England, but i asume it must be about normal. Trying to get to a minimalist way about myself. My wardrobe is there as well as most of my personal belongings, I live with hubby and two bos so there is still far more in our houe than I really would like, but tons better than it was. My mother loved her things and she had a lot of them, mostly antiques and she displayed all of them. My father i would say was probably a minimalist of sorts.
I consider myself quite a minimalist. I am the youngest in my family and I got thos gift from my father. I am now 28 and i realized my passion towards minimalism at 25. Also i am a female (if thats matters)
Growing toward minimalism one step at a time, with four young boys and all the camping, sports and outdoor gear included!!
I am the oldest of 5. My husband (the sentimental “keeper”) is the oldest of 3.
An only child here! I am a recent convert to minimalism. My mother was a hoarder, and when she passed on, cleaning out her apartment was hell!! My father also has hoarder tendencies, but my step-mother is definitely the hoarder in that relationship! I realized I could have been going down that road, and did an about face. :o)
I’m an only child. I am a minimalist by most definitions, but would be an extreme minimalist if my husband didn’t have so much stuff. (We’ve been married 50 years and it’s a constant battle, but I love him so we both compromise.)
My father was military, and as minimalistic as possible.
(He was required to have x-number of uniforms and all that, and at times it drove him nuts.)
Dad’s mother was also a minimalist, and when I was a child I used to love to stay with her and grandpa during the summer because everything was so clean, yet relaxed. These grandparents never owned a house or car, lived in a small town, and he walked to work. Grandma loved to travel, and came to visit us with one small suitcase.
My mother was not a minimalist. Although she had many good points, her obsession with moving all this furniture every time dad was transferred annoyed me. (The longest we ever lived anywhere was 2.5 years.) After dad retired and died she moved to a one-bedroom apartment. She kept things rather clean and had household help, but all that furniture and dishes you wouldn’t believe.
Middle of three.
I am the oldest of 2, and I have always been very neat, but just recently got rid of most of my things. I love minimalism! I feel so annoyed that I have to have some things, I am trying to get rid of even more. I couldn’t live out of a suitcase, but I would have no problem fitting everything I own in my car and maybe even have a passenger in it too. I’m a 23 year old male.
I am the youngest of 4 girls. I am not a minimalist, but I am feeling a shift in my soul to become one. The things in my home/office are mentally starting to strangle me. My eldest 2 sisters are twins – they have an “average amount of stuff” for the typical American family. Nice house, two cars, two kids in sports, etc. My 3rd sister (the middle child) is a hoarder. We’ve seen the hoarding grow over the years…to the point where now, there is no denying it…except she still denies it. My parents are absolutely not hoarders. They’ve always only owned 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath homes…they’ve always had 2 vehicles and my mother is obsessive about sanitizing the bathrooms daily. Everything is neat and orderly and everything in their house has a place.
I am the third of 4 daughters and I am one of 2 minimalists. The other minimalist in my family is my older sister. We’re both typical rebellious middle children and everyone thinks we’re nuts for wanting to live more minimally. Which of course inspires us to live even more minimally. Our parents aren’t hoarders but they definitely have too much stuff. We’ve been inspired by our grandma who is a definite hoarder and of course our desire to rebel.
I’m the youngest with one older sister (and 3 half sisters that were grown up by the time I came along). I started packrating young, and then went minimalist in my 30’s. Our house was neat and tidy growing up, with an average amount of stuff.
Except my dad’s stuff! He was a writer and his office was a whirlwind. His mess often slipped out into the rest of the house (along with my mess) but my mom would get it picked up and tidy daily. My sis tends to accumulate just like I did.
p.s. Good luck getting all the data sorted Francine! This post took off like a rocket. :)
I am a minimalist – and I am the older sister. My parents (both middle children) are more on the nonminimalist side, but not hoarders. My sister, two years younger than me, is not a minimalist, but is not a hoarder.
I am the oldest of 2. My brother and my SIL just bought their first house last year and have plenty of stuff in it.
However, my interest in minimalism started more with having aging parents who live in a very full house that I will have to deal with probably sooner rather than later. I am also the mother of 5 kids, 4 of whom are grown up and 3 of whom no longer live at home. I also have sworn not to leave my kids with a house full of stuff to deal with down the line as my parents are doing so I am weeding out kids stuff that nobody uses or wants anymore along with A LOT of my stuff accumulated over 15 years of living in this house. I have been at this in a serious way for a year now.
s.e., My grandparents death and the subsequent division of property was the real eye opener in my case years ago. I have the same…aging parents who have 2 residences full to the brim and they have no intention of getting rid of anything, fully disclosing that it will be the job of the kids (me) after their death.
If I really need a motivation to get rid of something I look at it as if I were gone and what the meaning of it would be to anyone else. Makes it much easier to part with!
I’m an only child, with the added bonus of being the only grandchild on both sides. Hence, I have been gifted lots of stuff…presents, inherited items ranging from knick-knacks to furniture, the vast majority of it not my style. Lots of memories, lots of guilt getting rid of things, esp. things that belonged to close family members who had passed away. Until I discovered minimalism, I didn’t even know I was ALLOWED to get rid of any of it-LOL. I was always a packrat, more out of fear and guilt than of actually liking my excess possessions. I am finally able to separate the gift giver from the gift.
Can totally relate…youngest child with a significantly older sibling who has never married. Parents were of that Depression era where you had stuff for the future. Have been fighting guilt about getting rid of “family stuff”, stuff that could be used later, ” useful stuff”. Since turning 40 a few years ago, I have been trying to keep minimalism in my mind as I look to the future. I also have finally started separating the memory from the thing.
I’m the youngest. My brother’s self-worth seems to be more about possessions. I don’t mean that in a bad way. It’s just that he owns every gadget you can think of and is always expanding his property…new buildings and sheds to house all his new “stuff”. I, on the other hand, could survive just fine without any of that.
I am the youngest of 6.
Middle child of three.
I’m the eldest of two, and eldest daughter. Don’t remember how brother was. Parents are semi-packrats. Lots of knickknacky stuff.
I used to be something of a packrat when younger, but I’ve become more of a minimalist the last 10 years or so. I’m at my most minimal point now, at 42. I’m single, never married, no kids.
I’m an only child. I wonder, though, if age has something to do with it as well? I didn’t fully come into minimalism until I hit 40. Growing up, I lived in a fairly normal house, by America’s clutter-standards. I have noticed as my parents age, they are becoming far less cluttered, although not minimalists by any stretch of the imagination!
I’m the oldest of 3 boys. I know where my minimalist attitude came from: my mom is an antique dealer and has managed to completely fill up our 21 room home (not joking at all unfortunately), her antique store, 3 garages, and 2 trailers. She also is a self-proclaimed pack-rat on top of everything else. I hate owning things and I love change, traveling, and moving.
My only problem is that when I have visitors over, they are often uncomfortable at the lack of a couch or dining table. And most women I meet don’t like that I love change and can fit all of my possessions into my car.
I was the youngest for a while, then became the middle, and now back to youngest. I’ve always been a minimalist. My older brother is a complete “collector”. We came from a normal home, not packratty nor minimal.
Do you still want someone to compile data? Email me and I’ll see what I can do.
I’m the middle child and minimalist. My younger brother doesn’t care about stuff and I think he’s getting into simplifying too. Older sister is more of a collector and keeps everything just in case :) Our home was really normal, clean and tidy always with regular amount of stuff. Dad doesn’t care much about stuff either and has very few personal things.
I am the youngest and have minimilist leanings (always have and they are getting more so), my brother who is the oldest can carry all his possessions in two suitcases. My sister has a normal amount of stuff I would say, but is heading in my direction after seeing my face when we unpacked all her stuff when she moved house recently – I couldn’t get over how many ornaments, pots and just STUFF there was! Although I think it was a normal amount, just seemed a lot to me. We have recently decluttered our whole house and took it all to charity shops or the dump – it was great.
I’m an only child, 28, and I became a minimalist about a year ago. My parents are middle class and they also owned a normal amount of possessions. They’re not extreme and never will be. They keep a neat home and they’re great parents overall.
I became a minimalist because I realized that I didn’t use as many things as I thought that I did. I also realized that when people accumulate things over time they tend to get owned by those things. It’s also easier to move when you don’t have too much stuff. Having less things frees you.
It frees you from debt, it frees you from being overwhelmed by your posessions and it frees you so you don’t have to put in too many hours at work.
I’m majoring in accounting in college but I plan on keeping my minimalist lifestyle. The only thing that’ll be different when I become an accountant is that I’ll be able to contribute to my retirement plans more. My goal is to retire early from the workforce.
I think if you’re a minimalist that you can ride out good economic times and bad economic times. I’ve read stories on the Wall Street Journal of affluent people who have had to sell their posessions, its not just normal people that are suffering, but the wealthy because like common people they spent too much.
An article of how Donald Trump is trying to help his friend get out of bankruptcy, this lady had to put up many of her personal things on sale and she was married to a very wealthy man.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304447804576412224280955168.html?mod=yahoo_RE
I don’t want to live with too much and I don’t want to be deprived, I live with what is enough for me. =)
I’m and only child and a minimalist. Both parents accumulated a LOT of possessions over the years, but mom is making an effort to downsize.
My experience in this lies in the difference I myself have seen in my own two children. First born was born into a cluttered home with an overly sentimental mother hoarding all types of keepsakes and toys desperately clinging onto her childhood. After a bereavement and much soul searching by the time Second born was 9 months I had ‘discovered’ minimalism and he was nurtured by a completely transformed mother who sought to lead a simple uncluttered life. My two children are demonstrating different behaviours. Now how much of this is genetic, gender based, dependant on their order of birth or purely just because they are ‘them’ and have their own personalities – I do not know! What I do know there is a difference…
I’m the youngest in the family, I have an older brother who’s two and a half years older (making him 29 this June.) His house is a bomb site, almost no floor space at all, there’s furniture in the kitchen, and stuff everywhere. I almost can’t bear to visit (but I do anyway because I love his cat :P)
Similarly, my mother has loads of Stuff (I refer to stuff with a capital S when referring to unwanted stuff, to separate it from the stuff that’s wanted and needed), but I think that’s more to do with her spreading herself too thin and not having the energy to sort through years of accumulation.
Interestingly, my dad was more balanced. He wasn’t a minimalist, but when he died we collected his stuff by filling the car once. All he really owned was a bookcase or two of books, and another one or two of DVDs, and his clothes.
My minimalism kicked in last year when I spent some time living away from home with only what I needed, and when I came back I was apalled at how much stuff I had that I didn’t want, need, or even remember having. I’ve been purging it eve since.
So in my experience, there’s no genetic link: my dad just didn’t feel the need for stuff (he was unemployed and very spiritual so hadn’t the means or inclination to accumulate), my mother is ill and unbalanced, and my brother is never home. Me, I was just tired of how little space I had to do tai chi indoors. Now I have enough space to do just about any martial art that doesn’t need room to swing weapons about :)
A late reply, but I’m 16 and minimalist. I’m an only child and I guess what triggered my minimalism was when my parents divorced when I was in 5th grade. I started giving stuff away and cleaning my room regularly – it was just a way to clear my mind and help me cope. Neither of my parents are “minimalist” per say, but they definitely aren’t packrats. My dad has a tendency to collect glass objects and has like 5 coffee makers, but out house isn’t cluttered in the least and we have no things in storage. My mom has a couple of boxes of Japanese family heirlooms that have been passed down for several generations, so they’re not things than can or should be given away. Other than that no clutter.
I can relate alot to this. I’m a middle child, my eldest brother is 30 years old and all his life, it seems, he’s been a minimalist. We lived simply to begin with, in Russia. Moving to the west did not affect him much. While I began to accumulate things, he, on the other hand continued to live almost the same way. He slept on the floor, bought food that he would eat that day only, had afew change of clothes, and at various times lived out of his car. My brother and I don’t communicate except afew times per year. He’s very solitary, and to some extent I am too. Both of us are minimalists.
Oldest of 4. Number 4 and I have the least stuff. Mom is a hoarder. Dad was always cleaning her out when we were kids. She bought all kinds of stuff and way too much of everything. Just cleaned her out again. She is 88 and still saving papers, junk mail, empty jars,etc.
I’ve had small collections- less than 10 items- all my life- mostly pottery or glass of some kind. Never bought clothes. College roommates thought that was funny. Went to Sal Army in late 1960’s for things to wear. When I worked in an office had 3 pairs of pants and 5 shirts and mixed and matched. Bought my kids clothes at rummage sales, got hand me downs.
Youngest of three. Put myself through college (no assistance from anyone) and so had to learn to survive with very little. Every other family member went straight from school to full-time work. Mum is very frugal, refuses to buy anything new (except food), unfortunately hoards everything just in case it could have any kind of use eventually, and buys and stores enough tinned food that I’m quite sure she’s prepared for the apocalypse. Dad loves to spend, multiple new cars every couple of years, and has sheds full of tools etc. One brother is fairly normal on the clutter and possessions scale, the other almost worships objects, was trying to convince me recently why an extra $50 000 for a car is ‘worth it’ – I don’t even own a car!
I am 67. People give me lots of things. I keep what I can use and pass on all the rest. I help people declutter their garages and basements. Too much stuff is suffocating.