After I graduated from college, I inherited a beautiful set of china from my grandmother. My fantasy self—the one who planned to throw fabulous dinner parties in her English manor house—was elated to own twelve place settings of vintage tableware. My real self, however—the one who carefully wrapped every dinner plate, salad plate, dessert plate, bowl, cup, and saucer during each move—became decidedly less enthusiastic about it over time.
After going through the painstaking process of packing and unpacking it at least four times (and constantly worrying about breaking an irreplaceable piece), I’d had enough. I finally gave the whole set to a less nomadic family member, and breathed a huge sigh of relief. The irony: despite all the effort I put into preserving it, I’d used it on only one or two “special” occasions.
My dinnerware today is much simpler: four glass plates and two glass bowls, pictured above. Sure, it may not be as elegant—but it’s inexpensive, lightweight, and causes me not a whit of worry. The last time I moved, I didn’t even bother to wrap it up. Should I break a piece, I can simply nip on down to my local Ikea and pick up another ($0.99 in US, £0.70 in UK). And should I someday decide that transporting it is a hassle, I can donate it to a charity shop (or give it away on Freecycle), and spend about $6 to replace it at my new destination.
What about entertaining? So far, it hasn’t been a problem. We rarely have more than two guests for dinner, and if multiple courses are involved, I wash the plates in between. The very few times I’ve been short on tableware—like when I hosted Thanksgiving dinner—I’ve simply borrowed from friends and family. No one ever seemed put out by my request, but rather happy to contribute to the occasion. (I think the pooling of resources can enhance the warmth of a gathering, much like a potluck dinner!)
Certainly, I can’t guarantee that I’ll have the right plate (or enough plates) to accommodate every possible culinary situation. But that’s okay by me: what I have fits my current lifestyle, and when it comes to dinnerware, I’m perfectly content to “live on the edge.” ;-)
And though my grandmother’s set was lovely, I personally like the simplicity and versatility of plain glass. It blends with a variety of décor, is appropriate for any occasion, and most importantly, calls attention not to itself, but to its contents. For in the end, it’s what’s on the plate that really matters anyway!
(This post is part of my “100 Possessions” series, in which I explain why each item I own deserves a place in my minimalist life.)
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
I have really taken your ‘fantasy self’ idea on board. It is very helpful in many areas of life, de-cluttering, buying and just enjoying things that I actually do and people I actually see. I suppose it is another way of living in the moment. Thank you for the continual inspiration!
During my last move (the first out of state), I cringed as I watched the movers carefully packing all of my breakables–way too many of them! I had to unpack them all and what a pain! I have donated almost all of them and have a select few for my everyday needs. Ditto for knick-knacks, garden pots, and candle holders. It feels great to live so lightly!
I have been trying to figure out a polite way to give back some china I’ve been “storing” for years without offending the giver. Suggestions?
Do you have a family member or close friend (or even a co-worker) that would be interested in owning the set? What I typically do is give it away and then if the giver ever asks about it…I just say ‘oh so-and-so was over and just fell-in-love with it so we let her take it home with her – she entertains so much more often that we do’ or something like that.
That way they get a compliment on their lovely taste and satisfaction of being able to share it with someone who will REALLY use and love it. And you get rid of it!
I’d had to do this several times with my m-i-l, who has a habit of gifting “precious” keepsakes to us. She has a tendency to think *everything* is precious and it’s difficult to express to her that she can’t force us to feel sentimental about the things she’s sentimental about. When this happens I usually keep the thing for a while then I gently explain that we need to let it go (simplifying, can’t make it fit, doesn’t match, etc) but does she want it back or can she suggest another family member who might like it? Involving her in the process makes it a whole lot easier – she might not be happy but she appreciates having some say in the disposition. And often she says to just donate it. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have to do this at all, but you can’t choose your family….
I really HATE it when people return stuff to me which I gave them – throw it back in my face, why don’t you?
I much prefer if they find another home for it without telling me about it. If I don’t see it in their house I’ll know they were polite when they said they liked it…. No hard feelings.
Anyway, I’ve stopped buying things for people as much as possible, just consumables like a bottle of wine to be polite.
In my previous marriage, we had an inherited set of china–16 place settings, along with an incredible set of Bavarian crystal stemware. This collection wasn’t just plates, bowls, and glasses, there were serving pieces and specialty pieces as well, such as tureens, cordial glasses, different bowls for soup, cereal, dessert, and fingers, etc. After the divorce, I didn’t think twice about acquiring my own set via secondhand shops and I ended up with a 12-place set of my own, silver tea set, sterling flatware, etc. Then I got real. For the past 11 years I’ve just had white porcelain plates and pasta/soup bowls, plus a small motley assortment of cups and small plates. We don’t move like you do, and sometimes have several people over for dinner at a time. It all fits in one small cupboard. Food looks best on plain white, I think.
While what’s on the plate is indeed important, it’s the company that’s most important. Simplicity contributes to everyone’s ease and comfort. And I love potlucks, too!
Everyone needs a soup tureen Meg! ;) I had one too at one point. I’m trying to remember what possessed me…
(and I do love the look of plain white too.)
Right on! We have 6 plastic plates & 4 plastic bowls. We’ve never had a problem with entertaining and if we feel lazy, we can even skip washing the dishes between a meal or two! I love plastic because it serves double duty as kids-wear when we have little ones over. Also love the replacability of it (also about 99 cents per item).
I have simple white ceramic (glass) plates and bowls. For our lifestyle, we have 4 plates, 3 large saucers and 3 small saucers plus 3 or four bowls. They are white with a black rim around the top. Easily replaceable for about a dollar each at the local Wally World. It gives us more than enough to use for dinner and dessert without having too many to wash comfortably.
Thanks for sharing!
I have white ceramic dishes, which i have had for many years. For food storage and some baking, I have clear glass bowls and pans. They are also useful as bowls or serving pieces. I cook a lot and enjoy it, so I probably have more pieces than a lot of other people, but I don’t feel that anything is wasted. It all fits well for me.
My husband has 1/2 of a set of china from his first marriage, (no plates, just saucers cups and small plates). I have yet to talk him into putting these on eBay, but hope to in the future. They have never been used. Such a pity, really.
Is is okay if my fantasy self is more of a minimalist that I?
My belief is we have been brainwashed to ‘need’ fancy china, crystal, etc. If you love it, fine but to me, it is a burden and makes guests feel uncomfortable because it is often fragile. When I was in high school home ec., the Lenox Co. paid us a visit with brochures and suggestions for picking out our wedding china and crystal!
I live casually now with what I love and no fru-fru.
We’ve just given away our inherited silver to a person on freecycle, now we just have one set that we really like. My husband also persuaded me to part with our cake forks and you know what, I don’t miss them!
As for crockery, we have a bit of a jumble right now but when we emigrate next year we’re giving it all away. When we come back to the UK we plan on buying a set of 6 shallow white bowls from Ikea and doing everything with them. Deep enough for cereal and soup but fine for everything else too. Not huge but then there’s an excuse for second helpings! We’re a family of 4 so I think 6 will be fine (we entertain a lot but usually when the children are asleep and 6 is about the max), for a big occasion, I’ll just get compostable paper ones or borrow. I’d like to make the switch now but not much point buying new now and then storing them for a year or so.
I totally agree on having only one set of dishes. We, however, have a set of about 15 bowls, 17 large plates, and 10 small plates. For us, they are all a necessity. We choose not to have special plastic plates for our kiddos, so deal with the fact that they occasionally (ok, often) get broken. Thus, why we get cheap-o stuff from Ikea. Also, we DO entertain a lot in the form of family get-togethers and playgroups. I chose to get more ceramic dishes to avoid having to keep a stock of throw away items. Plus it ultimately reduces waste.
Love the clear dishes. I have four each of glass bowls, plates, and salad plates in cobalt blue, the same set I bought when I first moved out ages ago. Small dinner parties have a uniquely warm intimacy. Good friends don’t care what kind of dishes you have, they care about spending time together. None of the people I choose to share my home with are obsessed with material things. The only time the issue of came up was when the wife of a good friend came over and criticised everything in sight. My fantasy self wanted to be able to handle anything as a hostess but I was irritated and annoyed. Then it dawned on my that the real me wants home to be a haven of good feelings and that doesn’t include rude people so I kept the dishes and never invited the couple to my home again. The dishes weren’t the problem!
Absolutely right, SS! I’ve always been a minimalist at heart, but I’ve only started living that way in the last couple of years. That’s because it took me too many years to overcome an upbringing that was all about caring what other people think. Mostly I no longer care what others think, and my husband and I and our college-age children live with simple white dishes and simple clear glassware. It used to be that if someone came to my house (for example, my mother) and criticized, I felt inadequate and would “need” to go shopping. No more. I now think such criticism from any guest is simply rude, and I ignore it. (I haven’t barred my mother from visiting, however; I just smile and change the subject. Tiring.)
I’m reading your blog for quite a while now, so I thought, it might be time to leave a comment… :)
I’m no way a minimalist yet, but I’m on my way decluttering and getting more simple. I’m in my mid-twenties, so it’s been not too long ago when I really didn’t own anything and therefore happily took whatever relatives would hand me down… not anymore…
However, pottery and chinaware are my ‘weak point’ or, to put it more positively: my passion. I decided to take a positive point of view. There’s nothing wrong with liking special, well-made or fancy tableware – but even if I do like china, I have no need for a set for 12 or 18 persons including plates for dishes I never cook. So what I still own are some wonderful hand-made bowls and cups, but only as many as we use (i.e. one or two of each kind, as we are two living in this flat) Yes, some of them cost more than 99 cents – but, I don’t care if it’s 10 Euros – I love them and it’s not as if we broke dishes daily. Someone worked with his or her hands to make that bowl, so I think I may well pay a decent price for that. We also recently inherited a set for (originally) 12 persons, however it wasn’t complete when we got it and we are using it anytime we have guests – even if it is just my best friend popping in for a cup of coffee. We’re not caring too much about if anything breaks. So, yes we have some ‘good china’, but exactly because we own that we don’t need ANY other additional plates for guests. I love to have the opportunity to chose though, whether I drink my tea out of my one big mug or out of a gold rimmed cup that remembers me of someone I love. That’s my luxury.
I think, when we move again, I will downsize the ‘fine china’ to a set for six. Until then, the excess may remain, should something break.
I don’t think Miss M is ssying that no one should ever pay more that $1 for a plate. Her point is not necessarily about living cheaply, but about living authentically. I think she’s advocating that we do exactly what you’re describing, Anne — keep only what we use and love, rather than storing mountains of what we think we “should” have even though we don’t use or need it. If what you love and use daily is inherited dinnerware or handmade artisan bowls, that’s wonderful. You and your family and friends are enjoying them regularly, and that’s the point of having them in the first place. The essence of minimalism is to get rid of what you don’t use or love and make room for what is essential to you. Sounds like you’ve done that!
Oh, how I hate china! I’m so glad we never received any for our wedding. I started out with a four piece white setting and various pieces have broken to be replaced white items from Ikea. I like and have a very few pottery pieces. We only have as many items as are in our family and when we occasionally have guests, the kids get to eat out of glass food storage containers!
Terra you sound just like me. :)
Francine, when I saw your bowls I realized they look like my stacking set of 4 glass storage containers. And Terra, I’ve been known to eat out of them too. Barbarian! ;)
I totally agree about sharing resources. Last year I spent the last $50 of my wedding gift card on a roaster, in anticipation of hosting Thanksgiving this year. The more I read this blog though and thought about it, I realised it was ABSURD to have a brand-new, big piece of cookery taking up space in my closet to use ONCE a year! Luckily I had kept the receipt and returned it, and almost a year later I still have my $50 credit to use if something breaks. Then it was decided my place is too small for Thanksgiving, so I wouldn’t have used the roaster anyway. Narrowly escaped that material yoke!
It also dawned on me that I can *use* the fancy stuff–it does not have to be for fancy occasions. When I was a kid, we used the plastic pitcher for mixing lemonade etc, and only brought out the glass one when we had a party, a couple times a year. When I got married I was given two pitchers (one Waterford!), which I put on display while I used the two plastic pitchers I kept through two moves. When summer came this year I started eyeing all my pitchers and thought, “Why do I have these plastic ones? Hang the fancy stuff, I can drink out of Waterford every day, it would make a lot more sense!” Now I have more room in my cupboards and water from the fridge feels that much more special. :)
Husband and I own: 2 large-ish bowls; 2 medium bowls and 2 small plates. The medium bowls do for breakfast and the large-ish for everything else. We don’t use dinner plates. Also 2 glasses and 2 mugs. It’s great! But my goal is to eat everything out of 1 bowl.
My husband and I also only have a set each. 1 mug, 1 bowl, 1 small plate. We rarely entertain – we prefer to take friends out to eat – and when we do, it is BYOB (Bring Your Own Bowl). People seem to have fun with this.
Besides that, we live in a 277 sq ft apartment with no real kitchen – just a cabinet with a tiny fridge below. I cook everything out of a rice cooker and believe me, you CAN cook ANYTHING in a rice cooker!!!
I learned about the one set per person when I had roommates. Because of arguments we ended up each getting a different color set of dishes. It really helped keep things fair as each person was responsible for their own dishes. I often think kids might benefit from a set up like that. Especially if they get to pick their own set :)
Anyway, I am SO thrilled to never have a pile of dirty dishes setting around that it definitely makes it work while not to have a bunch of dishes.
In the RV community it is expected for guests to bring their own place settings, including flatware and drinking vessel, especially for any group meal. I have four bowls and three plates so that I don’t have to wash dishes more than once a day (saves water vs washing after each meal).
Oh dear. This has been the source of 80% of the stress in my life this year. My minimalist journey has been slow, but the one clear waste of space and stuff in my house is my formal dining room. I have an eat in kitchen and I see no reason to have a second table just 10 feet away. I have a china cabinet, full set of dishes, full serving buffet, end chairs, side chairs, serving pieces and linens, all inherited from a distant relative I met twice in my life when I was a young child. They are taken out twice a year and washed, then put right back where they were. In 9 years that I’ve had my home, they have NEVER been used, and I’ve begun to hate them.
Wouldn’t it be great if I could just give them away? Problem? My Mom. She procured the entire dining set for me when an aunt died, even though it was not something I would have purchased myself, and I accepted it rather than argue with her about it because I was broke and thought I needed a formal dining set. I recently mentioned to my mother that I would love to turn the dining room into an all-purpose room for playing, computers, school projects, etc., and that I was considering giving the set away, and she flipped out. I was told that I was not getting rid of it, and then called an ungrateful brat (I’m 31 and have 3 chilren!). She didn’t speak to me for 3 weeks, and that was just for suggesting it! She is truly furious with me for even considering getting rid of any of it.
I feel very trapped by this group of objects, and at this point am too terrified of the damage to my relationship with my mother to get rid of it, so it sits. And sits. And sits. I walk past it every day and loathe it more and more each time, especially when I have to dust it. I’ve even gone so far as having it appraised, but it’s worth peanuts at this point. I’ve also contacted other family members, but no one wants it. I’m feeling desperate and foolish for letting some furniture and dishes cause me so much stress, but I also dont see any options!
Thanks for creating an opportunity for me to vent!
How about using it? As in: using it often? Over time things will break, your kids will drop some plates or cups…
I love this idea.
If you don’t want to use it all the time, you could always pack it up and store it somewhere out of sight and dust-free? If your mom asks, tell her it’s “safer” there.
Gosh, had to reply to you as I feel so awful for you. This sounds like your mum has the issue, not you, but the emotional upheaval you’ll have to face if you “defy” her is something you (understandably) want to avoid.
If I was you, I would just bite the bullet, offer it all to her, explain you are going to sell it all otherwise, and, if you do make profit, offer her the profits as compensation for the time and effort she made into procuring the set for you – show the “gratitude” she expects.
I think you have to balance the stress of keeping the stuff in your home against the stress of your mum throwing a wobbly. Neither option is pleasant but the stress of the “clutter” (which, from your comment, seems like serious stress and not just mild annoyance) will be long-term – always there, always present and always stressing you.
Your mum throwing a wobbly will be over before you know it and she’ll thaw. Eventually. :-) You’re a mum yourself – would you give your own children stress over “stuff”?
Karen (Scotland)
I agree with Scottish Karen – if she’s going to lose it over the mere suggestion, you might as well bite the bullet and go for it. Personally, I’d write a letter explaining your feelings (as you did so well here) and expressing your hope that this will not cause a permanent rift with her. Offering it to her is a must, and Karen’s suggestion of sharing any profits from selling is lovely. She clearly has some feelings about that aunt or the way her estate was divided that you’re not privy to. But it’s not worth your personal anguish to keep it, just for your mom’s sake. And she WILL get over it!
we have only ONE life !
live it YOUR way not your mother’s
Mja
Sheryl, I have been there with my mother. And yes, it involved – ultimately – a yelling match during a visit where I finally told her the bold, mean truth – that my family does not live with the same values (about stuff) that she has, that we are not going to change to live her way with things, and that I found such dictatorship regarding “given away” things to be ultimately selfish on her part, and something I wanted no further part of, period. She took it very badly, I admit, but a few months later, on another visit, she started harping again – then stopped herself and said she couldn’t have everything the way she wanted it, everywhere. I about fell off my chair.
People can adapt, so keep hope. It just took some brutal honesty and some healing time in my case. Now we have a working compromise – she’s (mostly – but she’s trying!) stopped the clutchiness, and when I’m about to donate something I know she’d be upset about, I give her a heads-up and offer to let her have it back to store herself. Sometimes she does, sometimes she says to go ahead and donate it. I’m not asking her permission, but I know she appreciates the chance to “save” a few inherited items. She continues to surprise me as time goes by – maybe your mother will too. One thing is certain – nothing will change unless you make a move first!
Sheryl, I so feel for you as I have had quite the learning curve with my mom since I moved back and live closer to her than across the country!
I keep in mind what Flylady says about every item in your home: When you look it it – does it make you smile? Do you need it?
Seems to me you don’t smile when you catch a glimpse of the items your mom obtained FOR you. Since she didn’t ask if you’d like them – seems to me it was more for her. Thus, since you’d like to get rid of them, you may have to offer your mom a choice: “Mom, I no longer have a place for those items in my home; since you have an interest in them, I’m offering them to you before I give them away or sell them. Would you like these items?”
If she declines, then she has declined and cannot give you grief about them anymore. (or should keep it to herself) because she had her chance.
If she takes them off your hands, then it benefits you.
Either way, you’ve given her an option without merely hinting at your getting rid of them, and whatever answer she gives, the responsibility is on her and you’ve gotten the items out of your house so you can turn your dining room into the room YOU want (since it’s your house, you’re an adult and that room would make you smile!) :)
I do wish you the best of luck with this situation!
Hmm, I don’t think this is going to be a peaceful situation either way really is it, I agree with the others to bite the bullet.
I think offering it to her initially is the way to go, and your way to bring it up in the first place. If she flips (I have a parent that does the same thing, which seems to instinctually bring on the tears) trying not to get upset is important I think. Could you keep an intellectual pov? Sometimes I approach these things in writing, which is a little cold, but if I know that I’m not going to be allowed to finish a sentence…! Ask her, if she doesn’t want it why does she think you need it? Because she acquired it for you? I don’t think gratitude is supposed to last for life! Does she think it’s an important/valuable heirloom? You can set her straight on value and if its so important why doesn’t she want it herself?
If she can’t give you any sensible answers to the above questions maybe its time for an ultimatum. Why is important for her to try to control what’s in your home? Why is more important that you keep a dinner set than create a space for your children to have fun and work on school projects? Be blunt, and explain how it makes you feel and give her a final option. It’s worth nothing, and no one wants it, so you can pack it all up carefully and *she* can pay for it to sit in storage container for eternity, or you’re going greek on it’s backside and having a smashing frenzy to get rid of the pent up stress of keeping it all this time!!!
We have a mix and match assortment of hand-me-downs and second-hand shop buys. We also buy the odd handmade piece. Who cares if it matches or not? If a piece gets broken, it costs next to nothing to buy a replacement.
We are 2. Four plates, four bowls, four forks etc …. Never been a problem.
I have never had anything fancy, but when we had 4 children living at home, we collected quite a bit of everyday-wear. As we lighten our load, and our children are all moved out, I am tempted to toss ALL of it and hop on down to IKEA myself! Would love to empty out the cupboards!
Bernice
Making your to-do list work for you
We had an Ikea set that we gave away in preparation for moving. We have a few square black dishes that we love and were harder to find, so we’re bringing them with us, along with the few pots that are nice enough to be worth keeping. If we need more on the other end, we’ll worry about it when we get there.
We recently moved to Hawaii, and got rid of most stuff for the move. Now in our new wonderful home we have been very careful about not getting anything unnecessarily. Funny enough we packed some a set of 4 dishes that look similar to your set pictured. Its all we need and it’s so much easier on the eye to see our nice clean cabinets (they have glass fronts).
But even better has been another realization. Dinner parties. We DO like to have people over and have already developed good friends here on the Island. Bug I DON’T like and am not even any where near comfortable at or doing “parties”. Like a bunch of guest over at one time. Yet, for many years, I had several sets of dishes in my cabinets in preparation for the dinner parties.
Love this life. Love Hawaii. Love having only a few things that I love using, wearing, and having.
I live in a tiny bedsit so any dinner parties are a cheerful make-do-and-improvise event! All my cutlery and crockery is cheap stuff, from Hema, or inherited, and if it breaks/gets lots I don’t care.
There is not very much, as there is no room for it anyway.
The only thing I do have of value is four posh crystal champagne glasses. One is a minimalist with standards, after all…
My mom likes the same glass plates from Ikea, but she has a whole world of dishes and china as well. And since we’re on the subject of inheritances, I’m moving in a few weeks and my mom inherited some cute glasses from me, which is way better than having to inherit a bunch of stuff from her :P
I can totally relate to this post. When my husband and I got married 8 years ago, we didn’t register for china because we knew it wouldn’t suit our lifestyle. And then a couple of years ago, my grannie passed on a complete set of BRAND NEW 30 year old china set to us. Ack! And it’s been in the cupboard ever since. I know we won’t likely use it, but at this point, no one else wants it. I really need to investigate the possibility of selling it. Great post!
What a timely post for me. I have five kids, so with seven of us dishes can be quite a pain. My last post details how we got rid of all the extras. Now each person has one set and washes them themselves. It met with resistance at first, but everyone seems to like it a lot.
And the dinner party idea came up as my family was balking, too. Like we ever have dinner parties? C’mon.
I haven’t quite gotten to the place where I can give up my china, which I inherited from my grandmother. It’s a sentimental attachment, because my father sent it to her while he was in service in Japan, and every time I use it, I remember the raucous family Christmases at her home when I was a child.
I wouldn’t give it away. It sounds very special.
Why give it away? You use the stuff, it makes you feel happy.
Min, Enjoy it!
Did you feel guilty giving away the inherited set? At least it went to another family member I suppose. I have a painting by my grandmother who has now passed and a large framed cross stitch from an aunt I never see, neither of which pieces of art suit my style or my home. I do not want to continue to have these items sit in storage just for the sake of keeping them, but I worry that it would be hurtful to family members to give them away. Any suggestions?
That makes so much sense. I find if i am near anything made of china with a so-called value, I immediately get nervous around it. My parents offered me some beautiful antique pottery figurines recently and when I ( politely ) turned them down they were very surprised. I couldn’t bear the thought of them a) taking up room in my home or b) worrying that I might accidentally break items of over 150 years. I told them to sell them at auction and enjoy the proceeds, which I think it what they have done. PS I love the glass plate/bowl combo !
When I got married this past July, no one bought us any dinnerware. Happily, my husband and I purchased a white Corelle set with four large plates, four smaller plates, four bowls & four mugs. Everything fits in a drawer. We’re content with everything we have and do not feel the need to acquire more. Our parents though were quite surprised that we didn’t feel the inclination to acquire expensive china for “special occasions”.
Same here! LOVE Corelle! It’s non toxic (unlike ceramic) and easily replaceable. Another advantage is that it looks quite nice actually – Nice enough for every day and good enough for dinner parties (has the ‘clean’ and modern look).
I’ve had Corelle (the snow white version) for around 5 years now. I haven’t felt compelled to go out and purchase any other set (except for a Christmas one). :)
I wish we had an Ikea, I’d gladly trade what we have for a set like yours. Since we have kids, I especially love that yours are so replaceable if an accident happens, and being glass, can be recycled. And being clear is so simple.
I have a slightly motley mix, but I’m working on it (this is for a family of 4):
– white dinner plates
– white side plates
– 2 white noodle bowls
– 4 blue enamelware camping bowls (these are our workhorse bowls! great for the kids!)
– 5 secondhand glasses (similar to yours)
– 1 blue enamelware mug (my camping mug, the kids mug the rest of the time)
– kids each have a “special” mug
– my husband has his “special” coffee mug (huge Starbucks affair)
This is still waaaay too much for my liking, but I have to compromise a bit since not everyone in my home embraces minimalism to the extent I might like!
Coming from Australia, I find the bowls a very odd shape and size in USA. They are either really deep (more like a noodle bowl), or really small and okay for condiments but not cereal. Correlle bowls are the shape I like, but I can’t stand the feel of them somehow (or the look!). If anyone can suggest a good place to try I’d love to know (and not Ikea, sadly – they won’t ship to Hawaii)
Even though you’re not particularly fond of it right now, I would stick with Corelle – It’s non toxic. Plain glass similar to what Francine has is also an excellent choice. Ceramic isn’t and I’d rather not wonder about the glaze that’s on my dinner plate and whether it’s slowly poisoning me.
I’m a fellow Aussie too… Still living in Australia though. :) Hawaii.. You lucky devil! :D
Thanks AussieGirl – I had no idea ceramic is considered toxic and Corelle is not. I was looking at the website, and the only ones I like are the plain snow white ones. They feel odd to me, like they are plastic or something, and I don’t feel comfortable with them somehow. I might have to try and find some glass ones, but very happy you love your Corelle, like would be much simpler if I felt that way about it too!
Yep, Hawaii is fabulous, but I seriously miss Australia and would probably move back if my other half would agree to being uprooted :)
Like = life!
Sheryl, I agree with Scottish Karen. Your mom has boundary issues. Offer it to her and if she doesn’t want it sell it. Give her the money and turn that room into a neat homework project room. Your family will benefit and that’s what counts.
On another note, six months ago I got rid of a collection of mismatched dishes and bakeware. I donated all of them and bought pure white ceramic dishes and bakeware and cut down the number. It’s clean looking and attractive. It’s pleases my eyes everytime I open a cupboard now. I did keep my china because it’s shown and adds beauty and I use it.
A friend recently became single and moved with her two daughters into an apartment with nothing to furnish her place with. I went through and gave her most of my kitchen items and some new things I’d gotten at IKEA but hadn’t used so they were just there, waiting for the right person to use them!
I loved clearing out the space and was left with four plates and four salad bowls that came from a restaurant that was closing and some cutlery – along with some drinking glasses and a tumbler. Turns out I miss the melamine plates that were colorful – I’d collected them one a year for six years… and my cutlery I kept was not the weight/pattern I liked…so I replaced the cutlery at IKEA recently but have yet to find some more melamine plates I love. (they were so handy for smaller meals than the big heavy white restaurant plates!).
This post has inspired me to get rid of more from home!
Well, I still think it sad that a sense of tradition is obviously so unimportant these days. Call it sentimentality, but really, I can’t subscribe to a lot of this, family and tradition are important to me and I feel proud of my heritage and that of my husband, including the heirlooms. Strikes me as very cold to have this attitude and very much a result of our throwaway society.
Yes, I rarely use my wedding china (which is very robust) but will probably rotate it out now and again. I have Ikea dishes, too, with pressed glass patterned – only fortunately I bought 10 because they only sold that style for about 5 minutes (now only available in expensive boutiques!)… in fact, even plain white china isn’t all the same in Ikea, either, it’s made in different places and the pieces don’t always match in colour/shape (experience of 30 years of Ikea shopping…). But of course, a lot of your commenters don’t care about matching dishes.
I happen to enjoy having my family over (we don’t have dinner parties with people outside family) and I like to dress a pretty table, it’s one of the things that makes me happy, a seasonal or event table – even if there are only 3 of us. So I will continue doing it!
Most people don’t move home every month or 6 mths, so why live like it?!
At the end of the day, why do we have to do what anyone else does, anyway, right?! Do as we feel happy to do – but then that’s another thing I’ve noticed, people terrified to trust their instincts… Ah well.
Just because someone doesn’t care for certain household items doesn’t mean they don’t care about their family. My family isn’t big on keepsakes or hand-me-downs, yet we all love each other very much. I don’t consider myself or any of my family members to be cold.
This philosophy isn’t for everyone. We’re all different, have different values and can still manage to be good people. It’s important for me to live my life the way I want, and for you to do the same. We can all be happy.
I am so with you on this but unfortunatly, my family doesn’t see it that way. It is frustrating. I prefer mental memories, they prefer boxes and boxes and boxes of them. : )
Yes, I agree with you. Because I am writer, primarily of memoirs, I find certain objects essential to the process of remembering. Several years ago, I had a feng shui obsession and in one of the books I read, it was suggested that one discard items that trigger negative memories and associations: one woman threw away a cd player that her ex-boyfriend once threw at her; the damaged case brought back the incident every time she looked at or used it. In the same way, my mother donated her mother’s china set because it always reminded her of the stressful and hostile environment of her childhood home. I think that perhaps believing that we hold on to memories even without the “madeleines” that inspire them is what we tell ourselves so that we don’t have to admit that we really want to forget. Getting rid of something, dinner plates or old silver, that is inherited and is just “not [your] style” is a way of getting rid of someone who is not your style either. I have a lot of silver from my grandmother’s house and I keep it because it has a living presence, an energy, that was always kind and loving to me, regardless of her relationship with my mother/her daughter. To some extent, this hanging on is also a way of resisting my mother’s energy, which I found far less congenial: I have kept nothing of hers.
Everyone has a way of dealing with the past, but I think that it would be helpful to recognize the real reasons some objects make us crazy.
I used to move around CONSTANTLY.
One year, I moved eight times….EIGHT! These moves incorporated four states. I had just a military duffle bag, but believed THAT was too much. I couldn’t handle the weight of this large thing and so wanted to park it…in an attic….permanently.
This was ten years ago and this is where I believe the seeds of minimalism began for me.
Today, I am married with a toddler and live in a 1,500 sq ft home. This home is situated on nearly an acre of property and, even though we appreciate the space for gardening and family enjoyment, the dwelling is FAR TOO BIG. Well, at least, I think it is. My husband claims that the square footage is “just right”. Yeah, I have to clean it up daily as the region in which we reside accumulates plenty of dust. So that means multiple sweeping and dusting duties for me — not something my husband cares to worry about.
I wouldn’t mind the work so much if we lived in tinier quarters for me to keep up with it without dusting the hours of the days away; and even though eradicating the clutter that I had (90% of it) helped quite a bit, it didn’t take away the fact that I DO STILL need to pull out that broom, dust pan and rag.
Included in the clutter elimination process were boat loads of kitchen utensils and various supplies. I even got rid of a ceramic dinner set and didn’t blink while packing them in their card board box that I would later take to the auction house. In the midst of a de-cluttering process, it was just one more sigh of relief.
Reading this blog, I’ve never individually wrapped dinnerware. Too time-consuming and a nuisance for someone who used to live the life of a quasi-vagabond. That said, I do appreciate the de-cluttering process of once-treasured items as I imagine a family who will find more frequent use for the items I’ve auctioned off and donated.
Thank you for this article!
Ugh, the generation gap. Not everyone who subscribes to a minimalist lifestyle “throws” things away. We, fortunately, didn’t grow up with Depression-era mentalities of keeping everything “just in case” or so no one is offended. We value people and experiences more than things and that makes us our own individualized version of minimalists. I think it’s sad that people hold onto heirlooms and other hand-me-downs because they feel pressure to not offend a family member. This is one more reason not to “bequeath” my crap to my kids- if they want it, they’ll ask for it or buy it themselves!!!
I’m so glad that I found this blog! I am 54 yrs old. My father grew up during the Great Depression but strangely hung on to NOTHING. He took great care of what he had and used everything forever. If he replaced his carpeting, he would get rid of the old and use the leftover scraps of the new to line his toolbox and his dogs (and my dogs) kennels! He bought “quality” that lasted. That being said, my sister and I have become packrats. We lost our mother when we ere young to cancer and squirreled away the few things of hers that our father didn’t toss. After his passing, we squirreled away more. But it’s a burden. We will never forget them and we don’t need a figurine or a pipe stand to honor their memory.
Here I am, Googling “dishwashers” to fit into my tiny home and wondering what installation will cost, when all I really need to do is get rid of all these extra plates! I’m going to get rid of these ho-hum daily dishes and unwrap Mom’s “Candlewick” dishes! (They are ALL glass!) How lucky am I? My “vintage” is also “modern”! Thanks again. I really needed this post!
Sounds like your father was a minimalist even in those trying times:)
Losing a loved one isn’t easy, this I know, but I’m glad to read that you have found the true meaning of what’s important;)
I have 2 sets of Corelle.They are white with a red stripe. We do entertain so I just buy plates as I need them. They are about $2 a plate or something. I only buy the bigger dinner plates. Otherwise, it’s all mix and match with me. Nothing fancy.
I found myself with white bowls, dinner plates etc for no other reason than that’s what other people have and it was the “in” thing at the time.
So – the real me, the me who has her own individual likes and dislikes realised that I’m not invested in crockery at all (except for a set of sweet tea cups which I use ALOT). So as I had the plates due to my personal version of PEER PRESSURE and KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES I decided to get real and be ME.
So I grab the two small peeps (daughters :)) and head off to the local charity shop. And they have a ball choosing some ‘pretty’ plates we will be using to eat our dinner off. They also choose a small glass vase we now have fresh flowers in every night at dinner. None of our plates are the same – they are different sizes. But every night they are loved and chosen carefully “I think I’ll use the one with the pink roses on it tonight Mummy”.
Yay – the real me rejoices from these gorgeous memories and experiences I am having with my children. Who cares what my friends think? Who cares, not me anymore and I am blinking annoyed at myself for discovering that I did in the first place.
I was a young wife-mother in the 1960s. Advertisers (and our depression era parents) tried to convince us that we “needed” all the dishes and pots and pans. They were wrong! I have very little. (It helps to minimalize one’s food plan too.)
My kids seem to be relieved that when I die or go into a nursing home, it will take less than an hour to go through my stuff. Other than Tar (the cat)–who will go with my elder daughter–and a few papers, they know they can pitch everything.
In the meantime, I don’t have much to clean.
I wish more parents would be like you! When my husband’s grandmother died we basically cleared 95% of her belongings: a massive yard sale and countless trips to the Good Will. Looking back on this period, I honestly don’t think my father-in-law would have cleared out Grandma’s stuff, but probably would have held onto it out of guilt or what have you. Thank you for NOT giving your children this burden;)
How incredibly thoughtful you are! My mother is a bit like you in her attitude :)
Hmm, I have a small selection of a patterned china, bought in dribs and drabs secondhand, which is easily replacable with matching pieces bought in thrift stores but I am considering replacing it with a few plain white plates and bowls, when I see the right ones. My grandmother, who is almost 90, is organising the handover of some of her belongings to younger relatives who are interested. One fancy dish which has lurked in one of her cupboards for the past 40 years (since her mother died) is now with its two sibling dishes in the possession of a great-neice. No one in the entire family even remembered they were a matching set. It’s good that the cousin who has them loves them and that my grandmother has peace of mind in knowing they are off the premises. Because she is in a rented home, she knows that when she does pass over, the family will have to clear everything very quickly, as in a week or two, and she has been unilaterally shedding her unwanteds for a few years now.
To the Australian asking about dishes, I grew up with the Corelle bowls (and like the size/shape also) and now have Homer Lauglin Fiesta ware. It is lead free, so also a good choice, and they have a few choices of bowls.
I hate when grocery stores have give aways of free stuff. My neighborhood store has, for the past two years, had a deal where you buy a certain amount and get a ‘freebie’. First it was glassware / wine glasses. Next pots and pans. Next was bakewear. Then dinnerware. Then cutlery. Finally knives. Every week I would get the priviledge of taking my ‘freebie’ home with me. I didn’t want the stuff but spend $25 and you get the next new piece to complete your set. I have an over abundance of this stuff and I kept trying to pawn it off on others who also have the same stuff. Even the store won’t take them back! Argh! So I tried to donate them to the charity organizations in town but was told they have too many to sell! Even the church and soup kitchens have enough and don’t need more. The stuff isn’t pretty (very dark colors and quite heavy stoneware; cheap knives and glassware and the pots and pans are huge beyond belief!). What to do with them other than break them, use them as garden pots? I would rather have had the grocery store give me a discount on items I purchased than send me out with another piece of stemware or another teaspoon or cake fork.
I sometimes think of the Swiss mountain girl Heidi, the book about whom I was read as a child. I think of her freedom and carefree life in a really small house in the Alps. They owned very little in their kitchen cupboards. Crockery were few. To leave to live in town for awhile, Heidi wore all the clothes she owned, in layers. Contrast this with the girl in town who was treated as an invalid in a fancy house with many things. I envied Heidi’s carefree life. -Jean
I have a retro patterned (1950’s) set that I lovingly purchased several years ago and added some pieces to from a thrift store and ebay with 3 sizes of plates, 3 sizes of individual bowls, coffee mugs, tea cups and saucers, and various serving pieces. I have service for 14 (you know – service for 12 and then extras in case something breaks). The most I can entertain comfortably in my small condo is dinner for 6-8 or 10-12 for a buffet or 13+ for cocktails (which has never happened). Although I usually keep it to 6 as more guests stresses me out.
I have no dish washer. Unfortunately I’m lazy and will wait until all 14 plates dinner plates are dirty and piled up in the kitchen for days before I wash them. This totally frustrates me – I hate the mess and I hate the 2 hours of dishwashing the pile and I hate the entire countertop of my tiny kitchen covered in dishes drying. Yet I continue (maybe because my fantasy self has a dishwasher).
Anyway I dream of crisp white dishes from Crate & Barrel with minimal pieces and service for 6 only. Now to get my fantasy self with the program.
Thanks for all the wonderful comments!
For those of you struggling with sentimental china, I just wanted to pass along a resource a reader gave me (I think it was in the Comments section of an old post): there’s a company called “China Baroque” that will make custom jewelry from your old pieces:
http://chinabaroque.com/customorders.php
I haven’t used the service myself. However, I think it sounds like a wonderful way to preserve the sentiment of old china, without it taking up so much space!
Beautifull and as simple as ever…. I live alone, so I manage with one single bamboo bowl for most things hot/cold..etc…
I do however have a stainless steel indian Tiffin (3 tier) which I use for:
– Packed lunch for work
– Food storage in the fridge (as separate containers with their own lids)
– As bowls for guests….
For me its perfect….3 in one… Just wanted to share as its been an invaluable minimalist tool for me since I discovered it in India many years ago..
Missminimalist….greats posts as allways..
Ana_London. :)
I just donated 4 bins of dishes to a thrift store that supports a home for mentally challenged adults. One box was a bunch of my stuff from my china cabinet that I had been lugging around for two years and hadn’t looked at once. The rest of it was my grandmother’s dishes—I don’t feel bad about donating them because I’m not giving away her memory. Her memory is in my head and my heart, not in her things. Besides, I’m hoping someone else will take them home and enjoy them! I’ve been working on getting rid of my stuff alot this year, and it feels great!!!
Miss Minimalist, I love your site and your book too :)
I was going to buy fine china dinnerware, but I decided not to. My own parents don’t use theirs much. And other people have told me that it’s not worth it. Anyway, I decided against it. I have a problem with buying things that aren’t often used.
I have white Corelle dishes and they work just fine with us especially since I have a tendency to be klutzy. Corelle dishes are harder to break.
I was advised that if the time does come when I want to entertain I can just get a nice table linen and nice centerpieces which cost less than an entire set of fine china dinnerware.