Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
Today, we have an inspiring story from Paige Guthrie Hodges. I’m sure many of you will appreciate her insights on living with a non-minimalist spouse! To read more of her thoughts on simple living, please visit her blog or check out her wonderful book, Redefining the Meaning of Wealth: Discovering Prosperity and Fortune in the Unemployment Line.
Paige writes:
Paige Guthrie Hodges
I discovered minimalism in the late 90s when I stumbled across a book titled Simplify Your Life by Elaine St James. Many of the book’s concepts stressed minimalism and I immediately became intrigued. Although my minimalist journey was in its infancy at the time, getting rid of things that no longer served me began to make a real difference in how I felt. Life was much lighter each time I tossed something out that I no longer needed or stopped participating in activities that no longer interested me.
Now although I am a minimalist, my husband is not! He is by no means a hoarder and probably has less than the average American but he does own more than I personally would care to have. And you know what? That’s ok because his preferences haven’t stopped me from embracing minimalism. If anything, living with someone who could care less about fitting all his earthly possessions into one small box has taught me the art of compromise and that the world is not all about me. I love my husband very much so leaving him so I can go sit in an empty space all by my lonesome with my laptop and seven outfits would be ridiculous.
My husband is an IT guy by profession and hobby. As you can probably guess, he has lots of computers and all kinds of geeky gadgets. Being accepting and tolerant of his choices has made me less judgmental and more tolerant and accepting of those who choose different paths. I have learned that minimalism is not a contest to see who can own the less but a practice that enhances our spirit.
How do two people with such different philosophies work it all out? He lets me do my thing and I let him do his. Oh and did I mention compromise? Lots and lots of compromises are involved but we always manage to find a solution that works for both of us. He has one special room designated for all his computer equipment and books. I never say anything about his stuff or the way the room is arranged as I understand it is his space. We are lucky to have two bathrooms and one is to his liking and one to mine. Although they are shared areas, I get to call the shots on how the bedroom, kitchen, and living room are arranged. As you can probably imagine, these rooms are sparsely furnished and clutter free.
I also concentrate on living by example and have watched my husband over the years gradually get rid of things that no longer serve him. I’m always happy when he does this but not because it validates my beliefs and makes me “right”. His life becomes easier when he’s not so bogged down with material stuff and I enjoy seeing him reap the benefits of minimalism when it’s appropriate for him.
I feel minimalism is a concept that is very timely given the world’s present economic condition. I don’t think the economy is going to get quote “better” in the traditional sense but I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. The economy is probably going to transition into something different. The way we have been living has not been genuine and a lot of the so called wealth has just been a lot of little numbers that aren’t really backed up with anything of value. I think our economy and way of life is slowly changing and we are all going to have to move in this direction, even those with huge amounts of monetary wealth. I feel that practicing minimalism is the best way to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually for what’s ahead. I don’t see living with less as lowering my standard of living but raising my standard of living so I can have more time to enjoy what really matters.
If you would like to learn more about my views on alternative ways to define wealth, I invite you visit my blog Redefining The Meaning of Wealth.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Thank you, Paige, for your inspiring story, it felt good to hear from you.
You really seem to have found balance in your life – a true balance in the particular circumstances that you live in and not a control-over-everything one. Good for you!
My husband’s also an IT geek and has a room designated to ‘his stuff’. However, I don’t have your attitude of ‘live and let live’ down just yet, but am working on it, i.e. my being too much of a Con-Troll freak :D
Paige, this was wonderful to read.
The second last paragraph strikes me as the most important and I agree whole-heartedly with it: from an economic stance, an environmental stance and just plain old common sense, the world has to change.
Going to pop over to your website now.
Karen (Scotland)
Ahh my two favourite Minimalist Women!!
Great post Paige, very inspiring.
To those out there reading the comments section, Paiges book is great and has a place on my bookshelf along with The Joy of Less. Its a great read and really gives you points to think about.
Great work ladies.
Sara (Sydney)
having minimalized myself when time is of the essence not having to search for things makes life easier. everything in it’s place,just so easy to grab the items and go. francine is to be praised for raising the awareness of this lifestyle and how we all need to be conscious of our consumption and not wasting natural resources. i applaud paige as i have found the same compromise living with a non-minimalisist, keeping the peace & the love.
jan
The economy is probably going to transition into something different. The way we have been living has not been genuine and a lot of the so called wealth has just been a lot of little numbers that aren’t really backed up with anything of value. I think our economy and way of life is slowly changing and we are all going to have to move in this direction, even those with huge amounts of monetary wealth.
I’ve thought this for a long time…I think the “new economy” presents an opportunity for meaningful change…but that it takes courage to get there.
Your attitude is inspiring, but I find it very challenging to live with a non-minimalist in a studio apartment. And it’s not even that I hate all his stuff, I just don’t want to look at the clutter in our small space. The changes I’ve made have inspired him, but he still loves his stuff, and he loves his stuff more than he wants to get out of debt. This has been hard to reconcile…
I am the only minimalist in my home, so I hear you, Paige. Great story. Thanks for posting.
I agree- it IS all about the compromise. I too have a husband who likes to have more than I would prefer. He does let me ask him to go through things, but in the end, the decisions of what to keep are his only. We have two little ones, who we allow to make decisions about what to keep and what to get rid of. Although, I do go through their stuff without help at times, but only because they are so young and would opt to keep EVERYTHING. I truly hope that once they are old enough, they too can make their own decisions about “stuff”. I really love your philosophy and balance and can’t wait to check out your blog :) Thanks for the great read!
I found this really interesting, as I’d noticed that “simplicity” has turned into “minimalism”, more or less!
When I first got on the net in the late 90s, I went looking for simplicity and frugality (I had young children at the time) and Elaine St. James’ books are on my shelves, too, along with Janet Luhrs et al – although even at that time, I marvelled at what American lives must be like if these people had so much to switch off and reduce; things never really got that bad in Europe!
Anyway, life moved on, and although I took a lot to heart and acted upon it with some success, I gradually stopped following the people and the sites because I’d seen most of what was available in the way of encouragement and inspiration and a lot had become automatic for me in my everyday way of life.
Fast forward a few years and a chance link took me back to what is now known as minimalism, quite a different concept to that which I know as minimalism, purely in the design sense (and the Swiss are not only minimalist designers, they are, as a people, pretty minimalistic!) and very stark interiors. This time round, I’m pleased to find a whole new generation, though I do occasionally smile and think to myself I will be happy to hear from you youngsters in another 10 years when life has caught up with you, but in the main, it’s nice to be able to check into sites like this one for reminders of the direction I like going in, so thanks! (…and fatal if you start reading people’s archives – many happy hours spent doing that!!)
I really appreciated your post. There are so many good lessons within it, such as lifestyle is a personal preference and should be smug-free. I think I was a born minimalist. I just don’t need or want much and feel smothered when in areas that I feel are too ornated or I perceive there to be too much stuff.
Your comments about the economy reminded me of the Danish. Whenever there is a happiness study done, the Danes seem to be on top or near the top of the list. It is not that they are the wealthiest, (they aren’t), but that they find happiness and satisfaction in life through their quality of life and not material possessions, (my paraphrasing).
Great story you have! Interesting to hear how you two have learned to compromise. And isn’t that what relationships are all about anyway? Love how you have worked out the different areas of your home! My husband and I are not at the same place on our journey to minimalism, but we are traveling together!
Bernice
Why don’t you just DO what you are supposed to?
I also have Elaine St. James’ book. It’s one of the things that I refuse to purge, since it has so many good tips.
My poor husband is actually the minimalist in my home. He moved into my condo with a very small amount of stuff, which I shoved everything in the basement since I had no room in my 1200 sq foot condo for his stuff.
It has taken me a while to get to where I am, and I still feel I have a long way to go to declutter. However I feel that I’m finally in the right mindset to let go of the excess. I just need to accept that I’m not going to get a high dollar value for reselling expensive items, and I also need to get over the romantic idea of finding the perfect home for my objects.
Thank you so much Miss Minimalist for letting me share my story with your wonderful community of readers.
To all of you who have commented: I really appreciate everyone’s kind words and the sharing of your thoughts and experiences. It’s also good to know I’m not the only one with a non-minimalist spouse! :)
Hi Paige, I not only have Elaine St. James’s book “Simplify Your Life” but my story is on page 25 of “Living the Simple Life”, her sequel. I think you and I are about the same age and although I naturally am a minimalist and that was a new thing back then, I credit her for leading some of us 90’s yuppies back to the basics in life. Her story was so much like most of us yuppies who had money and things but felt overwhelmed and ditched it all. It’s so nice to bump into a modern website with Miss Minimalist and enjoy the younger people’s view of minimalism. It truly is a lifelong journey. Thanks for letting me reminisce about the 90’s and remembering how far we’ve come as minimalists.
Just ordered your book on Amazon!
What a great, timely article! I love the last paragraph especially. These economic times are particularly scary and so it’s nice to be able to learn to cut back and realize what really matters & what really defines wealth (Paige, I read your website on that. Love it!!!) I am in the last year of my 20s and moving in several weeks across the country with just what I can fit in my car. It is so liberating! The local consignment shop loves me :)Yet my family (my parents who I’m living with at the moment) think that I’m cutting my stuff back a little too far, but that’s ok, because I love it! I’m a reform(ing) shopper, so I really hope to not stack up possessions again once I’m settled. In fact, I already have a strategy or two in place in case I feel the urge :) Thanks for continuing this great website!
“I feel that practicing minimalism is the best way to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually for what’s ahead.”
Very true. Thanks for the insight.
Paige wrote:
“I have learned that minimalism is not a contest to see who can own the less but a practice that enhances our spirit.”
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Couldn;t have said it better myself, Paige. I also agree that leading by example is the best way. Thanks for sharing!
Paige: I love your story, and it really struck a chord in my life. Since starting this journey in May, my husband hasn’t really been too enthusiastic to jump aboard. But. . I have found that it’s okay with me. I’m more compassionate since starting to live more simply. My husband’s hobby is restoring his 1956 chevy. As you can imagine, it consumes our garage. That used to be a very sore spot for me. When I walked through the garage, I could feel it closing in, and it made me uptight. He would inevitably put heavy car parts in front of my stuff, and I couldn’t reach or get to my things. So aha, I decided to de-clutter all of my belongings out of the garage. He was glad to help me do that. It didn’t take long, and now the garage is all his stuff — it’s his mess, it’s his car parts, and it’s his domain. And I discovered that now, I couldn’t care less about the garage. I walk through, and know that it’s not my stuff, and that feels so good.
I condensed my side of the closet down to a nifty little 33 articles in order to participate in Project 333 (33 articles of clothing for 3 months). My side of the closet is gorgeous and spacious. His side is jam-packed with (are you ready?) 30 t-shirts that he claims to love and wear every single one of them. That’s okay with me. I just smile, close his side of the closet doors, but I leave my side open, because I enjoy looking at the condensed, neat little wardrobe that I’ve made for myself!
Thanks for sharing, Paige!
I also used Elaine St James’ book when I first started to simply my life. 35 boxes/bags went to the library’s yard sale that first year. Now I follow Francine’s advice…it didn’t end with that first purge. I continue to declutter, sort & eliminate periodically through the year. Of course it’s best not to accumulate stuff in the first place!
My husband’s hobby is restoring cars. I’ve finally learned to back off and allow him to have his space. This, of course, is after a few fights and some thinking and realization that everyone is on a different path. I can’t change his passion and it would never be right to do so, so I need to just let this part of our lives ‘be’. I feel much happier for it – And I know he does too!
We agreed that I am allowed to run the house as I please, which is a relief for me as I am a stay at home mum and practically here 24 hours a day. I need for it to be clutter free and tidy on a continuous basis.
I really enjoyed your post Paige. I will be having a look at your book and the other book by Elaine St James. The only minimalist book I have on my shelf is Francine Jay’s ‘the joy of less’.
Best of luck on your journey Paige. :)
Thank you all so much for your supportive comments and for sharing your stories. This has been so much fun. I wish I could speak to all of you personally and exchange ideas and experiences. You are all welcome to contact me anytime at paige@redefiningthemeaningofwealth.com. I love having dialogue with people and have met so many wonderful friends online.
Speaking of online friends, I have never met Miss Minimalist in person but do consider her a friend. She has been so supportive to me over the past year in so may ways from publishing my book to tips on how to run my blog. I can’t acknowledge her enough for her support and kindness. You are a class act Francine!
Thank you, Paige {blush} — you’re too sweet. I’m so grateful for all your support as well!
When I first met my husband to be a few years ago we had the opposite thing going on. He had little physical possessions. After spending 10 years in Nepal and summit-ting Mt Everest in the that time, he learned from Llamas, Sherpas and others that too much equipment was a hindrance. He’s carried what he learned into the commercial world of the US when he came back to set up his home.
I on the other hand had four full closets of clothes just for myself, a 3 car garage full of toys, no room for the 2 cars I owned for myself to just begin a description of my “things”.
I’m soooo happy his way rubbed off on me in a very big way. I sold most of it. Moved to Hawaii, and have one of the things I use all the time, one small closet of cloths, no dresser drawers full of anything and am very happy about it all!
I keep finding things to give away, about one big bag every week. I just took a pile of books and magazines to the library. My husband has been parting with his stuff, just not as fast as I woul like. My friends are still buying vast amounts of clothing, purses, and other accessories.
I can shop with them and spend nothing.
In my quest to find things to give away, I am finding things I didn’t know I had. The other day I found some instruction books for a hobby I have given up. There are some things I need to throw out, and some to recycle. Whenever I read your blog, I go clean something I haven’t looked at in a while.
Another big bag full for Goodwill. Next week, I will find enough to fill another bag or box. I know there is still too much stuff here. As I continue to declutter, I realize how much I don’t need or want.
I find that minimalism is a journey. I have a large set of dishes my husband wanted to keep because he thought they were his Mom’s. Now we have asked other relatives and they are not so I can give some away. Slowly more is leaving and more cupboards will be empty. Maybe I will be down to just a few cabinets and they will be 1/2 empty.
Steadily clearing out more and more and buying very little makes a difference. I have a lot of houseplants, but in the summer they are on the balcony. I give away a lot of cuttings so I don’t have a jungle.
My art is on display at a local museum and I have been asked to teach some classes. None of my tools or supplies were bought new. I find there is so much being discarded that I keep just what I need and continue to give away bags and bags of things I don’t need.Historically, artists didn’t buy bags and bags of plastic trash to create with.
I love your idea of modules. I have one for each craft. They are plastic shoeboxes that stack.I.give the excess away. We cleared an entire wall by emptying a huge bookcase. I am giving more away each week. It is a great feeling.