I’ve been decluttering for a long time now, and have pared down my possessions to quite a minimal level. Consequently, people often ask me if I’ve ever regretted getting rid of certain items. Surely, in over ten years, there must be something I wish I hadn’t purged.
It may seem unbelievable, but to be perfectly honest, I have no regrets. I can’t think of a single thing that I long to have back in my life. I don’t miss any of the clothes, the books, the heirlooms, the tchotchkes, the shoes, the handbags, or the kitchen gadgets I decided I could live without.
Perhaps I just have a short memory. Maybe if I had photographed each castoff, I’d look back through the memories and wax nostalgic about a long-lost sweater or hastily-decluttered pasta pot. I highly doubt it, though. If these things truly had a special place in my life, the least I’d be able to do is remember them!
One of the biggest barriers to decluttering is the nagging feeling that you’ll regret giving something away. Take heart in the fact that the odds are pretty slim. Chances are, you’ll forget about that item pretty quickly once it leaves your premises. I’d have a hard time listing what I decluttered last year, let alone five or ten years ago.
And in the off-chance that you do, what’s the worst that’ll happen? You’ll have to go out and buy another? Sometimes that’s not such a bad thing. Recently, I’ve been toying with the idea of buying a digitizing (drawing) tablet, so that I can illustrate my future books. Several years ago, I owned (and decluttered) one—but no, I’m not pining for the old thing. I know that even if I had it, the technology has advanced to such an extent that I’d probably find it inadequate anyway. Even if it were sitting here next to me, I’d be browsing the internet for one with better features than my 5+ year-old model. And it certainly wouldn’t have been worth dragging around with me (or storing) all these years in the interim.
Still finding it hard to let go? Here are some tips on minimizing regrets:
1. Photograph sentimental items. In the fog of nostalgia, sometimes we remember objects as nicer than they actually were. A digital pic can be a great reminder that that velvet Elvis was no masterpiece. Photos also make great substitutes for such items—a snapshot of your aunt’s snowglobe collection brings back the same memories as having them displayed across your mantel (or packed away in your attic!).
2. Consider technology. Are you saving that old cell phone, monitor, or digital camera in case your new one bites the dust? At that point, will it really be up-to-snuff (or even functional)? Perhaps it would be better for someone else to use it now, and you can acquire a new and improved model when you need a replacement. I know I certainly wouldn’t replace a defunct laser printer with a dot matrix from the garage.
3. Do a trial separation. Box up questionable items for six months (or even a year, if it makes you feel better). If you haven’t missed them in that time frame, you probably won’t miss them at all. Consider donating the contents, unopened, so you won’t need to go through a new round of deliberation.
4. Get some money for it. Whether it’s a tech gadget you no longer use, a designer outfit that no longer fits, or a piece of jewelry that’s no longer your taste, sell it. That way, you can use the proceeds towards a (new and better) replacement if the need arises in the future.
5. Do good with your clutter. Donate your castoffs to someone in need. You’ll be much less likely to regret purging something if it’s brought joy or assistance to another person.
6. Value your space. Sure, if you get rid of 100 items, you might find need for one of them down the road. But look at all that glorious space you’ve enjoyed in the meantime! Much better to acquire that one replacement when needed, than keep drawers and closets stuffed with scores of “just in cases.”
7. Put it in perspective. Do you rue the day you decluttered your apple corer? It’s really not the end of the world. Go out and buy a new one—and think of the new appreciation you’ll have for the value it adds to your life.
So, what about you: do you have any decluttering regrets? Or do you find that once something’s out of sight, it’s also out of mind? Please share your experiences in the Comments!
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Even after purging many things from my home I still sometime feel that I will have regret in future. But then “keeping things in box” strategy always works for me. I fill the box with the stuff I don’t want anymore and keep the box closed for about month or two. During this time whatever comes out as a need remains with me until again I feel I don’t need it. If nothing comes out then I donate the box without opening. Luckily till date I have not purchased anything that I purged, do not have regret and I even forgot more than 95% of the things that I purged.:)
Stunning. I will forward this to some friends who are finding it hard to let go.
I’m very forgetful so it’s easier for me to get rid of things – usually I forgot I had them in the first place!!!!
Love your comment!
The only time I have ever regretted decluttering anything (and I’ve got rid of all kinds of sentimental type stuff) was when I really needed sellotape to tape up a parcel and a few months before I had got rid of practically all my stationery stuff because it hardly got used! Imagine, sellotape of all things. The solution? I went out and bought some more. No biggie.
I really like this post! Now if I could get my husband to agree – LOL.
Thanks for this! I’ll forward it to my Mom who can’t take it with her! Might need and antique are her two anti-decluttering phrases.
Of all the things I’ve gotten rid of, the only two regrets were, oddly enough, a bottle of baby powder (to deodorize a pair of shoes) and a pair of leggings. Both have since been inexpensively replaced. If I ever have a hard time deciding whether to take something to Goodwill, I think to myself, “This [item] will make someone very happy to have it”. Or I’ll think to myself, “Once you get rid of it, you won’t even miss it,” which has been true pretty much every time.
By the way, I definitely agree with #6!
So true! I’ve gotten rid of so much in the last year and I honestly can say I don’t regret giving any of it away. It’s true, too, I can’t remember every single thing I’ve donated or sold. In fact, even if I try hard to think about it, my mind is a blank! That’s very encouraging to me that I’m on my right path. Just this morning, I decided to limit (to one shelf in my kitchen) all of my dishes. And I’ve got Vietnam Veterans of America stopping by on Monday once again!
The faith that one can get rid of an item-and then buy an upgrade if the need reveals itself- is why a lot of people critisize the “new minimalism”.
You’ve probably seen a lot of the, “minimalism is for the affluent” criticisms. While I think that is just silly, absurd really..your most recent post does give me pause. It’s something to meditate on.
Affluence, faith, scarcity…
I agree. I had this conversation and anybody who has known true poverty will not simply give things away for the sake of getting rid of it and having less. Moreover, it’s more difficult to give things away once you learn that much of what is donated is, in fact, tossed by organizations such as Goodwill because of their inability to sell the goods.
That attitude can be very counterproductive, though, to someone who is actually poor. I gave away most of my stuff because there’s no room to store it all in my new place – I am saving $1500/month as a result. Sure, I don’t have a collection of used string or old jars – there’s no room – but for $1500/month, I can buy a jar if I want one.
Note that the Depression-era mentality of saving everything only works if living space is cheap. If you’ve got a big house that’s all paid for, sure – hoard to your heart’s content. Most of the “new poor”, though, do not have real estate that’s all paid for where they can hoard old newspapers and bits of string. They move frequently. Occasionally, they hit some hard times and live with roommates. This is not the sort of situation where a hoarder mentality will be helpful – this is the sort of situation where you need to travel light.
Getting rid of an item just for the sake of purging stuff or striving to “be minimalist” is just as wasteful as keeping or hoarding items you don’t use on a daily or weekly basis. I think the concept to stay with in regards to evaluating things and their place in your life is: do they provide value equal to or greater than the care/maintenance required of them, or do they not? Depression-era folks, from my understanding, and the extremely poor, from my experience, did/do not just “hoard” or “save” things out of fear of “maybe needing them someday”; rather they were frugal and made absolute best use of all resources they had, yes, out of necessity; but perhaps in our current state of affluence, we would to well to learn these lessons again: sustainability, reuse, recycle, etc is grounded in not wasting resources. I think this is primarily the aim of the “minimalist” movement, though some seem to get lost in the quest rather than taking real stock in why they are doing what they are doing. When there is a driving purpose behind something, it becomes less a meaningless exercise and more a tool for real growth. For example, if you want more time in your life to pursue your passions, you may desire to spend less time not only working to acquire things you really don’t need. (This an example for the financially “comfortable” crowd.) On the other hand, if you are working two jobs and struggling to put food on the table and keep a roof over your head, you may want less “stuff” to take care of and minimizing your belongings may provide you with more time to rest and care for yourself and/or your family.
It is also notable that people in poverty (in this country at least) are in poverty primarily BECAUSE they are in a “poverty” mindset and not parting with stuff because you “might need it someday” or because of fear of not having enough money to replace something you might need in the future, basically all stems from the belief that “there is not enough.” When we release this fear, which can be VERY challenging to do, especially if you have and//or continue to experience real poverty ( and I do not mean not having money for a car or cable tv, I mean not having enough money to pay for housing or food), we free ourselves to experience the natural abundance of the universe. I speak on this from the perspective of someone who grew up in real American poverty (distinctly different from African poverty for example) and has struggled with stages of lack and abundance much of my adult life, so I empathize with the challenge of adjusting your thinking when it is so engrained. But, I do believe that embracing minimalism, in the true sense: taking the time to evaluate what you really need and what is unnecessary can really help you appreciate all you already have, which in turn releases some of the “not enough” belief you are living under. Growing up and being monetarily poor much of my life has taught me much about gratitude, the generosity of the human spirit, and understanding what you can live without and what is truly necessary, and I am grateful for those lessons. But this does not mean I need to hold onto poverty to experience these things any longer.
Superb.
Yes, this is the hardest part for me with minimalism. There are so many things that I can ‘probably’ put to use in a different way (like old clothes become rags) that other people might otherwise just toss in the bin when they come across it (especially charities). It makes it harder to part with knowing it will be put into our landfills because people are just not into re-purposing as they used to be. Then I start to feel really wasteful. :(
I mean, EVENTUALLY, everything you own (and get rid of) can be put to use if you just try. I can use those old clothes as cleaning rags and I can use that book for a specific study lesson for the kids and I can use that apple corer instead of my knife when preparing apples….
I suppose the question is: But will I?
I have a hard time distinguishing from the ‘I can’ but ‘Will I’? Then I start to feel a little lazy or that I’m not making enough of the resources which have been given to me. I feel like I’m caving in to the ‘disposable’ mentality that people have. ‘It’s okay I’ll get rid of it now, but if I need it later on I’ll just go out and buy another one. When I don’t need that one any more, I’ll pass it on’. Lather, rinse, repeat. If that’s what minimalism means for a lot of folks, then I don’t want to be a part of it. :( It is really wasteful to have an attitude like that.
As you can see, I’m still struggling with this whole minimalist thing. I have so many children’s clothes that looking at them makes me feel sick because I’ve been staring at them for 6 years now (as they’ve been worn over and over again by all the children i.e passed down from child to child). They look quite sorry but can STILL be worn and I feel so damn guilty about wanting to throw them away simply because they are no longer aesthetically pleasing to me. I know no one else would use them even though they still function as tops and pants (which is the most important part). They are just thinning and are stained etc, but will still cover their bodies and keep them warm in winter when a couple layers are worn together. I mean, in a world where many go without appropriate clothing, isn’t just silly and wasteful to throw them away because they no longer look good to me? I keep thinking of the two criteria it has to meet ‘beautiful and useful’.
Any opinions? Any similar issues? This has been my only hold back with minimalism.
I think the main point in minimalism is that you don’t purchase all those things in the first place. If you own but one nightgown, wear it until it’s really torn, you won’t have to wonder about tons of ‘cleaning rags’.
Of course, most of us did purchase quite a lot already – too much, probably. Still, I do find it easy to pass on things, some have to wait for a bit longer, but I almost always find someone who has good use for them. E.g. I pass on my excess kitchenware and furniture to new students who only just moved here – often also to foreign student who only just arrived by plane. They’re always really happy to get some usable dishes or pots, even if they don’t look new anymore.
Fabric gets good use in kindergartens or day care for children, ‘funny’ garments can please school theatre groups and so on.
My own excess garments in good condition have been sold or donated to Oxfam (and I regularly visit this shop and did see all my things for sale so far, so I do believe that they sell what they get, if it’s still in good condition) – I dye things with stains and torn things add to my sewing supplies and are still used in various ways (bags, shoppers, washable face pads etc. )
Also there are homes for asylum seekers and the people there happily take used clothes, kitchenware and almost anything else, as they arrive with neither possessions nor money.
Though you maybe can’t trust big charity organisations, you can very well find ways to find individual persons who are happy about the things you don’t need anymore.
And I don’t think it’s wasteful to pass on things. As well as I give my excess dishes to people who lack them at the moment, I stock up on used dishes as well. Friends or family members pass them on to me or I look through charity shops myself – or buy used on ebay or fleemarkets, if I can’t find it there. It’s not more wasteful if things are used in turns by different people than if everyone sits on his or her pile of unnecessary items only to keep them for later.
My father-in-law lived through the depression. Him and my mother-in-law only threw away 1-2 bags of garbage a year. The rest they composted, recycled, reused, or kept. The composted, recycled, reused, part was good. The kept part was bad. They probably only lived in 1/3 – 1/4 of there large living space, because the rest was full of old mattresses, papers, broken refrigerators, etc… My father-in-law was terrified to get rid of anything. He saved money, but he also lost it because of his fear to let things go and in one particular case, a lot of money was lost because of how intrenched he was in his house of stuff.
I think the point is that you can’t be afraid to de-clutter because you might make a mistake. And that making a mistake is okay and the damage is not as big as you think it might be if you put it into prospective. After all, we are trying to narrow our possessions down to what we love and what is truly useful and not keep acquiring new stuff.
My husband has hoarder tendencies and I am more the minimalist. We have both been poor together and now we are not. Even when I was poor, I purged stuff that I found I did not need. My husband would fill the holes I made with his stuff, usually something free he found in a dumpster. There are an amazing amount of things for free to those who look, the only problem is when you keep the stuff you do not need. There were smaller apartments that would have been better for our financial situation, but he insisted on housing his stuff just in case we needed it. What we needed was to pay less rent. All the just in case stuff was costing more (a couple hundred a month) to house than they were worth.
I did finally get him to part with his 7 tube computer monitors in exchange for buying him a flat screen and some other things. He got a little better, but when his father died. I will give my husband credit here. He asked me to help him decide what to keep and what to let go of. This all went fine until his brother, who was going to take all the big tools decided not to at the last minute. (We were working under a time limit). He ended up keeping all the tools.
We currently own a three story townhouse.The first floor is where the garage and back room are. The first floor is packed tightly with all of my husbands stuff. My domain is upstairs and I generally try to ignore downstairs. What I observe is that he spends all his time upstairs, because downstairs is so crowded full of stuff he is unable to use or enjoy much of it, or even walk through it. He has some much cool equipment he could be using that he can’t. There’s hope, he did try to get rid of the extra trash can so he could more easily park his motorcycle in the garage without hurting himself. For once the tables flipped and I stopped him. I am growing potatoes in that trashcan around back. Nothing wrong with keeping something you KNOW you will use.
Yes, it is a waste to get rid of something you thought you would not use, only to have to go out and buy another one. But hoarding to the point there you can’t use what you have seems a greater waste. Minimalism to me is getting rid of the stuff that keeps me from what is important to me.
True.
One more thing: the more I get rid of things, the more I enjoy the things I keep. I didn’t even look at the pile of books, I haven’t read yet that used to linger around here. Now that I got rid of most of them and there are only a few left to read, it doesn’t seem to become ‘work’ any longer and I get back to actually looking forward to read them.
I second this! I enjoy the things I keep more, the space I live in more, AND the increase in time I do not have to spend cleaning, organizing, and generally “dealing with” all of this extra “stuff.”
And the box idea. Have done this with clothes and it always works! Mostly I find I am afraid I will not have something to wear for a particular occasion, but the reason I never wore the stuff in the first place was because it didn’t fit well, flatter me, or complement the rest of my wardrobe. Only once over the past years I have been working on this, have I gone back to a box and taken out something I “needed”. Once. And I have done this box thing at least 10-15 times.
I agree. I feel quite anxious about the obligation to retain & read what passes by me. I cancelled my newspaper subscription & dont look at junk mail anymore.
Due to my stage in life with young kids i am now revaluating stuff. As much as i used to like reading books (i read everynight to my kids), i will have to wait until a lazy holiday or retirement in some 20 odd years. So not a lot of point having books on my shelf collecting dust when someone else could be reading them!
Regrets? Ive had a few namely Star Wars, Lego & Meccano. I should of kept them in their original box!!
Amazon Kindle: the ultimate declutterer, which also helps remove a bookshelf.
Did you hear that Ikea are making their Billy range of bookshelves deeper because more and more people are getting rid of their physical book collections and using the shelf space to display ornaments etc.?
Good list Francine!
Number 3 – put away in a box… that is part of the show Consumed I was telling you about.
I’ve written about that concept and my own philosophy on being clear of clutter and well organized.
http://wp.me/p1lQUh-58
A theme for me is not looking back – every day is my best day so that’s the time I wish to look at, not in the past. Clearing clutter clears the soul and makes room for beautiful new moments :-)
In all my years of decluttering, there are two things I have regretted giving away – A bunny from my childhood and a very rare Disney book, also from my childhood (out of print, can’t even find a second hand copy in three years of searching). I think about them from time to time just out of nowhere. :( In a hastily made decision of ‘time to grow up now!’ I gave them away to the local Children’s Hospital. Okay, so it’s not all bad – some child derived pleasure out of them but how I wish I kept those two items for my own children. My third child would have cherished the bunny to bits and pieces and my other two would have relished over my Disney book. I only know this NOW after watching them grow and seeing their interests unfold. Hindsight is always 20/20.
The rest of the pile? Not an ounce of regret.
Quietlysoftly,
While I agree that to constantly replace something that you get rid of can be wasteful and that many cannot afford to do that, the point of the post was that most of the time, we find that we don’t NEED to replace the things we get rid of, which shows that we didn’t really need those things in the first place. :-)
“… I know that even if I had it, the technology has advanced to such an extent that I’d probably find it inadequate anyway.”
So true! I kept all my old (and treasured) 35mm SLR cameras and film processing equipment for more than a decade. A decade where it wasn’t used as I’d wholeheartedly embraced digital photography. Carefully stored and it took up a lot of space. I felt so guilty not using it! Finally, I convinced myself to eBay it before it lost any more value, reasoning that someone somewhere out there might still want it. They did and I unloaded it before the value decreased even further. What a relief! Big lesson to not hold on to older technology.
I’ve been slowly decluttering for 10 years and I’ve missed a surprisingly few number of things. The only ones I actually regret are all books. Sometimes my interests have moved on and I let go of books. I’ve gotten rid of hundreds of books and there are about 10 that I regret and cannot find again (at least for any kind of sane price). But that’s it.
(actually I’ve also regretted getting rid of clothing that falls firmly into “aspirational clutter”, but have changed sizes since then so I’ve been able to let go of that regret. Funny, really–I have not gone out and bought new clothing of that kind and the size change “allowed” me to let go. So it really was just all in my head and not something I should have wasted time regretting.)
As for household items, I have never really regretted getting rid of anything. There were a few items that I felt would have been nice to have kept, but not worth replacing. For the Garage/shop, that is a different matter. Getting rid of material or tools has often caused regret. When in the middle of a job and needing a piece of metal, or some obscure tool that I never thought would be useful is quite infuriating. Quite often parts and tools can be modified to fit the purpose you need now, rather than the purpose they were originally intended for. An exact replacement is seldom really an option, and the job has to be finished with a different improvisation. If I have to go to a store to get something, it really delays a project, and can suck up an amazing amount of time. Of course, if I kept EVERYTHING I would need a warehouse so the regrets are just something to learn to live with.
I have no regrets about anything I have decluttered. I have one jacket that is sitting in the closet with the hanger turned the wrong way. If in 3 months that hanger is still turned the wrong way, it will go to. My husband gave me that jacket while we were dating and so goes the sentimental value issue. My next project is to sit my adult children down to ask them which children’s books they want to keep, (some are rare and/or out of print). The rest of the books will go to the Friends of the Library foundation. Last month, I boxed up a ton of office/school supplies and gave them to an organization that was actively collecting items for children in need, at the beginning of the school year. There was no sentimentality attached to that stuff; it was just a big chore to take things from three different places and organize those spaces while purging, as well as organize the supplies. It was one of those jobs I was dreading, but I am so happy I did it.
My rule is that if something comes in, something goes out. I bought new sheets to replace some rather tattered ones and used the huge box it came it to purge, purge, purge. So in that case, more went out than came in.
Fab tip about the hangers! Will definitely be trying this.
I regretted donating something a couple years ago. The funny thing is I can’t for the life of me remember what it was! LOL
#7. HA! I once donated a really nice apple corer/peeler/slicer. I had a hard time letting it go, but honestly I haven’t had a use for it since it left. I think that was really just a financial regret, wishing I hadn’t wasted the money on it to begin with. Kind of like hanging on to corporate stock shares that you regret buying because they’ve gone down so much in price. I’ve discovered letting go of those (like physical things) is really life-enhancing.
No regrets here. Once I get over the hump and let something go, I forget it.
Good post.
I’ve had a couple of decluttering regrets over the years – some books I missed after getting rid of them. I’m a bit unhappy to admit that I actually have replaced one or two, but having learned their value to me I’m now holding on to them. And recently, a vegetable peeler that went missing by accident and hasn’t turned up – we didn’t mean to declutter it, since it’s in constant use in our home! :) So that’s something we’ll want to replace.
A good post, once again. It made me realize now that at the moment I don’t have any regrets over anything I’ve consciously gotten rid of, on the contrary I’m thinking what else I can let go. I find that empty space(number 6 on the list) is so soothing and relaxing that I do value it enormously.
I have this fear too, but I think it’s because my mom always encourages me to hold onto things “just in case…you might regret it.” I love my mom, but she is the antithesis of what I am! There are only a few things I’d find it hard to part with, but in those circumstances, I encourage people to give said items to relatives or people close to them. It’s so much nicer when I see something my kids enjoyed or I loved used lovingly by someone near to my heart! Plus, you get the chance to visit the item!
Doing good with my clutter always helps me. It’s easier to let go of my things if I know it’s all going to someone who really needs it or wants it.
A trial separation works wonders, too. I do that for my husband. We sure get a good laugh when months or even just weeks later he can’t remember what I made him put in a box! And he knows he obviously doesn’t want or need whatever it is. :)
Francine: I absolutely love this post. After initially starting this journey in May and the BIG overhaul and declutter, I decided to donate one FULL box per month through the end of the year. It’s been an amazing goal, because although, I feel like I’ve really gotten rid of a BUNCH of unnecessary stuff, I still am ready and excited to find at least one more box each month. Last night as I was working on September’s box, I thought, “Do I regret getting rid of anything yet?” And the answer was no. I don’t have any regrets, I only have feelings of lightness and happiness. I have a doll collection which I want to part with, some family heirlooms, and some quilts that I made in the 1990’s and 2000’s. I have been wondering what to do with these items. It came to me finally! I’m going to invite my family/friends/and little nieces to a tea party, quilt show and family heirloom exhibit in November. Before leaving the party, they must take at least one heirloom/quilt with them! Last month, I called my sister who lives in a different state and asked if by any chance she would be interested in our deceased great aunt’s old antique dishes (which have been boxed and stored in my closet for at least 10 years). She was!!! I quickly boxed them up and sent them on their way. My sister was so happy when she opened the box. Her husband had just bought her a china cabinet and she had nothing to display — voila’! I was thrilled to accommodate her ;-) This is a great journey, and I’ve been amazed that it brings no regrets only happiness!
After decluttering a few hundred items over the past year, I have only regretted getting rid of one thing: the paddle for my ice-cream maker (which I mistook for an attachment to a hand mixer I also got rid of). A good excuse however to get a model that works better.
There are actually 2 things I am “afraid” of, when decluttering.
1. I hate to throw away things that are still in good use, but for some things I just can’t seem to find anyone who wants them. “too old” or “out of fashion” are the most heard arguments. *sigh* (And yes, that goes for charity too, I can’t imagine why. I’d thought if I just lost all my possessions, I’d be glad about anything really … but obviously most people seem to think differently.)
2. Sometimes I am afraid that I will need the things (I’m not talking about electronic gadgets here) when I next move (in 3 years time) and and that I have to pay lots of money to replace them – while I already stored them for 5 years unused. It’s the thought: now I had it stored for 5 years – why not wait another 3, so that you truly know if you won’t need them again? Problem is: I will probably think the same in 3 years time, even if I don’t need them then. So – declutter.
Apart from this I love to throw out all that clutter – and the space I gain. I don’t think I regretted any decluttering yet…
I have one regret: selling my Gameboy collection.
I’m a gamer, and a huge nerd for classic, vintage games. Over time, I built up a large collection of many systems. But it slowly dawned on me that the more I collected, the less I actually played and enjoyed the games. Two years ago, I realized that I didn’t need to own and collect every cartridge or disc for every system ever made. Especially with the Wii Virtual Console; I could download old games and play them on my Wii. Virtually every game in my former collection is on the Virtual Console, and I’ve re-purchased my favorites in digital form.
But the Gameboy collection is another story. I hear Nintendo is planning to allow downloading of Gameboy games on their new 3DS handheld, but it won’t be the same. I adore handheld gaming, and I discovered that, for now, actually handling the physical system and cartridge is important to me. I’m slowly rebuilding my collection with games that I truly miss, and am cherishing each one.
yeah I can relate to that – I’m having a hard time letting go of my dr Who VHS collections – does this make me an elderly nerd-ette?
I bought second hand lids for Tupperware bowls I still use. I don’t know what I was thinking that I didn’t keep the original lids. That’s it. In more than three years that’s all I missed.
And we sorting again right now in preparation for another move. I’m finally getting my husband to get rid of old electronics no one here uses anymore.
Francine,
What an excellent blog post :) To date, one of my favorites.
I came across the concept of minimalism about a year ago and for the past five months (slowly) at first, started getting rid of things. The last two months I have gone into overdrive getting rid of an estimated 3000 items (about half of this has been paperwork about freelance writing that I thought I just HAD to keep). As far as other physical objects go,I do not consider myself to be a materialistic person. I did not own a ton of shoes, clothes, or even wear make-up (unless you consider a touch of mascara and lipgloss once every two months a make-up routine).I don’t have a bunch of high end technology items or drive a luxury car. I rarely shop online. It has been quite a shock to find out in spite of this, I own thousands of unnecessary items. One of the biggest pleasures of my life has been letting things go, piece by piece, and bundle by bundle. I never realized the weight and worry these items were causing my mind, my spirit, and even my body :)
To answer your question, out of all of the items I have donated or sold, I have only regretted (for two days) getting rid of two items. I sold an inexpensive glass table and plastic bench that our family used on the back porch during the summer. I felt that they were not a good fit for our family. We didn’t have chairs that “fit” the table correctly. The plastic bench was just uncomfortable. The day I sold these items at our yard sale I was glad to see them go. I woke up the next day, shocked, when I felt panic at “letting” them go. I realized that these were the only 2 items I got rid of, that we actually used SOMEWHAT. I asked myself why I was feeling afraid and freaked out about these two silly items. I realized that when we used these items we were together, as a family. I also realized that we did not need these two items to experience togetherness as a family. Two days later, my feelings were gone.
Thank you for sharing all of your wonderful blog posts. Every time I receive an email for a new blog post of yours, I feel like I have received a treasure (the kind of treasure I can keep inside, and NOT have to discard).
<3 <3 <3
I have been decluttering for a few months now. I feel this process is much like trying to lose weight, when you get to a certain point it just got stuck and not going down any more. Right now my living space is still quite full and already find it harder and harder to dispose of things, often taking a wait and see approach. Putting them away in a box for sometime is a good idea. Another thing when I cook, it could be just a simple pasta dish but I would need a lot of supporting utencils,
sorry, did not finish my post…. so my kitchen is always left with a mess of many used plates spoons forks etc. for different things during the cooking! … I am trying to find a way when I can cook a meal cleanly and do not have to deal with a big wash up afterwards.
To Sylvia: While what you state about Goodwill may be true, I still donate to them on a regular basis. I do believe many of the items I donate go to people who need and appreciate them. I consider my donation a gift, much like giving a present to someone for his or her birthday. What they do with that gift (keep it, re-gift, or even throw it away) is not my concern. The joy comes from the purge, not from tracking where each item eventually goes.
I’ve been a minimalist for a long time. I think I turned the corner on the debate with myself when I stopped buying stuff. (Well, I’m not perfect at not buying stuff yet, but am closer than I was.) Now when I’m about to buy most stuff my mind automatically starts thinking about getting rid of it before I’ve even paid for it.
I regret getting rid of my blender. That’s about all. I need to get a new one.
The only thing I regretted for a while was a bunch of knitting needles, I used to knit in the 80’s but then gave it up when I took up quilting in 1999. Well I started knitting again a year ago, and guess what, no problem at all to buy a few new pairs. Also they have improved during that time, bamboos, circulars etc, so no I don’t regret anything now and I am still decluttering – 466 items in about a year. People think I am very decluttered but there’s always more!
Francine I love your blog and always check it out on Tuesdays and Fridays.
A friend of mine had to give up her home and move into a single room in workplace accomodation a few years ago. This was a crisis not a free choice and all her belongings which couldn’t fit into the one room were distributed for safe-keeping among several friends over several counties. Time moved on, the situation improved, and my friend had her own home again and was able to bring back her belongings. When she thought about getting into her car and running all over to collect a bunch of stuff she hadn’t missed and could barely remember, she had a revealation; those things which had seemed so important weren’t worth the gas money and the time to collect. She gave her friends free rein to do what they willed with her stuff; keep for themselves, give away etc etc. She never missed a thing. It was incredibly liberating and she wished she’d recognised that she didn’t need this stuff before she burdened her friends with it.
I have some issues with “poverty consciousness” having been raised poor and being pretty hard-up now, so I can agree with some commentators who feel concerns about wastefulness. My personal take on this is to keep consumables which are currently in excess but will be consumed eventually(stationery, toiletries etc) and to recognise that I have an over-supply and better not buy more.
For things which were a mistaken purchase, or don’t fit, either physically or emotionally, I liberate to be used in someone else’s life as I figure keeping them in cupboards and drawers is wasting their usefulness.
There is only one thing I cannot get rid of, and it’s my wedding dress. I still haven’t figured out why. The only real reason I can name is that on every anniversary I put it on to see whether it still fits. It does, even after my 16th anniversary. It doesn’t take a lot of place in my wardrobe, it has been folded, so it stays. If it disappeared one day without me knowing it, I probably wouldn’t miss it. But, hey, I am not so perfect a minimalist yet to get rid of all things unnecessary. So I’ll keep the dress for a while, and then let’s see what happens.
May I add some words from the book “Infinite Self” by one of my favourite authors, Stuart Wilde, taoist and minimalist of the highest level, who once left behind his 400,000 dollar apartment and just dropped the key in the gutter. This book is written in 1996 and has been reprinted 10 times already.
He says:
“People equate security with owning things. The things you own are, for the most part, like nails you put through your foot to keep you well and truly riveted to the floor. It’s stuff. It lumbers you down. Half the stuff you own isn’t worth having because it creates a prison for you, not an open pasture for you to run across.”
And one more:
“My whole life is in two suitcases. I can look at my suitcases and think, “Wow, cool, two suitcases, one for each arm. Three suitcases would be a problem.”
Isn’t that great? I adore him for that.
Wonderful quotes. And I see no reason to get rid of the dress if you like it that much :)
I’ll look into Stuart Wilde, thanks.
One of my fave books is “everyday Tao” by Dianne Dreher.
I tried to read “the monk who sold his ferrari” but don’t like the way it’s written (no offence).
Technology does not suddenly become obsolete just because a new model comes out. Most of my gear is over 5 years old but still works perfectly adequately for my needs. I worked with a ‘broken’ laptop, (bad screen) for about two years with no real problems. The screen displayed certain colors off, so I just tweaked the software to not display those.
If you are struggling to get rid of old personal work, such as artwork, which is too poor to sell or give away. Having a bonfire or taking a hammer to it is a good release, feels different than just throwing it out. Like releasing the creative energy back into the world.
I like that. . . I have some photography I did in college. I didn’t understand then why I got the grade I got. But looking at it now. . . Oh boy. A bonfire, if legal in my area, is just what I think I’ll do with those photos and all the other schoolwork going back almost to junior high school.
I’ve gotten rid of a lot of stuff in the past few years, but I’m trying a new method. What if I box EVERYTHING up and only take out stuff as I use it? Might be a different story for sentimental items (maybe they need a longer time frame before disposal), but for the stuff I merely use it could be the best way to pare down the rest. If I had more space to store things I might not care as much, but at the same time, I like only having stuff that I need or want. I think I’m still holding on to too many practical items that appear useful but aren’t actually being used.
O yeah – and to comment more on this post specifically – I remember regretting getting rid of some clothing and shoes a few times, but it wasn’t that big a deal. Recently I’ve regretted purchases rather than donations. Since I’ve started buying much more expensive items it’s been rougher letting them go. They’re always still in excellent condition and the quality is superb, and when I realize I don’t really need or want them after all I kick myself for spending the money. It was easier to let go of things when they hadn’t cost me much. This is usually in the realm of clothing and shoes because I don’t buy much else these days (not including food and shelter :P).
I love this idea Caroline. We have alot of craft/electrical cords plugs etc that I wonder if we’re keeping because it’s practical and could be used. But will it be used by us? I will think on this some more and see where it takes me. Thanks :)
I have no regrets. Why? Because someone else is using and/or enjoying them.
I once accidentally “decluttered” my favorite running shoes and I still miss them! It happened during our house move and I was getting rid of things quickly so that my husband doesn’t notice. He hates throwing things out but is none the wiser if I do it without him knowing! Other than that accident I never regretted getting rid of anything. If I haven’t used something for awhile, 6months or less out it goes! No second thoughts.
I have been an aspiring minimalist for about 2 years now. I have no regrets of anything I have gotten rid of. However my newest struggle is what to keep of my daughter’s things. I have been careful not to purchase too many sentimental items but my husband and I do plan to have at least one more child. So it is hard to know what to keep (clothes, developmental toys for each stage, etc) for the next kiddo. The stuff is really starting to build up but I have to question, will I regret getting rid of items that will potentially need to be repurchase later?
Hello. In my opinion: DO KEEP what you might need for your next child. I would say, set a future date, eg five years, when you can see where you are & can consider getting rid of those things. But if you are planning another child I would say it is worth storing those items rather then re-purchasing. (I only have one child & I know what you mean about the stuff building up & I did donate all the big items).
As to regrets, there was one, and that was rather a blow. When I first started decluttering and made the first and the deepest cut, I stared for a long time at the pile of things I didn’t really need, and I really could not understand what I had bought it all for. And then I made an approximate calculation of costs, and then came this one and only regret – I had parted with my hard-earned cash FOR WHAT EXACTLY? For this pile of things to stare at and wonder what they were for in my life?
I still have a long way to go as a minimalist, but now I have recognized how little I actually need in my everyday life. But, oh, the money I have spent so senselessly… that’s my only regret now.
By the way, it could be a very interesting question: why do we buy all our unnecessary things for? Because we can? Or because we want security of some sort? Or are we blinded by promise of becoming more beautiful, successful etc?
Yes, this was exactly how I felt as well, especially with my barely touched makeup collection and random impulse purchases.
I could still have those thousands of dollars if I thought twice about purchases back then… I guess everyone has to start there to really feel the blow that all those purchases that we thought would make us happier were really just a waste of money, space and lining others pockets instead of our own.
Now, especially that I am in a worse financial position than I was before, it is much harder to convince me to part with my money and it would not have lasted this long if I was spending like I was 2 years ago.
You are so right, Kurkela. I only regret all of the money I have wasted over the years. I really need so little to be happy! Wish I had learned that a long time ago.
I can’t think of a thing I regret letting go of, I can hardly remember most of it.
It’s funny though, I still wrestle with the “what ifs” fear every time, even when I KNOW I don’t use the item. I’ve been doing some wardrobe decluttering, and spent the summer sorting clothes and was thrilled to have figured out a small wardrobe of clothes I loved to wear. Until I started to box up the rest for Goodwill, and began worrying I’d need them. It took some willpower, even though I knew I was totally happy with what remained. *sigh* so it goes
I can totally empathise with you, Kurkela; I’ve often looked at a purchase which seemed so delightful and essentialat the time and regretted it. Years ago, after a lousy week at the meatpacking plant, I went into town in a state of restless hunger to buy something, anything. I felt that I “deserved” a toy after 40 horrible hours on a production line. I bought a Sony Walkman (like I said, several years ago). Nothing wrong with the machine except I didn’t like having music straight to my ears and barely every used it. I lugged it from home to home and stored it carefully without batteries so it wouldn’t corrode and eventually sold it second-hand for one-seventh of what I’d paid for it. What a waste money, time and energy. Since then, the Walkman has been my personal benchmark for shopping behaviour and has probably helped me avoid some unnecessary purchases, if not all. The best cure that I ever found was staying out of the shops, off the websites and away from the catalogues…….;)
So a few years ago I was engaged, and in one day we broke it off and did not talk for years (Cheating is a horrible thing, do not let someone cheat on you!) Anyway, I boxed up everything that reminded me of him or the future with him and packed it away, starting fresh. It was funny how, once it was all packed up, I was left with a blank space, ready to start over. Fast forward 5 years…I opened up all of the boxes, took pictures of the items, and donated them. I can look through the photographs if I want to, and not have to carry around the past. It is nice to know the photographs can remind me of a beautiful ring, lovely gifts, and the little things collected over the years from one adventure or another. I do not miss the items, because as pretty as the stemware was (for example), and I convince myself that I miss it/regret giving it away, I ask myelf, “Do I really want those in my life now? Do I really want to have relics of the past in my present? No thanks. I cannot imagine why I would ever want to use them! The irony is that although we got them as gifts, never in the past 5 years did I ever think, “If I only had stemware…” so it helps me not accumulate more junk that I will never use, no matter what the occasion!
This is a great post, but I was thrown off by the ‘declutter now, buy later’ attitude. I’m getting my MBA in Sustainable Management, and it’s absolutely shocking to investigate the consumer culture and the impact it has on the earth. A big part of my minimalist experience has been to better the earth. This means not buying things. How do we end up with an apple corer anyway? Because we thought we needed it to begin with? Why can’t we core it with a knife? It just feels like perpetuating the habit of clutter. For me, living minimalistic means not bringing purchases into my house and asking myself if I really need something before I buy it. I always examine everything I give away to make sure I won’t need to replace it later. And if I do have to buy something, I buy used. I think boxing things up for awhile is a great idea-you’ll know if you really need it or miss it, and won’t have to buy another one.
I love you blog though. And I would be a hypocrite if I said I didn’t declutter and have to make a purchase after. I just did a month of ‘buy nothing’ (except food) and it was amazing. I found out how I can live without the consumption mind frame. I just needed to throw out my two cents-that living minimalistically is great, and it also encompassed consumerism.
Great way to purge without guilt. Give the perfectly good items you don’t use to friends/family, particularly someone who is getting a place for the first time or just starting over. Just gave a huge stack of gently used towels to a friend and bought two matching sets for the hubby and I. They look great folded and put away and hey, It only takes a minute to do it.
I have been guilty of holding on to random pots/pans that I technically replaced three years ago because I wanted a matching set? Donated them to the new household too.
Hoping you love where you are.
My mother would throw away her own head if it weren’t attached to her body. She always purged and decluttered, mostly because of her obsession with cleanliness and order. Growing up, I only got one toy a year, so I cherished and loved every one of them. Especially my red-white-and-blue tricycle, which my mom threw away during her last house remodel. I regret that more than anything else. My toddler would have LOVED that tricycle now. As a result, the thought of my childhood memories in a dumpster, makes me hang on to things. Additionally, my body has changed a lot in the past 8 years due to martial arts training, pregnancy, etc., so I am super glad I kept clothes that I thought I could never fit into. I am now wearing things that I bought about 6 years ago, and had not worn in at least 4 years. Given that shopping for clothes is currently impossible with a child in tow, I am super glad I didn’t get rid of my skinny clothes. Replacement would have been out of the question, if only because of the time required to do so.
I put most of my books on half.com and so far sold about 10 or 12 of them. The only one I regretted was a Malcolm Gladwell book I wanted to refer to. But I think they have it at the library. I can go check it out. And really, it wasn’t for a formal paper I needed the info. It’s just I have a yen for trivia.
For those of you taking minimalists to task for saying that they can run out and buy an replacement for any regretted item, what about the option of buying inexpensive second hand replacements? Thrift shops are a great option for that.