Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
Today, Melanie in California tells us about her progress on the road to minimalism. I think we can all relate to the fact that it can be a slow process; but what we learn along the way makes it all the more rewarding!
Melanie writes:
I am not a minimalist but I believe I am one in the makings—not the all-bare-walls-and-one-pair-of-chopsticks-kind, but the one that has only stuff that they truly love, care about and will care for. One day, I hope to be a discriminating keeper of sorts.
You see, I have stuff—not a ton of stuff, but enough stuff that collects dust, feels burdensome and has no home. I wouldn’t call myself a hoarder, but I do have a special roomy place in my heart for “found objects”. As a creative person, I tend to pick up lots of crafty bits and pieces-fabric, cigar boxes, buttons—you name it. As much as I enjoy all these supplies, they often clutter my small house which ultimately clutters my mind.
For the minimalists out there, I envy your discipline and your detachment to belongings. How you can pass up a perfectly good piece of street art and not take it home is a bit unfathomable to me. But one day I hope to be free of stuff and enjoy a clutter-free house and mind. If I could make my home into a gallery of sorts where a select few things are purposefully displayed with a lot of negative space in between, I would be probably be quite happy and feel balanced.
I am taking baby steps now, giving away books, toys and clothes to all welcomed guests, but it’s a slow process. I have bags of “good intentions” piled by my closet—all waiting for a trip to the thrift store (one day) or for the right person to adopt them. I’m still struggling going through piles of papers, piece by piece instead of dumping the whole lot into the recycling bin. I also struggle at times feeling guilty or uncertain tossing away certain sentimental items.
Becoming a minimalist will not happen overnight for me because many of my belongings still carry a lot of emotion and possibilities. Still, I feel hopeful. I am inspired by minimalists that have learned to let go. I’m on that road to freedom, albeit one small baby step at a time.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Hi Melanie!
As I’m still ‘on the way’, too, I can relate very well! :D However, I’m getting better and better. I started packing ‘trasure boxes’ of each kind of stuff I tend to collect. I just put my very favorite pieces in a box (not too big). Having ‘saved’ those items, it’s so much easier to go through the rest of the collection and get rid of the excess. Although I’m not yet down to the treasure boxes as only possesions, it’s a tool for me to understand, which things are really of value to me and which are not. That way, I found out that out of my books collection only about 15 are really valuable to me – the rest are just ‘nice to have’s. Similarly, I go through fabrics, craft supplies, pottery and so on.
Things that haven’t found their way into a treasure box (of course, I’m not storing them away in the box really, I just use a box as a tool, as it makes me think, what to pack and what to leave out) live here only temporarily and I’m aware of that. Some of them I use until they are torn or empty (cosmetics, clothes, etc), others I try to sell or give to friends who have a need for them, some things will also stay with me until I move, as I do need them for practical reasons but don’t have any sentimental attachment to them. Lots of things though aren’t valuable enough to sell and I just give them to Oxfam or another charity.
Those ‘treasure boxes’ really changed my perspective on my possessions. Instead of thinking about what to purge, I think about what to keep really and don’t stress myself out with getting rid of the rest in as little time as possible. As I know now that I don’t really want to keep it, it steadily flows out of my house, and it seems as if my shelves got emptier all by themselves.
fabuolous ideas Anne! Love the idea of your treasure boxes in sorting out what is ultimately most important.
I think for some of us “decluttering” is a process that can take many years. I know it has in my case and it has taken a couple of moves as well. Each time to a smaller place or a place without as much storage as I had before. But it grew to be a learned habit and each time I found it easier. Certain categories were more difficult than others. For me it was clothes and books. Over the years (many, many years!) I have slowly reduced from over 250 books to about 30 and I am happy with that. I just did it in stages I felt comfortable with. The most important thing I have realised is that of all the stuff I have shed,I have not missed one single thing and knowing that makes it easier for me to get rid of things now. It may take a while but I know you will get to the place where you feel comfortable with what you have. Just take your time and do what makes you feel happy and content. Good luck!
Melanie,
Thank you for sharing your story. You are doing great. I suspect that 99% of us minimalists-in-the-making go through the same slow process. Just like aspiring musicians sometimes think that rock stars became famous overnight, we assume that some “famous” minimalists went from 5,000 to 27 things within a few days and now have for sole activity the discovery of the world with only a backpack to care for. You have started not only to think differently but also to act differently. There is no goal or deadline in identifying what matters most to you. Simply be aware of what you do and what you think about, and the rest will come in due time. Please let us know how you are doing again in the future.
Yan
I too dream of having only what I love and use. It would not be really minimalist – mostly a smaller home without anything that didn’t fit those categories. It can be hard to let go especially if you want to find the right home for previously loved items. Recently I took a car load to Goodwill and felt such a relief at no longer thinking about whether or not to keep those items.
It took me years to realize I had too much stuff and that I was attached to it all in a not-very-constructive way, and years to get rid of the excess. Today I have come far, but still occasionally struggle with the decision to buy or not to buy…There’s room in our home to breathe and feel free, and yet I’d love to someday live with only the bare minimum and do it with such grace as Francine.
(Minimalist) Life’s a work in progress, so don’t lose heart, Melanie, and good luck!
Thanks for sharing. You sound like you have a great handle on what is important. You are doing a terrific job.
Melanie,
Your story rings very true for me! I completely understand holding onto crafty bits as I tend to do the same, assuming the boys can make something out of it & save it from the landfill. As for sentimental items, take your time. Just yesterday I gave my childhood blanket to my sons. It took me 25 years to do it. And it already feels hard, but I feel like in the long run, it will be worth it! Keep up the good work and take it at a pace that works for you :)
Congratulations for making such a great start Melanie! I’m just setting out on the same path myself, and it definitely takes longer than you think, even when you’re working on it every day.
Books are my big downfall – I’m a bookseller right now and a life-long book addict – but I’ve managed to clear out about 500 by slowly filtering things out. I’m still working on my clothes – I don’t have that many, but as a recovering agoraphobic it’s harder for me to get into town to replace something if I need to, so I don’t want to get too trigger-happy! – and I’ve cleared out a bunch of knick-knacks, CDs, DVDs, kitchenware and my coffee table.
Like you say, baby steps are often the best way to go. As things move out and your space clears your perception of what’s left will change and you’ll find it easier to let go of more. That’s what I’ve found, anyway. I try and do a little every day, even if it’s just shoving one thing into a charity bag or throwing away one old magazine. Slowly but surely I think I’m getting there! Good luck… :)
It took me multiple rounds. Things I couldn’t part with the first round became less important the second round. I started this more than three years ago and I’m just now ready to part with some things I kept then. Be gentle with yourself and you’ll eventually get to where you want to be.
I’m with ya. It’s a journey that starts with first acknowledging the desire to have less. My journey is just starting too and I’ve been at it for over a year!
Melanie, I can really relate to your situation. I am also a creative type and find that de-cluttering is a very time-consuming and gradual process in my home. I photograph and scan sentimental things, and that really helps. I found Francine’s post about our fantasy selves really helpful too, in allowing me to let go of craft projects that never quite made it. It is hard, but I love the process of purging too, and with 2 small kids we find it is never-ending.
One fantasy I may have to (reluctantly) let go of is the one of having a perfect minimal home that never has any clutter and looks like something out of a magazine! :)
I relate to so much of what you shared. I tend to get frustrated because my my minimizing is a much slower process than what I ‘think’ it should be. But, if I look back at how much I’ve accomplished and the direction I’m headed, your post reminds me that I should be very proud of my efforts. I am a different person really. Thanks for sharing your journey.
Terrific post, Melanie! Your journey gives me inspiration to keep on my journey, however small my steps. Best wishes and many thanks for sharing!
Take your time – I’ve been finding it very hard to let go of sentimental things / books but have been going at quietly for the last ten years and several people have commented on how spacious my (very small) apartment looks! So take it easy, baby steps, and you’ll get there!
This the perfect post. I too am in the same position. I’ve pared down a lot but still have much more to go. I’m glad that many, like me are transitioning as well on this journey to the right level of possessions that we’re comfortable with.
This is the minimalist story I relate to the most so far! I, too, am crafty, and cannot pass by or throw away some useful, interesting, pretty object because of the possibilities it has. I’m also obsessed with books. I have no interest in the Kindle because it’s not a physical book! And it doesn’t have the old book patina that I love so much. So I’m trying to pare down in ALL other areas so that I’m not overwhelmed by the things I do truly love. But I also need to learn to let go of some of the maybes as well.
Wow, I can really relate to the found objects part–it’s a constant search for balance.
For me it’s a process, not a destination. The past weekend I went thru my jewelry for the 3rd time in 2 years, but this time I was finally able identify what I loved, and let go of the rest (about half). Still have far more than I want (more “fancy” jewelry than I have times to wear in a year, for my fantasy self) so I’ll likely be doing this again in 6 months.
And the crafting, my Achilles heel of decluttering. I’ve (mostly) stopped buying craft materials except for a project I’m working on. I see and pick up found objects all the time, (even with no use for them) but I’ve had the great good fortune to strike up a connection with a local collage maker. But as much as I’ve gotten rid of, I still have far more materials than I have time to use. I get rid of bits, and hope that someday I’ll be able to separate what I love from what I’m keeping out of habit.
I guess there are two of us who “whisper” – I’ll be whisper two on here – the one who is not into crafts :-)
I think the main point of minimalism is becoming aware and living in that state of mind. The rest will follow in due time. Of course, we all have our own version of how much stuff we need and that is perfectly acceptable.
Hi everyone-
This is Melanie from California, the minimalist-in-the making. I am so touched by everyone’s supportive comments! I am constantly “beating myself up” for the stuff I have and feeling ashamed that my house isn’t clean, stream lined and beautiful (like what you see in glossy magazines), but after reading everyone’s comments, I am realizing that those feelings are pretty damaging and my expectations of myself are simply not realistic at this time. Having this heavy cloud over my head to “Just Declutter Already!” just adds a lot of stress to my life. Perhaps instead of constantly worrying about getting rid of stuff, maybe I should first learn how to get rid of guilt and shame. The decluttering, I hope will come naturally on its own.
Thank you everyone.
Melanie
Melanie,
Those clean houses you see in magazines only look like that in the photos not during everyday living. Even on photo shoot days the stuff around and behind the cameras can be a huge mess. So having your house look like that all the time is not a realistic goal for most people. Minimalism is not about empty; it’s about choosing what you want to live with. For instance, I like cuddly so I will always have lots of pillows and lap rugs. And I will always have a table by my chair with a beverage, a book, a box of tissues, and my phone which may make it look cluttered but those are the things I need to have around me. Empty is not the way I want to live my life.
I think I would have also still been “on my way” to it if I had not decided to move to Hawaii from California. For years I had plans to clean out rooms but somehow never got to it. I had an office that was full of paper and office things. Stacks of old receipts etc. I just closed the door most of the time. I had an entire room with clothes piled in it that I had laundered but never got to putting away. And I had so many clothes that I’d just wear the new ones.
The lists went on and on.
Deciding to move to an Island REALLY pushed the envelope in getting rid of most everything and I can say I’m incredibly happy over it. The simple fact that I don’t have to say “I”m going to clean everything out” anymore is awesome.
The challenge now is to not gather a bunch more things up to keep for no real good reason. I like the clean uncluttered feeling of my home now so much though that I really think about bringing anything else in and now when I buy new clothes cause it’s Hawaii like, I get rid of something when I bring the new thing home.
I’m loving it.
I can really relate to this too. I’m on a steady journey towards a more minimalist home but I don’t think I can ever have rooms like I see in magazines. I’ve improved a lot but am also very creative and take delight in objects I can photograph or wool I can knit with. Books, yes they’re a problem too but I’m trying to use libraries now. Some parts of my house look quite organised these days but other areas need a lot of work and it’s like peeling back the layers of an onion. I just keep at it.
Thank you for sharing your story! I am the same way. I can give up some things but others I really hang on to. Hoping to one day have a clean slate to live in :)
A turning point in my simplifying process came the day I was at the thrift store (across the street!) and noticed a could-be-down-on-her-luck woman browsing the clothing – and she appeared to be about my size.
I thought about how I had clothes at home I didn’t enjoy and that were taking up valuable space in my closet and bedroom. I realized that those same clothes could have been on the store’s clothing racks where this woman could have found some great things at an affordable price.
It changed my thinking….now items I don’t use are viewed more as “Alright then, who can use this more than I can?” and items leave my house without any regrets on my part. (Came in handy when a friend and her daughters moved into an empty apartment and had nothing. Some friends and I gave all we could to help them out..and they about cried over every little item we gave them.)
I was trying to help my mom declutter this weekend as she’s now in a tiny studio in-law apartment, and we realized her armoire and cupboards are valuable real estate and did she really want old novels and piles of plastic shopping bags to take up storage space in her one room? I am so proud of my mom for being willing to let go of two garbage bags full of items for the thrift store. It wasn’t easy for her. She likes things and sees simplifying as an overwhelming process.
Hi Melanie,
I usually read Miss Minimalist to remind myself where I want to be one day (the place of balance most „real life minimalists“ have already achieved) and I read Colleens slow and steady take on decluttering over at 365lessthings.com for revelations and support on this lengthy “roadtrip”. You sound like you might enjoy that, too. It is really nice to have a sort of community that takes the babysteps at the same time as you do it while admiring the next level.
I can relate. I have tried to see it more as a journey than a destination. However, lately I find myself impatient with the progress I’ve made (and the two steps I’ve taken back) and just want to be ‘there’ already!
Moving four times in six years has helped immensely. With each move, I seem to be taking either the same amount or less, which I consider good as we’re a large-ish family and family tends to accumulate clutter by default. I seem to have reached my breaking point with the clutter (and move) this time around and I hope to have one of those ‘magazine pictures’ – Not because it’s the only thing to have or aim for as far as minimalism goes, but it’s the look that makes me feel at peace.
Best of luck on your journey Melanie.
For me, it’s also definitely a long process, but each step helps get there. I like to go through things (like books) multiple times. The first time I will get rid of only things I immediately don’t want any more and make excuses for the rest. The next time, if I’ve waited a couple of months, it’s easy to get rid of the new “low hanging fruit.” Also I’ve started setting aside piles of things to just use up. So, with books for an example again (can you guess my biggest weakness?), I’ll grab a few books I’m not ready to get rid of yet, but feel I will be after I read them one more time. I then put those somewhere I actually will read them soon.
One of the groups of things I de-cluttered first
were the books I hadn’t read. With a huge library next door there was no reason to fill my house with books I was putting off reading.
Now I have 2 shelves of books instead of 2 bookcases full. Then I went through my old magazines and tore out articles I wanted and got rid of the rest.
I would like to get rid of one whole bookcase and use another to just display pictures. My son has been moving his books out and I keep giving things away. I never did have many clothes and now I have even less. I have some DVD’s I am going to give away next.
Every week, we get rid of more stuff. A big bag for Goodwill, a bag for the library, and 2 bags of recycling. And yet there is more. Always more. Even though we get rid of things every time we buy something, there is a lot. Part of it is my mother’s stuff, she’s in a nursing home and the out of season things are here. Plus about 150 of her books. Then there are my son’s books, he is planning to move and take his books with him.
I have 2 small bins of art supplies I am still holding onto. Some real shell buttons for a craft project I saw and some beautiful beads I got second hand almost 50 years ago and haven’t found a project for. All my quilting supplies are gone, and all my crochet yarn is gone. Just keep what you love. Minimalism isn’t a contest. It is a learning process, we all change and grow.
What helped me to get rid of craft/art supplies, was to calculate about how much time each project would take, and do I really want to sit for that many hours, when I could be outside, going out to lunch with friends, etc. A few were still “yes” but the rest were “honestly, no”, and out they went.
I got some beautiful old paper at a rummage sale. It has a watermark and I have a plan for it. I gave away two more big bags of craft items to the YMCA day camp. As a fund raiser for charity I am helping a woman clean out her walk in closet tomorrow. I have so much to do and so many things to try.
I just gave away 4 more brand new steno notebooks. I had taken them from my brother’s house last fall. He had boxes of brand new notebooks and a closet full of pads of paper. Now I have one new steno notebook and one new sketch pad. I went in my rag box and found an old T shirt to wear for a messy art project I am doing with a friend. I also have some horrible old pants someone gave me. I will put safety pins in them because they really don’t fit. I have just given away more books and magazines to the library. I have another big bag of food for the next food drive, our temple gives us bags and we fill them.
Every month I full a big bag with art supplies for my grandsons school. I fill a smaller bag for my friend who teaches Sunday school. I never buy new art supplies or books. All my clothes were given to me or from thrift shops or rummage sales.I also keep giving away vases, dishes, magnets, and towels. A friend says every time she used a towel she washed it. I challenged her to get 3 uses before she washed it.
Using your modules idea, I put my craft items in smaller bins, half the size of what I was using. I saved 6 or 10 of each type of supply and donated all the rest. After all the garage sales, rummage sales, etc. full of craft items I realized there will always be yarn, buttons, ribbon, glue, pretty paper, etc. I bought some art supplies for the collection buckets around town at the library, bank and grocery store.
We emptied a huge bookcase. I took it apart and got rid of it. I would like to have only small, light furniture. I have a project for today. I will go through a box of silk flowers someone gave me and keep only a few.