Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
Today, we have a great contribution from Sandi. She first experienced the joys of minimalism two decades ago, and has recently rediscovered the peace and serenity of a pared-down lifestyle.
Sandi writes:
Sandi
I’m ashamed to admit that it took me almost twenty years to learn my minimalist lesson but it all started when I was on active duty in the military and stationed overseas. I was in my thirties and a single mother of a one month old son. If that wasn’t stressful enough, I was robbed twice in a period of less than two weeks.
My supervisor thought that it would be best for my safety and mental well-being if I moved into base housing for the remainder of my tour. I readily agreed even though I had less than one year before I would return to the states. I moved from a furnished condo into a four bedroom, unfurnished home. Because I had so little time left, I borrowed a bed, sofa, and a table with two chairs as my only furnishings. I left the windows and walls bare. I had no television and this was before we all had personal computers so the only home entertainment came from radio.
Right after I moved I noticed that my stress disappeared. I loved how clean and peaceful my home had become and I enjoyed looking out my bare windows. I also discovered that although I was a single mother with a full time job, I had so much time to devote to my son and enjoy life. I got to know my neighbors and we would have frequent cookouts. We went for nightly walks where we often end up at the ice cream parlor. We would spend weekend afternoons at the beach. Life was very good.
The year ended and it was time to return to the states. It was so easy to return to the commercial lifestyle that we accept as the norm in this country. Fast forward twenty years. I’m certainly no packrat but I had far more stuff than I ever needed or could reasonably use in my lifetime. My stress levels are comparable to the average American. Most intelligent people would agree that this is unhealthy.
Two weeks ago I was robbed again. The material loss meant nothing but they also took my mother’s wedding and engagement rings. She gave them to me right before she passed away thirteen years ago. I was devastated. It was like losing a part of her all over again. I was wallowing in my grief when I suddenly came to the conclusion that I was placing more emphasis on these rings than even she did during her life. They may have taken the rings but they didn’t take my memories of her and that was the only important thing.
I started going through my jewelry box and purging everything that could be donated. It felt great when I was done and I had an epiphany. I remembered how peaceful and pleasant life was when I had so little stuff to distract me. I finally understood the relationship! I looked around and decided that there were lots of things around my house that I could easily live without and kept going. Next I tackled my closet. I have two very large ones and both were full. That first evening I filled nine large, lawn-size garbage bags. The next night I filled four more. I found things that I didn’t even remember that I had. I’m still going and I will be busy for some time but I’m looking forward to each day as I focus on a new area.
I’ve decided that the robbery was a catalyst and I’m grateful that it woke me up. It reminded me of something that I already knew but had forgotten. I have felt my stress level reduce every day as I purge more and more in my move to a simple, less-cluttered lifestyle that is better for me and the environment.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
UPDATE: Two and a half months have past and life is wonderful. I have completely decluttered without adding to landfills or replacing any of the items that I’ve purged. I still try to get rid of at least one item a day just to stay focused on what is truly important. My two bedroom condo now feels HUGE! I can’t wait until I can downsize to something much smaller. My life is quite serene now without the stress that stuff creates. Keep spreading the word so that many others will benefit.
You absolutely nailed it: The memories of your mother are more precious than the combined value of all the diamond rings in the world. Thanks for sharing your insights.
Chris
These real life minimalists are very interesting. I, too, started to re-evaluate the meaning of things after a number of robberies. Like you it wasn’t just the number of things taken but particularly the things that had emotional value that most caused me to face up to what these things really meant.
Most of the items were replaced by the insurance company, after a lot of hassle and seeking quotes, but then they increased their premium so that they would have recovered the cost in a few years.
So I had to consider what was the point of these ‘new’ things. They had no emotional value. They had actually cost me a lot of time and effort. They had been replaced, but they would only end up costing me more in the long run. These things come into my life, but they can just as easily go out of it – they’re not significant things anymore.
I haven’t been quite as dramatic in eliminating things altogether, but the process of discarding (and freeing up) is ongoing and the value of anything new is considered very carefully before I buy it.
Thank you for your story.
Fantastic to hear from you and for sharing your story. It really does feel so good to get rid of all the debris.
Sandi, you have a GREAT attitude, turning a robbery into an opportunity for self-searching and positive change. Your mother would be very proud of you.
Living overseas certainly gives a great perspective on the Stuff issue. We are all drowning in the “American Dream”! Thanks for a sane, sensible and inspiring post.
Sandi- I love that you have found something so positive out of a scary, negative situation! It does feel amazing to declutter! Good for you & great post!
sandi as others have said, you made it into a positive. you’re a strong and resilient woman. well done!
Oh, boy, you all hit a nerve today talking about robberies!
I was in a loveless marriage, and suddenly one day we were robbed. All my exquisite vintage and antique jewelry, my dad’s 30 year gold watch, all the things I had repaired and cleaned and fixed were gone in a blink. I cried and felt horror. I was afraid to sleep. My husband, in his typical fashion, stopped speaking to me and ignored me completely for days.
My reaction was to collect MORE. I set to it with a passion, a not healthy passion, as new things could not replace the old. I sought to fill the break in my heart with things.
I’m sure I was seeking to fill my aching heart with something beautiful because I was not loved.
Now, years later, with the man gone, I decided that I want to live a much smaller life that means more. I am downsizing my things to fit into an RV and I am going to spend more time with my 89 year old mother and relocate to her town. I sift thru the jewelry and most of it will go, along with the nearly 500 books, linens, baskets, furniture, everything. I always liked things clean and organized, and I wonder what will happen to me with all this freedom? (incidentally, I have an ebook and love it, finding that I have widened my reading)
I am terrified of this change, coming at my age. I am also excited. Losing the marriage was painful, even as it crippled me and I sought to fill the space with stuff. The husband was nearly a hoarder, too, and it was such a relief to unload all that. It gave me more freedom to remember my love for the simple, uncrowded and peaceful life I now seek.
Thank you for giving me a place to say these things, maybe it’s not quite on the nose, but as I came to see the burglary and it’s consequences as a catalyst, these posts have revisited my feelings and really hit home. I think these folks sound healthy, and I wasn’t, and living the good life may be more important than sitting on our piles of valuables and doing nothing to please our hearts.
Good for you, Susan! You sound awesome: unload the jerk, unload the junk, jump in your RV and hit the highway! Fantastic! You may not feel lucky, but I think you are. Whatever your age, you’ve got your future ahead of you, and travelling light sounds wonderful to me. Good luck!
You go, Susan! You’ve already done the most important part (getting rid of the nasty ex). I wish you happiness and health in this new stage of your light, free, uncluttered life.
What an inspriing story Sandi! It’s always so sad to hear when bad things happen to good people, but very inspiring that you took a positive approach and gained something from such a horrible experience.
Good for you!
Amber
The following is from: http://bit.ly/r1DjFb
Ryokan was an 18th century hermit-poet who lived in poverty and simplicity, contemplating the Way. … He spent his time listening to the rain and leaves falling, playing with children and animals and writing Zen poetry. One night, returning to his little hermitage after a day of begging for food, he found a robber had stolen even his meager possessions – a mat, a begging bowl and a washcloth. Immediately, he sat down and wrote this:
“The thief left it there
on the windowsill
the shining moon.”
Beautiful – such a powerful image.
That is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.
Awesome!
We were just speaking about possessions last night at our small group. How they weigh us down and keep us from doing the important things in our lives, things we may have been called to do. My husband and I first began to understand this and let go when we had 2 major events happen in our lives. The first, almost 3 years ago was my husband’s brain aneurysm, from which he fully recovered. The second, was a breakdown from physical exhaustion and mental fatigue that I had a little over a year ago, and from which I am still recovering. We learned that the most important things in life, aren’t things.
Bernice
Some things are NON-negotiable
Way to go Sandi! That took courage to step out like you did. I took 3 large lawn size garbage bags to Goodwill this morning. The bags were full of linens I had barely used. I sold my class ring and some old coins and gave the money to charity. I am in process of going through everything to pare down to have less to tend to. I am disabled and my energy is precious to me. I want to spend it on the things that really matter; faith in God, family, nature etc.
I understand you Donna – I have MS and I want to avoid anything that robs me of my very little energy – so out goes all the unneccessary clutter…
Very inspiring. Your subsequent comment is a reminder to us all that this is a process. Best of luck to your on this journey.
What an uplifting and positive outlook on life, Sandi :) Thank you for sharing your story. It has inspired me to take another look at my overfilled home.
Sandi, I love that you turned something negative around and made it a catalyst for positive change. You are so right about your memories of your mom being more important than any material item. It is a hard lesson for many of us, me included.
It was lovely to read your update too, and know that you are regaining the simplicity and space you once enjoyed so much. You are an inspiration!
Sandi, thank you for sharing your journey and updates: your outlook is lovely and inspiring!
I have thought about how devastated I might feel if I lost my (deceased) mom’s engagement ring and over time have come to the same conclusion you have: if she wouldn’t be so distraught about it, why would I? :) A rather freeing discovery!
In the end, all that’s left is the love ~ that’s what I keep coming back to. And I heartily believe our loved ones want us to soar, as we would them. ♥
Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Sandi. Your story reminded me that I, too, once lived very happily in a small place with few belongings, and that I let clutter creep up and engulf me. Time to follow your example and pack up bags and boxes to give away. Thanks for the push in the right direction that I needed.
This is a great post and one thin gin particular jumped out at me. After decluttering all those years ago, you “got to know your neighbors.”
A minimalist myself, I must admit, I never thought about the correlation between having less stuff and how it might lead to better relationships with ones neighbors. But of course–if one isn’t so focused on material goods (and their required maintenance) then one has more time to seek out and deepen their relationships as well as connect with others outside of their home.
Plus, it totally eliminates the “need” for keeping up with the Jones.
Brilliant!
Sandi I love, love, love your story! Maybe it’s because I am prior military too and know how strong you have to be and you showed your inner strength by not letting the robbery defeat you. You didn’t crumple up and die, you fought back. I wonder if you were thinking “if I don’t own it, than it can’t be taken from me” because you were so driven by passion to unload things. Seemed like a self-protective act. You are an inspiration and have motivated me to take another look at my already greatly pared down lifestyle. Although I’ve never been robbed, I don’t want to ever be so attached to something it hurts to lose it, so you have motivated me to look around again. I want the last laugh to be on the robbers. Lastly, I remember the most peaceful time in my life was when I lived in a barely furnished apartment in college, like your military base life and how easy and great life was. I’m working on getting there again too. Thanks!
Thank you for sharing your story. Sorry about the robberies, but it is very inspiring and a reminder of what’s important.
Sandy, your story is brilliant and inspiring. I’m glad you’re rediscovering clutter-free peace in your new home.
Sandi, you remind me of my mother. She lost most of her belongings after a hurricane. She could have felt sorry for herself, but she didn’t. She had to move to another town and start all over…in her late 70’s. That’s not an easy age to begin a new life, but she did it. It also opened my eyes. I now focus less on what I have in my life and focus more on WHO I have in it.
hi Sandi –
a great post and a wonderful epiphany! i love your description of the year without possessions, before you returned to the US. the nightly walks, the icecream parlor…BEAUTIFUL.
your story reminded me of how a personal disaster (like a robbery) can actually reveal a whole new aspect of life, like a prism of light on a hidden terrain. i know a man and his wife who ran a hair salon in northeastern Japan. in March when the tsunami hit their town, the man and the couples’ 5 year old boy lived but his wife and their unborn son died. she was 7 months pregnant. the man found her body, lined up at the mortuary with several hundred others. he took a comb out of his pocket (practically the only possession he had left) and combed out her hair, muddied from seawater – and said goodbye.
he lost his wife, his home, the salon, but after 2 weeks he set up an impromptu shampoo stall and called out to all salon workers in the area. they gathered together, carried buckets of water from the water truck parked outside the evac shelter, heated it up by burning wood and proceeded to wash the hair of 200 plus survivors. when news got around that there was HOT water and soap, people rushed to the site and gave themselves up to the sheer, incredible pleasure of having their hair washed. everyone wept with gratitude and sorrow and happiness. the man shed great globs of tears and thought about his wife as he washed head after head. in Japan, March is the month of graduation ceremonies and farewells. a lot of kids went straight from this man’s shampoo stall to attend graduation. no one had anything fancy to wear and there were no diplomas. but everyone agreed that being clean and fresh for the occasion was the greatest gift.
That is a very sad, yet strangely powerful and uplifting story. Thank you for sharing.
Kaori, that is a truly inspiring story. I will think about it all day, in awe and gratitude for the human spirit in the face of tragedy, and for small, simple acts of caring which have a worth above all possessions. Why is it so hard to remember this?
Hi Sandi,
Please don’t feel ‘ashamed’ about how long it took you. You’ve overcome something I still fear very much. You deserve an applause! :)
I very much enjoyed reading your story. Wishing you the best in your continued journey.
Francine, just wanted to say thank you once again for this blog. I am moving homes this weekend and the continual de-cluttering and release of objects is making me dance around the house with glee. I had heard ‘of’ minimalism, but never really discovered it until I came across your blog one day. Thank you. I’ve just released items I thought I couldn’t part with and I’m not sure if this is the right word, but I feel ‘free’. Just free/inspired/unburdened… Sorry, not very articulate today. I’ve been decluttering for a few years now but I think I’m on my final step – I’m able to release items that I couldn’t before and it feels good to do so (whereas before I felt a moderate to slight sense of panic). I am also in a comfortable spot and KNOW how I want to live (whereas before I was searching) and I believe your book and blog really helped me to dig deep and examine everything. It’s the only minimalist ‘contact’ I have had all this time.
Keep up the good work. :)
I’ve been burgled too – bloody nuisance, tidying up all the mess. And oh-the insurance paperwork awfulness of it… I felt very drawn to Francine’s “nothing to steal”!!!
@AussieGirl – yes, I am in the same place now, letting go of things I thought I’d never be able to not have in my life. It comes in waves, the release. One day an item is on my ‘to keep’ list and then suddenly it comes to me all in a rush that the item is not precious after all – it’s just a thing – and i just have to stop what I’m doing, rush and get it and place it in the ‘to let go’ bag. And I’m all THRILLED.
:)
Yes, it’s freeing. One can rid of everything physically, but if you are not completely at peace with the decision then there is simply no point (for the time being). I’ve found it easier to allow myself to wait till it just ‘comes’ to me (much as you described it). If it means holding onto an item for longer than necessary, then so be it. I feel as though there are no regrets this way. I’ve ~almost~ decluttered to where I’d like to be. I know I have a couple more releases that need to happen before I’ll live in a house where everything is truly useful, loved and needed. I still have a couple of what I consider as ‘hoarded’ items laying around. Although, many people wouldn’t consider it hoarding (it’s outgrown clothes in different sizes to pass from one child to another as I have same sex children). There is a large amount and I could stand to lose a bag or two, but the frugalist in me says to keep them stored for future use for when the other clothes wear out (which they will). I *may* just do this. But I need to at least store them in tubs so they aren’t in everyday circulation (and adding up to my astronomical laundry pile). Other than that, most everything is streamlined to what we love and use. Our house is sparse. The clothes are killing me though, so something needs to be done there. :)
What stage are you at?
You guys are completely right. I had an amazing experience this past weekend, meeting up with old friends and such, and realized when I got home that I had been keeping a lot of stuff around simply because it connected me to my old friends.
I realized that I don’t need to hold on to these things just to have something in common with people in my past. If I want to keep things, I should. If not, I should release them to others.
I had to make the realization that people will leave your life and there isn’t much you can do about it. It took me many, many months to be able to finally set these items free and open up more space in my head and heart and home for other things, but I made it! :)
I loved Sandi’s post about reconnecting with the simplicity of an earlier life-stage and also the powerful realisation about her late mother’s rings.
I have a mother (nearly 70) who is a lifelong clutterbug who is gently drifting towards the realisation that she has more things that she can possible use in her lifetime. I am a mad-keen wannabee minimalist and have to rein-in my almost evangelical enthusiasm for spreading the wonders of simple living. She is slowly finding things which she can let go. I casually-mentioned that I was taking a bag of stuff to the thrift store this week where I am registered for Gift Aid (in the UK you don’t get tax deductions for charitable donations as an individual but if you are a tax-payer you can register like this and the charity claims the tax concession from the government. It ramps up the value of the donation by a quarter). So she has found a bagful to go with mine…….It’s a drop in the ocean at her house but it’s a drop flowing in the right direction- out- and it’s HER decision not daughterly badgering.;) I’m hopeful it may be the first of many and that she can enjoy the benefits of a simpler life.
That is an amazing story. There have been times when I thought a “clean slate” would be so much simpler than deciding what to keep. I do love the peace that comes from less clutter, but the actual act of letting something go always trips me up. Like lead boots, its the stuff that slows me down.
@AussieGirl – I’m at the stage now where I have the furniture down to a minimum – I think. About 6 pieces. These will have to go into storage. I know we will be paying to keep them there but we (OH and I) are leaving for pastures new next year and won’t have a home of our own for a while. OH says to throw out the Lloyd Loom because the storage rental will equal its cost in a year – but I can’t ….
SO right about jewellery and a mother’s rings. I came to the stage where I only wanted to keep the stuff I wear every day. So I got rid of a number of items. And then I found I could part with my mother’s jewellery that I wouldn’t wear… She’s in my heart so doesn’t have to be represented on all my fingers :-) I have kept one of her diamond rings and some bracelets that I wear constantly. It was such a relief not to have to worry about a burglary anymore.
Papers: I am throwing out all the articles and interesting pictures I’ve collected in folders over the years – and scanning the rest. I’m scanning hundreds of photographs and will get rid of the hard copies which I have lugged around with me for decades of house moves. (I’ll keep some hardcopy photos of my mother a little longer.) I never thought I’d be able to let them go but I am. Burned all my diaries – don’t want to read about all my many past mistakes! It’s future adventures I am interested in now! My mother would far rather I travelled than stay in one place looking sorrowfully at her photos all day.
Clothes have been more of a problem in that I have a number of expensive designer clothes that I bought second-hand. They are beautifully made, black, understated etc and I was lucky to get them – but on the other hand I don’t wear them – insane! This one is hard for me. Another problem is art work. 12 pieces. I know Francine got over this but I can’t just yet. We all have our own rates of enlightenment!
We have no children so all this is easier.
I thought I was a master of minimising but have learned a lot through Francine’s blog – thank-you!
It’s unfortunate to hear you’ve been robbed so many times!
The important part is you’ve finally come to minimalism. Maybe you didn’t feel compelled before, because it simply wasn’t the right time for you.
I’m happy to hear your life is more serene now!
Very inspiring story – you’ve got strength!
Another inspiring post. I mostly wear costume jewelry. My sister has my mother’s diamond rings because I didn’t need them. I do collect Native American silver jewelry when I find it second hand or once in a while at a museum. I like the idea of having nothing to steal.
I like the colors and textures of earrings from shells, silver, turquoise, lapis, garnet, designer originals to just junky light summer earrings. We each find beauty in different things.
I am giving away 6 pairs of earrings. I bought some new ones and got rid of older ones and necklaces I’ve never worn.
I am cleaning out a cabinet. More things I don’t need. I am giving 2 sweaters to my mother because she will never have all she wants. She likes her closet stuffed.
My 90 year old mother was in the hospital recently. I went to her room at the nursing home and got rid of a big bag of trash- empty sugar packets, used tea bags, used Kleenex, etc. I didn’t clean as much as I wanted to because she would have noticed. She fills whatever space she has. Now she has empty drawers and two empty tote bags.
My mom died in December. We filled 14 bags with her stuff from the nursing home. My daughter wanted a few T shirts she remembered my mom wearing. My mom’ nightgowns and robe went to my SIL. The rest was given away. Then I went to help my brother and filled bags and boxes with things for him to give away. He had papers from 1992. I helped my friend clean her basement and get rid of a bunch of plastic junk. Luckily, a lot could be recycled.
I am so lucky I did not get the urge to hoard like my sister, who saves old newspapers, or my brother, who saves coupons back to 2004. I just filled a box with things to give away at my “frugal friends” group.
I give at least one big bag full of clothing and household items to Goodwill each week. I take bags of books and magazines to the library each week. Good goes to the food pantry. And there is always more.
Marie Kondo helps people declutter on Netflix. Then I read the average home in the US contains 300,000 items. Friends have stuffed closets, garages, and basements. Minimalism is a wonderful thing. I have 8 short sleeve shirts, 2 pairs of jeans, a pair of cargo pants, and 2 pairs of dressy slacks. I have 4 dressy tops, 2 nice cardigans and 4 sweatshirts. Chicago gets 4 seasons, so I need more than one warm jacket. I have snow boots and gloves and hats and scarves. Just enough. It’s wonderful.