In my younger, more acquisitive years, I had a problem with “wanting to want.”
I subscribed to several magazines, and would page through them for ideas on new clothes to wear, new beauty treatments to try, and new things to decorate my home.
I received a mountain of catalogs each month, and would scour them for products I never knew I needed.
I would stop by the mall on my lunch hour and browse the racks, waiting for something to catch my eye.
The cycle went something like this: a particular gadget/outfit/book/decorative item/piece of jewelry would capture my imagination; I’d spend a few days or weeks wanting it; I’d acquire it; and then I’d look for something else to want.
Where did that leave me? With too much stuff and too little money. Not to mention a lot of time wasted that could have been spent on much more productive pursuits.
When I embraced a minimalist lifestyle, wanting to want was one of the first bad habits to go. I attribute this change in attitude to the decluttering process—after spending countless hours and much energy undoing my consumer decisions, I had no desire to start the cycle again. I canceled my magazine subscriptions, removed my name from all catalog mailing lists, and never set foot in a mall unless I absolutely had to.
When I stopped wanting to want, I experienced a wonderful feeling of lightness and freedom. The pressure to look for, research, desire, save for, and shop for new things was suddenly removed from my life. My stress decreased, my free time increased, and I became a happier person as a result.
In fact, after some time, I could once again look at magazines, catalogs, and stores—but with a completely different perspective:
“How many things are there which I do not want.” ~Socrates
I no longer saw a stuff-packed store as a treasure trove or minefield, but rather an unappealing (and sometimes overwhelming) place of excess and waste.
Such a change in thinking, of course, is easier said than done. Unfortunately, in our consumer-driven society, wanting to want is almost ingrained into our psyche—and reinforced every day by the countless ads, commercials, and marketing messages we see. It seems like everyone wants us to want something, and will go to great lengths to spark that desire.
How do you resist it?
Ignore it. In the beginning, it’s easiest to simply tune out the ads, commercials, and other temptations—which may mean turning off your TV, giving up magazines, avoiding retail websites, and not shopping for entertainment.
Analyze it. Recognize the techniques that marketers use to get you to buy—like making you feel inadequate or insecure, and positioning their product as the cure-all for your problems. Once you understand their tactics, you’re much less likely to fall victim to them.
Subvert it. Here’s where my love of consumer disobedience comes in! Do like Socrates, and take pleasure in discovering all those things you don’t want. Stick it to the man, and keep your hard-earned dollars out of the hands of big corporations.
If you’d like to reduce your clutter, save more money, and gain the time and energy to pursue your dreams, the solution is simple: stop wanting to want. It’s a tiny piece of advice that’ll transform your life!
Have you ever found yourself “wanting to want”? Do you consider retail environments a temptation or a turn-off? Please share your thoughts in the Comments!
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Absolutely superb and quite right – the less you want/purchase, the more time/money/space you have.
And not having to agonize over whether to purchase what and where is such incredible peace of mind…
Brilliant, as usual, Francine!
Hi Francine. Like you, I have found that when I do go to stores, I am not tempted to purchase as I had in the past. When I look at items now, I feel an overall sense of satisfaction with what I do have and do not feel deprived for the items that I do not have. I know that when I need something, I will purchase it, but do not feel the need for mindless spending.
For me, this change is a direct result of living a minimalist lifestyle. I am happy to be at the point that I am and am looking forward to continuing my progress in living life as a minimalist.
Hi, Francine! Why aren´t you on Facebook? I´d like to share your blog with my friends! Thanks.
You CAN share Francine’s blog on your own Facebook page (I just did!). Here’s how: See the little “Share This” (green sideways triangle symbol) at the bottom of her blog, just before the Comments? Hover over it and then click on the Facebook symbol that pops up. Hope that helps!
What perfect timing! I have noticed the same problem in myself a few years ago and am in the (longish) process of kicking the habit. I used to act exactly as you describe, but now I find stores in general stressful, chaotic, draining and just plain unpleasant. There is a problem, however. Clothes have always been my weakness and although I no longer browse the racks in shops (I seldom buy clothes in shops at all), I still do a great deal of ‘wanting to want’ and then have things made by a seamstress. I have much less as I would have had if shopping in the traditional sense of the word, but still too much that is not really needed. Any advice?
Stores are nightmares, that’s why I love the personal shopper at Nordstroms. You make an appointment, show up, everything she pulled for you fits, you drink a cappuccino and go home. 3 weeks later the clothes arrived, all having been tailored to your frame, and because you worked with a personal shopper, the clothes either replace something that has worn out, or goes with every other item in your wardrobe. Heaven. I don’t need to actually “shop” more than twice a year, and NEVER have to spend hours browsing the racks trying to ignore the screaming kids. (A personal shopper will also help you refine your appearance so you don’t have to buy an excess of clothes.)
The NM Christmas Book is a great way to feel terrific about all the things you don’t want. Sometimes I look through it and giggle with glee. :)
One way (which probably has issues of its own) I deal with “wanting to want” is by transferring the want to something more productive. Like, organizing my closet. Throwing out excess paperwork (like those awful medical insurance stuff you get regularly.) Putting all your CDs (which, thanks to iTunes, you don’t need to buy anymore) into a giant binder, thus freeing up TONS of space. Volunteering at a homeless shelter. Reviewing your retirement fund. Planning a vacation. Trying every coffee shop in a 100-mile radius, looking for the barrista who can make the best latte art. Etc.
Great ideas and sharing- thanks!
Super, thanks!
Haven’t seen any personal shoppers in Europe but have been shopping with a fashion student friend who makes a TERRIFIC personal shopper.
Magazines and catalogues annoy me so much these days. I dislike the headlines and captions like ‘ must have ‘ and the worst ever is the phrase…..on trend….aaaaaaarghhhhh
Tonight, I was asked by an aunt furniture shopping. She is a single woman but lives in a very large house; she owns three sets of living room furniture, several collections of china and porcelain, and a wine storage table [she doesn’t drink]. She recently began purchasing, in bulk, tree ornaments for a Christmas tree [she’s not christian].
She doesn’t seem very satisfied with any of her purchases and is constantly searching for something better. And it is a large house, so she has the space for it. But she seems to like the thrill of the hunt, the pursuit of “good deals” then the actual purchase. The entire rental apartment in the house [literally, floor to ceiling] is filled with her conquests. When I think “wanting to want” I think of her.
Time to show your auntie this site methinks…
Surprisingly, my aunt knew about minimalism before I ever mentioned it. Unsurprisingly, she holds it with disdain. “Oh, you’re one of those ‘minimalists’ huh?” Always with the mocking finger quotes. She seems to think its a quirky trend; she can’t say minimalism without eye-rolling laughing.
Ironically, though I’m the person least impressed by her collections, I’m the first one she’ll ask to go shopping. She actually gets angry when I decline. And when I don’t go, well then…she comes to my house with several bags of her latest hunts and brings the shopping to me!
Well how about next time when auntie drags you off shopping, how about dragging her off to a museum, cinema, art gallery, library, park, concert, ….?
There is a reason your aunt asks YOU to go shopping with her…
My heart goes out to both of you. I have a friend who is drowning in stuff in her little apartment and I wish I could help…
Sorry tasmanian, not sure why my comments were replied to you, haha.
I stopped reading fashion and interior decoration mags. That was a huge step in stopping the wanting and wanting to want. I stopped going into stores to look. I do follow blogs and sometimes look at internet shops though I am trying to limit it and also take pleasure in not wanting, in having enough, in what I already have.
I want to instill this feeling of enough, of satisfaction and freedom of constant want in my daughter. Wanting to want is so draining on the soul, like you described.
Excellent post, Francine! “Wanting to want” (which is a perfect way to describe it!) is something that I still struggle with, but I have taken measures to curb it and resist the temptation to buy things. For example, I’ve stopped checking out retail websites, particularly clothing retailers that “trigger” the urge to buy something. Also, if I AM tempted, I think to myself, “Do I REALLY need this?” “Could I be using the money for something I could get more enjoyment out of, such as a trip?” “Are you willing to put in the effort to get rid of it eventually?” That last one really helps, as you pointed out. Going through a round of decluttering and taking the stuff to Goodwill really makes me not want to buy anything!
“Are you willing to put in the effort to get rid of it eventually”….. arrrrggghhhh…. Brilliant, Excellent deterrent…..
When I first discovered minimalism, I got stuck in a pattern of “wanting to want” the perfect, minimal wardrobe. I spent a lot of time thinking “If I only had one pair of pants, what would be the PERFECT pair of pants?” I realized eventually that I had plenty of functioning pants, and that they would eventually wear out, and that when the day came that all my pants had worn out, THEN it would be time to purchase one perfect pair of pants, but that TODAY WAS NOT THAT DAY. That freed up a lot of time and mental energy!
Suzyn, you are SO RIGHT!! One step at a time.
Great thoughts Suzyn! I’ve spent the last year on The Great American Apparel Diet and have ample clothes to continue another year. I have taken the same principles into other areas of my life and am using what I have and not purchasing until I have a need. It’s applied to every area of my life from food items in my pantry, office supplies, personal toiletries and my wardrobe.
This Christmas we are going even further. My family has decided to re-gift or hand make instead of purchasing gifts. It’s turning out to be a great twist for us on the season!
Great way of looking at it!
Love this post! This really hit home for me: “I no longer saw a stuff-packed store as a treasure trove or minefield, but rather an unappealing (and sometimes overwhelming) place of excess and waste.” Lately when I walk into big-box stores, I find myself peering into other people’s carts and marvelling at the heaps of junk inside, and then imagining it all ending up in landfill.
It’s great to find a group of people practicing some healthy consumer disobedience! =)
This really is the bottom line of Minimalism. I have found myself on a few occasions in shops, not even browsing, but accompanyine someone who was, or who needed to get something, and feeling quite impatient to leave. The bright lights and colours and insistent captions drain me, as does the knowledge that every moment I spend in this shop is time I could be somewhere else. I like Suzyn’s revelation, that she already had enough for now and could think about replacements when the time came, and also Brenda’s reminder that everything you buy will one day need to be given or thrown away, so is it worth the purchase? Excellent post, Francine. I still catch myself wanting to want, but am aware of it much sooner now and can laugh at it and move on.
I find myself feeling the same way its good to know I’m not alone!
The things you teach on the blog have helped me so much in decluttering and organizing my home. I have just reached the point of not wanting to want; and realizing I have enough, more than enough in most cases. As I’ve gotten rid of things I’ve been able to relax and not feel like the “things” were breathing down my neck wanting attention. I don’t know that I’ll ever live as minimally as you do, but that’s not the point. Each person has to get to the level that sustains her/him in the life she/he wants. I’m getting closer.
Great post! I used to have the same problem, although mine occurred when I first became a homeowner and discovered the horror that are online Wishlists – Linens N Things, Bed Bath and Beyond, Amazon… I had them all over. I would look for things I didn’t know I needed to fill my home. Thank god it’s a habit that I’ve since broken. I think it helps immensely that I no longer watch television and I block ads on the internet.
Amen, Francine!! I have the occasional “wanting to want” relapse on the path to minimalism. The most recent bout has (not majorly, but still) screwed up my finances. I think “wanting to want” is a symptom of boredom and restlessness. Moving to something more productive is hard but helps to squelch the anxiety that comes with the feelings of inadequacy that inevitably arise when skimming through a catalog or pawing through merchandise in a store. Why do I do this? The vast majority of stuff in catalogs in stores I’m not interested in anyway.
I love Suzyn’s post; it really speaks to me. I’ll focus on getting the “perfect” wardrobe the day my adequate one wears out.
Typo alert!! “… in catalogs AND stores.” ;-)
Going to stores or looking at retail websites (or even blogs promoting things like electronic gadgets) out of boredom and restlessness is still a problem for me and has caused certain “relapses” of wanting to buy something. It’s something that I need to work on…
Hi Claire! I too have relapses. Part of it is definitely boredom and for me, anxiety. In addition, I recently bought something I didn’t actually want that much, and realized that I haven’ read this blog for several months. Keeping up with the posts and comments helps inspire me and keeps my minimalist goals in mind. Of course, I now have a different problem; there are things I don’t want that much but really need, such as snow boots (I moved to a snowy area a few months ago for grad school and have no waterproof shoes) and have lost weight so my jeans are falling off and even my belt isn’t helping to hold them up.
Fortunately, I have never been tempted. I am one of the few who absolutely hate (rather, HATE!) to shop. I find most items are flimsy and not worth the asking price. I invest in a few classic items and do not veer off course. I know that what is a “must have” for some people this year, will be out of style next year. I really have to gear myself up to shop for anything, including food (ridiculous, I know). It is the one area that I am known to procrastinate. As far as marketing is concerned, I never click on any ad on the Internet. I know how that whole enterprise works and I don’t like it at all. I also either pause the television or mute it when any ads come on. I subscribe to two cooking magazines, but I don’t pay any attention to the ads. They are mostly for cars and watches, not exactly what I am subscribing to cooking magazines for. I have more or less always been like this, so I have a difficult time empathizing with the person who shops for sport or for what they consider the fun of it. I’d rather have a root canal.
Don’t feel bad, I HATE shopping for food as well. It’s expensive, doesn’t last very long, and I’m (mostly) zero waste, so shopping at Safeway etc and having to buy something in a package makes me very cranky. The people suck, the lines are long, the bags are heavy. I wish I could just grow everything. ;)
Anyone wanting to opt out of junk mail: https://www.catalogchoice.org/ and https://www.dmachoice.org/dma/member/home.action For credit cards, I return everything sent with a letter requesting to opt out in the postage paid envelope sent with the solicitation. It works every time.
Ooh, I love that credit card trick; I’ll most definitely give it a try. Thanks for the tip!! :-)
Francine,
Thank you so much for posting this! Perfect timing with all the holiday ads and sales that have started popping up.
I used to have this “wanting to want” problem in the worst way but since paring down my possessions to a finite number I follow the one-thing-in one-thing-out rule. I find myself thinking, “Yes, I DO love this little black dress but do I really love it enough to replace my existing LBD?” Inevitably, the answer is no. It feels so refreshing to actually be content with what you have!
Love your posts! They are always so thoughtful and articulate. Thank you.
I love your observation:
Indeed!
“Stick it to the man, and keep your hard-earned dollars out of the hands of big corporations.”
Love this line Francine! The few gifts I buy will be locally purchased and possibly handmade. I will not be shopping at the mall or the big box stores. The “man” will not be getting my money, even if I have to pay higher dollar for a product somewhere else.
Bernice
Do the holidays throw you off balance?
I’ve never been much of a shopper so for me, when I get dragged into a shopping trip, stores are more like museums where I go to see the exhibits relating to our culture. You don’t bring home museum exhibits. :)
I am only just starting to realise how caught up I am in wanting to want. So I love your comment Linda. I often have that sense of shopping being like an anthropology expedition. I feel almost sad when I see so much excess.
As many of the comments here also agree, I too agree with your feelings and your insights. You are very accurate and your advice is good: Ignore, Analyze, Subvert.
On my current spiritual path (I’ve been on so many) it’s taught to us that Desire’s are endless. the problem with desires (wants) is that they just can’t be fulfilled. But it seems like they could. Just buy the new Plasma TV and that’s all we’ll need. Then next year, they come out with a bigger one with built in WiFi.
Some philosopher’s of the past (A.C.) suggested the path to finding the proverbial “Land of No Desire” was through crossing the ocean of one’s desires. But Eastern teachers (such as Yogananda), say it like you do… that desires and endless! to pick up one, to burn it off… is just to find another in it’s place.
My Buddhist teacher (Lama Marut from ACILA) would do a guided meditation called “Death Meditation” which was a way of going through life and realizing (in meditation) the impermanence of everything. That way releasing one from the grip of addictions and wants, to find freedom in having less.
At any rate, I wanted to say – Great article. I loved it. It was very encouraging.
Great post! I sometimes entertain myself by watching one of the home shopping channels and marvel at the endless amount of overpriced junk they are selling. Like you said, it’s amusing to discover so many things I don’t want and am glad I don’t have. It actually reinforces my need for minimalism!
Francine-
Another great post. This one really struck a chord with a struggle that’s ongoing- (never had a name for it before) the want of wanting is the last element of materialism that challenges me. That’s after sorting, purging and giving away. I begin longing when I see a “cuter” sweater than the 3 that I already own, or a different color ballet flat than my all purpose black, better drinking glasses than the ones I’ve used for years.
And then the search begins: online for hours, bookmarking pages and reviewing, shopping the mall, alone, so that I can take as long as I want. More and more I come home with the “empty hands”, and that’s good -but I’ve lost time, (lots of it some weeks) am exhausted and wishing I’d spent the time fixing the sink, making a simple meal for a friend, or finishing any numbers of projects that I promise myself I’ll do Just As Soon As I acquire the exact, perfect, purse etc.
So thank you for giving this phenomenon a Name. It helps me to overthrow it- current strategy is the “Buy Nothing for a month.
This is day one.
Kathy, I could have written this post. I’m struggling with the same thing. I’m actually enjoying getting rid of things–but I have to fight the insidious siren song that begins telling me that now I have an opportunity to replace lots of stuff with The One Perfect Thing in each category, so I’ll never need to buy it again. You’d think that after almost 20 years of binge-and-purge-and-binge consumption, I’d recognize that impulse for the delusion it is. :/
great post! i’ve found myself making the same transition over the past few months without really labeling it or declaring a new quest… it just happened along with the desire to pursue minimalism. i’d look at magazines and realize there was nothing new i wanted – or – that i had something similar that i already loved. when i really loved my house and the space we live in, my eye was drawn to similar pictures. it’s so peaceful to not always be wanting, and it saves a lot of money!
Great post, Francine. I find stores overwhelming too. Especially grocery stores when all I need and want are the basics most of the time. I only shop 2 times a year for clothes but the best deterent for shopping is for us to be content with what we already have.
Well, you have named a malady that was never diagnosed for me..that of “Wanting to want.” I’ve even been guilty of this at yard sales and Goodwill..Oh, the thrill of the hunt and spotting the item or items that I didn’t even realize kept my life from being complete:)…but because of you, I can cure that little disease. I’ve know families who for their Friday night’s entertainment take of to WalMart in search of all the things they might want to want..
Francine, you keep amazing me with your observations..Keep up the great job..
Ahhh, for me this really is what lies at the heart of minimalism. If you can curb the desire to want, and appreciate simplicity, emptiness and NOT HAVING, then that really is freedom!
I am early in my journey toward minimalism, so sometimes I swing. I am also moving toward being ‘zero waste’ and sometimes I find myself hankering for lovely items that are ‘green’ and so on…but of course, the greenest thing you can do is to do without!
I have always had an inner activist streak, so the consumer disobedience really appeals to me. On the rare occasions I watch TV or let my kids watch it, I avoid commercials and am quick to hit the ‘mute’ button on the remote.
I used to enjoy my ‘retail therapy’ but I now I would rather go for a hike or read a book. I feel rather ill when I think of how many people consider shopping to be their primary reason for existing, and their favorite leisure activity – it is so sad! But I feel very encouraged that there is a change in the wind. People in western cultures are finally starting to embrace the idea of LESS. Smaller homes, walking and riding instead of driving, eating less meat, consuming less, being less greedy, less busy, reducing our carbon footprint, our waste. I feel very hopeful that minimalism is part of this greater change, where we can move toward a fairer, more equitable economic model, a more sustainable way of life, and value, honor and care for the incredible planet we are fortunate to call home, as true custodians.
Wanting to want? — ALWAYS
But since I have done the major declutter work at home; I do not feel like buying anything that will add clutter and again one day I have to do the painstaking job of decluttering. However I still go to shopping malls and look for new clothes/ shoes /bags etc. not with the intention of immediate buying but just to keep an eye whenever the needs will arise. Honestly speaking It feels good to surf through those beautiful items and enjoy window shopping without cluttering home. :)
Oh wow! That’s exactly what i was doing – looking through catalogues, going from store to store at the mall, and online surfing for things to WANT! I may have had a flimsy excuse for looking, like looking for a particular thing, but I took it further and spent my time wanting to want something.
I also agree with Suzyn – I began focusing on finding the perfect pair of pants, purse, shoes etc. for my ideal minimal wardrobe, but I can relax and just use what i have and not put so much energy into finding that perfect item. It was just another reason to shop!
Many years ago, I went to a friend’s home for a meal. He is an IT geek an classic early-adopter type. Anyway, he had one of his several TVs playing in the other room and I wandered thru and got sidetracked by a comedy show. I haven’t had a TV since the 1980s so hadn’t seen this particular show before. It was brilliant; I was SCREAMING with laughter. He came thru to see what was so funny and…….it wasn’t a comedy satire at all, it was a v.famous shopping channel ;P
I couldn’t believe it either; Z-list “celebs” extolling the merits of the most appallingly-useless items as if they represented the saving of Mankind. I only hope they got a decent fee for making such idiots of themselves.
I think I can’t be advertised to, any more. I either laugh at the absurdities or start doing an intellectual deconstruction of the images and words as they try to lead us over to their trough by the rings through our little piggy noses.
I’m looking forward to not-shopping again this Christmas and will be avoiding all retail areas for the next few weeks, unless it is necessary for foodstuffs, and then I shall be in and out as fast as I can.
Great post, as ever, Francine, please keep them coming.
GreyQueen – you are a legend!
Something I found a helpful mid-step in reducing the amount of purchasing in shops is to decide in my mind that the shop is in fact a museum or an art gallery. I can go in and enjoy the colours and the designs and the craftsmanship but I can’t take any of it home. Works for me. I can have a happy half hour in one department store finding inspiration in the crockery section with all the shapes and colours and then I go home empty handed with a full purse/wallet (UK/USA english) and enjoy my cheap and cheerful cups and saucers. I’m choosy about the museums and galleries I spend time in and I’m choosy about which shops I want to spend my time in, because I can only spend my time once.
I did not yet read the rest of the comments yet, so I might be repeating things already written.
I gave up subscribing magazines many years ago. Only seldom, do I buy one, only to notice, that it was money wasted. I have not watched TV for soon 3 years. And I have not missed much.
I too hate going to malls, but visit certain shops every now and then and don´t come out empty handed, lol.
I try to save on small things.
I declutter all the time, trying to end up with a small simple wardrobe, a wardrobe, that fits my lifestyle, a wardrobe that gets use.
For everyday wear, I manage with very little, but I like to have the basic specials ready, updated if needed – just in case.
I can relate to this with my old addiction to TV watching. I would channel surf for the sake of filling my downtime. It would be nothing for me to waste four or more hours an evening watching the box. I still watch the rolling news channel and the odd-documentary but I have weaned myself off by reading, playing the odd board game and catching up with ‘someday, maybe’ tasks that would have otherwise been left to wither away through neglect.
Buy Nothing Christmas : )
RSVP on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=241228462597181
‘Tis the season to give love and charity – not consumer debt, environmental destruction, and bad working conditions.
I’ve found myself wanting a smartphone recently, it would be nice to be able to access stuff like Google Maps from my phone. But I haven’t bought one because I don’t *need* one, my current phone works fine for what I do the most, and I think about the environmental destruction that goes into creating a new product. If my situation changes and I think I’ll need a smartphone (like I get a job that requires me to constantly be looking up stuff), or if my current phone breaks or I lose it, I’ll get one with no qualms, but until then I’m pretty happy with my phone.
That’s kind of how I reason with anything I want to purchase – is having it worth the environmental destruction that goes into creating it?
Love this post too….I think as I get older the less I really want….Im really doing so much better at focusing on what I need…
What I need at 52 is to start my second chapter with enjoyment and saving for our golden years….not acquiring more stuff.
websites like this as well as francines wonderful books have helped me so much. If something works it stays….it doesnt get replaced until it needs to be…..
I care for my 93 year old mom…Im married 31 years….I stopped working to spend more time with her….minimalizing was a must but it actually turned out to be the best time for me….I now write and blog and spend enjoyable hours doing more than acquiring more stuff…..
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/donna-marie-ryan/2011/10/20/lets-start-today-to-show-the-world-kindness
I know all too well that feeling of “wanting to want”, it seems to be ingrained in human nature! I realised, too, that as soon as I satisfied a want, another one would jump in to take its place. I agree with you about avoiding temptation. I don’t browse catalogues, don’t browse stores or online, only read a limited number of magazines (with minimal advertising), and only shop during a 2- to 3-hour period once a week (including groceries). If it’s not on my list or I run out of shopping time, that’s too bad, it has to wait.
I grew up thinking that shopping was supposed to be a fun past-time. In recent years, I’ve realised that shopping actually drives me crazy, and there are so many better ways to spend my time!
Recognising our ‘wanting’ is a good start, because we then can make a CHOICE about whether or not we act on it.
For me, the Socratean approach has turned out to be really fun.
Before I met my wife I almost never browsed anything, read any catalogs, advertisements, or generally looked for something to buy at all. I just wasn’t interested in all sorts of stuff that was for sale everywhere, and I almost didn’t even know what to think of all that. All I knew “I don’t really need this” and, hence, didn’t find any of them interesting at all.
However, my wife turned out to be a browser (hehe, not this internet thingy however, might I add!) and I was quite puzzled whenever she spent time looking at all kinds of things on shopping windows or on the shelves, from cheap to expensive, but almost never bought anything. Finally she explained that she did it intentionally: she just loved to look at those beautiful or cute things as such and that’s what she did then–and only that. Unlike I had expected, it didn’t translate into a shopping urge.
I started doing the same myself and turns out it’s actually really fun. I’ve grown to appreciate the car accessory shelves, power tools aisle, the electronics section, mobile phone displays, and other as a sort of an–exhibition of, well, curiosity.
As an anecdotal example, my internal dialog goes something like: “Wow, now that seems like a cool, thin slick piece of a laptop! And it has a battery life of six hours! Hmmm, wouldn’t want that myself, though”; or “Wow, these new flat panel televisions are really big these days! I wonder how would one carry that package to home… Oh, you can hook your computer into it as well and hack on the big screen! Ah, well, if only I watched television…”; or “Wow, an electric blanket! Who makes these? I wonder who would actually go buy one of these?” Finally, the best “savings” come from cars because I find most new cars unimaginative, soulless, and outright ugly. I can admire big engines, in-car navigation and computer systems, and other technical features but everytime I have to conclude “Well, I wouldn’t buy this car myself, though.” That’s tens of thousands saved every time :D And yet I get to drool over cool gadgets, widgets, and tools that I don’t need nor want myself.
‘Everything Must Go’ Trailer HD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auISHpdkQ7k
I LOVE this post and all of the comments. I too had never thought of it as “wanting to want” but it fits perfectly and really resonated with me. I’ve mostly transitioned out of retail shopping and cancelled magazines and gotten off of the email lists of my old favorite retailers. Once I realized that I can buy brand-new clothing with labels still attached or almost new clothing at Goodwill, I was able to walk away from retail and not look back. BUT, I have a large, clean Goodwill just blocks from my office and it is next door to a huge used bookstore. Now I have to break myself of the habit of browsing through Goodwill at lunch and feeling virtuous over my $5.00 sweater “finds” when I definitely don’t need more sweaters (or any clothes for that matter). I can also feel smug over buying books at just half the price of the local B&N but it is STILL buying more than I need. I often go to the Goodwill or bookstore on my lunch hour to get out of the office and break up my day and rarely go looking for any particular item so it fits the definition of “wanting to want”, perfectly. This week I plan to bring a book to read at lunch but still try to leave the office and stay the heck out of Goodwill. Great post, as usual. Thanks!
What a perfect post for this time of year. Wanting to want does not lend to living a life of gratitude and with the holiday season around the corner, advertisers not only want us “wanting to want” for ourselves, but they also for others.
It;s been an evolution for me. There was a time I could shop everyday for something. It didn’t matter if it was a drugstore, mall, outdoor vendor, etc. As I have become more aware, I know find shopping to be an overwhelming chore. I make a list, get in and get out. I am not one of those gals that can hang out with her girlfriends, shopping all day. I do enjoy the company but not the stuff I am expected to by. As I get older, it’s always about quality over quantity.
I just stumbled across you this afternoon and I’ve spent the last couple of hours browsing. I tend toward minimalism, but dh is just the opposite. My dream house is a tiny house on an acre or two of land that I can use to grow veggies. Before I got married, I could move everything I owned in my car. Since I got married, I have acquired way more stuff than I care to admit.
Wow. This post has changed my life, literally.
I have been struggling with ‘wanting to want’ for such a long time, I am only now waking up to myself. I am on a [very] slow but sure path with minimalism- starting today. First stop? Boxes of photos/letters/keepsakes- I have over 4 boxes of this stuff.
Thank you for your inspiration!
Our apartment building contains a mini library. Tenants regularly drop off their unwanted books and magazines for others to enjoy. When a “wanting to want” feeling comes upon me, I borrow a recent fashion magazine from there and thumb through the pages enjoying all the eye candy. When my fantasy shopping haul is over, the urge for new things (that I don’t need) is gone. It’s certainly an oddball way of avoiding marketing messages, but it works for me.
Sue, you are absolutely right. This is how human mind works – try to deny it something, and you will get a rebound. This is the same for alcoholics – tell yourself you will never drink again, and you most surely will. Another way of “enjoying eye candy”- the way I do it – is like this. Take any catalogue or a magazine full of tempting things, find yourself a moment of free time and a soft sofa, and go for virtual shopping in your mind: tell yourself you can have absolutely everything you want, open a page, look through all the offers, and choose whatever you like, regardless of the price. Look at the item, imagine it as yours, enjoy the feeling, and go to the next page. Don’t deny yourself anything :) This is the way you can shop for clothes makeup, jewelry, houses… The main thing is not to deny yourself anything – virtually! Then your mind stays at rest and doesn’t ask for more – you already have given yourself everything. If done correctly, this exercise should leave you in peace for quite a long time. Two main benefits – you don’t deny yourself anything, and you don’t get an ego reaction “no, I WILL have it anyway”. And the second – you should not ever think that minimalism has something to do with being poor. This is the worst assumption there is. Minimalism means having the best things you can afford, but only a few. If you have the best you can afford, you will never yearn for more, or more perfect.
I’ve found that it’s helped me a lot to stop all my subscriptions. Not only do I no longer have the temptation, but
I don’t have to deal with the magazine clutter!! Now, the only time I flip through my “guilty pleasure” fashion mag’s is at my occasional visit to the hair salon!
Recently, I’ve been visiting stores to specifically subvert my desires to want. Ever since I became comfortable with the non-consumerist lifestyle, I’ve had great pleasure going to festivals, quaint downtowns, museum shops- without my wallet- and looking at everything. It’s so freeing to point out what you don’t need and what you could careless to own. Especially since these desires used to trap me.
I window shop, I catalogue shop, I browse stores and the Internet, but I hardly ever buy anything because a) I can’t afford the things I really want, and I don’t like the things I can afford, b) I don’t really want stuff that I wouldn’t actually use (it’s fun to dream of all the things you’d do in that gorgeous ballgown, but if you don’t actually go to balls, it will only take up space and attract dust in your closet), and c) I hate trying things on, and having to decide if it looks good on me, if I’ll wear it, if I can afford it, if I couldn’t find it cheaper somewhere else, if… When I window shop I can be whoever I want at the moment, I can be minimalist chic or voluptiosly baroque, I can be a hippie, a princess, a business woman, I can wear Chanel and Max Mara and dance with Fred Astaire in one of Ginger Rogers flowing ball gowns. When I actually shop I have to be practical and budget conscious (and usually either bored because the things I need are so boring or in conflict with my more impractical desires). Besides, I’m insanely quality and material conscious, bad seams and loose threads drive me nuts, and I don’t like the feel of anything but natural materials, which rules out a lot of things that I could actually afford.
The only things I have bought for myself this year have all been things that I have needed, like new dance shoes (my old ones were wearing out) and some running gear since I started running this summer (well, to be totally honest, the only things I really, really needed were the running shoes, the socks and the new sports bra, I bought the running skirt, the moisture wick tank and the icebreaker T-shirt on sale because I wanted them and because they make running more pleasureable). Now that I have written down what I bought just for running, it seems quite a lot, but I guess that this is compensated by the fact that I actually use all of my running gear as it is the only things I have except for an old yoga top, a pair of pants a fleece and a sweat shirt that I already owned. The only unnecessary thing I have bought because I wantedwantedwanted it was a lifefactory glass water bottle that I have been oogling for years online and suddenly found in a shop I happened to pass, and even then I went home and slept on it. Right now I’m lusting for a pair of icebreaker running pants and an icebreaker top (it gets cold where I live) and some colourful tights, and an iphone (I need a new phone as my old one is getting irreliable, but the iphone is a bit out of my budget right now), who knows what the post Christmas sales will bring!
I got a bit carried away while writing this comment, but it has been a while since I wanted to want something, in fact, the only time I have wanted to want something was when I had just moved abroad and lived in a very spartan flat without TV or Internet connection, not to mention without knowing anyone. I sometimes whent down to the mall just to have something to do, and realised that I didn’t actually want anything there no matter how much I wanted to want it, I even bought stuff because I wanted to want it (even though I didn’t)! Most of all, I realized that I only wanted to want because I wanted to feel like I belonged (I was, after all, in a mall). After that I decided to take a book to a new café every time I felt the want to want. Once I got my bearings a bit, found a few bits of comfort to make my flat my home and made some friends my want to want wanished totally. Do I still want things? Off course I do! But now I want specific things, things I actually need and would use, and if I should ever feel the need to want something I’ll just hit a café, because, after all, what’s wrong with wanting a cup of tea when you are at a café?
I have really enjoyed this post and messages and want to add my encouragement to those on the path to minimalism with me. I have only really started and I still love shopping, especially pre-loved items from Goodwill type stores (we have lots of church and independent ones in Australia).
Recently though, I realised I was re-buying a lot, in order to upscale and get the ‘perfect’ version. I have started taking photos on my iPhone (my husbands old one) of all my clothes and jewellery. I have barely made a dint in the huge amount of clothing that I have, and already, the thought of taking another photo and seeing all those clothes as photos, the files of skirts, shoes, jackets etc… thats real shopping discouragement, seeing the cold, hard facts.
Yes, its weird having your wardrobe on your iPhone, but if I think I want a new top.. I just look at the photos of all the others I already have – usually it makes me feel like getting rid of them all !