Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words (click here for details).
I think you’ll be inspired by this week’s story from Carrie, who’s pursuing a minimalist lifestyle with six children. Please visit her blog to learn more about how she does it.
Carrie writes:
My name is Carrie. I’m a wife, mom of 6 kids, a homeschooler, avid reader/writer/blogger.
While the word “minimalist” only recently became part of my vocabulary, I’ve always been one. As a kid, I remember my mom taking me shopping, and I would often tell her, “But I don’t need anything, Mom…” She thought that was funny.
When I was 12, my parents sold everything they owned (including a house full of beautiful antique furniture and my Dad’s business), and we took off for Ireland (somewhere we had never been) to live. That experience changed who I would grow up to be. It taught me that possessions really don’t define you or make you happy. Experiences, personal growth, and people are what make your life rich.
Even as a kid, I was uncomfortable with excess and with clutter. It’s only natural that as I became an adult and a mom, that I would continue with the same value system.
Minimalism has enabled me to have a larger than average family without going nutso. I keep our schedule very simple. My kids don’t do extracurricular activities as a rule. They read a LOT. We don’t have cable. In fact I didn’t have a TV until I married my husband (we use it once a week to rent a movie). My kids don’t own a lot of toys. They play together a lot.
Having a decluttered home is so much nicer to me. It really is true that when you don’t own a ton of stuff, you don’t really have to “organize”. With a family this size, things could get out of hand really quick if we were surrounded by too much stuff.
I find that setting limits with myself, limiting my choices, makes me happy. There are so many great ideas, so many awesome things that I could do. But then I wouldn’t have time to just sit outside in the sun and watch my kids play. These are some of my happiest moments. I recently permanently deleted my Facebook account. I felt relief. I’ll miss a few of the people on there, but I can always email or text them and say, “Hey let’s meet for coffee”, instead. I make choices like this all the time – to eliminate stuff to make room for better things. I never accept the status quo. I’m always asking myself how I can make things better, simpler.
One thing I have to work on is not being too frugal with myself. I am working on remembering the difference between price and value. I have a minimalist wardrobe, so I need to spend a little more on each piece so it lasts. (I despise shopping!)
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
It’s great to see a large-ish family practising minimalism!!! Not to offend anyone out there, but you feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole when all you read about are 20 somethings who can live with 10 posessions and are mobile, whilst you are at home with 3+ children, a stable and semi permanent job and a house full of stuff.
Carrie, I too am a mother who is practising minimalism and I do agree on how it makes life easier in so many ways. Also don’t have a TV (cable or free to air) and way too many children’s books (which I would never get rid of)…
It was uplifting to read your story! Thank you for sharing. I know parents lurking everywhere on miss minimalist are smiling right now. :)
“One thing I have to work on is not being too frugal with myself” – I’ve had a very strict calvinist upbringing so I can heartily relate to that…
BTW – Your kids must love you, if they don’t have many toys it won’t take them ages to tidy their room and you don’t have to shout at them win-win all around methinks.
Hi. Great post.
Could we have a link to Carrie’s blog that doesn’t open in a new window. I read on my Kindle and it can’t handle multiple windows.
Cheers!
wow, I love how your parents took you to Ireland. I am hoping we can do that with our kids sometime soon (somewhere, maybe not Ireland). We have sold most of our stuff, now we just need to figure out how to save enough to move somewhere :)
That’s such an inspirational back story about how you moved to Ireland after your parents sold their possessions. I can only wish my parents had the clarity to do that then maybe I wouldn’t have got shouted at so many times for leaving my toys everywhere, haha!
I completely agree with trying to remember not to be too frugal. I feel guilty when I buy something, which might be slightly unhealthy… does anyone else get that feeling? I don’t know if minimalism is too engrained in my lifestyle but I always get my parents telling me to buy new clothes and I know I should (I’ve kept the same stuff for 7 years now so I’m starting to look a bit scruffy) but I just can’t bring myself to do it.
I’m also envious that you could delete your facebook account so easily. A friend of mine did so but I just feel like I’d lose contact with so many people… maybe I’m a little insecure but I found it so useful whilst at university I always get the feeling now that I’ll lose out. I have a long way to go!!
Great story, Carrie! :)
I also feel guilty when I buy something for myself. I don’t get that feeling if I buy for my hubby or kids, just myself. Like even if my shoes are falling apart & I NEED new shoes, when I buy them I feel guilty. But money is always extremely tight for us so I’m sure that has something to do with it.
Another mom here, and I agree with the others that it’s really nice to hear about other families with kids living simply!
One more mom here who finds it refreshing to hear about another “large” family who lives much like we do. At one time we lived next door to a family with exactly the same number of children, five. On trash day we put out our large trash can only about third to a half full, with two recycling bins. Our neighbors put out two overflowing trash bins. The mom of that family was always going shopping for more stuff. We shopped at thrift stores and recycled like crazy. We try to live light on the planet and use our creativity rather than money. Thanks for sharing your story.
I am not quite bold enough to sell all I have to move, though I have reached a new mindset that enables me to think long-term: if I save $x-amount for the next 6-12 months, I can afford vacation, instead of buying little extras I don’t really need.
Deleted my facebook permanently over a year ago – had toyed with the idea for over a year and felt such RELIEF too! I don’t miss it.
I, too, despise shopping and have only met one other person in my lifetime who truly feels this way. Lots of people say they despise shoping, but they still shop, talk incessantly about shopping related issues, peruse magazines in preparation for shopping, etc. I’ve found that my loathing of shopping can be a bit of a turn off for other women. I’ve made friends with women who have invited me to go shopping, (I am presuming out of some sort of female bonding ritual), but when I politely express my displeasure with this “sport” and suggest another activity, I get looks of shock and horror. I also get a lot of remarks like: “you must shop SOME time” or “you always have nice clothes, so I KNOW you shop”. These really never bother me, because I know that I purchase a few very high quality itmes and mix and match my wardrobe. In other words, I know that I am a minimalist and have not fallen prey to consumerism; my mid-sumer integrity always remains in tact.
I once gave away all my stuff and moved to Ireland too, and it was the most liberating experience! My husband and I hope to do it again once we have kids so they don’t have to wait decades to get to know it like we had to. Why did your family move there?
Carrie, you are the type of mum I would love to be! :)
Are you still in Ireland?
I agree. So nice to hear from someone who isn’t young and who has ties and responsibilities, yet still has managed to be a minimalist. I find it hard to relate to most of the people who post here.
Kari, I don’t think “ties and responsibilities” make it so much harder to be a minimalist. Wouldn’t it be just an excuse?
I also felt I would not be able to get there (being a minimalist) with two children and a husband who is not really into it. So I started with myself only, not worrying if I would be able to extend this to the whole house and family or not. We should try not to be too perfectionist and do only what we can. It is not worth damaging relationships because of this.
After minimizing my own stuff, I started working with the kids. They already had me as an example and asked a lot of questions when they saw me getting rid of stuff, so when their time came, it was piece of cake.
My husband noticed the benefits and got inspired. He is not yet a minimalist and he said he will never be, but he is a little more organized now and purges his stuff a little more regularly.
I am already happy with what I could accomplish ;-)
So many moms chiming in on this one! Perhaps someone can answer this for me, because I am in that young and single demographic you find so unrelatable. In the same way, I have a hard time relating to mommy minimalist blogs and blog posts. I in no way mean this to be disrespectful, or rude, it’s just something I am curious about and have no way of asking in real life.
How does someone who’s always been a minimalist choose to have six kids? Or rather, how do you reconcile the two (creating consumers vs. reducing consumption)?
Very good point – how does a minimalist choose to have six kids?
Because we love kids. ;) People aren’t stuff. People aren’t clutter.
Wonderful answer! :)
‘How does someone who’s always been a minimalist choose to have six kids?’
‘Very good point – how does a minimalist choose to have six kids?’
I am surprised to see these comments. I did not realize the two were mutually exclusive. So I can only be a minimalist if I’m single and childless, have an i-something, a backpack full of posessions and are a blogger?
As an aspiring minimalist who is about to become a mother to four lovely beings, I’m offended. It’s commentaries like the above that turn a lot of people off minimalism.
I agree with Carrie – I simply love children. My disdain for possessions and a overly consumeristic society have nothing to do with my love of people (especially children). I would have thought that the two go hand in hand – People above posessions. Apparently not.
My question actually had more to do with the fact that I don’t want kids at all, regardless of my affiliation with the minimalist community. And as I stated, I don’t have the opportunity to ask the question in real life and tried to make it as inoffensive as possible given what I was asking. Carrie gladly answered it, and as she does appear to be someone who genuinely loves kids and all they bring I can see how she holds both 7 kids and simple living to be ideals. I put people over possessions as well (certainly not implying that you shouldn’t have kids!), but I can do that without having children of my own.
No offense taken! I do personally reject the use of the word “consumers” to describe a human being, however. ;) I didn’t give birth to consumers, I gave birth to creative, intelligent, loving people.
Kids do have their clothes, toys, art supplies etc. But if one applies the same principles to the children as to themselves, minimalism and simple living is achievable. (even if a house with kids won’t be as ’empty’ as without them :))
I don’t want this question to sound critical of your parenting style and I’m not a parent here but do you feel that you’re limiting your kids by not allowing them to do extracurricular activities? Are there other ways that you encourage them to cultivate their own interests and talents?
Her post said they “don’t do extracurricular activities” not they “aren’t allowed”. Perhaps the kids are so content at home don’t want to?
Good question! The kids have taken a variety of classes at times (art, pottery, dance), and are very involved with friends and activities through a homeschool field trip group. The kids seem happier when we don’t “go” a lot. Two of the kids are musicians (guitar, piano – self taught), one is a prolific writer, one has a thriving eBay business, one loves to sew, and we are learning Spanish as a family… so no, I don’t think they’re limited. Generally speaking I think many kids are too overscheduled these days. It’s better for them to have lots of time to just be… this is why they can pursue their own interests in their own way. :-)
Awesome! It sounds like they are happy kids who have had many opportunities to pursue their interests. :)
this may sound strange, but when i read carries story and imagined the six happy kids, i suddenly remembered one of my favourite books when i was a child.
i started to read it again today, after 15 years of neglect and i already discovered things, i didn’t recognise when i was 9 years old. and i think, there’s so much “minimalism” in it, so much about loving life and the small things. and it’s anti-consumeristic (is that an english word? sorry, english isn’t my mothertongue) to the core.
i think, momo by michael ende will become one of my favourite books again.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Momo_%28novel%29
I’m one of the unattached 20-somethings (not for much longer), but I have to say this does give me hope that I’ll be able to maintain a somewhat minimalist lifestyle when (if) I do settle down and raise a family.
Carrie, I enjoyed reading about your minimalist family in this post. You would have so much more time for life and relationships, rather than dealing with stuff all the time. I dislike shopping too, and am always looking for ways to cut back on the time I spend shopping while still buying good quality and useful items for my family. Unfortunately, because I don’t like shopping, I tend to avoid researching purchases properly too (we are usually lucky and buy well, but I need to put more time into making sure!)
I have two young children, and I also limit their extra-curricular activities, in favour of home-based and family/friend-based activities. My kids just love to hang out at home and play imaginatively. I remember from my childhood, the relaxing days at home where I could explore and create were amongst my favourite memories.
I think this is my favourite real life story so far! I definitely relate to being uncomfortable with excess and clutter. I feel inspired by Carrie to throw away my TV, even delete my Facebook account..! Thank you for sharing.
Congratulations for deleting your Facebook account! I deleted mine in October, in advance of the Timeline roll out, but I had been thinking about it for some time.
Although I never spent much time on it, I originally signed up for it to connect with students at the university where I teach. It had no ads and was only open to .edu addresses. As it opened up, though, and became a fantasy land for data miners, I felt it was time to leave. I realized that I don’t willingly hand over info to marketers, so why should I do so on Facebook?
Yes, I will lose touch with people who knew me 20 years ago, but that’s ok. It forces me to have more quality interactions with people in my life now, which is as it should be.
I am a minimalist mom with only one child. A lot of my friends have chosen one child as well. I respect parents who can handle more kids, but for me, one was enough. My son is now 18 and enjoys the minimalist lifestyle. He even cuts his own hair so he doesn’t have to deal with barbers, hair dryers or combs! Sometimes he struggled with loneliness, but he’s developed solid friendships and knows how to find inner peace which I think is one of the best “things” a parent can give their child.
I really loved reading this post as i am a mother of 1 and on the journey of minimalism. It is so inspiring to hear from a mother of 6 and still managing a minimal lifestyle. I really do agree that children don’t need all the toys and gadgets to be happy, what they really want is quality time and room to be creative. Thanks for sharing your story Carrie:)
I’m a minimalist mom with 3 children, now all teenagers. Our home is very minimalist and I aim for simplicity (minimalist), beauty and coziness. One of the kids’s friends commented this weekend that our home was cozy. Funny thing is, we own the smallest house around, but it seems to psychologically hit the mark in being cozy. And it’s sparse. We do the one in and one out rule and I had all the kids get rid of their unused stuff when I moved them around to different bedrooms and they loved their “new” rooms and space. It can be done. And done well. I also have to comment on the consumer/children comparison. Things are made for people, people are not made for the convenience of things or ideas. Sometimes, I think the tech age has made some too logical and heartless, creating a mind more like a machine or product. We are born to love and be loved.
Now that sounds lovely, moving around to different bedrooms. I used to have the biggest, gloomiest room the furthest away from my parents and I had asked my parents several times if I could swap rooms with my siblings but no go.
Because my home is still too full to my liking, I live by “one in, two out”. Have had several people commenting that my small bedsit is “quite spacious”.
You are right about the tech age making people too logical. This is what today’s work ethic makes us – overwrought tired ex-human beings, not having enough time and energy to give children and each other the attention and love they need. I still think the more people there are the more clutter, and am a bit disappointed that for children there was just a slight ripple of comments and for pets there were so many Francine had to close the comments down!
Your story is refreshing and inspiring!
Really enjoyable story, Carrie. Thank you.
I’m the oldest of seven children and a mother to three adult children. My children and I are so thankful to have a large loving (part Irish) family to go through life with. I grew up playing quite creatively all the day long with my siblings and only used TV for a real treat once in while.
As a mom myself, we lived a slow-paced life as well. I couldn’t do the “mad dash all over town to be somewhere by a certain time, then run home while eating fast food in the car, just to drop into bed and do it all over again the next day” routine.
And now that I’ve been an empty-nester… I chose to sell everything and moved overseas for a few years.
Hi Carrie, I’m catching up on this blog and came upon your story and just had to comment. You have such a great philosophy and approach to your life, and remind me very much of my lovely sister-in-law (who also home-schools, and is a mom to 8 kids, though the 2 oldest have grown up and moved out now). I’m a full-time working parent with 2 kids, and minimalism doesn’t come naturally to me, I’m sorry to say. But I am enjoying the process…it would be easy to turn it into one of those unreachable goals, like a perfect home, or whatever, so I have to resist that and enjoy the ride too. Your blog is awesome, I have been working towards greening/frugal-ing my home so I was intrigued about your home-made dishwashing recipe, and impressed by your slow-cooker yoghurt.
Thanks for sharing your story.
The families I know with many kids usually have fewer possessions and neater homes. The kids are responsible because they know everything won’t be replaced instantly. I know of a family with 2 kids where once a year, the parents rented a dumpster so the kids could clean their rooms. Talk about over consumption.
My kids were fascinated by friends who had tons of toys all over the house. Mine could play with a cardboard box for hours or sit and write a story. Kids pick up on their parents’ values and will generally make wise choices if given the chance.
I have 3 pieces of furniture from my MIL. They are very heavy and dark. One is a hutch and I have it filled with white and off white platters and plates. Everything else is from house sales or Ikea. I sold a bag of my mother’s broken wristwatches and that will pay for having some prints I bought framed.