Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words (click here for details).
This week, we have a great contribution from Mark in Toronto. He tells us how a cross-country move started him on a minimalist path, and the benefits he’s experienced from an uncluttered life.
Mark writes:
Mark
After I graduated from college and moved to Vancouver, I brought what I needed in 2 suitcases. Since I didn’t have much money I had no need for stuff. Over time I changed apartments and had more roommates and was amazed at their junk! In the early 90s we called it junk — clutter was yet to come!
As I moved on, I started buying things for my own place (e.g., dishes, glassware, end tables, CDs, DVDs, etc.). I even bought useless kitchen gadgets — and I don’t cook! I had as much clutter as others and felt that I was a success because of it. I spent a lot of time shopping, buying, cleaning and it was taking me away from my enjoyment of life. I had to pay off the television and the furniture. Everything was geared towards paying off my stuff! And I barely enjoyed it.
Then came the moment that defined me: a cross-country move for a new job! Not knowing anyone in Toronto I had to divest myself of everything: television, bed, pots and pans, etc. I felt torn but then I rationalized that maybe this was necessary for a new life.
I started over and only bought what I needed — a futon and some books and CDS. I was happy. I didn’t have to worry about stuff! I lived in a small space and even had empty cupboards.
After I met my a partner and later moved in with him, I gave what I owned to charity (e.g., futon, clothes, CDs, DVDs, books). Over a period of time I started to feel that things don’t make you happy — relationships do! I took a hard look at the stuff I did have (old school papers, photos, awards) and pared them down to just 3!
Your blog has made me focus on what was necessary. In my environment if we don’t use it, it goes (I check with him of course first). I can look at a mall but now I have the willpower to avoid buying another DVD boxed set.
By clearing out your clutter you become more open to the world around you. I go to lectures and read books instead of park myself in front of the television. I sometimes do yoga and don’t feel like I have to buy more workout clothes! I even opened myself up to the opera!
Minimalism to me means freedom from consumerism, freedom to live my life on my terms away from the Joneses. My partner has his stuff and I respect that. But I am aware of what I need in my surroundings — flow and peace.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
A lovely story, Mark. You are so right about ‘clutter’ formely being ‘junk’!
Freedom from consumerism is such a wonderful feeling. Now that I have come to terms with “stuff” and my “fantasy self”, I actually detest the shops, but totally relish the time I have to walk our beautiful Pug in parks, along the river, at the beach, etc, and actuualy APPRECIATE the scenery, nature, etc. Dogs need little apart from food, water, exercise and love; we can learn a lot from them!
Totally agree about learning from animals. My husband and I recently adopted two cats and I’m enchanted by the simplicity of their lives. Human beings tend to think that their complexity is proof of their superiority over other creatures, and indeed other people. Personally I think there is much to be admired in a life lived simply and honestly without greed, pride, envy, arrogance, ambition for ambition’s sake etc. No much of human endeavour is undertaken purely for its own sake, so we can prove to ourselves how great we humans are, or because we’re too scared to stand still. Animals are the epitome of living with ‘enough’ rather than ‘as much as possible’ (with the possible exception of food :-))
“Animals are the epitome of living with ‘enough’ rather than ‘as much as possible’ (with the possible exception of food )”
Ha ha! So very true! Apart from the undconditional love dogs give us, unless we abuse them very badly, they are so forgiving. In her book “Out on a Leash”, Shirley Maclaine speaks of how much we can learn from animals. She gives an example of if we accidentally tread on a dog’s paw: it will yelp briefly, but forgets about it almost immediately. As humans, if someone treads on our foot, it is not uncommon to be angry, flustered, talk about it, etc! We can clutter our lives so very easily with negative emotions if we choose to.
We can learn SO much from many animals… and St. Francis of Assisi. No wonder he is Patron Saint of Animals!
Thanks for sharing your story, Mark. I agree that we can be more open to the world around us with less clutter. Stuff distracts us by competing for our attention and demanding we maintain, replace, store, insure, and care for it. It is so nice to use shopping and maintenance time for other, more interesting and more adventurous relationships and experiences!
Great story, Mark!
I think a lot of people try to fill a void in their lives by buying more and more stuff. It’s so sweet that when you found your partner you realised that the ‘stuff’ wasn’t really worth the trouble and that he was the most important part of your life.
Thanks for sharing :)
Flow and peace, hmmmm….
Yay! A Canadian :) I lived just outside Toronto for much of my childhood. Thank you for sharing your story! I am inspired every Monday morning.
Thank you Mark for sharing your story! I like the part about you opening up to the opera,:) keep enjoying life!
I have to say that I enjoy reading these stories as they help me remember that each person’s circumstances are different and what is useful to one would be clutter to another. While all five of our children were home and we were homeschooling our home was completely cluttered! But it was good and useful clutter to us. Books to read, cds and dvds, craft materials, Legos and Lincoln Logs, and in the kitchen enough gear to prepare and serve three “made from scratch” meals each day. With all of that we still lived light on the land, putting out half the trash and twice the recycling of our neighbors who had the same number of children. Now that three children have left home as adults and we are no longer homeschooling I have decluttered much from that period. I’m still working on some of my “Fantasy Self” stuff. Another observation is that some people are more naturally minimalist and others are more naturally keepers. My older sister is the former, I am the latter. We were both raised in the same home. My mother’s sister is also a tosser–as soon as she reads a letter or card, out it goes! Their mother died when I was just 11 and I would love to have those letters and cards Nana wrote so I could know her better (I was named for her and look like her). Keep up the good work. We who are keepers need the inspiration of the tossers to sift the wheat from the chaff and not get overwhelmed by our possessions.
Yes those books, cds and DVD sets…I hardly own any now. Where I am, you can get almost anything you want to see, read or see and read over again from the library. Really cuts down on the junk! I enjoyed reading your story.
“Since I didn’t have much money, I had no need for stuff”
I laughed when I first read that line, but isn’t it true that just because we have extra money, we somehow feel mindlessly drawn to spending it on stuff! Thanks for sharing your story; I am always inspired by the Monday email.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that your things were a sign of success. It seems like a lot of people in the world misunderstand this same thing. Success is not what you own.
I love it most when he said this:
“My partner has his stuff and I respect that.”
I can relate to this. My partner has his stuff too and in as much as I want to “minimize”, I respect him and he is more important to me than minimizing.
I alway look forward to Monday mornings also to read about other people’s journey on living with less. We can all relate to your story. Thanks for sharing!
Oh that fantasy self ! I’ve had a few of them.
Right after college, my first fantasy self decided she would love to host a crazy fun cocktail party in her shabby apartment every weekend — this of course lead to allowing my crazy fantasy self to furnish the apartment and set up a cool bar area… and then there was the buying of bottles of booze, shot glasses, wine glasses —all very fabulous. I wasn’t much interested in booze myself, or fashonable parties, so what was I thinking? I was thinking I had a big apt in NYC all to myself, and MIGHT be able to become one of the fabulous people. All it took was a few credit cards and some crazy.
In real life I hung out with the same 3 close friends, pretty much non-drinkers. They’d come by a few nights a week & we’d order in some Chinese food or a pizza. We’d play Scrabble, listen to music and talk about nerdy stuff. We’d plan backpacking trips. I worked hard to pay off the debts my fantasy self had racked up.
Lesson learned? Not quite. Other completely different fantasy selves can pop up… but now I see them coming before they can take over.
Ah! I had a “bartender” fantasy self when I first bought my condo at 22. I set up the basement with a bar, arcade games, darts, tons of liquor, beer signs, lights, furniture, etc. I hosted a total to 2 parties! And I hated them! Having my new rug get trampled with dirt and my new cream dining chairs get grenadine spilled on them. A few years ago, I gave most of it to my brother, who actually hosts parties on a regular basis. Letting go of it all was so freeing.
I still have 8 place settings of my wedding china on display, and they haven’t been used once. My table will only seat 4 anyway.
ps
I enjoyed your story –DVD boxed sets ! Kitchen Gadgets… these SEEM so affordable and fun.
Another good Monday read.
I do love a good story about another persons journey into minimalism.
I Like what you said here –
“things don’t make you happy — relationships do”
Reminds me of something Christopher Mccandless said –
“Happiness is only real when shared”.
Well done Mark
All the best
Hi Mark,
I love hearing stories from men. I know we women can get a bit over-excited getting rid of our stuff, so it’s ace to hear from you. Keep up the nice work, Francesca :)
Hi Mark,
I see the last thread on this post is more than a year ago, so if this finds you I’ll be ecstatic. My name is Ryan and I’m a freelance writer based in Kitchener. I’m currently working on a magazine piece on the minimalist movement and looking for some Canadian sources and subjects for the story. If you’d be willing to help out, drop me a line. Look forward to hearing from you!
Hi Ryan,
Just noticed your e-mail — contact me, if it’s not too late.
Mark
I love to read the older posts I’ve missed. Just gave some more of my mom’s china to my nephew. Have a cupboard full of things to give to my son when he’s ready. Just recycled a bunch of old instruction manuals for things we don’t have any more.
I only have 3 pots. That means I have to keep my pots clean. I also only have 1 baking dish, so that has to be washed. And very few sharp knives. On the hoarder shows, they always have sinks full of dishes and pans. Couldn’t do that here, we couldn’t eat.
A cousin was moving and asked if I could use some dishes. I always need saucers for under my houseplants. I got a complete service for 16. I already gave away some plates and saucers to the local museum for receptions. Now more are going to my friend’s church for her rummage sale. I will keep the dishes I need and can use.
Still getting rid of more stuff. Today is the 16th so I have to get rid of sixteen things. I gave my neighbor two pairs of ripped jeans to use in one of her scrap quilts.