Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words (click here for details).
Today, Heidi from Kingman, AZ shares an inspirational story with us. She explains how her minimalist philosophy helped her through a very difficult time in her life.
Heidi writes:
Heidi
The past few years have been so stressful. I was overworked and exhausted. I was also terrified of becoming a hoarder like my mother’s best friend. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but I needed help. I started by researching stress relief and found tons of really decent websites that basically said too much stuff makes you stressed. Minimalism had caught my attention and just the concept made me happier. I took my time downsizing little by little. I was so proud of myself when I gave my friends the bulk of my very expensive eye shadow. For the past few months I have been sorting and donating and cleaning out more and more.
I was feeling less stress and was so much happier the less stuff I had. I started discussing minimalism with my friends, in person as well as on Facebook. I asked them to stop with the gifts unless it was something that can be used right away like candles, food, kindle gift cards, etc. I was done with stuff and I was done giving stuff. My friends understood my change in values, and some even minimized their stuff as well. My mother’s best friend was appalled and kept trying to give me things but, like a ninja, I fended her off. “No, I really don’t need cat figurines, but I appreciate you thinking of me.”
Then the unthinkable happened. My house burned down on November 9th.
I lost everything I own except my hairdryer (which was in my car) and my kindle (which was at work with me). I was heartbroken and devastated. My precious things and my dogs, which I loved more than any of my things, were all gone.
I cried buckets of tears. I was also overwhelmed at the kindness and generosity of my friends and family.
Stuff started pouring in, mostly clothes, although my aunt gave me a jewelry holder. I also received money from friends and family. That was nice because I needed toiletries. One of my best friends brought me a basket of makeup. “The thought of you being eye shadowless just breaks my heart.” We cried together.
People even kept trying to give me dogs and puppies, but I am not ready for that yet. My dogs were my joy and I will miss them forever. Eventually I had to tell people to stop. Everyone was so lovely and generous I once again had too much stuff. I went through it all and started donating to shelters. It felt nice to be able to help the way I had been helped.
I have to credit the concept of minimalism for saving my sanity during this horrific process. While I am still sad about my stuff, I realize that it is just stuff. I will not rush out and buy stuff just so I can fill my life again. People keep asking me what I need and are very surprised when I say, “Absolutely nothing, I’m good, thank you though.” I have clothes, shelter, food, great friends and family that I love, and eye shadow. What more does anyone need?
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Oh your story is both lovely, inspiring and heartbreaking. To read that you lost your dogs has brought a huge lump to my throat. I love your outlook and laughed at your eye shadow comment in the last paragraph! I do wish we could somehow bring back your dogs. I wish you all the best. And now I will go give my dog an extra hug.
I love what she realized in the end when she said, “While I am still sad about my stuff, I realize that it is just stuff.” Life is more than a bunch of stuff. We will feel sad for a while, that’s human nature. But then we need to move on and re-invent our lives again.
Thank you so much, Heidi for sharing your story. When I started to read about you losing your dogs I started to choke up. That must have been awful. So so sad. I am glad you’re managing to deal with the terrible ordeal of losing your house by recognising the basics is all you need.
I hope you’ll be okay and my thoughts are with you. Very inspiring :)
Thanks so much for sharing your story. Sad, but so positive as well. But I am so sorry about your lovely dogs. That must have been the hardest thing. But it does show you the value of friends and family over stuff – you are obviously very fortunate in that respect. I shall now go and give the cats a cuddle! Thank you again, and all good wishes for the future.
Heidi, I too have lived through a house fire (and lost two of my beloved dogs). While stuff is stuff and is replaceable (digitize any treasured family photos–otherwise hard to replace), consider a dog when you are able. We rescued a dog a few months after the fire – while all wasn’t smooth with the rescue initially, she is much-loved and has gone a long way toward healing the hole in our hearts.
Heidi,
Thoughts and good wishes coming your way. You are an inspiration! And my deepest, heartfelt sympathy on the loss of your dogs. Dogs are not just animals–they are family. When the time is right, add someone (canine) new to your family. It’ll be bittersweet, but as crunchycon wrote, will go a long way to healing those special-shaped holes in your heart (I’m a pet grief counselor and vet in on the east coast of the US).
Thanks for sharing your story. Sorry about your dogs and the crazy time you have had through all this :(. Thanks for sharing your learning and growth.
Thanks for sharing Heidi, you certainly have had a tough time. I really admire you for being able to be philosophical about it and positive about what you have now. The concept of minimalism really helped me deal with the aftermath of a bereavement so I do understand and wish you lots of luck for the future.
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I am sorry to hear about your fire. As has been said by other comments, stuff can be replaced. I am sorry about your dogs. They cannot be replaced, but you will always have the memories and those will stay with your forever. The memories are not gone. When you feel ready, I hope you will consider getting a dog. It is not to replace your other dogs, but to fill a hole of something that is missing in your life. My brother lost one of his kids, and adopting a child has helped them to keep going through the grief because they had to keep moving on. Someone or a pet that is lost will never be replaced with something new, and no one is asking you to do that. I am just suggesting that you keep you heart open to sharing your life with another animal who will love and need you and return the love. You have a lot of love to give and can bless another animal like you have in the past with the ones you lost. Once again, I am sorry for you loss and wish you the best.
I am so sorry for the loss of your dogs. I lost my dog to old age and illness, but it was still heartbreaking and it was a long time before we rescued another. I was not ready for it even then, and it was a difficult transition. It takes time. I understand. Good luck with everything, including your mother’s friend. :)
I was so sorry to hear that you lost your dogs along with everything else. It made me well up, and made me want to be at home right now so I can give my cats a cuddle! Since rescuing my two cats, at the end of two years spent buying and renovating our first house (that started feeling like my number one priority for a while!), everything else has paled into insignificance. As long as my husband, my cats and I are safe and well, nothing else matters to me. I’m just so sorry that you had to experience this loss.
I am so, so sorry to hear about you losing your dogs! Losing my pets to a fire (or another disaster) is one of my greatest fears, and pray that it will never happen. In time I hope you can adopt again–there are plenty of pets that need a good mommy! Stuff is just stuff, and I’m so glad that you started to realize that before the fire, even though it is still missed. I pray that things will look up for you in the future!
Thanks for sharing such a touching story! I appreciate especially the line:”It felt nice to be able to help the way I had been helped.”
I’m so sorry about your dogs!!! I can’t imagine what you have to go through. But I’m happy to know that minimalism helped you in overcoming this time of difficulty in your life!
I’m so sorry to hear about your dogs :( but it’s great that your new minimalist perspective has helped you through what could have been an even worse experience.
I’m so sorry you lost your dogs. The rest, you are dealing with so well.
Sorry about your dogs and the fire!
“House burning down” has always been an abstract concept for me – what would I value enough to take with me? Or if I need a jolt of perspective and need to live in the moment. I can’t imagine it actually happening though!
I am so terribly sorry to hear about your dogs, it’s beyond awful you lost them like that. Thanks for such an inspirational story, Cat xxx
I always enjoy the Real Life Minimalist series but your story Heidi is the most touching I have read so far. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dogs. I know they continue to be with you in spirit though and will always love you.
Thank for for sharing your story Heidi and reminding me of what really matters in life-our loved ones whether they are humans or animals. As many others have mentioned, I do hope you will adopt another dog one day when you are ready.
Heidi, you’re right – Stuff is just *that* and when it comes to the bottom line, we’d grab our loved ones quicker in an emergency than any of the stuff we deem ‘precious’! Life is precious and I’m sorry to hear about your dogs. May you continue to be blessed and I hope a very special canine makes their way into your life. xoxo
Oh, Heidi! Your tale is simultaneously heartbreaking and uplifting. Having acquired a beautiful black female Pug recently – during the start of my minimalist journey, to which she has contributed so greatly when I observe how simple her needs are and how much she gives back in return for those simple needs being met – I simply cannot imagine your sadness over the terrible loss of your beloved dogs.
One day, a new dog WILL come into your life, and at just the right time for both of you. Someone told me that they believe that dogs actually choose us and not the other way round; it may not be correct, but it is a lovely thought knowing that one day a little (or not so little!) bundle of joy will know that you are ready and will seek you out!
Thank you all so much. Your comments were so heartwarming. I will get a dog (probably two) soon. I really do appreciate the good thoughts and wishes.
I’m in the process of downsizing and the more I let go, the more I want to let go. In the end, it is all just stuff and stuff is replaceable. I am truly sorry for the loss of your beloved dogs though. I lost my 14yo cat and dog two weeks apart last fall and it broke my heart. You’ve discovered what is truly important in life and that’s an amazing thing.
Heidi,
Thank you for reminding us all that our relationships and loved ones are much, much more valuable to us than objects. I truly appreciate your courage in sharing this with us all. You have inspired me and, clearly, many others.
I wish you blessings and comfort in your time of mourning and want to offer something that personally helped me during a time of loss: grieve in your own way.
Heidi – I am so sorry to hear about your dogs – my pets are so precious to me as I know that your dogs were to you – I hope that someday you will be ready to add a dog (or two) back into your life. Your dogs will never be replaced but you will be able to give a loving forever home to a dog in need.
I am thinking of you and hope that day by day things are getting better for you!
Heidi, your post shows you to be a very brave and grounded individual. I was SO sorry to read about the loss of your dear pets, it brings tears to my eyes just reading about it. However, your determination to carry on and to continue to live in a realistic and purposeful manner speaks volumes about your character. I wish you every happiness and success now and always!
Losing beloved pets is always hard. So sorry for you. Minimalism shows us things are always there to be replaced or borrowed if we need them. I’ve been getting rid of books because we have a huge library next door. I have some CD’s and DVD’s to pass on, too.
I realized I collect earrings. Certain kinds and certain brands. So I have been giving away necklaces and the earrings I don’t collect. I also have a lot of pins my mother had and never wore. I am giving away a lot of them, too. Then there is a bag of stuffed animals I need to go through to find some to give away.
Every week I give away a big bag of things to Goodwill. I am by no means a hoarder and never was but there is always more to pass on. I choose a different area of my house each week and declutter as much as I can. Tossing things we don’t need or love gives me hope that whenever I have to downsize it will be easy and relatively painless.
I have been giving a big bag or two of clothing and shoes to Goodwill each week. I was given a set of dishes and now I have some odd dishes to give away. I asked my DH why he needed 5 gray sweaters and he gave one away. Magazines I get for free go to my niece when I’ve finished with them. Old greeting cards, stickers, and other interesting junk mail goes to nursing homes and children’s programs. We carry cloth bags when we shop and still have plenty of bags to change cat litter.