Up until now, I’ve practiced a rather extreme form of minimalism: living in tiny spaces, and carting around all my worldly possessions in a duffel bag.
But with my recent lifestyle changes (a new baby and a home purchase), I’ve given up my membership in the globetrotting, minimalist elite. I’m now ready to explore a kinder, gentler minimalism: one that will (hopefully) be relevant to a wider range of my readers.
My husband and I used to be able to get by with a pair of chairs and a coffee table, and just enough dinnerware for the two of us. Now that we’re back among friends and family, we’ll be entertaining much more frequently—our house is centrally located, and will likely be the de facto gathering place for holiday celebrations. Furthermore, we live on a street with very friendly neighbors, and I imagine many get-togethers, both impromptu and more formal, are in our future. The upshot: our sit-on-the-floor and BYOP (Bring Your Own Plate) style may no longer fly. We need someplace for guests of all ages to dine and relax comfortably.
We also have to outfit a guest room to accommodate Plumblossom’s grandparents and other out-of-town visitors.
And of course, there’s Plumblossom’s nursery, with her crib, changing table (a repurposed desk, which will serve its original purpose once she’s older), and playthings.
The result: the number of my possessions no longer tally in the double digits.
I’m okay with that, though. I’ve never subscribed to the notion that minimalism is a race for the fewest possessions, or an exclusive club of Macbook-toting nomads. In both my books and blog, I’ve always espoused a more inclusive approach to minimalism–one that is just as relevant to people with homes, children, pets, gardens…even sofas and deck chairs. ;-)
To me, minimalism is about having just enough to meet your needs. And when your needs change due to life circumstances, you adjust accordingly. The most important part—eliminating the excess—still applies.
Even though we’re now living in a larger space, every item that enters it is still carefully considered. And decluttering happens on a daily basis—whether it’s outgrown baby clothes, outdated paperwork, or random objects that have snuck their way in.
Is it harder to be minimalist in a larger space? Of course. When you have a few hundred extra square feet to put stuff, the temptation to keep it just in case is much stronger. However, after being on the road for so long, my husband and I are conditioned to toss every extraneous item the second it’s no longer needed. And you know what? When a few extra objects manage to gather in our home, I get a little thrill out of putting together a donation bag (when I owned next to nothing, I had few opportunities to declutter!).
Fortunately, our home (like many 50+ year old houses) has very little in the way of closet or storage space. Yes, I said fortunately! For as I wrote in my book, The Joy of Less, those of us with less-than-adequate storage space are the lucky ones:
The more space we have to put things, the more things we tend to keep—things we don’t always need. Those with walk-in closets and extra cupboards must summon up extra motivation to declutter; while you, on the other hand, get the benefit of a little tough love. Having less space is an asset, not a liability, and puts you on the fast track to becoming a minimalist.
While my former focus was on the bare bones possessions for a nomadic couple, my new focus is on the bare bones possessions for a more settled family of three. I’ll be exploring such issues as what furniture we now find desirable (is it time for a couch?), what we still don’t (no plans for a TV), and what we’ll need to host guests gracefully and comfortably (are eight plates too many or too few?).
It’ll be an interesting new twist on my minimalist life, and I’m curious to see how we adjust. And you never know…in a few years, we may hit the road again, Plumblossom in tow. But for now, a kinder, gentler minimalism is on the horizon.
What appeals to you: a strict, 100-item minimalism, or something more inclusive? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
I’m curious to see your approach to being minimalist with a baby. I am expecting my first and want to keep baby clutter at bay as much as possible.
We decided to skip the crib. We sleep on a futon ourselves and intend to keep the baby with us in our bedroom for the first months, so it only makes sense that he/she sleeps on the same level as us for easy access. We therefore got ourselves a baby futon in Japan.
The other baby logistics we have not yet figured out, I guess we’ll wait for the need to arise. I am debating with myself whether a dedicated changing table is a neccessity. Couldn’t I just put a pad on the floor?
We never had a changing table amd just used a plastic mat on the floor which was put away behind a door afterwards. Some recommend just using a towel, but especially for newborns, I’d go with wipe-clean!
A changing table is not nessicary but it’s nice the have a designated area set up with diapers and cloths since there will be so many changes in the beginning. Our solution was to put a changing pad on our daughters dresser. It worked very well without adding an extra piece of furniture that would only be used for a short time. A basket works great to keep diapers and wipes in.
I’m not sure if this helps but all we have for this one month old child is age appropriate clothing including a few baby blankets, diapers, twin pram (to comfortably seat the toddler and baby when out and about) and of course a car seat.
We did not keep anything from our previous children, so above is the extent of the baby goods in our house.
We co-sleep (no need for a crib), breastfeed (no need for a bottle or any accessories), baby and I have our showers together (no need for a baby bath) and we don’t do toys for infants (lots of cuddles/talking to/singing to/reading to when awake).
As for the baby change table, we don’t have one. We put down a washable surface protector (like the baby blanket) on the bed and change as per normal. 9/10 diaper changes, the blanket is not soiled in any shape or form. So it’s very much a practical option.
Best of luck with your impending arrival Sue! :D
It’s encouraging to hear with how little stuff you and the other commenters can manage! Thanks!
I use even less for the changing table – just my knees. I haven’t used a mat since my first child. I just sit, lay them sideyways over my knee, hold their ankles up to their chest with my left hand and change them with my right hand. It used to scare me silly when my Gran/Mum did this with my first child but it’s actually very stable and it’s easier to keep wrigglers still than it is on a mat (a gentle elbow against their chest). A muslin laid over the knees protects my clothes if I feel the need.
Karen (Scotland)
Oh wow, Karen, that’s impressive! I can’t even imagine the mess I’d make if I tried this. ;-)
We just had our second child and we also cosleep and breastfeed and therefore don’t have a need for much else besides clothing, diapers and blankets. We use the big square cloth diapers as changing pads, since they are machine washable unlike the ones you just wipe down, and we just lay one down on the bed or floor when we change a diaper. We do have a couple Ergo carriers (one is always in the wash, so two is better for us!) and those are a necessity for us! But that’s pretty much it!
I actually prefer the floor for changing, but DH wanted an elevated surface–and I wasn’t giving him any excuse to get out of diaper-changing duty! ;-) I often end up moving Plumblossom and the changing pad to the floor anyway, so I can retrieve something that’s out of reach.
So yes, in my opinion the floor is the best changing surface–as long as your partner (or other child care provider) doesn’t object!
Something to consider, it’s not for everyone, is elimination communication. You can google it, but basically, you learn to read your baby’s signals to go to the bathroom. Our daughter was pooping in the potty around 6 months (her choice) and out of diapers around 1.5 yrs. you save on diapers, etc if the child takes to it. My son has decided that life is way more interesting, and he is slower on that front. Check out the book the Diaper free baby. My husband was “trained” in Asia and he is a fine, well-adjusted adult with no hang ups about the bathroom ; )
I have a son. I never had a changing table, in fact as my son got slightly older it seemed he wiggled and jiggled so much it may have been dangerous to have him so high up.
I live to what I need, not by numbers. I study anyway so a large percentage of my belongings are connected to my studies. So whilst I plan to celebrate me graduation with a de-clutter until then some items have to stay
Definitely a more inclusive minimalism. I’ve always said that owning 100 possessions is fine and dandy for those with no one to care for but themselves (I say that in earnest). It’s very easy to be ‘minimal’ when your single or childfree.
I have six people (including myself) to care for everyday. This inevitably leads to a greater number of possessions to make everyday a little easier. It doesn’t mean my house is cluttered in a negative sense (it is quite minimal in comparison to most), just *more* cluttered than say a single or childfree couples home.
I look forward to the day our house is finished so that I am able to share with the Miss Minimalist readers what a minimalist house with four happy children can look like! :)
I’m excited to hear how you incorporate minimalism into life with a child. It’s totally possible but very different than your lifestyle before. I find it hard to know what to keep for our future second child. The balance between not keeping excess and not wasting money with getting rid of things we will need again a year or two from now. This has been a challenge for me. I can’t wait to hear your views! Congratulations again on your new baby! Being a mom is the best thing in the world.
I had a hard time making that decision too. I finally sold everything with plans to rebuy used if we have another child. My reasoning was that my stuff would fetch a better used price now while it’s still current and I could easily find used things later for the same amount. Plus the money went into savings so I’m earning interest on it instead of storing rapidly depreciating baby things.
I think, I’ll never go as exteme as only one bowl. Even as a single student I loved to cater others and I’m too green to go for disposables. I’d rather own a few more plates. (btw: I think, 8 is a fine number. If really a bigger event takes place once in a while, you can always go back to “bring some plates, please!”)
However, it helps me to have this “extreme” in mind as a measurement. It’s what makes me reconsider things. I often ask myself: “would I move this to another continent with me?” It’s helpful to understand whether it is a real need, a real want or just a convenient item at that particular time. So, if it’s no longer convenient, it’s out in a second.
This is great news!
I’ve always loved your more “philisophical” posts and, like Anne above says, the “extreme” has always been a measurement that I look to for inspiration. It’ll be great to see how you bring that inspiration to a different lifestyle – socialising is the big one for me. I’d happily have just six plates and cups and bowls but then there are always extra kids or a Granny to feed. And I can’t expect my parents-in-law to sleep on the floor…
Interesting to see what you make use of and where you draw lines between minimalising and “hospitality”.
I mean, enjoying family and friends is what minimalism is all about for me – more time and more energy. So no point having so few chairs that no-one is comfy sitting chatting. On the other hand, everyone drinking out of same size ex-Nutella glasses is perfectly sensible…
:-)
Karen
(Scotland)
Hi. I really enjoy reading your blog. Baby equipment I think is necessary for first baby is car seat, basket/cot, spongy wipe clean changing mat, gocar, vests, babygros, dribblers, cardigans and one easy to clean snowsuit. That’s all we use. Nice to have extra is a baby sling. For second child same as above but would add playpen to the list. :)
Will you not be getting your lovely sofa out of storage? I remember it was one of the few things you decided to keep before setting out on your European odyssey! I was imagining it sitting in your new living room feeling slightly bemused after three years spent in a storage unit! As you so wisely say, minimalism is for all stages of living and all ages. It is not a “one size fits all” philosophy. Every happiness in your new home – and I expect your parents are thrilled to bits to have a lovely granddaughter.
Furniture-wise my kids only have a bed and a Stokke Tripp Trapp chair each. The Stokke chair is such a great invention; have been using it since they can sit up, and the chair also takes an adult’s weight so it can be used when entertaining.
You refer to your previous minimalism as “extreme”, Francine.
Is this a retrospective view, or one you held when you were practising your “extreme” minimalism?
Living in a small apartment in Japan, when our beautiful daughter arrived in December 2010, we decided not to get a change table as we thought the futon or the floor or whatever would be fine. It did my back in, seriously OUCH, so like you – we went for a piece of furniture that could be reused – an Ikea bookshelf that has a changing table attachment. Perfect. Now it stores all her nappies and so on but when she is older, it will be perfect for books and toys and so on – although as a wanna-be-minimalist, I am trying to limit these as much as possible – especially the toys. Difficult, when her oba-chan and oji-chan (bless them) bring something over or buy her something every time they see her. Waaaaaah. It’s really hard to work out what you do and don’t need for a baby, and I am currently working on a post about it for my blog. Congratulations, by the way, as well. :)
For us, a family of 5, we have more stuff than some, but a lot less than others. I always just changed my girls on the floor or a bed. We have 8 plates plus a few plastic kid-friendly ones & that more than covers family/friends. And when we have overnight guests, we have an inflatable mattress that lives in the closet when not used. If it weren’t for the fact that both my hubby & I are self-employed in businesses that require stuff (I’m a horse show photographer & he trains horses) our house would probably be a lot less cluttered. But horse people are nomads also so we do keep that fact in mind when dealing with our possessions. We’ve moved a lot over the years & each year our possessions get fewer because we think “do we really want to have to move that?” But we’ll definitely never be a 100 possession family either.
As a mom of seven, I can tell you that most of the “necessary” baby equipment isn’t that. Some of it is convenient, but most of it is clever marketing. We never had a changing table; I always laid them down on a pad on the floor. Sometimes they were so pleased with their position I could then leave them there to look around a bit. We borrowed as much as we could from friends and family and then promptly returned it when finished. That made it easier to discover what we did and didn’t “need”. By the time I got to #7, the amount of equipment I gathered was very minimal.
I think your “transition to a kinder, gentler minimalism” is advice you already gave to us, now applied to yourself. You did a terrific job in the book of being inclusive to all types of people and lifestyles, helping us find OUR “enough”. When I first read it, I easily applied it to myself and my family. I was surprised when I started reading your blog that you were more “extreme” than I had originally imagined. You just adjust based on what life in front of you offers. Congratulations on the move and the new baby; they are such a blessing! And so are you!
I do think 100 is an arbitrary number. People like it for its cleanliness, but why not 94? 82? 106?
I think minimalism should really be about what one truly needs, without accumulating excess – and when excess has accumulated, being wise enough to let go of it and let your excess items be of use to someone who could use them, perhaps someone who could not have paid full price for them.
So, I have more than 100 items, but each item is something I use. My husband and I have plates and glasses and flatware and spices. We have tab-top curtains for privacy over our windows. We have cloth napkins and dishrags. We have a coffee grinder and a french press and a chemex. We each have multiple coats and clothing for a climate that can go from -1 F in the winter to 106 F in the summer.
But our small apartment is not cluttered, and it’s welcoming. We have what we need to enjoy our small passions – art, beauty, cooking, coffee, the outdoors – and have items (like cloth napkins and dishrags) that help us be less wasteful. We have passed along excess to those who could use them.
In my opinion, minimalism is about saying no to the junk in our society that friends, family, and marketers think we should acquire, and only requiring the minimal amount needed to take care of ourselves, others, and the earth.
Lovely, and well-put, A. You could have been describing me.
I don’t have the luxury of storage either! I used to hate it when I was younger but reading your book made me appreciate that my stuff has nowhere to hide :)
I also have the mindset not to be wasteful and I don’t get rid of absolutely everything because odds are I really did need those things I kept and I don’t have the money to keep replacing things. That said, I really have edited my belongings to how I am comfortable and not to a level where I feel like I am compromising my lifestyle. I am definitely a gentler minimalist because I don’t want to feel stressed about owning stuff because you will always own stuff. I just want to lead a life I am happy with where consumerism is not the centre of my universe.
I moved into a 50 year old home almost a year ago and it has really helped me in my minimalism journey. It has helped me purge not only clothing but larger furniture items I thought I just had to keep. The more open space I find, the happier I am.
I have a 3 year old and I love your use of gentler, kinder minimalism. I have more clothing than most minimalists I read. For 2 reasons: I work in the professional world outside my home and have to have clothing for that, and with a small child, accidents happen and having a few extra tshirts and a pair of jeans to change into when the poop explosion of potty training happens is worth it to me. I also love books and so does my son. So I don’t limit these as much, especially for him. I have pared down my stash considerably and continue to do so, but for him an extra 10 or 20 books doesn’t bother me.
I never had a high chair for him, never used a baby bath or a wipes warmer or a diaper genie. And I keep the toy stash very small. So it’s possible to be a minimalist with a child, even though others may think you have too much stuff. Just realize it’s your definition of minimalism that matters and no one else’s.
I like Aussie girls methods.Cribs isolate a child.I think it is more natural for the child to sleep with the parents.Spending money on expensive toys and books is not necessary.Libraries are free.With a set of alphabet blocks you can teach them sounds, create words, and invent stories.If you love them and express enthusiasm for the world very little is required.You can take them to a window and show them the moon,sounding out m-o-o-n or outside to touch a leaf.What did people do before plastic rattles and other toys?Parents and children have been brainwashed by marketing to kill their imaginations and be compliant shoppers in the future.
I’ll be delighted to come along on your new minimalist adventures, even though I’m a confirmed bachelor and some of your new findings and experiences may not have direct application for me. But that doesn’t mean I fear that things will drastically change around here, nor that I won’t find anything useful anymore.
Case in point, this brilliant paragraph from this very post:
Truer words were never spoken, and it will be fascinating to see how you explore this very topic. Maybe it’ll also help me–the single, confirmed bachelor–to get rid of my excess (I probably have way more clutter and junk than your whole family put together, I’m ashamed to say). Thanks for your excellent insight.
I grew up in a house with a hoarder and a compulsive saver and I picked up most of their ‘skills.’ I’ve lived for years with my excessive collections of stuff eating me alive psychologically. Constantly trying to own as little as humanly possible just seems the other end of the spectrum to me because it requires just as much psychological energy. I’ll settle for something in the middle, where I have time to think about things other than my stuff. And where I can walk into a room and not get injured.
For me, the point of minimalism is to reduce stress. I have found that everything one owns brings with it some amount of stress — storing, cleaning repairing, shopping for replacing, etc, etc. So one criteria is owning just what you need to avoid stress. For example, now that you will be entertaining more, you will incur LESS stress by owning enough dishes and utensils to entertain without having to worry about what your guests will eat on.
I live in a small house built in the 1950s, and yes, having less space controls how much clutter you accumulate. A good rule of thumb for a “minimalist” nursery is just don’t buy more than your grandmothers did for your parents. 1950s standards are pretty minimalist by 2012 standards, in general. I look for old home decorating books published in the 1950s, or pictures of homes in the 1950s, for inspiration. I have a couple of older Singer sewing books that I bought at a library book sale. They are from the 1950s and 1960s that have photos of living rooms, bedrooms and nurseries. They were uncluttered, but pretty. No piles of toys everywhere.
I’m another one of those inclusive minimalist. In fact I prefer that type. I also care deeply about how we treat our home (Earth) and think all the jet-setting minimalist have missed a vital component a truly “Enough” based life.
Miss Minimalist,
Babies, houseguests, and children don’t need a lot of stuff so I would definitely slow down here. I borrowed a crib for about a week and gave it up for a single mattress on the floor, pushed against the wall with a bedrail. I could climb in when my baby was fussy and actually get some sleep! Some people do the family bed, which I did sometimes, but it was nice having my own bed too. I have a blow-up bed for house guests, because I think it’s practically a crime to have a bed that isn’t used every night. A sofa bed is great too if you use a sofa (we don’t). Children love nature and play best–neither of which require much stuff. I’m sure there are wonderful playgrounds and nature areas where you live. Check them out. My son is 18 and never missed all the “stuff”. My house guests come back every year despite the fact that I don’t maintain the typical Western guest room.
I vote for inclusive minimalism. We home-educate, and are caring for two elders, learning to live off-grid and provide for ourselves off the land~~ NOT the kind of lifestyle you can get by with less than 100 possessions!
But, we HAVE downsized from 1200+ sf home and full basement and 3 outbuildings to a 302sf 5th wheel…and a couple of storage units, of which we hope to be free of soon. It is an interesting exercise!
Love your blog, looking forward to your new insights as you grow with your changing lifestyle.
Blessings!
I love this – “a kinder, gentler minimalism”! It’s a great way to describe those of us participating in this lifestyle without being “nomads” or living out of a suitcase. Though I must say living out of a suitcase and being light on one’s feet is appealing, so is the community and love one builds from staying in one place – and of course staying in one place for any definite amount of time means acquiring a little more “stuff”. Minimalism becomes a lot about balance, which is challenging in it’s own particular way. (My partner and I still have to borrow plates when we host Thanksgiving and potlucks – we own 8, but always end up needing more – and friends and family are always happy to oblige!)
Congrats on your new home and on Plumblossom! I can’t wait to read your future posts :)
Sara
I love this post. Minimalism can apply to so many lifestyles. My husband and I purchased our first home last year. I have worked very hard to not run out and purchase a bunch of new things that are “expected” of a new home owner. Instead, I consider what I really need. I try to find solutions with what I already own. I work hard to clear out the clutter and be satisfied with my belongings.
I look forward to reading more about your new interpretation of minimalism. Oh and I think eight plates is a good number(it’s what we have)!
As someone who’s still very, very far from living up to any such ideals, I always enjoyed these extreme blogs (like yours) as a beacon, a star in the sky to navigate towards. I’ve always been fascinated by the stark beauty of strict minimalism.
Getting furniture and other things to make life comfortable for your child is fine, of course. You were two persons and now you are three.
Going away from BYOP is bigger, and this:
sounds pretty scary.
Please, don’t see this as a “vote” one way or another—change is growth and I’m curious to see what will come of this blog in the future.
I am a married mother of two girls (7 and 9) and I have been following your blog for the last year. In that time, my husband and I have had two large garage sales, sold our extra furniture, given away bags and bags of stuff and I have sold our wedding china and silver. I have also gone through every item in my home in order to declutter! I am wonderful about getting rid of items but struggle with the feelings that if I could just find and buy the perfect item then my wants would disappear. For example, I wanted one nice black bag to use as a purse and carry all. Instead of making one that I already had work for me, I had to buy a new one. (On the up side, I did get rid of all my other ones and love my purchase.) So in short, I am still working on the consumer end of minimalism. I do ask myself a wide array of questions before I purchase anything so I know I am going down the right path. The process has been wonderful but I have always been jealous that at this stage of my life, I am not able to live in a small one bedroom apartment or travel the world with a backpack (the grass is always greener of the other side). I will be very interested in seeing how your family adjusts to your life changes and how your personal quest to live a kinder, gentler minimalist lifestyle works for you and your family! This is a wonderful lifestyle and it is nice to know that there are other people out there who have the same beliefs as we do!
Jenny, you could have written my post for me, the only difference my girls are 9 and 6 :) I, too have that “would love to head off into the wild blue yonder with a backpack” however I have grown to see that my minimalism has created much more time and space for me to enjoy my girls and for them to enjoy their more simplistic, uncluttered home. We are also able to save for a big overseas holiday to the UK due to our lack of spending. You’re right – this is a wonderful lifestyle as it helps you zero in on what really matters.
personally, something more inclusive appeals to me. Whether that’s 10 possessions or 100, i think the most important thing is, as you have said, having just enough to get by. i must admit i’ve quite enjoyed reading your past entry’s (i’m somewhat new to your blog), and while the new changes in your life are certainly wonderful and inspiring, no doubt more of your readers will be able to relate, please keep in mind that there are also people like me (i am single and i live by myself), who enjoy and take encouragement from your former posts. there is a part of me that would like to have children and a significant other, however i am such a solitary person relationships can be very difficult for me. if i do ever have a family i am sure i will look to you for advice in continuing a minimalist lifestyle while having a spouse and kid(s). while i don’t travel nearly as much as you have, it is something you’ve inspired me to do more of! i also just purchased your book so i am looking forward to reading that as well!
I definitely vote for an inclusive minimalism. Everyone has to decide on the level that is right for them. As for changing tables, use the desk and save your back. You’ll be glad you did. Also, eight is the perfect number of dishes. Most families still have four people in them, so your family (if you have another child [not saying you should]) plus one other family over for dinner makes eight. And I totally get the lack of closets thing. Our house only has one closet and it definitely makes one choosey about what to keep.
You’re quite right that minimalism means different things to different people – and even to the same people at different times. I’m sure you’ll find your way, and we will follow. :) I’ve always enjoyed your posts despite living a different lifestyle where I was the mother of two trying to keep clutter at bay and accommodate extended visits from out-of-state family, so I think we will all continue to find we can learn a great deal from one another, despite where the specifics may vary.
You sort of asked what we consider minimalism. For me, it is holistic: body, mind, spirit, physical space and lifestyle. I have as many (or few) possessions as I need. If my needs change, I accommodate them, without apologies. For example, I shop (groceries, mostly) and run errands once a week, because I really do not enjoy any form of shopping. Once a week meets all of my holistic needs. Another example: our house is actually too large for just my husband and me, but we have not found anything that we like enough to purchase and we love the location (near the ocean and the mountains). Plus, we don’t currently have a mortgage and our property taxes are next to nothing. So, although our house may be too large for some minimalists, there are other circumstances to consider besides its size. Currently, except for the size, it meets our minimalist needs in several other ways.
You certainly do not need to justify your change of lifestyle to anyone on this blog. My impression is that all of us are in various stages of minimalism and are very accepting of one another. I also regard minimalism as a journey, not a destination.
When I look at what we own WITHOUT taking into account our children’s items or items we have because we have children – it’s fairly extreme. But even without the children, I wouldn’t want our home to become just an empty space. Our location is also central to family, and I do most of the cooking for family gatherings – we will never NOT have a couch (though I’ve considered it) or go down to just 2 chairs. I want the least amount of possessions as possible while showing family and friends love and good food, and being comfortable ourselves. And now to get gushy, you were my very first exposure to minimalism and I’m so interested to read this space in the future!
Terra, your blog is one of my favorites–in fact, your In the Spring of My Discontent post inspired me to consider leaving the city. :) I hope I can provide Plumblossom with as lovely a childhood as you’re giving your girls!
I think the fact that I live in a 3-bedroom house with 2 kids and a husband who loves to shop for said kids is one reason why I daydream about living out of a backback :)
I am looking forward to seeing how you make tradeoffs between minimal possessions and convenience. After all, I don’t need a changing table, but it really has helped my back to have one. And I previously thought that digital thermometers were an extravagance, until I was trying to shake down a mercury thermometer and injured my wrist and broke the thermometer in half and a very pretty layer of tiny mercury droplets settled in a 2-metre radius around me. When some years later we had kids and my husband wanted to buy a digital ear thermometer, I didn’t complain!
I love this post. I can’t imagine a form of minimalism that excludes the possibility of hospitality. We rarely eat in restaurants and love to have people over for full meals or “nibbles and drinks”. This is the joy of life.
Inclusive always appeals more to me than exclusive, in almost every aspect of life. Something your most recent Real Live Minimalist said really jumped out for me: “Find your joy. Get rid of everything that isn’t part of it. That’s minimalism!” Having a strict limit may bring joy for some, but for others (like myself) it is yet one more bit of mental, stress-causing clutter.
I am in the process of buying a tiny motorhome for snowbirding so having to figure what to take with me vs. what to leave in the apartment with my husband. That means we are actually buying stuff because we don’t own enough to furnish two places with even basic things like pots and pans. That also brings a whole different perspective to minimalism. But, no matter what the situation, it is ALWAYS about having the right stuff not the amount of stuff.
8 plates out every day may prove to many. I find it easier to keep what we need at hand and have the extra dishes/silverware placed somewhere else and brought out when needed. Then we don’t have 6 dirty plates for 2 people just because we haven’t forced ourselves to wash up yet.
My family is following the kinder, gentler minimalism. We are a family of 4 (a 2-year-old & 4-month-old). We live differently than anybody we know (in real life) in regards to our thoughts on consuming and what we need (this fact makes me so thankful for blogs like yours and my online friends.)
For me, minimal living keeps me sane! I do not like clutter and disorganization and my husband is the same! Living in 1,300 sf with 2 children means its necessary (for us) to have few possessions. The 4 of us all have simple wardrobes, our boys have very few toys and we’ve not given in to the consumerism that so many people do give into when it comes to babies!
Some could say we’re not minimalists since we each have more than a pair of shoes. Others could say we’re extremely minimal since our small closets aren’t packed! Ultimately, it doesn’t matter, we have the amount of possessions we’re comfortable with (I do de-clutter sweeps about once a month) and we love our intentionally simple life!
lol at the way you said that:
“We live differently than anybody we know (in real life)…”
That’s exactly how I feel. So may of my friends see us as extreme in our non-consumer lifestyle but I have so much STUFF still to sort out compared to those in blogworld!
:-)
Karen (Scotland)
I am a compulsive minimalist. I have to continuously shed items from our house as a stress/anxiety reducer. Obviously, I adore minimalism. However, in my quest to quell my anxiety, I’ve realized that most minimalists won’t admit to purging as a compulsion/addiction. I’m currently trying to find a balance and am on the path to realizing that keep items is perfectly acceptable. I hope you can find that balance too!
Although “100 things” extreme minimalism is something I dream about it is just not practical for me with 2 kids and a house etc. I aspire to the “just enough” theory of minimalism. You need enough to be comfortable and to make others comfortable in your home. I agree with borrowing as much as possible for the infant stage as it goes by so quickly. I am so interested to see how your blog evolves with kinder, gentler minimalism! I hope you post on how to deal with the “stuff” that comes into your life from others because of children. We deal with lots of stuff (gifts, hand me downs etc) given to our children, some is useful, most of it is not. It is challenging at times to keep a handle on it! Christmas can be a nightmare for all the stuff it brings in to my house. Sometimes you have to look beyond it though. Enjoy the people and the good intentions and the holiday for what it is. Later, when the kids are back in school I make up the donation box!
You really inspired me -with an at the time 1 year old girl and babyboy to get rid of all the stuff we did not need. which was a lot! i could not live comfortably with only 4 plates in a four persons household but that is not the point. when you live together, you can live easily with almost nothing. when you have kids, more stuff comes in.
not when they are little babies and they can sleep in your bed, drink your milk and their little toes are the best toys ever. but later, they love to have the same books read over and over again. they feel say when their favourite dress becomes to small. they know that someone ever gave them a hidious stuffed animal and after half a year they suddenly miss it ;)
weirdness. when i had the first child, i thought i needed a lot of things and i did not even have everything on the midwives list. if we will ever have a third baby, i will buy some secondhand clothes, diapers and that’s it.
almost everything we own, is used on weekly basis, or really cherished like our tentipi tent. that is my idea of minimalism. we own what we use.
Hi,
As a new subscriber, it turns out I might just have stumbled on your website at the most fortunate moment. I am a wife and the mom of a toddler, and living in a one room appartment my biggest, current dream is to acquire as nice house with a garden. Not in order to fill it with stuff, mind you, but to have more space and light! I other words, I’m very intrigued by the new path you are on and looking very much foreward to following your way foreward.
Best regards from Denmark
Even though I don’t shop, except necessities, and purge weekly I still can’t seem to get our possessions down to an amount I’m comfortable with. I guess as my kids leave the nest (1 down, 7 more to go) things will sort themselves out, but in the meantime it makes me more than a little crazy.
Two philosophical approaches to consider are Montessori and Waldorf-STeiner. For infants, the Montessori environment is very simple and uncluttered. There is no crib, so that the child can view the entire room and move about as needed. A nice example of a Montessori room for a one year old is here. http://www.feedingthesoil.com/2012/03/montessori-bedroom-for-one-year-old.html. For an infant, you would add a wall mounted mobile and child-safe mirror and maybe remove a few toys. A great source of information can be found here: http://montessorihomes.blogspot.com/. We did the mattress on the floor and it worked out great. There are so many things that you really do not need. On the Waldorf side, I really enjoyed the book “Simplicity Parenting” by Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross. It really inspired me to de-clutter. While you have the clutter thing conquered, it also goes into routines and schedules which you may find helpful. It also has a nice section of toys to get. The book is more for older kids, but if you are anything like me, you will read, read, and read everything you can find on parenting. to excess…
We are taking the more inclusive approach to minimalism – it’s our current stage in life. I have loved reading about your nomadic ‘duffel bag’ lifestyle and often thought how exciting it sounded, but with two kids, settled jobs and family and friends to entertain, we do need a bit more stuff – but only what is useful or we really love. I love the satisfaction of donating a big bag (or in this weeks case, a car boot load!) of no-longer-needed things to our local op-shop and to hear the staff’s excitement at the difference that some of our old stuff is going to make in the lives of others who really need it. I am so looking forward to hearing about your new stage of life! Thank you for the continued inspiration :)
My husband and I moved into our home in 1987, after living for 2.5 years in a 1 bedroom apt. We chose it because it did NOT have a family room or 2.5 baths. For us, having both a family room and living room seemed senseless and destined to result in wasting money on additional furniture. We didn’t need or want an extra half bath to clean. Hubby said no basement, because he didn’t want to have to worry about flooding during storms, and he thinks basements are junk magnets.
Despite our good intentions up front, in recent years we realized our house had too much clutter and have slowly been getting rid of things. Our garage probably has about about half of what it contained 3 years ago (it had become a substitute basement). Since discovering this blog last week, I’ve been greatly inspired to step up my decluttering efforts. Today I cleaned out and reorganized several dresser drawers, threw out lots of stuff, found some things I’d misplaced and others I’d forgotten I owned, and filled a laundry basket with things to donate. It all feels good. Thanks for the inspiration. :)
I find comments like this interesting as a Brit who lives in London. Here 2.5 baths, 2 reception rooms and a basement would be pretty luxurious (or it would mean you lived in a reeeally cheap area way out). Most people we know live either in small flats or in small houses probably between 700 and 1000 sq ft. We own a typical small terraced house that was around 900 sq ft when we bought it and we have added a third bedroom in the loft and a tiny extension out back. Our living room is just big enough for a small sofa and one armchair. (We feel we have a lot of space as there’s only two of us but we bought in the crash and intend to stay here after we start a family.) I wonder if perceptions of minimalism in terms of living space are different on different sides of the pond? It’s interesting that living space that for you was a minimalist choice is a necessity for everyone I know.
Hello Francine,
I’d love to see a photo of your make-shift change table. With all the “accessories” that are advertised for babies, I’m really interested in knowing which items are necessary, which items one can do without, and which items are superfluous.
Hi Francine,
I am excited about your current journey. A home, with lots of visitors, kids and activities, is the kind of home we have. We were never able to pare down to 100 things. I do, however, believe in the minsumer/minimalist movement, and do my best to keep our “things” to a minimum. I think that your new larger family, your desire to stay in one place, to have guests,etc., will be a more realistic vision of minimalism for myself. I, quite frankly, can’t wait to hear, and see, about the decisions you make, and how they work-out. I think it will be the most helpful of the minimalist blogs around!
I am genuinely curious as to how much time you devote to thinking about and practicing minimalist living. I am inspired by your choices but I don’t think I could devote so much of my time to inner debating over how many dish settings I have (and the like). It seems counter-intuitive to spend time in this way when – for me – minimalism should include how we choose to spend our time.
I think maybe it’s a sort of “investment” in time? Half an hour spent NOW on inner debating can maybe mean hours saved throughout the next decade on shopping + storing + cleaning + storage area cleaning + packing (if moving house ever again)…
I guess it’s part of the conscious/deliberate living. Not just going out to buy X thing because that’s what people usually do but spending a wee bit time thinking about it to make sure it’s the right decision and you won’t have to rethink it all again in a coupe of years’ time.
That’s how I justify all my blog-reading time, anyway… ;-)
Karen (Scotland)