Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
I was so happy to receive this submission from Elizabeth B. What a wonderful, generous alternative to a bridal registry!
Elizabeth B. writes:
I came across minimalism during the most non-minimalist time of most people’s lives: while engaged to be married. Between bridal showers, the bachelorette party, and the wedding itself, the amount of stuff one can accumulate during this time can be overwhelming. It can feel especially burdensome if you and husband-to-be are not ready to settle down, buy a house, and subsequently fill that house with non-essential household items.
Our wedding is in July and we are moving across the country in August so that I can start graduate school. The idea of a bridal registry full of fragile vases, glasses, and flatware that we would need to pack and ship makes me nauseous. In lieu of a standard registry, we are asking our wedding guests to donate to our favorite charity: MEDICIO (Medical, Eye, and Dental International Care Organization). MEDICO is a nonprofit humanitarian service organization that provides basic health services, eye exams and glasses, and dental care to the people of Central America. With a donation as small as $25, MEDICO can treat 100 children suffering from parasite-related illnesses, provide 9 months of prenatal vitamins for 5 expectant mothers, or buy 25 pairs of reading glasses. When I see friends with bridal registries listing $35 salt shakers or $150 stainless steel trashcans, I can’t help but think of all the good that money could be doing for someone else less fortunate.
Instead of enjoying pre-marital bliss lost in department stores picking out fine china, we play frisbee in the park, go for long walks to talk about our future together, and make frequent trips to our local Goodwill. Our intention is to continue a lifetime of simple pleasures, service to others, and love for each other long after we tie the knot.
To donate or learn more about MEDICO, check out their website here or visit their Facebook page.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Yay- yet another wonderful person travelling our well worn path. You are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo inspirational and interesting. Thanks for sharing :)
This is incredibly inspiring and something I’ve never heard people doing before! I can see this making a huge impact on funding charities. Thank you for sharing! I wish you a happy life in your new marriage :)
You wonderful person! Have an amazing wedding.
(Gifts like that are also great for end of year thank yous for teachers.)
Wonderful story – and thank you for sharing it!
It’s so hard to reject typical wedding traditions – not the action of rejecting them in general, but working with our friends and family members who feel that the giving of a consumption-oriented gift is the only way to celebrate the happy event.
I wish you the best, and thank you for your good deed!
What a beautiful idea Elizabeth! All the best for your wedding and your future together. It sounds like you are on a shared path from the start focused on each other and on making a difference.
I tried something similiar for my son’s baptism. At baptisms, the type of gifts that are often given are not practical, and nearly everything my daughter was given seemed to be in sterling silver (which I don’t have time to clean!!) such as a baby mug and cutlery, photo frames and money boxes. I appreciated the thought, but not really the gifts :) So for my son’s baptism, I asked instead of gifts if a donation could be made to a children’s charity I’d selected. Unfortunately, everyone still wanted to give the same type of gifts we’d received before so we ended up again with a lot of stuff we didn’t really want! We made a donation anyway, and also ended up donating a lot of the gifts years later as well. And this story is by no means to say that you will experience anything like this, but just to show how hard it can be to change attitudes to gift giving.
Love the idea of using it for a baptism Kim. I may just do that as we plan on baptizing all three of our children together. I can’t imagine the amount of goods that we would accumulate from that event alone..
When my dad re-married he did this and they got mostly charity donations. Some people will always want to give a “thing” gift. I think it helped that this was a wedding of two people of about 60 years old.. and everyone realized they don’t need anything..
I think it’s a great idea, I hope you get lots of donations and not much stuff!!
I can tell from now that you two will be very blessed! You already are ahead of the game – Most of us don’t realize that we don’t need all of that stuff to be in fulfilling marriages, until only after years have gone by.
Best of luck for your upcoming nuptials and the cross country move! :)
So refreshing and beautiful! Love it!
Wow! What an inspiration and a fine example of humans being! ;-) Fabulous post!
What a wonderful idea! Our daughter got married last year and they moved across the country. They took everything with them in their car. They put gift cards on the registry and took back most gifts and got credit and bought only what they needed when they got to their apartment many, many miles away. Since her husband didn’t have a job at the time, the gift cards were really helpful to help them through the first few months.
I hope you will be blessed for your generosity to others. What a wonderful way to start your marriage with your values in the right place.
congratulations on your upcoming marriage and I think it’s great that you are bypassing the traditional registry for a more worthy cause. I know a handful of people who have done the same thing so I hope this catches on as the norm one of these days.
That is amazing. So glad to have people like you in the world.
What an awesome idea! When I got married I didn’t want to do a registry but was badgered so much that I ended up putting about 10 (inexpensive and needed) cooking items on one. People still complained, because, I realized later, that no one wanted to appear cheap by purchasing a 5 dollar baking dish for us. How backwards all this is! I wish I had thought of doing something charitable like this. And what a wonderful way to start a marriage, wishing you the best.
This is a great story, however, I would just like to note that I don’t think the attitude in the post towards others who are not as generous as Elizabeth is necessarily helpful. I agree that listing $35 salt and pepper shakers on one’s wedding registry isn’t going to make the world a better place. But please keep in mind, those who are doing things like that are simply following years (now generations) of consumerism that has constantly pushed the notion that no matter what we have, it is never enough. Minimalism is all about leading by example, not judging or keeping tabs on the choices others make.
Regardless though, kudos to Elizabeth for her forward and charitable thinking. I wish Elizabeth and her spouse many years of bliss together, in a happy and uncluttered home :)
Personally I don’t see it as judging to state an opinion as mild as Elizabeth’s “I can’t help but think of all the good that money could be doing…”
I feel we each have a possibility to grow when we get irritated etc. by any comment or opinion that someone makes, because it makes us face something perhaps not yet fully settled in ourselves…This works for me, anyway.
Such a generous choice for receiving happiness on your wedding, Elizabeth :)
You are pretty awesome, and (although I’m not even close) when I get married I think I’m going to do the same thing. As a student, I feel privileged enough as it is, and I don’t see the need to upgrade to a better, shinier kettle or toaster or salt shaker.
@Renata – I’m guilty of the same attitude. I didn’t even realize it till you pointed it out, so thanks!
Best wishes for a beautiful day and kudo’s on the donation registry. When we wed, we originally asked for no gifts. Everyone traveling to be with us was a terrific gift in our mind. The more consumer minded among the guests badgered us for a registery and we continued refusing. Eventually I stumbled on the idea of a gift of photos. Either from the day or from a time past. Beyond the many photos (digital) of the day, we recieved copies of photos of our grand and great grandparents. Something that neither of us had, but something that both of us treasure.
Wow, that is such a lovely thing to do. You’ll always know that your wedding gifts spread health and joy far beyond your immediate circle of family and friends. And you’ll never have to dust any of those warm glows, either. :)
Congratulations on your marriage! You two are off to a great start. What an amazing charity. They can really stretch a donation!
you are amazing! Thanks so much for what you are doing :)
Congrats on your marriage!
We did the same with the birth of our fourth child. On the birth announcement, we said that we and the baby really, really, really didn’t need anything and could people consider donating to their local Sick Kids hospital in Baby Four’s honour. Many people did this and said so in their congrats card but some of the older generation didn’t like the idea of not giving a “minding” to the baby and moaned a bit to my mother.
It’s wonderful that you have started so early with this philosophy, Elizabeth. I wish I had read about the concept of minimalism so early in my life – might have avoided finding storage space for the fondue that has been used a total of twice in ten years of marriage…
;-)
Karen
(Scotland)
Ha! We FINALLY got rid of a fondue set that was still brand new, never used, in the box after ten years of marriage! We’re slow learners at times….
Great idea! God bless MEDICO and your marriage.
This is very inspiring for me. I plan to get married soon and just the thought of a big party and all that stuff stresses me out. I believe that getting married shouldn’t be about buying stuff and throwing a party it should be focused on love and on the commitment that you are making. I still don’t know how my wedding will be but you are a real inspiration for me. Thanks for sharing!
How very AWESOME !!!!
So smart, so generous. May you live happily ever after!
How wonderful! I will share this idea with my children…rather than asking for toys (in the case of the 9-year-old) and more electronics (in the case of the 16-year-old) they would want to make the lives of children far less fortunate better. Thank you for this. And may you have a wonderful wedding and a long, loving marriage.
When my beloved uncle died of Parkinson the family asked for no flowers at the funeral but to donate to the Parkinson Foundation.
we tried that. But people seemed to feel that a charitable donation wasn’t enough, so they gave a donation AND also bought us gifts too. But we raised a ton of money for Heifer International and the Alzheimer’s Association, so I’m still happy. We also returned some of our gifts to the store and were able to use the cash for other purposes.
NOw that’s a smart girl!
I think this is a great idea. I’ve requested similar donations in the past (a bag of groceries to be donated to the local food bank …) However, I have found that the gift is often more about the giver than the receiver. Some people have a difficult time passing up a cute stuffed animal or baby outfit when they have an excuse to purchase it.
I will admit that I am flawed and can be judgmental of the whole concept of baby and bridal/wedding gifts. Especially now that in our society more people are marrying and having children later in life when they have established households and are financially stable.
This was probably THE most encouraging, inspirational articles on this website that I have ever read. I think your mindset regarding your wedding and registries in general is right where it should be. Looking back, I wish I would have done the same thing. It IS very easy to accumulate so much stuff, when we don’t even use them. Instead, we should all strive to bless others with our resources. Thank you for posting your article again!
What a great idea! We ended up eventually donating so many of the “must-have’s” that we got for wedding gifts.
What a grand idea! We’ve done the same thing for birthdays but nobody I know has done it for weddings or babtisms. May you have a fantastic wedding day and a wonderful life together – minimalist in stuff, but fabulously rich in love and caring :)
The title of the article says it all: **Selling** the Pared-Down Life.
SO SORRY. The above comment was not meant for this entry but for the entry before it. My apologies.
Yay! A couple of my friends asked for charitable donations for their wedding, but they also had a registry. Personally, when it comes to weddings, I want the ceremony at the courthouse and plain old party later :P Sure, a few gifts would be nice, but all the crap that goes with weddings is definitely not for me.
I like the idea of donations and always do that for funerals and whenever it is a “big” birthday. We also went to a wedding where every one brought a dish of food or a dessert. One uncle paid to rent table cloths and another uncle paid for a bottle of wine for each table. Someone else brought some pop. Others rented silverware, glasses, and plates. The bride coordinated every thing and made her dress and she and her mother made centerpieces. I don’t know how many people chipped in for a DJ and room rental. It was a delightful wedding and everyone had fun. My own daughter was given a dress and her in- laws gave them a fixer upper house which was a super present,too. We made centerpieces,favors, bridesmaids bouquets,etc. Some weddings cost a fortune lately.
We have been making contributions to local food banks and food pantries lately. There are also warm coat and hat and mitten drives here all over the Chicago area. Another place I donate to is a shelter for battered women. No one wants to be outside in a Midwestern winter. My brother, who lives on the east coast, gives out granola bars when he sees people holding out “homeless and hungry” signs. He worries money donations will be misspent.
A man said he was cold and hungry. He wanted change, I gave him some and showed him a McDonald’s about a block away. My son said in downtown Chicago, they ask for $5. I can’t imagine giving someone $5. Usually, if someone asks for more than change, I tell them how to apply for food stamps. There is a network of homeless shelters here because our winters are too cold to be outside. There are also parking decks where people live so they have porta- potties.
My friend mentioned she lost her job. She said her cousin would buy her dinner just for her company. After I told her which restaurants had specials on which nights, I told her how to get help from our local township, and where the local food pantries were. My son gives a lot of money to his food pantry in Chicago and buys everything second hand. There is a wide gulf between the rich and poor here and it is getting worse.
I had my grandsons over today. The older one got involved in an honors project in high school. The younger one made some art projects. We went to the public library and a small museum. The next projects I have involves sewing some small puppets like they saw in a movie. I last did this some years ago, explaining when I was young, we made dolls out of whatever we had around the house.