My daughter Plumblossom has a tiny toybox—a little fabric bin that holds her small selection of rattles, balls, books, blocks, and other infant playthings. The majority of its contents are gifts from friends and family; lucky for her, as her minimalist mother is not particularly adept at choosing or acquiring such items. :)
In fact, while browsing Amazon and other retail sites, I’ve found many more toys I don’t want to buy than those I actually do. Here’s what I plan to avoid:
Battery-operated toys. I think toys that have flashing lights, electronic sounds, or too many bells and whistles are overwhelming for a baby. Furthermore, I want play to be about imagination, not pushing buttons.
Branded toys. No items with Disney or other mass-marketed characters will enter our home until my daughter specifically requests them (and even then, I’d like to limit them).
“Little grown-up” toys. Plumblossom will have to live without a play cellphone, laptop, or cash register for the time being. I know many people think it’s cute, but I’m not too keen on these little plastic versions of adult items. I want my daughter to enjoy being a child, before the pressures of consumption and connection encroach on her life.
Trendy toys. This won’t be hard, as without a TV, neither Plumblossom nor I have any idea “what’s hot” in children’s toys; fortunately, I don’t think I’ll have to worry about this for quite a few years.
Plastic toys. Oh, how I’d love to avoid plastic toys or anything made in China! She currently has a few, but as she gets older, I intend to replace them with European or American-made wooden toys (most of which are geared towards older babies).
So far, Plumblossom has a take-it-or-leave-it attitude towards her toys. She likes to turn the pages of her books, and now that she can sit on her own, play with her blocks and stacking rings. But to be honest, she finds household objects (bags, boxes, mixing bowls, measuring cups) and natural objects (flowers, leaves, sticks, stones) infinitely more interesting than what’s manufactured for her age group.
I also think she’s a minimalist-in-the-making: she’d much rather go for a walk, crawl around the house, or splash in the tub than sit with her playthings. And like her mom, she loves a clear surface; if I put a few toys on a table, she’ll sweep them off (and onto the floor) in record time.
Furthermore, I’ve noticed that if multiple toys are within her reach, she becomes easily distracted and distraught. She’ll pick up one for a few seconds, then go to another, then go to another—none seem to satisfy her for very long. If I give her only one toy at a time, she’s more focused, and plays more quietly and contentedly. It’s fascinating to see this reaction to “too much stuff” at such an early age, and makes me ever more determined to keep her play environment simple and uncluttered.
So what’s your opinion: am I short-changing my daughter by limiting her toy collection? What are the few must-haves for a minimalist under 1 (any favorites from your own childhood)?
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
At that age, all my daughter liked playing with was a handmade material ball with a bell inside and ripping the junk mail to shreds. I wish I was a minimalist before I had my children. All that money I wasted on those plastic flashing toys that were played with for a day or two and quickly forgotten. The toy that was most played with by both my children was a three wheel little plastic tricycle. This was by far the best toy for age 1 and up.
No, I don’t think you’re short-changing her, especially at this age. Kitchen utensils make great toys as I have seen from experience. I do, however, think that it’s wise that you have allowed for the idea that she might request some items and you might allow it. I think that many parents today look at things and experiences and decide they are not good for a child–mentally, emotionally, or physically. However, they had the same things and experiences growing up and turned out just fine. Forcing things like Disney Princesses on your daughter who is a tomboy and uninterested is not right, but denying them to a little girl who truly enjoys the fantasy is not really right either. Keep things classic and simple, but don’t be so idealistic about her playthings that you don’t let her develop her own style of play.
My son still prefers being outside, books and drawing. Yes he loves his balls and cricket bat, he loves nature, we go out for a walk and come back with a thousand feathers.
I thought about buying a popup tent, then instead built a den. If I get a garden I have seen a great idea of making a den out of plants (growing them up canes). I love it.
We go to the children centre that is packed full of toys, he has played with the toys for a minute got bored and gone back outside to play running around and with balls. The toys just get in the way of having fun.
We’re at the age when we pretend to be horses, and visit pink cows. I love it.
The only ‘toy’ I have bought recently is a butterfly garden from a local place.
You can get some nice wooden toys over here (in England) if you look in the right place for younger children, they just aren’t easy to find.
Children prefer time spent with them instead of a toy to occupy themselves with
@Samantha: there are LOADS of wooden toys available on Amazon.co.uk…..
I totally share your views! I’m expecting my first next month, and for the first few months I will not get her any toys at all since anyways, she’ll hardly be interested. And I’ll try my best not to have anything plastic or battery operated enter our house! I’m of the opinion that human contact does a much better job at soothing a baby than anything battery-operated ever can. I’m even trying not to have any baby clothes with branded characters…
I will be offering her books, though, when the time comes. My mom kept some of the nicest picture books I had as a kid, they’re already waiting for her.
I think you are exactly right and agree very much. My son is not terribly interested in toys and never has been. I always felt it a shame to have to explain to health nurses at his various check ups that he doesn’t like brightly colored toys and that no, this doesn’t mean there is something wrong with his developmental skills. My little guy loves natural objects as well, pine cones, sticks, small stones and he is very happy and plays nicely. I find too that even though he is beginning to like cars and tractors now, he seems very quickly agitated by them as well. It’s interesting.:)
My kids (8 and 5) have:
Duplo/Lego
wooden blocks/marble run/trainset
garage with matchbox cars
schleich animals
a couple of teddys
and a small ‘secret box’ each for their little treasures like pebbles, old coins, magnifying glass etc they get and/or find.
These are toys that they have had since they were little. It’s their collection of the Legos, wooden blocks/trainset, matchbox cars and Schleigh animals that get extended when they receive presents. it works for us, works for the kids. :)
oh Apple what a fantastic list. I’ve recently bought my little one a few schleich animals for her upcoming 2nd birthday. I stuck to farm animals so we can (in the future) talk about where our food comes from and what you need to do to look after animals and learn the names of baby animals etc. Schleich toys were also an easy gift for my three year old neiece. the unicorn and fairy schleich toys were a real winner.
we recently took a trip to my parents and my little one really enjoyed playing with mine & my brother’s old duplo and matchbox cars.
For a child under one the best toy is a person’s face and human interaction. Any opporunity to get out of the house and observe other people were always the easiest way to entertain my daughter. It meant lots of time at the library & shopping mall (not shopping).
Water is a great toy once they are able to sit up. Fill a bowl and give your little one use measuring cups and spoons and small containers, they’ll eventually pour it all over themselves but they’ll have a great time.
Some must-have basic toys for the first two years:
– rattles, bells, keyboard -> music
– books (you don’t need to buy these, go to the library)
– one or two soft cuddly toys
– magnadoodle, a magnetic drawing board for clean drawing, or good ole’ crayons and paper & homemade playdough -> craft
– a ball (to practice hand eye coordination and just for fun)
– building blocks (wooden, duplo)
– a walker (my daughter loved pushing it around the house and it did help her realise that learning to walk was actually worthwhile – until I bought it she was pretty happy crawling everywhere)
For a child under one year old toys toys are pretty unnessary, its actually the opportunities to interact with other people that are more important.
The most ghastly toy I ever saw a child being given at Christmas was a battery operated play vacuum cleaner. It had little balls which moved about when you “vacuum” the floor. I have repressed any memories of any cheerful sounds but still have nightmares about the toy. Both parents are packrats so the VC is probably still around somewhere but I very much doubt the child still plays with it. Aargh!!!
I had (and loved) a push toy that had little balls that popped when you pushed it along. Is that similar? I don’t think it was battery-operated, though, and I guess I never thought of it as a vacuum cleaner per se.
Similar perhaps. If you loved it that’s OK. Perhaps it was a sort-of pram?
The one toy that all of my children loved (1 boy and 3 girls) and played with for many years was a nice set of wooden blocks of all shapes and sizes. When they were very young they would stack and demolish. The buildings got more elaborate as they got older and they all played with them together. THe wooden blocks allowed lots of creativity. If someone gave my children a battery operated toy I would let the batteries run out and never replace them. With the noise of 4 children I did not need the noise of electornic toys. They are also way too stimulating for young children.
For Plumblossom …. wooden blocks, a few age appropriate books, a soft baby doll and a rattle. Don’t forget that some of the best “toys” are in your kitchen…. stainless steel mixing bowls( or pots) and wooden spoons.
What a joyful time !!
I don’t think there are truly any “must haves” under a year. It is nice to have something on hand in the diaper bag or car. My daughter is a year old and we’ve successfully avoided the plastic, making the exception for second-hand duplos. Life is so much better without a million toys.
At around 9 months my daughter became fascinated with containers, taking things out and putting things in. Right now her favorite “toy” might be a can of old tennis balls! She takes them out, chases them around the room, puts them in, and repeats.
Mrs. Brady,
I had that toy! I LOVED it!
Faun! Aaarrghhhh (theatrical wail, wringing of hands) – how could you? Decades of feminism and you love a toy that symbolises Women’s Oppression (Perhaps you are a boy? Perhaps you now run a chain of vacuum cleaner businesses?)
How is a toy vacuum worse than other toys? If anything it might teach a child to equate work with fun,which will come in handy when the kid grows up.House work has to be done,why not learn not to hate it?
Not very minimalistic,though.
Interesting way of looking at it. I think my views are strongly coloured by me (girl) always having to help with the housework whilst my brother did nothing.
As an infant, my son had a couple of these wonderful rattles;
http://www.gepetto.co.nz/shop,shop,3.html
Other ideas for Plumblossom are;
A tissue box stuffed with cotton&silk scarves to pull out
Wooden building blocks (make sure they have rounded edges)
Drums (can be pots and pans, or a nice wooden toy drum)
Wooden chunky cars (at her age, she’ll be fascinated by the wheels)
Fabric balls
Books
Schleich animals
Wooden peg hammer game
A mirror
Home made play dough
Some lovely wooden toy brands are;
Plan Toys
Pin Toys
Hape
Ever Earth
Zora’s Rainbow
Some great blogs for play ideas;
http://www.howwemontessori.com/how-we-montessori/
http://playathomemom3.blogspot.co.nz/
What a wonderful time…..enjoy every second! x
I highly recommend the book ‘Simplicity Parenting’. The changes I made because of that book had a huge positive impact on my son, he’s almost 4 now but was 1.5 when I read the book. I only have one child, but in my experience children play much deeper and more creatively when they play with open-ended and battery free toys. Also, too many toys hinders creativity, at least with my son. When he has too much stuff around him, he just seems overwhelmed. My son never watches commercial television, which also helps. The best toys we’ve purchased for my son are:
wooden blocks
wooden train set
Matchbox cars
Playmobil 123 Farm
big wheel style bike
favorite stuffed animal and puppet
I love that book Katie and we became TV free not long after reading it (about 18 months ago). Our family is still very happy with the decision.
I have to add homemade playdough to the list of great toys and glue, stickers, fabric, wool, collage materials etc.
Obviously the craft things for older children…but sensory play like goo, water and playdough can all be enjoyed by little ones with parents close by to prevent things being eaten. My eldest daughter had a bad habit of trying to eat beach sand every time we went to the beach between the ages of 12 months and around 15 months. That was a long summer!
I agree – Simplicity Parenting is a MUST read!
I think you are on the right track. It’s way easier to add a few more things if you are missing anything than it is to reduce after she already has the stuff. We didn’t move towards minimalism until our daughter was four years old, and by that time she already had a room full of toys.
One observation from my experience. Even if you don’t buy grown-up items, she’ll make up her own. Our daughter found items to make pretend grown-up objects. A small box became a phone, a small bag became a purse, and wooden dowel from another toy became a vacuum cleaner.
No! Not more vacuum cleaners!
You are enriching your daughters life by allowing natural play and curiousity take center stage. That’s how it should be! I love that you notice what your baby wants to do rather then just sticking her in a room full of toys.
I think building blocks (the wood ones that last and come in various shapes) are great for kids. How well I remember the first birthday of my oldest. We had purchased toys that “we” thought were cool – but she was more interested in the boxes they came in! I love love books so I always recommend them. A few favorites will rise to the surface and are worth purchasing for regular bed-time reading. “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom” by Bill Martin Jr. Was an early favorite (even before age 1). A special “soft guy”. (I.e.a stuffed animal) is a nice cuddly item but best to let them choose what attracts them (ours was a stuffed penguin that my now 21 year old still has). My son did not attach to a stuffed animal, he liked to sleep with a small clean cloth diaper! My daughter fell in love with a fitted crib sheet (known as “blankie”) and would parade around with one corner on her head and the sheet flowing down her back. They both loved to play in the cupboard that contained mixing bowls and plastic containers (I remember thinking, “note to self – never eat off of plastic stuff in the home of a toddler) :-)
My 2 year old still loves playing with his plastic bowls and spoons and anything else that he manages to snatch out of the dishwasher when I’m unloading it. Do you have Sophie the Giraffe? Such a cute toy and so great for a baby your daughter’s age. My son still pulls it out and plays with it. In fact, it’s so beat up that I may have to purchase another one for my 2 month old. I love your blog and your book. We are in the process of building a small cottage and I have been re-reading it as I go through our apartment and de-clutter to get ready for our move.
Honey, all the good luck for you and your Plumblossom, it is all very human and understandable, but if you want to get back those hundreds of comments, please keep in mind those who did not come here to read about children.
And – from experience – for a child any box usually turns out to be better than any toy that was put in the box. It can be a house, a car, a cave, a whatever. They have a lot more imagination than adults do (by the way, I wonder where that goes later in life?)
I agree, Kurkela. There are far less people posting comments here now, including many of the previous regulars.
To the contrary, the few posts on child-related topics seem to be her most popular! Look to the right under Popular Posts, Is One Child Enough has over 300 comments and Bundle of Joy has almost 200.
I for one am glad that she can finally relate to those of us with kids, and is able to write on these topics. I now find this blog more relevant to my life, and doubt I’m the only one who feels this way.
Hmm, single people never complained when Miss M mentioned her husband, yet certain childless commenters feel the need to criticize her whenever she mentions her daughter. Do I detect some bitterness there?
Miss M, please don’t let a few people discourage you from writing about kids. I’m willing to bet that your readers with children far outnumber those without, and WANT to hear your minimalist perspective on them.
I hope other moms (and dads) will chime in and let her know we appreciate these posts.
I’m chiming in with support! I never had much interest in the travel posts, so just ignored them. I wouldn’t dream of posting a negative comment and telling Francine she was turning into a travel blogger. I like how she covers a wide range of subjects.
I’m a minimalist dad, and posts like this are great for getting my wife on board with de-cluttering. Our two kids have way too many toys. Thank you and keep them coming…
I agree, I love that there are now family-related posts. Not every post is going to apply to every blog reader but I still read the ones that don’t apply to me, like travel, and go on because some day those posts might apply.
Honey, I have three children, so no bitterness there. However, I always keep in mind they couldn’t be so very interesting to everybody else as they are for me.
The reason still is very obvious and humanly understandable. For every woman her first child is a small (no, make that BIG)wonder, and there is a moment when she can’t speak about anything else. Gets easily cured when the child grows up a bit :)
Kurkela, she is not talking about her child. She is talking about toys for children.
Well put, Vanessa. That’s an important distinction between this and a mommy blog. She’s not blathering on about or posting photos of her daughter, but using personal examples to launch a discussion on a broader topic (that IS related to minimalism for many of us).
Kurkela, sorry for the wrong assumption. I must have been thinking of others who specifically mentioned being childless.
Anyway, I think it would be disingenuous if Miss M pretended to still be a freewheeling, world-traveling minimalist. The focus of her life has changed, so I would expect the focus of her blog would too. What I like is that she continues to practice and write about minimalism, showing that it works for a wide range of lifestyles.
Completely agree – as a new mum, who became a minimalist during the “nesting” stage, I am keen to learn from this blog, and from other reader’s experiences too. I love this blog.
I don’t have a child living in my home but I do have children in my life and it is always helpful to see from the perspective of the parents. Every blog will have entries that don’t fully interest every reader so maybe you can skip reading and commenting on the posts that you feel aren’t relevant to your life. It’s a streamlining technique that works well to free up your time. Very minimalist.
I love these posts! When I had my daughter, I had a lot of trouble finding minimalist advice about babies and children. Her posts have always been information and tips from her experiences and life. So why would it be any different now that she has a child. I find these tips incredibly helpful and encouraging to the way I view parenting. I vote for a post on traveling with children! Even though my kiddo is 19 months and has been on 11 plane trips, I would love to hear MM’s advice!
I look forward to MM posts every week. Not all topics I can relate to but that’s okay. I still love to read her minimalist view on life. She inspires others to live with less and that is amazing
Well, this post now has over 100 comments so I guess plenty of people are interested in minimalism + children!
My daughter is soon four years old. She plays almost exclusively with the following:
– a plush cat (she chose this one herself and her grandpa bought it, it’s her favorite) and two other stuffed toys.
-two strollers for the above characters, one of which is made by us. We accidentally ended up with two, but she plays with both.
All the other things she mostly plays with is random stuff she finds around the house and snatches, plus a bag or two to stuff her “treasures” in. Cardboard boxes, paper bags, etc. are great. And recyclable after they are done with.
As we lost all our possessions recently, she also lost her toys. The plush cat I was able to replace with the exact same cat (lucky google search!) because she really missed her favorite toy, and we never told her it was not the original one.
We asked her what toys she missed, and it was the stroller she wanted. She also said legos. She used to have duplo, but as there were loads of old lego in storage here, we gave her those. She hasn’t been really playing with them much.
In addition she sometimes plays with the dollhouses that were also already here (my childhood home). She only has a handful of other small toys like a Schleich horse and metal and wooden cars and wooden coins.
But mostly it’s just imaginary play with a couple of toys and some random stuff. And we read A LOT. At three years old she started listening to long “novel” types of children’s books without pictures. She now claims picture books are too short and only sometimes wants them for bedtime story.
But she is happy with very little.
I can see how babies would be easily entertained by what’s around them and would not need many specific toys. However, I would love to see a post, or get ideas from comments, about what other stuff would be useful for a baby. I’m expecting in a few months and would like to limit the things I buy for the baby, whilst at the same time not take away much from comfort. Beyond a crib and stroller, would you recommend a baby bouncer, pack n’ play, highchair, etc?
Zofia,
That’s a hard question for anyone to answer, because everyone’s needs are different. (For example, my mother bought us a very expensive crib. Neither of my two daughters ever slept in it. They ended up sleeping with as infants and then graduated to a twin sized bed at about age 2. What a waste of money and space!) Some people consider a particular item a necessity, while others with think it’s a waste. My advice is to borrow whatever you can and try it out before you purchase. Or maybe borrow forever! Some items you really only need for a few weeks or months.
But, truly, the only things you really really really need for a baby are: a car safety seat, a few diapers and very few changes of clothes. If you’re reading this website, you’ll probably not go overboard. But it’s hard to control the gifts from others!
It does vary per baby. What one baby likes the other will not but I did find a baby carrier was a life saver for both my kids.
This is something I really struggled with during pregnancy. I was afraid to not register for “the normal” things because then we might have to purchase then later. Well let me tell you how much stuff we ended up with…. Stuff we asked for and stuff we didn’t. Everyones list is different bases on lifestyle but I will give you my hindsight list and maybe it will be helpful….
1. Bassinet (cosleeping scared me so the bassinet was right next to the bed).
2. Swaddling blankets
3. Burp clothes (just a few…. My baby didn’t spit up much)
4. Diapers (I highly recommend cloth. There are great options out there)
5. A backpack purse (I found the huge diaper bag to always fall off my shoulder and didn’t need to bring much with me).
6. A carrier (my favorite is the Ergo)
7. Nursing cover (I don’t like to let it all hang out! I had trouble with blankets but they are worth trying first)
8. Nursing pillow (some people use regular pillows which is cool but I found it so so helpful to have her brought to the right level)
9. Some clothes… I’m sure people already have you too many! Some pjs and a couple cute outfits to go out in is really enough.
10. Sophie the giraffe! Ok totally not needed but every baby seems to love it!
11. When the kiddo is old enough (I think 8 months), a jogging stroller if you run.
I would recommend a highchair at 6 months when babies can start eating solid food… I love my Ikea one. It doesn’t take much space and pulls up to the regular table.
I forget to mention a rocking chair… I lived in it during feedings and ended up sleeping in it countless times. Also for bath time something that will help support the baby’s head…. I didn’t end up using the full on baby bath. It was too bulky.
I love this list, and I totally agree. (Though I don’t have children yet.) I’ve studied child development in college for my career, and from what I’ve learned, I believe that it is actually really beneficial to them to have those restrictions. When I’ve talked about it with my mom or sisters (who do have children) they totally scoff at me, thinking it’s unnecessary and ridiculous. So my question for you is, what do you do with presents? How do you bring that up with people? I’m also worried that my family or maybe others as well will disregard my wishes, and then I will either have to give in or feel guilty about not allowing my child that toy after they’ve received it. Have you been in that situation yet? How do you think you will handle these situations?
I don’t have any must have toys and to be honest while my kids have way more than they need and we want, most were gifts and handmedowns. The few toys that I did purchase and still love are: big wooden building blocks (they build together and we build as a family) a different “set” for each child so that we have a bigger variety of shapes and sizes, puppets, some wee (child-palm size) waldorf dolls, and magic wands.
They have handmedown legos and some sets. My husband doesn’t think the sets are as creative a toy, but our children build them and then use them as sets for continuous pretend. Always involving knights, castles, magic and dragons… But they also mix and match and build imaginary worlds so I don’t think that their imaginations are too compromised. They love to give the little plastic figures to each other as christmas and birthday gifts and us them in their pretend worlds.
We didn’t have broadcast tv when they were little and would watch family films together and I refuse to buy video games. And they all love to read. We often run to the library for a quick trip and will end up spending a couple hours there, minimum.
Some children come over here and find us “boring” the others come over and run around outside and play in our “bamboo forest, jump on the trampoline, have swordfights, run through the sprinkler, play legos, have fairy picnics, cast spells and learn archery.
So are there any must haves? No. Toys should be like books, they should feed the soul and the imagination. And maybe, the best ones can be used both alone and with others.
I wasn’t going to comment as this does not apply to me, but then I read Kurkela’s comment. I am childless by choice and don’t plan on ever needing this information but I LOVE to see that there are positive, thinking parents out there making good choices for their child’s emotional health and overall development. It gives me some small hope in this world that is overrun with the branded, plastic toys that people mindlessly succumb to, as they give in to their children’s demands for more, more more.
I love the nickname you have given your daughter and I applaud your choices in keeping a fairly minimalist childhood for her.
(I also must say, I never had the plastic vacuum cleaner but I loved playing with it when I saw one. To this day, vacuuming is still fun for me.)
Vacuuming? Fun?
Yes, but I hate sweeping! :) I don’t know, something about pushing this loud machine over my carpets and hearing the satisfying “woosh” and “whirr” of it sucking up dirt and dog hair makes me pleased, and it’s not hard to do. It’s kind of pleasant. Lol.
This list made me chuckle a little as I used to say the EXACT same things. “No on XYZ. They can only play with ABC!” You will be surprised at how quickly your daughter (and you) will learn about the latest and greatest. We surely did, and that was without watching reguar TV, only Netflix. If you are in moms’ groups or even at parks, you get the best insight into what is popular. As for the “no plastic, no branded, etc.”, I gave in a bit. We still still limit the amount of toys, but are much more liberal when it comes to terms of what they keep. My oldest loves bags and ribbons and boxes and rocks. My 2 year old is obsessed with cars and trucks and balls. We actually found that our sons play more with some plastic toys (like animals and cars) v. their wood, handmade counter parts. I tell you all of this in the hopes that you will learn from my mistakes. You can push all you want, but they learn to express their wants extremely quickly. It did me no good force them to have what *I* thought was best, but once I opened up to what *they* liked, things became much less stressful.
While we have too many toys, the ones that are played with the most are:
1) wooden blocks
2) play kitchen and Plan Toys stand mixer (enjoyed most when they had less stuff for it)
3) six favorite stuffed animals (three for each child)
4) magnetic paper dolls
5) doll house with wooden furniture (much home made) and the wooden clothes pin dolls from my childhood
6)Playmobil sets — not minimalist but are the toys that really capture their imagination — barbarians attacking meerkats who are protected by Ancient Egyptians LOL
7)wood or matchbox cars and trucks
8)craft supplies — colored pencils, stamps, crayons, water color paints, etc.
9) jigsaw puzzles (we recently downsized to few favorites)
–Ave
I can’t remember what my kids played with, before 1 yr old. Probably cardboard books, their silkie blanket, plastic measuring cups, stacking toy, etc. My daughter did have one fabric body doll that she loved. It had a knot in the hat that she loved to chew. Definitely more household objects. And, both of them loved a very large mirror to look at themselves. We did have a “saucer” like sitting toy that they could sit inside. It has bead-loops and different activities around the table of the saucer, and they could spin in any direction to look around and see what was going on. That was a lifesaver.
After 1 yr, I’d say that little wooden mallet and “pounding bench” that they can tap pegs through, a little wooden walker/pushcart-wagon, and a Radio Flyer wooden sit-on riding toy (sort of like a 4 wheel bicycle without pedals were the winners. And, still the mirror.
The toy my son played with at just a little older than your daughter was a set of cardboard “bricks” that I think came flat and we had to fold them and make them. They eventually got taped many, many times but he really used his imagination to make them into forts, tents, cars, tables, etc, etc. Turned out to be a very good buy! He would often make a “fort” and then use it as a retreat from the rest of his room or the rest of whatever room, and go there to read a book or play with another toy. Probably because back then he wanted to escape from all the toy clutter he had!! ;-)
Have I logged onto mumsnet by mistake???
What a great post to get like minded parents talking! My son is about 3.5 and I try to limit his toys as well. Some things I prefer not to have leak in from family members but I figure that is part of life. The one thing I really do not limit is books. He loves to be read to and to “read” and I highly encourage that.
We have a wonderful set of wooden blocks handmade by Smiling Tree Toys. You can find them on Etsy. I loved supporting a small business as well as one that focuses on natural toys.
He loves to be outside so we have a tricycle and a bicycle, a baseball set, big bouncy balls, and sidewalk chalk. He has a few stuffed toys, balls, a little drill and hammer set and other odds and ends.
Only recently has he been into branded things. We only have Netflix and don’t watch a lot of TV so I think he is getting some of the desire from daycare and some because he is getting older and is exposed to some of the commercialized items when he is at his dad’s house where they do have cable.
When he was little, he really loved kitchen stuff. Bowls were hats and he still runs out to the kitchen when we visit my mom and ask for a spatula or a whisk and it becomes all sorts of things: a popsicle, a sword, a golf club, etc. I find that these things really help him use his creativity.
I just try and make sure that on birthdays or holidays when gifts come pouring in, I remove a few of the toys he plays less with and donate them. If he finds joy from it and plays with it a lot (whether it is plastic or commercialized or not) then it’s worth it for me to allow him to have it, which meets my idea of minimalism for adding joy and usefulness.
You’re preaching to the choir, my dear. I so agree with you! my daughter is 2 and I’m trying hard to be nice to outside people while keeping the useless clutter out of the house (I include in useless clutter grown-up-make-believe and branded toys (or clothes). I haven’t had a TV most of my life so it’s not even something I give a thought about, but a lot of people think I’m shortchanging my daughter and, worse, that I don’t allow her to socialise properly because she’s not keeping up with the Joneses and the TV programmes. BUT, we walk to and from school every day and, although it takes me (alone) about 4 minutes, it can take 35 minutes with DD, looking at beautiful flowers, animals, other children, etc. I’ve also noticed that although DD takes all her toys (not that many, but still) from the shelf to play with, she soon looses interest if I don’t pick and put away what she’s not really playing with. Kids are good at making a mess, but don’t really enjoy clutter/untidiness, in my experience.
When my girls were very young, 3 and under, they were happy with household items, daddy’s tools, books, and boxes. Kids love boxes. It’s a bit more complicated now. But make no mistake, children are typically NOT minimalist. They might not like too many toys, but my kids, on our various outings, have dragged home “special” rocks, feathers, clods of moss, bits of paper, pamphlets from whatever museum/arboretum/submarine/aquarium etc. we’ve visited and so forth. They are unable to part with any picture they have painted or drawn, or anything mommy or daddy has given them. As they grow older, it seems to my unsentimental eye, EVERYTHING has a heartfelt significance to them and they are too old for me to be ruthless without them knowing what I’m doing, and consultations often end in frustration. Again, I’m not talking about toys. Both my kids are more than happy to donate or get rid of toys. But the handcarved turtle dad made in shop 20 years ago? No way. The doodled on letter mum put under the pillow when she took the baby teeth away? No way. I think that sentimentality is often a phase children go through, but I’m now at the point where I’m getting a little worried!
You’ve hit on one of my favorite topics: children’s toys! I run a daycare, and even though I have 5 toddlers at my house all day, I have far fewer toys than most children have all to themselves. I never buy toys–people donate them to me constantly. I turn around and re-donate most of them. If they are battery operated, I take the batteries out. I have no outdoor play equipment. Instead, we have a huge garden that the kids explore. I’m also amazed that people will spend all kinds of money for things like an “art table” or a “water table.” I already have very high quality versions of those at my house–they are called my kitchen table and my stainless steel sink.
For a baby I would recommend: Something cuddly like a small stuffed toy, a small blanket or a soft diaper. Something that makes an interesting, natural sound like a rattle, or beads that clink together, or a crinkly page protector. Something the baby can reach for and grab, like a hanging mobile. The best toy of all is another human, so if you (or grandma) have unlimited time to bounce your baby on your knee, make faces and sing, that is ideal. As she gets older, a small box for opening and closing. Most of these things can be found around the house. They don’t have to be “toys.” Just make sure they are safe for baby.
Please no Einstein videos!
Whenever I am invited to a baby shower I make a cookbook for the mom that has dozens of recipes for play. Edible playdough recipes, edible paints that can be used on a cookie sheet or in a tub, ideas for tactile play, etc. It is always received well and I have had moms tell me years later it was their go-to book for boredom days! I always think anything to do with music is a great gift, such as well made xylophone.
Many of the toys that have the play built in — such as the ones that you pull a string and they make a noise or say a word — are actually damaging to the child’s ability to learn to read. Another harmful factor is the good old TV. Sesame Street may be entertaining, but is not an effective teaching tool.
The best infant toy I ever found was an organic cotton washcloth with knotted corners and a sewn on face called Soggy Bear. The head was made by gathering one side of the material over a tightly packed ball of fabric. It was a machine washable teething toy. You could dampen and freeze it to provide extra relief and the nubby material seemed very soothing. Plus it soaked up all the drool. :)
I completely agree with limiting toys and strongly believe that that enhances creativity. The best toy we ever bought for our now 13 month old is a little xylophone. He loves to play it or listens to us playing it, and he has taken to using other things, like big empty yogurt containers, as instruments.
I love the minimalist toy idea. No plastic, batteries, etc… all good and easily done without.
However, what stumps me totally is that I can’t control what well meaning friends and relatives give my kids.
And once they get past a certain age, they develop their own opinions on what gifts they like and want to keep.
If someone gives your daughter a plastic princess head with fake hair to style when she is six and she wants to keep it and play with it, how do you handle that? It’s a whole different ball game then, one I am still not good at playing. Sometimes my kids can take or leave a toy, and sometimes they love Mr. Potato Head or whatever, and trying to take it away because it doesn’t meet my toy standards is the path to hurt feelings and mistrust and basic disaster.
I have tried asking relatives to avoid certain items- then I found that this idea annoyed them and in a few cases made them really angry. I have also tried offering toy suggestions- these are usually ignored. I have found that people want to give what they want to give. You can’t control that or stop them. I struggle with the realization that it is not my job to tell them what to give or to judge what they give. They do what they want, anyway.
Somehow it works better for an adult to tell another adult “don’t buy me a gift” than for an adult to tell another adult ” don’t buy a gift or only buy XZY as a gift for my child”.
So, here I am with Mr. Potato Head and the Cinderella Princess head. My kids love them and play with them. I have weeded out what they don’t play with and won’t miss. I guess that is the best anyone can do.
Disclaimer: I don’t have kids, but I do have lots of parenting opinions I’m honing for when I do.
In this instance, if your kids like these toys, I’d let them play with them. However, if they ask you for a new toy, or if they receive ANY new toy, enforce the one-in-one-out rule, and make them choose one toy to toss before a new one gets put away. This way, these undesirable toys might get weeded out as more “important” toys come in.
I am really stressing over how I will tell people to stop buying my kids stuff when I do start a family. People love to buy things for kids. Argh.
My brother and sister-in-law have struggled with this as well. My mom is a packrat and feels that, as a grandma, if she isn’t giving a toy then the world isn’t right. It took almost 3 years of consistent, polite and eventually stern talks to get her to ease up. The one in and one out rule kept things from piling up in corners. My brother and his wife don’t make a huge deal out of it but they do let people know that their son has more than enough. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
Unless the toy is just completely against our values, I usually let my daughter play with it for a while. When she gets tired of it, I will tuck it away and see if she misses it. If she doesn’t, out it goes. If she does, I may consider keeping it and making a home for it. If she got a noise making electronic toy, I would sometimes keep it in the closet on the self and it was a toy she had to ask to play with. When she was done with it, it went back on the shelf.
I don’t have any children, but I intend to raise any children I have on things like drawing and fingerpainting and other creative entertainment, encourage storytelling as soon as possible, and try to teach them to appreciate and enjoy what’s around us. I hope my children never discover the Happy Meal and McToys of the world. It sounds like you’re doing a great job with Plumblossom, and for what it’s worth I love that pseudonym you have for her :)
A ball is a must. Otherwise books but you can get those from libraries.
Shredded paper or bucket of water with plastic cups are great too.
I predict your budding minimalist is going to crack you up. We do have a tv, but my kiddo is limited to one show or movie a week, always without commercials (DVD or streaming), and so she really doesn’t know what’s “out there.” When she was three, her Christmas list consisted of a doorknob, a tree ornament, and a doll wig (do they even make such a thing?). And now that she’s older, the bizarre has not stopped. The other day, she asked me for a bulb of garlic to keep in her room. What?! Turns out she was convinced that since fairies love nature, it would attract them to her bedroom while she slept!
One of my son’s favorite toys was a cloth patchwork ball with a bell inside that I made for him. It was fun for me to make and he loves kicking it around and throwing it. The toughest thing for me is that relatives don’t always support limiting the number of toys he has. I’ve asked them to only give him gifts for birthdays or holidays, but then they insist on giving him gifts for Valentine’s Day, May Day, or Labor Day. Or I’ll say it’s OK to give him one gift for a particular occasion, and then he gets three. Of course they get upset if I give away any of his toys, so they’re just accumulating. Now my mother is insisting on buying me new storage furniture, so that my son has somewhere to keep all the toys she has gotten for him. It’s tough when relatives don’t seem able to respect the limits I try to set. I think the problem is that my relatives have a hard time controlling their own impulse purchasing, and it’s even tougher for them when it’s cute baby toys.
She’ll stop buying if you get serious about not keeping them. Take them to Goodwill or the Salvation Army, or if they are still new in the packaging, donate them to families at Christmastime. If she gets that bent out of shape about it, tell her that you never asked for them in the first place and you told her not to buy them. She brought it on herself! It’s not your job to keep this stuff hanging around just because it’s rude to get rid of it. It’s rude in the first place for someone to disrespect your limits and rules regarding your child.
I’m in the “tough love” camp when it comes to this — it’s not fair to expect you to keep things just because someone bought them for you, especially if you said no in the first place and they did it anyway.
Your going to have to put your foot down. Your not going to be able to change what they do, only what you do and what you will tolerate. I would be absolutely horrified and angry if a repetitive insisted on buying me furniture I do not want. I have worked hard to keep my possessions down and I have moved a lot. When I look a a piece of furniture now, the first thing I think is “how much does this weigh” because I know if I own it, I will end up having to carry the thing.
I let my family buy a few more things than my daughter needs and I help them magically disappear sometimes too.
I have found that the more my daughter gets the more she expects and the less she enjoys what she has. She also gets over whelmed and grumpy when she is given too much on a holiday. There is a sweet spot of not too little and not too much. This is a battle that is bigger than clutter, it’s about the character your building in your child and that is worth fighting for even if it makes others mad.
As someone who deals with the same issue, I would advise against what the commenters above mentioned. Here are the ideas I have found that work for over-gifters:
-Immediately get rid of items…and if they notice, tell them it was given/loaned to another child
-Ask that they keep the toys at THEIR house. My parents buy our boys things with the intention of keeping the items at their house after they were frustrated that I’d quickly give away brand new toys I didn’t feel they needed.
-Make a list! This helps with unwanted gifts and allows others to buy your child items/experiences you are comfortable with.
-Let go of the reins a bit! I was VERY staunch and tried to abide by all of the same things Francine mentioned. However, we also have to let our children make their own choices. The sooner we teach, allow, and respect their choices, the faster they learn what is really important to them. Ask yourself how your parents’ control or lack there of in the stuff department affected your view of items.
Good luck!
You are not stifling her in any way. I think children have entirely too many toys, it’s ridiculous! It’s so hard to keep people from giving dozens of gifts too, from birth to holidays and birthdays, etc. Everyone loves to buy toys for kids. I don’t have any children yet, but I am planning on having anywhere from one to three in my life, and I dread the barrage of crappy plastic toys that I think will follow.
I’m hoping to encourage creativity and imagination in my kids, not surround them with so many options that they are constantly bored and stressed out. My partner and I talk about things like birthday and holiday gifts (they can ask for three, they might not get them all, and they have to get rid of something old before they can accept something new), and my own minimalist tendencies have me planning for a very compact baby wardrobe (yes, they get messy, but do they really need fifty onesies?) and few baby gadgets and furniture.
Also, I really appreciate your posts about Plumblossom. It’s reassuring to see how kids can fit into a minimalist lifestyle, and I think you do a good job balancing the mommy posts with the non-mommy posts! It gives people with kids (and people planning on kids soon) hope that they can still maintain a sane lifestyle with less, even if baby makes three.
Love this site and the caring, considerate people who share the values expressed here! Although my baby raising days are long past (all now adults), the topic is still very interesting. I would highly recommend a movie called “Babies”, a fascinating look at the first year in the life of four babies from four very different cultures. It is a wordless documentary that says so much about our modern lives.
Enjoy, explore and have fun with your little ones everyone!!
Our toy rules are the same that yours are. People often comment on how few toys Rachel has, but really, it seems like more than enough to us! We do have a few plastic toys for outside, and we let her have old yogurt containers, too.
I think you hit the mail on the head: we are born as minimalists, and then have to work to get back there as adults.
Oh, I agree with Caitlin…people think that you can’t be minimalist if you have kids; and yes, it looks very different with kids! But it can still be done, and, in some ways, it is almost more crucial to be minimalist when you do have children!
YOU are good! As much as I wanted to steer clear of all things crap, we are inundated..though do make frequent trips to goodwill and the dump. Grandparents and birthday parties are the worst offenders. But good luck with maintaining the minimalism in our society’s maximalist approach to child-rearing.
This post also reminded me of the movie “Babies.” It’s a documentary that follows four babies living in vastly different parts of the world — U.S., Japan, Mongolia, E. Africa. What was most striking was how much calmer the babies with the least amount of man-made “stuff” (i.e. the Mongolian and African babies) were.
Great post. I am far from having kids since I’m still quite young and starting grad school, but I imagine myself in the future with these questions. I feel like these posts get me thinking about how I’ll be as a parent (I totally agree with the things you have said thus far), and it’s reassuring to know that I will be able to have these posts to refer to if and when the time comes that I have kids. I’m so excited for you that you’re going through this awesome time and sharing it with us. It doesn’t matter what number of comments you get. You’ve used your experiences and I can always relate, whether it’s about parenting or not! As your life evolves, so does the blog. Just like as our life situations change, so do the things we consider important; the things we think/talk about. No harm in that! Also, there are still a variety of subjects that you cover anyway!
I am surprised and not surprised that the limits you have placed on toys are the very same ones we have used with my daughter, now almost six years old. We expressed to family even before her birth that we didn’t want electronic toys. If she had any, they should be few and ones that us as parents picked out (when she broke her leg when she was three, we got her a little battery powered piano). We insisted on wooden toys, with the exception of duplos and 123 playmobil. Now that she is older much of her early wooden toys are now packed up. I limited myself to one container and I may keep them for her children, I haven’t decided yet.
I do not like branded toys or clothing. She had no branded clothing or shoes. Since I know that she is going to want branded stuff, I have purposefully promoted hello kitty and my little ponys. Hello kitty is pretty benign and the new my little ponys show promotes values I agree with, much to my surprise.
We have a ban on Barbies and Braz dolls because of the lifestyle these toys teach.
My daughters toddler toy box:
wooden blocks that were my husband when he was little
duplos
used 123 playmobil figures
Wooden food from PlanToys (I use to have a big empty bottom cabinet in the kitchen that she could sit in a play with her kitchen toys when I cooked)
Wooden stove top that slips on top of the counter top so kiddo can pretend to cook with you
Pots, tea pot, and dishes from IKEA
Wooden shopping cart from PlanToys
small Ball
Wooden house shape sorter
Wooden camel pull toy
Cloth toy to chew on that was my husbands
baby doll (used as doll and to teach potty training)
Wooden cradle that my grandpa made for me when I was 5 (has been a book holder and a place for the doll to sleep)
Small stuffed animals
used books
My daughters current toys at 6 years:
(same) Small stuffed animals
(same) doll with wooden cradle
(same) wooden shopping cart
(same) wooden food
(same) wooden stove
(same) IKEA dishes, tea pot, and pans
Tubtrug of outdoor toys: bubbles, chalk, jump rope (one for me and one for her), magnifier glass, (same) small ball, (same) 123 playmobil
used bike with helmet
small container of dress up items and fake jewelry (I do not usually buy dress up stuff, but somehow they find their way in my house and I have decided to let them stay)
small container of my little pony and a few misc toys
used books
art supplies and coloring books in a coloring module
Legos that were mine as a kid
Playmobil farm, fantasy, city life
Playmobil doll house
The bigger toys like the doll house, bike, and cradle won’t fit in a storage bin, so they are out. With the exception of the tubtrug of outdoor toys and art supply module, the rest is all in 2 TROFAST storage frames with bins kept in my daughters room. I have put a limit on each toy by the size of bin it is in. The nice thing is that the bins of toys slide out. The general rule is that I will only let her have 2 perhaps 3 bins out at one time. If she wants any more, she has to pick a bin up and put it away. Sometimes I will let one bin live in the living room for a few days.
Toys for kids are not about playing, they are about learning. Kids have such a hunger to learn, I wish I still had that. No better place to learn, hence no greater toy than interaction with other humans and interaction with the world around you.
Give kids some friends to play with and allow them to get dirty. That’s the perfect recipe for a wonderful childhood.
So far it seems you are on the right track with your daughter :)
Kate
Lego! It provides infinite realms of imagination. And you don’t need much because whatever you build can be taken apart and rebuilt into something new, every time. :)
Our favorite wooden toys are from Germany . You can order by phone and the will ship to US or the puppenstube website sells them. Calling Germany the price is cheaper. These are expensive but amazing , my kids 7 & 8 still play with them. they are called Die Buntspechte.