Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
Today we hear from Sandra in Portugal, who’s just getting started on her minimalist journey. Let’s give her some supporting words and wishes as she joins us in this wonderful lifestyle!
Sandra writes:
I am a minimalist in-training…
…Or a minimalist newbie, because I very recently discovered this new world.
At the moment, I am trying to learn as much as I can about this lifestyle. I’m already practising it too.
I am portuguese and my first contact with minimalist was a portuguese blog but link after link I got to you and your blog. I’ve been reading bit by bit, post by post and I’m loving it. I also read a sample from “The joy of less” and it hooked me.
But being a minimalist in training is a hard job. Not for me, because I am surrendered to it, but for my husband who doesn’t see the point of it… yet. (Of course I’m taking baby steps but I always find sense in something I read and immediately I think “I can do that”.) So, I struggle for his (the hubby) cooperation on doing tasks assigned on the daily chore table, I struggle for him to get rid of old newspapers and scraps (mine are being dealt, and I have eventually got rid of 6 boxes full of old paper – newspapers scraps, papers from school and college), I struggle for him to finish the shampoo before he gets a new one, or the perfume, or the roll-on…
Everyday I try to organize a different item. It can be the mail box, the kitchen towels or even setting the habit to always prepare the table for next morning breakfast.
At this point I really feel being minimalist as The way to full happiness.
What can one wish for rather than be happy, have time to give for your family, have your possessions clean and organized, not feeling you should “keep up with the Joneses” just because. You should feel you are in control of all important aspects of your life and feel serene about it. But for me being of control doesn’t mean to always be controlling and checking on things, but means to rely things are ok (e.g. there is enough to pay the bills, every item we own has a place and can be easily found, to have spare time to share with family, or even on my own, doing things calmly and so on). Am I right?
I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom but at the moment we’re living on a very tight budget and on my income only. We are a family of 3. My husband is currently studying and learning a trade and he has a very small scholarship.
I do my best to give him and my son and myself, of course, a home cooked meal every night, I do my best to take care of the house properly, but I feel I can improve my skills. That is why I have been interested in this new lifestyle. I want to be a better me.
Thank you for sharing your experience and for allowing me to learn from it.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Beautifully written, Sandra, thanks for sharing. I hope your husband comes round to your way of thinking eventually, I know how tough it can be to have a partner who doesn’t understand your motivation. It sounds like you’re doing great, though! Best of luck for the future!
Thanks for your heartfelt comments. There are many of us who are minimalists-in-training, As for your husband’s cooperation, I suggest that you to keep setting an example through your own actions and gradually he will come around, Marla Cilley of Flyldy.net also makes this suggestion — and her website will help support you in these endeavors. Wishing you continued success! And remember, you’re not alone.
Sandra, I can sense your peace as I read your post. You are dedicated to your home and family. As your husband sees the continued transformation in you and your home, I believe he will come around. Bless you as you travel this wonderful life.
Keep up the good work! It took time to get where you are and it does take time to change. But, every little step gets you closer to your goal.
Just remember, it’s a journey. Enjoy the ride!!! : )
Thanks for sharing, Sandra! Best of luck – you seem well-equipped to meet these challenges.
Oh, Sandra. I really enjoyed reading your post! I love that you are taking baby steps in minimizing your lifestyle! So am I. Your husband will come around soon. You’ll see. Be happy. Be blessed.
A thoughtful post, thank you for sharing your serenity
Sandra, probably with time your husband will get used to minimalism and will want to be like you. He might not understand now because it’s all too new for him. When he sees how few things you have and how organized you are, and compares it to how much stuff he has and how disorganized it all is, he’ll come around. He’ll see that less is more; more peace and calm, and more time for living life and enjoying new experiences.
How perfectly expressed! Thank you!
I loved your story, Sandra. You are an inspiration. I am also our family of three’s sole source of income, and it is rewarding, but sometimes so hard. I long for blocks of time to organize so that I can have that feeling you describe so beautifully: being able to find what we need when we need it, having free time to relax, have meals planned, and just freeing our home of so many things that I know we don’t love or use. But right now those blocks of time to organize are rare. When I get home from work I’m tired and want to spend time enjoying my toddler and my husband. Thanks for reminding me of baby steps. I have been doing small amounts each day as well, but it wasn’t feeling like fast enough progress. You helped me breathe and relax and realize that I am making a difference.
Hi Sandra, I’m new to MissMinimalist and like you I really enjoy the content. I have some years under my belt when it comes to being in a relationship with a man who doesn’t exactly see the value in my approach to life. It can be about “things,” money, where to vacation…anything. I’m no therapist; however, I have learned a couple valuable lessons on my journey. For what it’s worth, I’ve found that if you want your partner to move more in your direction, you should:
– Open conversation about the topic.
– Ask the other person what his/her thoughts are.
– If there’s resistance, ask them to explain (without judgment) why they feel the way they do.
– Respect the other person for who they are.
The word “minimalism” all by itself could feel like a very scary concept for some. It may bring up feelings of scarcity, loss of control, invasion of personal boundaries, etc.
You are very clear on what you value and can easily articulate that, do you know what your husband values? That may be a great place to start…I’m in my 50’s and I’m just now understanding how important this is! I wish you and your husband much joy and happiness.
Ree, I blog at EscapingDodge.com
Hi Ree,
Thank you for your comment. It a valuable piece of advice. In fact, I believe that my husband is still apprehensive and reluctant to this “new way” of being exactly because he feels it is a invasion of personal boudaries, as you referred. We have been married for ten years, but really this is just the beginning of the journey for both os us and our child (a 8 year-old boy) that mirrors everything dad does or doesn’t;-).
I wish you joy and hapiness,
Sandra
Thank you all the kind words. I hope I can come back soon telling all about our progress.
Getting my husband on board took years as he was always trying to compete with various other people. Finally when he realized we could retire at 55 and 53 if we were careful with our money he came to my way of thinking. I don’t care who has what and how much or how fancy. None of my friends is interested in simple living or minimalism but I am happier with more empty space and fewer possessions. A lot of my friends spend a great deal of time shopping at high end stores. I have been doing volunteer work and learning new skills. Good for you.
The years go by and your interests and tastes will change. Keeping your home simple and making some empty space always available is great at all life stages. Clutter makes me uneasy and limits the play areas when the grandkids come over.
Still looking for things we don’t need to keep. Took more nonfiction out of the library. There is always more to learn and since the library is close, I can always pick something up.
I find myself giving more and more things away. There is so much I don’t need or use. Even my husband who has never been a minimalist, is giving away hobby equipment and supplies. Some things are just too big or too much trouble to drag around.
It has taken years, but my husband has learned that when he buys 1 thing, 2 have to go. He still doesn’t understand having neutrals as the base, but since we’ve been retired for years he doesn’t need more than a few sport coats. He has decided to get rid of more things at the end of winter which I think is great.