Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
This week, I’m happy to share an update from previous Real Life Minimalist Caroline McGraw. We first heard from her in April 2011, while she was a live-in direct caregiver with the L’Arche DC community, caring for adults with intellectual disabilities. Read on to find out where she is now on her minimalist journey (for more details, surf on over to her blog, A Wish Come Clear).
Caroline writes:
Caroline
Hello Miss Minimalist readers! It’s hard to believe that it’s been two years since I first appeared here as a Real Life Minimalist. (As Gretchen Rubin notes in The Happiness Project, “The days are long, but the years are short.”)
The past two years have brought many changes for my husband and me, the foremost of which was our relocation from Washington, DC, to a small town in northern Alabama. How did we get here?
In April 2011, my husband and I were living in a small apartment and serving full-time with L’Arche in Washington, DC. (L’Arche, French for ‘the ark’ is a worldwide non-profit that creates homes wherein people with and without intellectual disabilities share life together.) My husband and I met and fell in love there, and community life formed the foundation for our marriage.
Yet while our space was small and our material possessions few, our lifestyle was far from simple. Both of us worked long hours in our intense leadership roles, and I had a significant commute as well. We were doing meaningful work, with and for people we loved, but something was off.
We were separated most of the time, and when we were together, we were often exhausted. And despite our frugality, choosing to live near L’Arche (in a more expensive area of the city) didn’t give us much financial margin.
We dreamed of having more freedom: freedom to rest when we were tired, to be together more often, to put aside tight schedules and stop rushing around all the time. We knew that something had to change.
And so, after laying the groundwork for several months, I made the jump to full-time self-employment in November 2011. It was exhilarating and terrifying to pursue my lifelong dream of being a writer. And it was a successful transition … so successful, in fact, that my husband decided to work for himself in 2012. (He supported us with steady income when I transitioned, and was able to return the favor.)
And moving toward self-employment led to larger questions, such as: If we could both work from anywhere, where would we choose to live? For the first time, location and employment were separate questions, and as such, it made sense to move to Alabama, we owned (and rented out part of) a home. Out went the $1,000+ rent, the stress-related illness, and the money and time spent commuting each week. (True, there were additional costs, like private health insurance, but the overall balance tipped dramatically in our favor.)
We were freed up. For the first time, we could choose how much time we spent working. The move simplified our expenses so that we’d have more time for ourselves, each other, and our new work too.
True, it was incredibly difficult to say goodbye to friends who are like family. Yet even as the move led us away from L’Arche itself, the choice was grounded in the values of L’Arche. To use language from the L’Arche charter, our new life “gives priority to relationships.”
As I wrote in 2011, “The rest of the world may include wealth, power and nice cars in their definition [of success]. Mine includes just two things: the company of those I love and the opportunity to do work I value and enjoy.” Moving has allowed me to live into that definition in a new way. And even as I said farewell to beloved friends, I knew that our move would afford us more opportunities for us to travel and visit with loved ones near and far.
I also knew that, in caring for ourselves with a simpler life, we’d have new opportunities to care for others. For example, since we have more (literal and figurative) space, we’ve welcomed a feisty kitten named Boostie into our family. And as my husband renovates our turn-of-the-century home, I continue to write and ‘dig for treasure’ in people with special needs.
So much has changed in the last two years, yet so much remains the same. And that’s what real life minimalism means to me. It’s about changing with the seasons, letting go of that which no longer serves you even as you hold fast to what matters most.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
What a lovely inspiring post Caroline. You write beautifully about minimalism being an ever-changing process, something I’ve just begun to learn! :)
Thank you so much for the affirmation, Eleanor! It’s my pleasure to share this story with you.
Awesome and inspiring post! I like the idea of making room so you can care for others. Best wishes on your newest endeavor!
Caroline, I loved reading your story and look forward to visiting your site. It takes courage to make a change like that and I admire you and your husband for being brave enough to create a life you love. It appears it was worth the risk!
Very inspiring on many levels…
Ree ~ I blog at EscapingDodge.com
Ree, I’m so glad you loved the post! Thank you. And yes, I agree – it felt daunting at times, but it’s been well worth it! :)
Loved your post Caroline. I especially liked the quote, “gives priority to relationships.” and: “Mine includes just two things: the company of those I love and the opportunity to do work I value and enjoy.”
We have 3 kids with Down syndrome and I don’t have to dig for treasure in people with special needs. Instead I see it everyday as we move through life.
Well said, Susan! So glad the post spoke to your experience of love and family. :)
A writer, but uses “my husband and me”? Isn’t it “and I”? Love your story :)
Thanks Steve! So glad you liked the story. And good question – I think Janetta does a lovely job elucidating the I/me rule below … at least, as far as I understand it. ;)
Caroline: great story, you definitely have a way with words. May you and your husband continue to have success.
Steve: In America it often seems to be “my husband and I” but as I understand it, (brought up in England) if you take out the “my husband and” you are left with “many changes for me” which is correct. You couldn’t say “many changes for I”. I is the subject and me is the object of the sentence.
Steve: Yes, Caroline and Janetta are right. In this case, “my husband and me” is correct. (As Janetta points out, “my husband and me” is the object of the sentence.) Saying “my husband and I” would be an example of what is called “over correction.” :-)
Much appreciated, Janetta – thank you for the affirmation and explanation as well!
Thank you for this inspiring post, and the reminder that you can tailor your life to “give priorty to relationships” and to let us know how you’ve done this. I feel this especially strongly today, because our city was shockingly bombed yesterday. Anything can happen at anytime, anywhere, and people and relationships really are the most important.
Susan, that’s so true … it’s all too easy to take each other for granted, but we never know how long we have to be together. I felt the same way in the face of the horror and the aftermath of the bombings. Thank you for sharing — am sending love and light to Boston and to you.
Such beautiful thoughts. You should be very proud of your successful, well thoughts transitions, both in work and location. An inspiring story for us who are both looking for the same.
What a lovely affirmation! Thank you, Mark — I really appreciate that. :)
Wow, what a great post! Very inspiring! Was finding your new home hard?
Thank you Karie! My husband found and bought our current home before we met, but he definitely did quite a bit of searching in various states before settling on this area. I’m just thankful for the work and discernment he put in, because it is a lovely place. :) All the best to you in your journey!
Caroline, you have so mush wisdom. People always are more important than things. Sadly, here in America many of us forget that and lose relationships because they strive for that might dollar. I hope you and your husband forever love and enjoy your new home and life.
Ahsha, thank you so much! What a beautiful blessing for us in our new (old) home. :)
Just read this. Glad to hear from you. We took early retirement so we could spend more time on hobbies and travel. Living on 40 0/0 of our previous income and doing fine, 13 years in.
Since we are no longer helping pay for college tuition it works out fine. Don’t believe myth that you need $1million to retire.
We go to a family event, wedding or Bar Mitzvah, once a year or so, usually the plane fare and hotel are expensive but we see the latest styles, catch up with the cousins, and generally have a great time. We are heading to Alaska on this year’s cruise . We will take small suitcases and watch the people with huge suitcases and fabulous jewelry. The other day we went to a park near here and saw a native plant that is a relative of the hibiscus in flower, huge pink and white blooms in northern Illinois.
I’ve decided many people are “walking the runway” and that’s why they spend so much on beauty products and fashion items. There are no photographers stalking me. I just like to be appropriately dressed for the occasion.