Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
Today, we have a wonderful contribution from Sofia and Drew; they’ve truly discovered the time and freedom that minimalism can bring! Read more about their experiences on their blog.
Sofia and Drew write:
Sofia and Drew
A few years ago, as we approached our dreaded 40s, my wife and I began to feel a sense of unease. On the surface, we were experiencing a good deal of success, particularly career-wise. But something wasn’t quite right, and we eventually narrowed it down to a problem of “trajectory”. As in, the direction our life was taking was not where we wanted to go.
We were living according to the template: get married, buy a house, earn promotions, get a better car, get a better house, subconsciously collect more stuff, take on more responsibilities.
For what?
The leisure activities we once enjoyed had slowly been pushed to the background, and the more substantive projects we’d dreamed about had entered the realm of “someday, maybe”. In the background, all we could hear was “tick-tock, tick-tock…” as time marched forward.
Too much work, too many chores, too many obligations, too many unproductive relationships, too much “noise”.
Not enough travel, not enough recreation, not enough learning.
Not enough leisure.
Hitting Reset
Our “descent into minimalism” as I like to call it, isn’t about having less stuff. It’s about having more time. Reducing physical possessions is a part of the equation. But decluttering your cupboards plays but a small part in decluttering your life.
For us, the process began with minimizing work. I abandoned my public sector career, which was consuming an inordinate amount of time and energy. That career was replaced with a job, which I travel to and work on a rotational basis. I show up, work for a few weeks, and then go home (or somewhere else) for an equal amount of sweet time off. I do not supervise. I do not go the extra mile in order to earn an excellent performance review. And when I’m off, I’m off. No phone calls, and the only email I get is the one telling me that my next plane ticket has been purchased. I affectionately call it my part-time job.
Sofia, who was working herself to death in her finance job, resigned. Correction…she told her company that she was resigning, and they (very generously) offered her a leave of absence. Sofia accepted, immediately renaming it her “sabbatical”.
During the sabbatical, Sofia travelled to New Zealand, where she spent the entire winter. I went there during my time off, and among other things (like kayaking – see picture), we completed a cycle tour of South Island. More importantly, Sofia used the down time and good weather to train for and complete an Ironman, which was a major life goal of hers. She’s back home now, full of energy, and has decided against returning to her old job. Instead, she’ll do contract work, giving her the flexibility to choose her projects and to structure her time off the way she wants.
Downsizing
We’ve decided to sell our house. It’s a great house that we put a lot of work into, but it’s a financial ball and chain. Even worse, it’s a time sink. When you own a house, you have to maintain it. Not only that, but with that house comes a lawn and garden. When you have a lawn and garden, you must tend to them. To do so, you must spend money on yard implements, and spend your precious Saturdays out there doing yard work.
For what?
Once the house is sold, we’re moving to a different city that is better suited to our leisure pursuits (it’s closer to mountains, so we can hike, bike, ski, etc). We’ve weaned ourselves from the delusional idea that home ownership is the holy grail of personal finance, and we’ll rent an apartment for the next several years, further reducing the amount of physical items we require. We’ll use the proceeds from the house sale to pay off all debt. Anything left over gets invested. If we want to sit on grass, we’ll go to the park. If we want to move to another city, or even another country, we can do so on a month’s notice.
So for us, this is what minimalism is all about: by minimizing our footprint, we need less money, and therefore can afford to work less. By minimizing our commitments, we have fewer constraints holding us back from doing the things we want, when we want. And above all, we are able to regain control of, and exercise stewardship over our most precious, non-renewable resource: TIME.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Well written – shame you don’t have a blog.
Write a book!
Hi Mrs. Brady, they have a blog. Miss Minimalist posted a link to it in the introduction.
Lilly, thanks, I had a grey moment… ;-)
I loved reading your story, especially the part about you trading your career in for a job. In my social circle, a fancy, challenging career seems to be the big thing for a lot of people. But if you end up exhausted, stressed and ill without enough time or energy to do the things you love with the people you love (including lazy days at home), your fancy career will just seem meaningless. Hopefully I’ll be able to find a job or create a more low-key career that’s fulfilling without being draining.
All the best to you and your wife!
Thanks, Maria. Agreed on all counts and best of luck to you as well.
You sound a lot like us. Although my job change was due to a layoff, I ended up finding a job that required no extra time. Then a few years later we sold that ball and chain of a house and rented an apartment instead. We love renting, it has freed up so much time and money for us. We’re able to do more things as a family now instead of spending all our time on yard work and home maintenance. It also allowed us to move much closer to work, and I now commute by bicycle.
It sounds like you have made some great changes and I wish you the best of luck in the home sale and apartment search.
Update: house sold the day before yesterday, and we’ve signed a lease in a great little apartment, in an excellent neighbourhood, in the city we wanted to move to. Moving in July! Things have worked out really well, we feel quite fortunate.
Excellent! Well said, well written, and a much appreciated glimpse into your decision making. Congratulations…
Hi Drew,
What an interesting post. I especially love the part about identifying what was causing the “noise” in your life. That’s so important…if you don’t know where the noise is coming from, you can’t do anything about it. For me, I love to have a home base but I, too, want the freedom to travel. That means no debt, no mortgage, no job that keeps me anchored here and being able to lock up and leave or renting the home out for a year or so.
There’s something cathartic to me about opening “my” door. I love to sit on the patio looking at the lovely back yard. But that’s what I value and having that creates a calm in my life.
Ree ~ I blog at EscapingDodge.com
Yes!!! I love the idea of asking ourselves, “For what?” What am I really doing this/owning this for? Is it REALLY because I want to or because that’s what society says I should want. Loved your way of articulating that in this post!
Thanks, Sandra. It’s funny, I can’t even remember why we bought our first house…oh, wait…it was because everyone else had one and we felt inferior. Then we bought our next two houses because we had a dog. Love that dog. And yet…
If you listen closely on the radio, and watch closely on TV and in print media, the cues are everywhere telling you that you “need” to own a home, or “can you afford not to?”, etc. So we took the bait and just sort of “fell into it” on the home ownership front. It was the thing to do, and then it became the thing we did.
Loved your post and I second the motion of another comment, I wish you had a blog! What hit home for me was your comment regarding home ownership in particular your mindset shift that owning a home is “the holy grail of personal finance”. I too had that mindset, my parents had that mindset for me and for a while I did own a home. However, the financial aspects of trying to maintain it not to mention the time suck of trying to keep up the yard and the house became one of the biggest burdens of my life. I finally let it go and wished I had done it a long time ago. My family (parents) thought I was crazy to let it go, but it was so freeing for me.
Thanks for sharing your story. In reading it I felt like I was not alone and not crazy for letting go of stuff that no longer fit for me.
Cindy, nope, you’re not crazy, just part of the enlightened minority! “Seething resentment” is how I’d describe my feeling when I was weeding the garden, or mowing the lawn, or plucking dandelions that had migrated over from our neighbours’ dandelion farm. It’s not that it took THAT much time…but you’ll never get it all done, it’ll never be perfect, and so it hangs over you like a persistent black cloud…”hmm…gotta do X or Y soon”. Right?
Great to see a successful couple working together for a common goal! Sounds like you two have great communication.
Your story inspired me today! We are currently looking for a smaller home with a smaller yard that is closer to our weekly commitments. We will be saving tons of time and money when we make this move, and we are stoked! We look forward to traveling as well.
I am so happy for you two. What a freeing and priceless feeling it is to identify what minimalism means to you, and then change your life to make it happen. I get so sad watching people live as though leisure time and hobbies only happens to ‘lucky’ people.
That’s a really good point about watching people live as though leisure time is an unaffordable luxury. I work quite a bit in the developing world (Africa until recently, now Central America) and it floors me to see people back home getting stuck in the consumption rut. It’s really senseless.
ROCK ON, Sophia and Drew! I loved your post and applaud your new trajectory in life. You are so right–the most precious resource we have is time.
We’re on the same page. My house is selling as we speak after owning for 16 years. I’m suddenly an empty nester, found a better job and after 3 hr daily commutes for 2 mos, decided to sell the house and found a nice apt. Never again will I own a home. I did it for the kids but am so relieved to get rid of that ball and chain. And I’m still selling off things after 3 years to get to bare bones. I’m 3 large items away, found a nice apt, dumped the house and plan on learning how to play.
Good for you, Cynthia. We’re just getting started on the downsizing…the jobs and the house were the “major muscle movements” and now we have to deal with all the crap we have (some of it’s pretty nice crap, mind you) that we don’t have space for. So we’re faced with a fire sale, donating it, or putting it in storage while we do the kijiji / craigslist thing. But, that’s a pretty nice problem set to have, I guess!
Oh, and I drive a mile to the bus stop, park and take the bus into work 15 minutes away. Life is good.
oops. 15 min away but in a large city where I don’t have to deal with the parking problem.
Thanks for sharing your story. Truly inspirational. Time is everything and it goes by so fast. So wise of you to change your lifestyle to have more time to do what you love!
Thanks for sharing your wonderful story!
Greetings from a chilly Wellington.
Emma, head on over to Cuba St (or to Havana) and get yourself a nice warm cuppa!
Your story is inspirational Sofia and Drew. You’ve given the bird to the “norm’s” of society and so correctly understand that time is something that quite simply can’t be bought. It is so so precious :) Good on you both… terrific reading your piece, and over to your blog I go :)
Thank you for inspiring me. Last year, after 30+ years with my employer, I reached the minimum retirement age for a pension. I had dreamed of this for many years. Yet once I could retire, I didn’t, while continuing to fantasize about it daily. The Monday to Friday work ethic was so deeply ingrained that I couldn’t give myself permission to retire. Even though I have many interests and ideas of what I would like to do in retirement, I thought I had to do the “responsible” thing and keep working.
“For what?” Exactly!! In the past 12 hours I’ve finally given myself permission to retire and will take the steps to make it a reality over the next few months.
Karen, good for you. You know, Sofia’s experience (“I quit” becomes “leave of absence” becomes “contract work”) has taught me that nothing needs to be permanent. Maybe we need to look at work differently…do it for a while, take a break, go back to work, take another break. Lots of mini-retirements, sabbaticals, what have you…maybe that translates to never really retiring? Maybe the demarcation line between “work” and “retirement” is too rigid.
Great story and glad to see it works for you. I, however, disagree on the homeownership front. My cousin is anti-owning and rents an apartment. I own my condo which will be paid off in a couple of years (I worked hard to pay the 25-year mortgage in only 10 years!) and I’m selling it to buy a house in a small village 45 minutes from the city I currently live and work in. I’ll be mortgage free and retired. (She’ll still be paying rent forever.)
Where you found mowing the lawn a chore, I will enjoy it as exercise as well as tending to my vegetable and herb gardens (that I have always dreamed about — eating fresh organic food) whilst enjoying the fresh air and the cockapoo I will finally be buying (always wanted a dog but never allowed pets in any apartments or condo).
Plus, having a house means I can entertain on a larger scale (I loved cooking and entertaining) and have out-of-town guests stay with me.
I consider myself a minimalist also because my condo (and future house) is clutter-free, I only keep the books that are gifts or art or I will want to reread (hello Jane Austen!), and my rooms contain only things that are souvenirs of parents and grandparents and things that I love.
Susan, there is a big difference between owning a condo and a house. The dreams you have of a house…I hope they stay with you. Me? The garden, animals, outside maintenance begins to own you instead of you owning it. And it is not true that she will be paying “rent forever”. I have had my house paid off for 10 years and as I am selling it all that money goes into a saving account and I am only paying alittle more than I did for the house’s property taxes and utilities. Plus, I get to pack a suitcase and never look back if a natural disaster happens (like a tornado, hurricane, earthquake or flood doesn’t happen anymore right?). I’ll pay the little bit extra to rent instead of own because it buys me maintenance free living and mobility. I really do hope you love your dream house as I did mine, but the rosy glasses came off and taking care of a house on 2 wooded acres, garden and animals was nothing but work, work, work.
Cynthia, it’s all about attitude. You found owning a home nothing but work, work, work while others would say they enjoy the exercise and fresh air you get while mainting the outside, gardening and walking the dog. It’s all about attitude. As well, when I retire, the price I’ll get for my condo will pay for the house. And yes, my cousin will be paying rent forever and will have nothing to sell once she retires or should she need to go to a retirement home. Very few people actually think or plan for their future. Luckily, I have parents who were conservative with their money, showed my brother and I how to save and invest. They are now in a retirement home and, along with their pensions, have the sale of their house to pay for their wonderful lifestyle. Ask any expert, owning is always better than renting — in renting, you’re paying off someone else’s mortgage. Also, where on earth do you live that you have to face tornadoes, earthquakes, huricanes and floods! Geez, I would be moving too!!
“We’ve weaned ourselves from the delusional idea that home ownership is the holy grail of personal finance” – I actually yelled “YES!” when I read that! I know people have different tastes and temperaments..”but I like yard work, maintenance, etc” – but I wish more people who, deep down, could do without that and desire to use their time, money, energy on other pursuits could just LET IT GO. I think you hit the nail on the head because people think it’s just what they’re supposed to do, supposed to aspire to, or supposed to embrace as the major status symbol or expression of financial stability in their lives. That’s what my husband and I did as a young married couple, that’s what we thought we were supposed to do if we wanted to be smart with our money and “settle down” have a place to raise a family. BTW, several years later we now rent a modest apartment in Luxembourg with two kids and we can still entertain (on a fairly large scale because of the layout, not the overall size), have overnight guests, do all that. You just have to think outside the box. I’m actually open to the idea of “paying rent forever” (my grandparents did and lived extremely happy, fulfilled lives) if it means the freedom and flexibility to go anywhere and do anything, especially considering that as a minimalist with simple living quarters, a little rent money can go a long way. I prefer to think of it as “paying rent wherever” ;) Home-ownership, although still great for many people, is over-rated in the sense that it’s become the standard expectation of “success.” We need to be open to other ideas besides what the “experts” say. There are other ways to be wise with your money, invest, and plan for the future, but still live how you want to live in the present.
I’m very late to this discussion. I’m firmly on the side of home ownership. I am obsessed with gardening and love being out pruning, weeding, planting veggies and herbs. Maybe renting vs owning is different in other countries but where I live in Australia, if I was renting, my rental costs would be far higher than my mortgage payments (even if we were to downsize to a tiny apartment with no garden), we would not be able to make any changes to the garden or the interior, we would not be able have our cats and most importantly of all, there is no security of tenure. You can get evicted at any time if the owner decides to sell the house or wants to move in, with very little notice. Friends who are renting have been forced to move every 6 to 9 months for the past few years. Sometimes you can be lucky and get to stay in the one place for a few years. The cost of moving here (even if you can move everything yourself) is the cost of2 months of my mortgage payments – having to pay double rent for several weeks, the cost of getting utilities connected, the risk of not getting your bond back etc. Plus the inspections every 6 months where your place has to be spotless regardless of what’s going on in your life. Renting where I live is unpleasant and expensive.
I’m even later to this discussion. I want to add my voice in favor of home ownership. I recently bought a condo, and the mortgage payments are less than what I was paying in rent at the last place. There’s also an end point with a mortgage: it’s many years away for most people, sometimes 25 years or more, but there will come a day when the payments cease; not so with rental payments. How exactly is renting forever a better financial decision than ownership?
To echo what others have written before me: my sig other and I love to garden and take care of the lawn. We love doing home maintenance. When we rented, we were constrained in what we could do: the landlords generously allowed the use of the garden bed, but that’s not the case everywhere (certainly not for apartment dwellers!) Home improvements were forbidden. Pets where either forbidden or needed explicit written permission from the landlords.
Now that we own a home, we can do what we want for home improvements, and we don’t have to beg for permission to adopt more pets. We have three cats now and are considering adopting a fourth. The only real consideration is whether the new cat would be accepted by the current crew. How is the old way – begging for permission from the landlords for each pet – better than the path afforded by home ownership?
In my area, landlords must give a minimum of 30 days written notice when evicting a tenant, or when they move into the leased space. My landlord gave us 90 days notice, which was just enough time to buy a home. We’re thankful for the long lead time, but it’s still a major life upheaval when it happens, and however much notice is given in advance. Now that we own a home, the only way that we could be kicked out is to default on the mortgage, but the mortgage payments are lower than the last rent, so defaulting is unlikely given our lives right now.
I’ve heard from many minimalists that they aspire to be “mobile”: to bug out with little more than a backpack in case of an emergency, or a sudden desire for travel. That way of thinking is utterly different to mine. I love to travel, too, but I do so in discrete blocks called “vacations”. We have no desire to travel the world constantly without a permanent home. Kudos to those people who want to do that and actually pull it off; but let’s not pretend that such extremes are the only acceptable forms of minimalism. You certainly can be a homebody and a minimalist.
I’ve just begun my journey to becoming a minimalist (captured on my blog!) I enjoyed reading your story, it’s good to know that I am not missing out on much by choosing not to accomplish the typical goals. Career, homeowner etc. I look forward to learning more about this lifestyle and hearing testimonials.
For what? — is probably the best question there is! thanks for sharing your story.. it’s very enlightening.. and inspiring!
Well, excuse me for wanting to have a sucessful and happy career and to own my home! The alternative of living in poverty and paying someone else’s mortgage just doesn’t appeal to a lot of us. Considering most adults are homeowners, I guess something must be good about it. And, no, we didn’t do this because it’s considered a major status symbol (only by those who don’t own or can’t afford it) or an expression of financial stability in their lives (there’s something wrong with financial stability?). In order to live, we need money. If you can find somewhere where you can live without any, please share it with us. Are you seriously going to raise your children to not want a career (so what’s the point of educating them past high school) nor seek financial stability (it’s better to be broke; have no money when you retire)? I’ma starting to get the feeling some of these bloggers are welfare recipients living in public housing. I prefer to make my own way in life. Ok bloggers, let’s hear more criticism :)
I feel you missed the point entirely. It is about making the choices that are right for you and your family instead of blindly following the status quo. There are many minimalists bloggers in both camps: some own their house and some don’t. It is about choice.
We are very financially stable, and yet only one of us works as an employee, and that is only part time, and is through choice.
Also, minimalism does not mean that you are broke. We are far from it. We are actually in the best financial shape of our lives, because we don’t succumb to consumerism. We choose time and experiences over stuff.
And in regard to education: further education isn’t only required to get a job as an employee. Further education can be used in entrepreneurship and other positive contributions to society. There are many choices besides becoming an employee.
And I do not know a single minimalism blogger that actually receives welfare or similar government benefits. All of the ones I know are positive contributors to society.
I am all for a different point of view, and I am all for constructive criticism, but I feel your assumptions are poor in this case.
I look forward to future discussion.
I did not miss the point, as you stated. As well, I don’t recall asking for your opinion!
You say “As well, I don’t recall asking for your opinion!”
Are you suggesting you should be able to make proclamations as you have and not have people respond to you in an open forum like a comments section of a blog.
I left it open for discussion, and you simply want to close it. Your choice.
We have also been swimming in the beautiful benefits of time.
It was so heartwarming to hear another success story of a couple who made the changes we are in the process of making ourselves. Thanks for sharing your story and inspiring is even more.
Thank you for sharing your story Sofia and Drew. This is the first time I blog but I don’t dare give my opinion. How horrible some bloggers have been to Susan Anderson! I saw another website that has blogs and that one also had many bloggers were mean-spirited. I don’t think I’ll blog anymore; however, I do enjoy reading the Monday profiles.
People will make different choices with their lives. Minimalism is about not being forced into a lifestyle you detest because of money. Our lives are the sum of our choices. Friends bought an expensive camper. We can’t imagine vacations spent camping. Other friends have bought huge homes in their retirement years to have room for large collections of hobby equipment. Again, that was a choice we didn’t make. We feel we should make a small footprint with our choices and usually, we do.
I gave away bags and bags of hobby equipment and art supplies. I still have plenty of things left. I am trying to find more to put in my weekly give away bags. My friend said she sold all the silver plate she had and I am thinking about doing the same. I need to ask my kids if they want it or not first.
I just took a big bag of art supplies and a bunch of magazines to the library. We have another big bag for Goodwill. When I watch the Hoarder shows, I give more away. There are houses crammed full of junk, so crammed it is a fire hazard so I like my house on the empty side.