Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
Today, we have a thought-provoking contribution from J., who wonders: what to do after decluttering? A decluttered life is like the empty cup I talk about in my book—full of potential, but with what do you fill it? Please share with J. what you did with your newfound space (both physical and mental).
J. writes:
Dump the STUFF and then what?
This story begins as most of these do. I was a young woman. I spent 2 years in the Army and needed very little. The Army not only told me what I needed, they made sure I had it, and life was peaceful.
Then, as life unfolds in the usual way, I got married and began to create a home. This is where the “stuff” begins. We were young and had not much money, so we happily ‘made do’ with what we had, thinking we were rich! As time goes by, over time, well you know…a house bursting at the seams with “stuff”.
Forty years later, I am sitting (alone) in a house with a lifetime of “stuff” and I think…”time to do something else”. So I did. Sold one house and moved that stuff into this one. Then I began selling a LOT of the stuff…gave away some of the stuff, and threw out some stuff. I am now down to about 20% of the original stuff. It is more than enough, and currently I am having a hard time deciding which stuff still has to go, as I want to dump at least 25% more.
During this time of ‘lightening the load’ I found Miss Minimalist, and jumped on board to not only purge a LOT more of the household stuff, but also the clothing. (I couldn’t face the clothing until the wall to wall furniture was thinned out). The clothing is now down by 75%, and you know what? I can’t really even remember what is missing! Sometimes I think, “now, where is that red belt” kind of thoughts. I look at the belt rack (with only 4 left) and know it is gone…and happily choose one of those instead.
Sounds perfect, so far, doesn’t it?
During this time, I also paid off a HUGE credit card debt. So, I have minimalized the debt as well.
Here is the situation: I lost my job, and have little income, but I can get by on it as my house is paid for. Apparently people over 60 are unemployable.
Here is my issue: With my debt paid off, and my ‘stuff’ reduced, I wonder. “Where am I?”
I don’t want to go spending money and get in debt again…but I sort of have nothing to do. I am sort of looking for my ‘prize’ that I guess I thought was there, at the end of the accomplishment!
I have a Kindle, and sometimes read books, but after a while, I get bored. Most of my friends have either died or moved away. I have no family. I joined a MEETUP group to meet some people, and I didn’t really have a good time, plus I had to pay for a meal. I gave it up after 4-5 tries.
Where I live it is either too hot or too cold most of the time, to go out. I have seen all of the museums and local attractions so many times, I could give the tours…so tired of that. I am a different nationality than most of the people here, so we have little in common. They are friendly enough, but they do not want to be ‘good friends’.
I tried volunteering at a couple groups, but found that gas money and having to buy lunch out somewhere, plus they want the volunteers to also give them money…made me feel like a chump. It was like having a job and not get paid for it, but they still have the same expectations. I can’t work at a job that costs me money to do it, that makes no sense. I think volunteering is not for me.
I spend time with my little dog. We took some classes and go almost every day to the park, but there must be more to life than that.
Most of the time, I am surfing the web and I have over 2 million points at Khan Academy.
I don’t mean to whine, but I really am at a loss of what to do.
So many readers here are joyfully telling of life at the end of the rainbow. I would like to find that too. I would love some suggestions! Is anyone else in this same situation??
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Dear J. and all other minimalists out there:
Two years ago I discovered this blog and other websites about minimalism and I got many good tips about decluttering. As I am a perfectionist,I went through my living room, my study, my attic, bookshelves over and over again to see if there was more that I could purge. But then I asked myself – what if I have successfully decluttered every room? Do I declutter just because I want to compete with others to see with how little I can live? Can I only achieve contentment and happiness in life if I own 100 things or less? For myself I chose to substitue “minimalism” with “the path of simplicity”. I want to live a simpler lifestlye so I that I have more space to breathe in my home, spend less time on taking care of my possessions but instead have more time for my family and for volunteering. Dear J., I just started teaching Sunday school once a month in the afternoon. I never thought I could deal with a group of 30 kinds! From my own experience I can say, if you volunteer, you put a ot into it, but you also get a lot back! (When the kids come to me and say “look at the picture that I made”, this is very sweet:)
I hope you will find a path that is right for you!
Thank you so much J.
J,
Thank you for your frank writing. I have also enjoyed hearing the suggestions other readers offered up. I would venture a guess that the decluttering you did–while perhaps needed–served to take your mind off your lack of community. My line of thought is this: I have so much purging and cleaning left, it could take me all year…or more. But I feel like you do, a bit isolated. It doesn’t have anything to do with being close to finished with minimizing. It’s that I don’t have any close friends.
I don’t think that simply taking up a hobby would be a complete solution; I believe we need meaningful social interaction as well. And some of us (myself) have a harder time making friends. I don’t have any advice, but I would invite you over for dinner if you were nearby. :)
LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there anything that catches your interest at the moment? I think it would be impossible for you to not be curious about something. It’d be impossible to watch that many videos on Khan Academy and not be curious about what you could do with that knowledge.
Or, if you would like to get to know more people and not worry so much about finances:
How about getting to know a few of your neighbors and ask if you could spend and hour trying to solve their problems? How could you help out another person by just giving your time? It is almost like volunteerism, but you wouldn’t have to spend money on a nice conversation or helping them with a task.
Just going with whatever interests you at the moment. Sure, there is the whole money issue, but when there is a will, there is a way. And remember, we are not what we have or do in this world, we are already complete. So as you try to figure this out, don’t feel pressured to identify yourself with these interests or by what you have/dont have–just enjoy them :)
WOW! I don’t think any previous Real Life Minimalist feature has had such a response! It must have touched a nerve with/been relevant to so many readers!
What is clear is that minimalism on its own is not a SOLUTION – it is a pathway. But, it would seem, it isn’t always obvious where that pathway leads, if at all.
Could it be that, when embarking on the minimalist journey, some of us see it as a solution that it can never fully be on its own? This would arguably pose the question, “Why we are we “minimalising” in the first place?”
We decluttered and “minimalised” majorly a few years back, and continue to do so, but not in the somewhat obsessive way in which we first started. We are great lovers of nature and, now that our home is clutter/distraction free, we find that we want to spend the majority of our time outdoors. One of our greatest joys is going for long, long walks with our precious dog and connecting with nature. It frees and liberates us.
Actually, yes, there was one Real Life minimalits’ post that elicited more responses than this one (so far-A reader mentioned her pets and the response was so overwhelming that Francine had to shut down the reply option…
“What is clear is that minimalism on its own is not a SOLUTION – it is a pathway”. I agree with you. Minimalism is a great Tool ( get organized, get your act together)but it shouldn’t be overestimated; being a minimalist won’t fix one’s life and won’t show a clear path towards happiness and fulfillment.
Find someone to love on. Go to the local children’s hospital and hold the babies, go to the humane society and help socialize the dogs so they can more easily find homes, plant a garden, make art or crochet or knitted projects and give them away, donate them to auctions for charity.
Make the world a better place.
This is a great idea. Another option is to go to a nursing home and visit with people. From everything we hear, many people are lonely in these places looking for a friend to chat with or someone to play a hand of cards with. What a sweet and loving way to give to others, makee some friends, and learn life lessons!
J. we are so alike! Like you I am half lebanese and half american. I get along better with other cultures. I am prior military, raised 3 kids alone and now have an empty nest, sold my house, sold my things and landed in a new city with a new job. And now it’s “now what”. You are not depressed. You are adjusting. It’s called an adjustment “disorder” in the medical world, but it will pass. I have been struggling with the same things but I know more about what I need and ask you to search the same. I need beauty in my environment, I need my friends, I need nature and I need Jesus. As a bible believing christian, I am trusting him to let me settle in, heal from my past single parenting which ended tragically and waiting on him expectantly at the right time to open doors for me. What I mean is he is not done with you or me. We are born for a purpose. But allow him to bring it into your life. Not run around helter skelter “searching”. Enjoy now. This minute. Be content. I am traveling and decided to live car free and bike and bus all over. I meet people and just the energy of a city (which I am a country girl) is stimulating. Just meeting people and being part of the society, like taking a bus feels less lonely. Talk with friends on the phone, exercise and embrace now. Pray and expect Jesus to lead you into the next adventure. You have to expect and know that that will happen. So chill till then. Don’t feel guilty for just “being” instead of “doing”. Believe me, HE is not done with us yet! email me anytime if you need a friend @ cynthialferguson@yahoo.com.
If one volunteer opportunity doesn’t work out, try another one. I found a few that I like now, but I have been through some that I didn’t. I meet nice people wherever I go and some become friends of mine. Just as you are selective with your belongings be selective with your time and relationships. Try your public library or local elementary school. Volunteering at either of those places costs nothing.,
Great post! I have dealt with these feelings myself and have found that just getting outside really helps. Meeting and interacting with other people takes me outside of myself and gives me another perspective on my life. I think you are so honest about your feelings and will definitely work this through.
Maybe you could sell your current house and move where the climate suits you? If you are single and are pairing down all your “stuff” then maybe it’s time to change the scenery? What about a condo instead of a big, empty house?
I say this as a renter- it can be nice to run into your neighbors on little walks, checking the mail, etc.
Maybe a closer, denser living situation will help?
Best of Luck.
When I read your post I instantly thought that you might be a perfect pet sitter/ Dog walker. I pay a lady $15 a day to come in my house when I am on vacation and she feeds my cats and scoops the litter. It’s not a full time job for her by any means, but she does gain some income and I am grateful to her for doing this service. In order to start this you could get your name out with Vet Clinics in your area or hang up signs in the areas that you are interested in working close to home. I think that some people make a pretty good living this way.
Dear J:
Thank you for your honesty!! I know what you are going through as I am in a similar situation: You are correct, for some unknown reason, anyone near or over 60, employers don’t want to hire, even part-time job. It’s because the hiring supervisors/managers are in their 30/40 and they hire their own age group. I agree with some of the other comments made about a relationship with Jesus, attending church, a bible study (Bible Study Fellowship for your area) singing in the choir, and volunteering. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
I’ve heard from J.–she’s touched by all your wonderful replies, and immensely grateful for your suggestions. The warmth and kindness of this community never fails to amaze me; thank you so much for your outpouring of support!
Hi J.,
Thank you for sharing. I am inspired by anyone who manages to become debt free! Big congrats, not easy to do these days. I’m still trying.
Are you near a body of water (try sailing… lots of fun) or if you’re near some horse farms, they always accept help feeding and caring for their horses (puts a huge smile on my face just being around them) and they don’t charge me for the privilege (unbelievable). I also volunteer to do things for the elderly in their homes so that they may maintain their independence at home and stay out of nursing homes. In these various “things to do” I tend to meet wonderful people who become life-long friends.
Dear J:
I forgot to add, read the book by Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life.
Hi
This is J who wrote the “what next’ letter published last Monday.
I want to thank Francine Jay (Miss Minimalist) for publishing my letter. I never dreamed that it would create such a response! I can’t thank you enough for the many wonderful ideas you have given to me.
• I have already looked into and signed up for online free university classes! I am starting with beginning calculus.
• I have begun a knitting project for a charity who claims they could really use some small sweaters. I will make 2 while looking into other things.
I loved so many of your ideas, ESPECIALLY the lady who said, if I lived nearby, she would invite me to dinner! I would COME! (and I would bring dessert) I live in Texas, where do you live? I would invite you to dinner too! Then invite you back! How brave one lady included her email address..I wrote back!
I am looking into volunteer vacancies that perhaps fit my skills better than the ones I tried before. I loved the one where she greets her volunteers with coffee every morning. Now THAT is appreciation! I am reconsidering religion. You have so MANY ideas that you found satisfying, that I wonder if I am missing out. I have always considered myself to be very spiritual, and grateful, so I know my place just waiting for me to find it.
I am really considering selling the house and moving only ‘some’ of what is left (once a minimalist-always a minimalist) and going back to near where I was raised. I have signed up for senior housing in that area and although there is quite a waiting list, you can’t get in until you sign up! Right?
I wish we could have a big party, and meet each other. We are all ages, and we love Miss M, and we have so very much good information to share. What a good time we would have. I am hoping you will continue to put ideas out on this blog response place, (I will check this spot every day!) because, dear readers, it seems I am not alone in this “where am I” situation.
For all of your ideas, for all of your kind wishes, for all of your kind and personal sharing, I have to say it makes me believe that really is a wonderful world available, I just have to get out there and plug into it. I’m sorry if this sounds to ’mushy’, but I guess I had forgotten that there world is filled with interesting men and women, places and things to do.
Would love to hear more and/or again from you if Miss M is willing to give us the space!
J
Hi J,
I am the let’s have dinner person. :) I don’t live in Texas, although I lived there ten years and am planning to visit my family down there. Feel absolutely free to email me at solysoledad123@gmail.com. Take care, thanks for updating us all.
I’m late in replying as I was off sick last week. What a great post, J. So honest and humble. I am glad to read that you are taking steps to fill your days and your soul. My situation is different as I am still working but all my free time is devoted to two parents who have dementia. I haven’t seen friends in quite awhile nor have volunteered (which I miss a lot) in the past four years but I lean on Jesus knowing that once my parents pass on, I will get my social life back but for now, I feel honoured to help them through these last days. Keep praying J and you will see great changes in your life!
Jane,
I agree with all that “What is clear is that minimalism on its own is not a SOLUTION – it is a pathway”. I believe what you are seeking for is happiness and a meaningful life.
We, all of us, have the ability to create a happy and meaningful life. Meditate and ask “God” or the creator what you can do to help and contribute that also brings about happiness and enjoyment into your Life. We all have it inside us but we dwell on the negatives and fear too much instead of releasing that and focus instead on the positives of Life and how we can create a happier and meaningful Life for ourself. I imagine that if we loose ourself in the service of others, our worries will be reduce tremendously. Allow yourself to keep moving on the path to happiness and never stop learning about the world and it’s people and that you can have a positive and powerful impact in the your community and your world if only you can reach within and allow that “light” to shine. Wishing you the very best and may God help you to seek that happy and meaningful Life :)
Hi,
I just read your post and the replies and am amazed at the outpouring of support and ideas. People are good.
I wanted to write to you because I was a somewhat similar situation 20 some years ago, as a new bride who moved to the States from a different country. There was a stretch of about 9 months where I couldn’t work just yet, and my degree and credentials were getting evaluated. I remember going from a very busy social life to almost complete loneliness. With no social media back then, and being in a foreign land, I tried to fill my days with going to the library, some volunteer work and evening classes, all of these suggested to you already.
What I wanted to add, and I wish I could have done it myself, is to try to reach out to people without agenda and expectation, for a bit of a conversation, coffee and exchange of ideas. I was too shy (maybe) or felt too foreign to try it then. For instance, instead of leaving the room right after the drawing class ended, maybe I should have asked the instructor – a wonderful older lady – for coffee or dessert. Or lingered a bit to get to know my classmates.
Nowadays, despite being busy at work and at home, I try to catch these moments of connection whenever possible. They may not lead to a permanent friendship, but they add warmth to my days and make me feel that I am fully participating in life rather than going through the motions.
I wish you good luck and send you a warm hug from Los Angeles.
Volunteering is the most amazing part of my life. I enjoy every time I volunteer at a local shelter. Yes, it costs me money to drive there and I do also give money, but the pay back is 10 fold and it is a bright spot in my life. Giving back is never a mistake.
I read through all the suggestions and many of those are wonderful… I’d also suggest community gardening if you don’t have space for that…
No other suggestions… I hope you create your life from ground up and enrich it with your passions, hobbies, friendships and all that you love!
Big hugs from Canada.
Some time has gone by since I originally visited this post. I live in the northern suburbs of Chicago. Our public library has many free activities and is linked to many other suburban libraries. We have a local history society which is linked to other history societies, all of which welcome volunteers to do many tasks, from planting gardens to knitting or crocheting. There are also political, ecological and other groups to get involved in. Finally, some of my neighbors are involved in their churches and fund raising groups like Kiwanis,. I volunteer at my grandsons’ school during the school year and was at a community garden yesterday. Today, I was with a large group at our local mall, all I did was talk and walk around the mall. Since we are seniors, drinks are free or low cost at most mall restaurants. One of my friends shares her home with a renter through a house sharing service from a local agency. It brings her some money each month and some company, too.
Hope all these ideas help. Oh, by the way, my son volunteers for a food pantry. I worked part time for 10 years after I retired just to ease the transition from full time work to just living on my pension.
Oh, by the way, my daughter leads a depression therapy group through NAMI, and my other son raises funds for his kids’ schools. They work full time. My husband has done work with scouts and takes his telescope to schools and tells kids about astronomy. There are kids who need to be read to, babies who need to be rocked in hospitals, and lots of reading programs at libraries. You can also make cards for soldiers or sick kids and there are groups who will supply the materials. I spend one day a week driving an older lady to her DR. And physical therapy appointments. She’s in her 80’s. I hope your life is fuller now.
Hi J.
I’m not sure if you ever check this post these days but I hope you’re doing well and that you have filled your cup with life that is engaging and satisfying. The comments directed to you have helped me also. I’m in my forties, am disabled, alone a lot and have minimized my life to a similar point. God has helped me as a result of the honesty in your original post. Thanks! Fay
There are some volunteer activities that I could never do. A friend helps adults with their English. I tried to quilt and hated it. I never offer to go to meetings or plan events. I make art projects. I like to sort. I like to do origami. Find your passion.