Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
Today we have a wonderful contribution from S., whose post radiates the peace she’s found in paring down.
S. writes:
I am a single mom who was tired and stressed and just didn’t seem to have the energy to keep up with everything that I thought was needed to keep things going. I struggled at stressful jobs so I could afford to pay the rent and provide 2 separate bedrooms for my son and I. I worried about work clothes, gaining weight, what makeup to wear, going to night school, just being able to keep food in the fridge, and gas to commute to work. It seemed like the more I acquired, the more there was to worry about. Then I read an article about a woman who works in Manhattan, where grooming for work was a two hour regimen every morning. As a sort of social experiment she went for a month and wore no makeup, the same comfortable outfit each day, and wrapped her hair in a scarf. She described how she never felt so free. No worrying about her heels or pantyhose. Just able to enjoy, observe and be totally present in the moment. This I thought is what I want.
So I am a minimizer in progress. I have paired down to a one bedroom apartment, my son gets the bedroom I sleep on the couch, which is perfectly comfortable. I have cleaned out my closet and so many of the things I was hanging on to. My wardrobe has been paired down to 2 pairs of leggings, 1 black and one gray, a pair of black flat shoes, 1 pair of black flip flops, one pair of jeans and one pair of shorts, a couple t shirts in neutral colors and I have never been happier. I have learned to love my face without makeup and do feel so much less self absorbed and more in the moment. I am still working at this but know I am on the right path. I have learned to try not to covet things, and believe as the Buddhist philosophy teaches, desire is the cause of suffering. Buddha truly was onto something here folks, when we let go of things, we open ourselves up to peace.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
S, thank you! I really appreciated your post, especially the part about make-up. I rarely wear make-up, but sometimes feel anxiety about not wearing it in business settings. I fear people will think I look “washed out” (though MEN are never judged for looking washed out, I notice). Despite all the gains achieved by the women’s movement, make-up is one of still uncontested issues.
Your post makes me realize I have too many clothes! The fact that many of them come from consignment shops is irrelevant– still too many. Thanks for the inspiration.
Thank you so much for sharing. I am embarking on a journey to simplify and I can totally relate to having more to worry about as more is acquired. I love clothes and make-up and all of those things that go along with being fashionable. Though I do not think owning a handful of items works in my lifestyle, I have LOTS of opportunity to scale down so that I actually wear/use what I own, versus not knowing those items exist in my closet because I can’t see them. Your story shows how you can be happier with much less. Thanks!
Life is quite difficult for single moms but you are doing well and being a good example at the same time. I’m stuck with the makeup as well. As I’ve gotten older, the eyebrows are sparser (hence the eyebrow pencil), I’ve lost eyelashes (need mascara and eyeliner), and the lips get smaller and paler (lipstick). I’ve always worn foundation with SPF so that has protected my skin from poluttion and at 56 I still get complimented on my almost wrinkle-free skin. It’s true, men can look washed out, tired and pale and not be judged!
Very beautiful post!
I always feel happy for people who struggle with money, when they discover minimalism because I believe it can help you to sort out a lot of financial stress too. Less things means less time and less money to invest into keeping them clean/polished/whatever. Also it helps you to rethink your shopping strategies and not to waste money on food gone off, cook more thoughtfully and cheaper, there’s a lot of saving involved and that’s the best thing :)
I don’t know you, S., but still I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you so that one day you don’t have to work so hard to pay your rent. Smaller appartment will probably not be the option as you seem to already be living in a very small place so I wish you to find a way to get something big enough to be comfortable for you and your son, while still being minimalistic and not too big.
I like the story with the scarf-lady. I have short hair but it gets greasy so often that sometimes I wish I could be wearing a hat all the time, inside and outside, to cover it and to not have to care and wash it every other day :)
What a good example you’re setting for your son of living within your means and enjoying life! I tried wearing makeup for a while after I turned thirty and became a mom… but I realized, no one cares.
I’ve even been trying the baking soda and vinegar hair-washing method. Not only does it seem to be working, I’ve been able to cut back from every-other-day washing to every third day. Time and water saved!
Thanks for this story S. Sounds like you’ve found an important key to reducing stress and empowering yourself. Your story of the woman who went without make-up in New York reminded me of the book “The Beauty Experiment”, where a woman who was struggling with her self-image and the ideals of beauty imposed on us all through culture stopped make-up, new clothes and any grooming more than what her husband did. It was a wonderful portrait of transforming her inside by changing her outside. I think that is basically what we are doing when we start implementing minimalism in our environment, we are changing ourselves inside. These posts often express what those inside changes are.
LOVED this story.
I admire your taking steps to reduce your stress, because if a mother is less stressed, their kid has a better life.
I still use undereye concealer, mascara, lipstick and eyeliner. Total 5 minutes to apply. Lipstick, only one color, stays in my pocket to use during the day. I want to look good for me! I have pared down my clothes but have never been much of a fashionista. Basic colors, one pair of flats and scarfs to change the look. Easy to maintain. I have been ridding myself of stuff for several years. Less to clean and take care of. Good luck on your journey.
Bravo to any woman brave enough to face the judging world of business without makeup! Or with only a little makeup. Double standards are still alive and well in the most superficial places.
And S., here’s to you – single parenting is never easy. Actually desiring less is always a path to being happier within a small budget. May your version of “less” bring you enough “wiggle room” to allow you and your son to have what truly matters, and I hope your hard-earned lessons rub off on the next generation!
How wonderful to have identified what was making you unhappy and to have gained more peace and happiness in your life through minimalism. Good luck with your simplifying journey xo
Love the idea of forgoing make up and hair do! I am not there yet. I wish I was brave enough to face the world “naked” in this way. I do keep it as simple as possible but still feel the need to wear makeup to work. In Anne Morrow Lindberg’s book Gift from the Sea, she talks about “shedding vanity”. It must be so freeing. Thanks for your inspiring post!
Anne Morrow Lindberg didn’t work for a corporation where women are judged whether they look “professional” and part of looking professional is being “pulled together”, as they say, meaning hair styled, minimal makeup for a bit of colour, nails trimmed and clean, and a wardrobe that doesn’t have to be designer but at least matches in colour. I remember working with a woman who, in the winter, wore a white top, white skirt, white shoes and black pantyhose. She stuck out like a sore thumb!
Loved your post. I am in a completely different life stage to you (I’m 25, no kids etc) but I too found minimalism because of stress. It has been a great stress relief for me to cut back on buying and wanting and owning things. I’m sure you are setting a great example for your son and I wish you the best
Awesome to hear your making a transition for the better! Fascinating story about the woman worker and going to work. Our culture places a crazy emphasis on “looking the part” or “looking pretty.” But slowly, we are realizing that maybe it is all a veil of falsity. Well done!
Such an inspiring story! Thank you for sharing your journey-in-progress with us.
I was hoping you could provide a link to the article about that woman you mentioned, I would really enjoy reading about her process of loosening the grip society puts on woman from her life.
Thanks in advance!
Thank s so much for this inspiring story! I am trying to take back some peace too.
Fantastic post. Congratulations on having the courage to make big changes. I am really inspired by your story. I have downsized many things in my life but still haven’t figured it all out.
I had never worn makeup as an everyday thing so I never got used to it. When I worked, office casual was OK so I never had to buy many clothes. People have always given me things to wear and they still do. Now I’m in my 60’s and don’t need anything. There have been years when I don’t like the colors or styles they show so I don’t buy anything new. Most of my clothes are black, dark brown or gray, and the rest of the time I wear jeans. My husband and I give away a big bag of stuff every month to Salvation Army or Goodwill. The public library is a good source for books and movies.
Preschools and the Park District take a lot of buttons, pretty paper cardboard and stickers. I try to buy very little.
Dear S,
That is a beautiful picture of you and your son. You both look so happy. Thank you for your story it is very inspiring. Every week the stories are a new inspiration and motivation to minimize, let go of stuff and to embrace new experiences.
You are amazing… and I have a lot to learn from you. Talk about a life change! And with a son to raise as well! okay, you are my hero for today! Keep loving yourself as you are discovering things that will make your life more peaceful and wonderful. i wish all of America could follow your lead.. maybe not to the extreme, but to know you CAN be happy with less… and less.. and less.
Still paring down. Found another big stack of books and magazines to give away yesterday. Now that my husband is trying to find some things to part with, it really helps. I would like to get rid of 1 or 2 bookcases. It would really make the space seem more open.
I did have a job for a while that required office casual. I had 3 pairs of slacks, 6 shirts, and 3 cardigans and mixed and matched. I also bought a dressy pair of black oxfords. Those clothes lasted for years. Another job I had for over 20 years I just wore jeans and a nice shirt every day. I never found myself in a job that required dressing up.
My husband and I retired when he was 55 and I was 53. We found part time jobs for a while. You can live on very little if you have no debts. I wear mostly second hand clothes and my jewelry is from rummage sales or thrift shops. I have friends and relatives who seem to spend a lot of time at Nordstrom’s, Macy’s, or Neiman Marcus. We went out with some other couples and one of the women had a big ring on every finger. She said they had papers in their house going back to the 1970’s. I guess not everyone is a minimalist.