Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
Today, Debbi tells us about her quest to “let go.” I love the honesty and joy in her story, and think many of you will relate to her struggles with, and triumph over, clutter.
Debbi writes:
Where does the time go? Here I am, 58 and will be retiring from my main place of employment this June. Thirty years. I have accumulated so much, thoughts, feelings, dreams, expectations relating to work and life. It is too much. I don’t want the second part of my life the same. Not that the first part was bad, it was not. It was not great either. I struggled. My life was too much of everything. I do not want to live this way anymore.
I have been thinking about “letting go” for decades. One of my first occupations, I worked with people with addiction problems. This is when I first encountered the letting go concept. I was in my 20s and I was not about to let go of anything. Sure, alcoholics need to let go, but not me. Yet, the concept intrigued me and I secretly longed to let go. I wanted to be happy.
I entered into a marriage that should not have happened because of expectations I couldn’t let go. Somewhere in the twelve years of the struggling marriage with its donut makers, punch bowls, china, and big furniture, I found an article, “Letting Go” in the New Woman magazine (January, 1990). I tore that page out, put it in a plastic sleeve, and kept it through a divorce, a new career path, a daughter, several dogs and cats, friends entering in and out and back in, and several moves.
Here I am looking at this article about letting go…. And I am finally doing it, letting go of paper, books, magazines, cable, wireless, a land line phone, debt of all kinds, toxic people, holding on to my daughter, a 30 year job. Not only is the donut maker and punch bowl left my house, so did the couch, about 75 contractor bags of paper, about 24 coffee mugs, several electronics, gadgets, old cameras that no longer have the kind of film that is required, 24 chargers (to what, who knows), and items that would require an inventory specialist to program. Not one of these items was worth more than twenty dollars each. Even the couch was old, ripped, torn and faded. I called the Salvation Army and they would not take it. The Salvation Army did take away two sets of bedroom furniture and other unneeded items. I gave away what I could, donated what they would take, recycled what I could, and the rest in big plastic contractor-garbage bags.
I started about six months ago. I have this intense need to hold on. I wanted my daughter, who is now 27, to always be my little girl. I kept her books, baby clothes, (honestly clothes from every age), boxes of elementary papers. Well, the list goes on. I struggled, it seemed unnatural. Of course, we want to hold on. I like that I am loyal and dedicated. I like it when someone needs something, they come to me. I like to feel needed.
I just knew I needed a big change. I was not happy. I was confused and carried a heavy burden throughout my days. I would walk into my house; there were the same pictures, the same memories, the same bills, and the same everything. There was a burden. It was hard to breathe sometimes and there was no room for another person. One time, I just went to a hotel, for the sole purpose to get away from my home. My finances were messy, my relationships were spirally down, and I looked and felt horrible.
I am not one to throw caution to the wind, but God intervened. I discovered yoga, and strived for a simple life. I wanted time in my life for people. My family and friends think I was being impulsive, I wasn’t. I had this article on letting go, since 1990. This was planned and its time. I researched the concept of letting go which lead me to minimalizing which lead me to Miss Minimalist. Motivator. Enthusiast. Perfect.
I started big, not gradual. I knew I wanted part two of my life to be free, light and simple. Once I started, it was fun, invigorating and so very needed. I started with my closet and my bedroom, then moved on to all the bedrooms, living room, bathroom, kitchen, all closets, basement and finally the garage and shed. I now just have in my home what I truly need and a couple of items that bring me joy. My father has this saying, “Don’t ever love anything that does not love you back.” This was and is my mantra!
I canceled credit cards. I changed to a bank that is more in line with my new philosophy. I wrote letters to companies and magazines and with a bold black marker wrote, “Please take me off all mailing lists”. I changed my email address and vow no more signing up for random emails. Pictures came off the shelves and walls. I took digital pictures of everything and scanned like there is no tomorrow. I stored the pictures and scans on an external hard drive. No more knick-knacks. No more weird collections. No more clocks in every room. No more TV, cable, and other distractions. Not one non-breathing thing has come in to my house in three months. (Except for food). I promise to never ever be cluttered again. It was a burden. And now it’s lifted. Whew! My house is lighter and I can breathe a bit easier. Thank you, Miss Minimalist.
I am standing my ground; which brings me to the next and most important stage. Letting go of 30 years of stuff was challenging, yet, I did it! Now, I need to let go of the emotional clutter and the overwhelming need to hold on to everything. This includes letting go of worn out relationships. I have stayed with people longer than I should have. This includes holding on to goals that I made in my teens, this is letting go of certain expectations. I do not know who thought of all these expectations, but they need to go. And this is my challenge for now. As I move through the process of letting go of this emotional clutter and letting go of the need of hanging on for reasons that I don’t fully understand; I am feeling lighter, brighter, enjoyable and lovable. I am simply making room for all the good.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Congratulations Debbi, what an inspiring story.
You go girl!!!
WOW! Your energy and life force inspires me! I’m ready to go lighten up! Thank you!
I love how this has been a part of you since 1990, so it was a long time coming but it is here. Enjoy the simplicity.
Awesome job at letting go! Like you, we went big when we decided to let go. We probably purged more than half of our belongings. I agree with the feeling of light, free, and simple. We are feeling that now more than we ever have in the past. I found that the emotional clutter became easier to deal with once the physical clutter was under control, I hope you’ll find the same as you begin working on that phase of your decluttering.
Bravo Debbie! I can identify with your post. Since I retired 3 years ago, I’ve been decluttering stuff, interests, my diary, attitudes, spirituality, relationships – you name it. This stage of life is for me and I want to be as true to my real self as I can be. The journey is fun. I wish you well on yours.
Debbi – I enjoyed reading your story. It sounds as though you are very happy and I hope you continue to be. I think that once we realize how much ‘stuff’ weighs us down and do something about it our lives can change. Good luck to you!
Well done Debbi…so glad you are entering this new time in your life clutter free and happier! You inspire me to dig deeper in my own minimalist journey. All the best as you tackle some of the trickier emotional clutter.
Loved reading this! I wish you all the best on your’e minimalist journey.
This is one of my favourite personal stories. I love: “I am simply making room for all the good.” – I hope all the good flows to you abundantly, Debbi. Well done on what you’ve achieved.
I’m right behind you, Debbie! My husband and I are 55 (but not near enough to retirement), but so ready to downsize all of our burdens. Thank you for your motivational post, I really want to take it to heart as we begin to purge all that is unnecessary, weighing us down, and keeping us from what we want to enjoy in life.
Cheers to you!!
Great post, Debbi. I really needed to read it this morning. Best wishes on your journey.
You are an inspiration, Debbi! Thank you for sharing your tough times and struggles and your triumphs. I feel inspired and reinvigorated in this process of becoming free. I especially loved your insight when you wrote:
” I would walk into my house; there were the same pictures, the same memories, the same bills, and the same everything. There was a burden. It was hard to breathe sometimes and there was no room for another person.”
What a breakthrough. It seems like once we see that it’s the same pictures and memories and bills, etc., the cycle is forever broken. Freedom! I feel refreshed just reading how you got rid of all of it! Thank you for making my day!
Godspeed Debbi in all your material and emotional aspects of your journey intp Part II.
Debbi, when reading your story I kept arriving at the same word: courage. You are very courageous and resolute in your endeavors to move on! It takes a lot to finally move on past clutter–either in relationships, physical items, or anything else–and you have done it! Awesome post, best of luck in the new phase of your life.
Debbi,
I think your story is one of the most inspirational stories I have read on this MM site in a long time! They are always good, but something about yours really resonated with me. You are strong, brave, and beautiful from within. I hope to clear out a “spare” bedroom this summer and donate a lot of things to various agencies which can use the items the most. I dream of paring down my possessions and selling my house, then moving states, so I am all about making BIG CHANGES right now. Thanks so much for your inspiring post! Good luck to you!
Great words. Can you post the Letting Go article?
Thank you for sharing your story! I love your mantra of not loving anything that doesn’t love you back. I recently sold (to a friend) my last American Girl doll. I “loved” then when I was a little girl, but I’m not anymore!
It is hard letting go of those baby clothes and mementoes (my children are still toddlers). What I decided to do was to keep one characteristic newborn outfit for each–a favorite–and for each, the first hat that their grandmother (my mom) knitted for him. That way I can keep a visceral reminder of how little they were but not even one whole box worth!
Inspiring post! Best of luck with the changes!
Wow! Way to go, Debbi! Best of luck in your new, decluttered future!
Debbi, thank you for sharing, it sounds like you have really found the direction and space you were looking for in your life. Enjoy :)
WOW!!! Are you inspiring or what?? I love the energy in your letter. Ironically I am in the very same place you are. Clutter is gone, down to the bare minimum. I too had to let go of emotional baggage. Husband returned to alcohol, I was not going to live that life.
I am so ready to move on. My plan is to fit what I can in my car and drive. I know I have then power in me. Your story is ever inspiring!! Perhaps creating a blog.. I’d follow.
Blessing upon blessings to you dear heart!!
Great story and bravo on all that you’ve accomplished!
This was wonderful to read, Debbi! Good for you for decluttering in such a considerable fashion. It’s great to feel light and unimpeded. I wish you well in your continued quest toward minimalism!
Well done!!! I was looking for that Letting go story on line..I couldn’t find it..can you email it to me??? OR tell me how to find it?
I had the same problem of letting go of my kids. I am an single parent empty nester and when I dramatically downsized to a 1 bedroom apt from a 4 bedroom house on 2 acres, I knew I couldn’t lug their stuff around anymore. So I prepared a box for each of them and gave them EVERYTHING except 1 photo album of each of their school pictures (along with other family photos). They got the baby knic knacs and clothes and school projects. That was the hardest. I thought without my children, I am nothing and held onto everthing. But God has shown me without HIM I am nothing and have learned to let go of them a little more as time goes by. They were feeling suffocated. That has opened up a fresh clean slate for the future for me also. I hope that you continue on this journey because you have the courage and strength that a lot of women don’t and are very inspiring. Way to go!
Awesome job! Best wishes to your future!
Fantastic job Debbi! This post was both inspiring and motivating for me. Best of luck to you in your retirement.
Hi Debbi. This has been one of the most inspiring posts on minimalism I have read. Congratulations on being able to let go of so many things.
I just finished watching the US lose to Belgium-World Cup, so sad :(
But I am from Belgium and I was happy :-D
Belgium is out of the World Cup now anyway, so that makes me happy!!! :)
God bless the USA!
I think God has enough with terrorism, poverty and violence that he doesn’t care or have time for sports!
Hi Debbi, like those who have commented here already, I too, find your story very inspiring, and you have motivated me to start working on clearing the ‘toxic’ people and relationships that have overstayed their welcome in my life.
Thank you so much for sharing, and blessings as you continue your journey of minimalism.
LOVED This story….Can relate in so many ways.The junk has got the go :)
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Debbi. I am on a similar path and it was an inspiration to see how you have progressed. I wish we could meet over a cup of coffee as I have questions and thoughts. But, none the less, I thank you for taking the time to share your journey. Blessings and peace!
This is an amazing post. So profound and authentic, very inspirational. After reading you I felt that life was beautiful and simple. It just made me very happy, I had a feeling that I understood better what life was all about. You have a personal voice and a lot of talent for writing. As many other people who commented suggested, I would love you to write a blog, or maybe a book???
Amaizing post! Feels somehow heavier than what normally people post here :) Even though many of them had to go through some rough times to find their minimalist path (didn’t we all?), this just feels even rougher and I’m glad for you, Debbi, that you found your way out. Fingers crossed for the next part of your life to be really uplifted, light and free from everything old and dusty. Fill your life with feeling amaizing ;)
I really think these stories could use more pictures, like of the decluttering or the decluttered spaces… :)
Dear Debbi, your story is so inspiring to read. Probably more so for me, out of a lot of the posts, because I am one decade away from you and can totally see my thoughts and feelings about life playing out in the way you describe. I am starting to let go of dreams that didn’t pan out. Starting to be done crying about them. Starting to be done wanting the fabulous big house with all the fabulous stuff in it. All that sounds exhausting to me now. Like you, I’m finding that a burden is being lifted and those expectations had to just go. Thank you so much.
Thank you for sharing your story, Debbi. It was very motivating. I will reread it before I start my next decluttering session.
Great story. I especially enjoyed this quote: “I do not know who thought of all these expectations, but they need to go.”
Inspirational post. Choosing to get rid of a lot of things is a big step. I do a few bags every week but I never had much to begin with. There are always more spaces to sort through. I just went through the fridge and threw out a bunch of nearly empty, past code date, jars and then recycled the empty containers. So freeing.
Now I have been reading up on “zero-waste” living. I try to recycle everything possible and we only have garbage about once a month. But I read about a woman who only has garbage once a year. We use less and less of things. Medicine containers are used to root plant cuttings which I then give away, the others are recycled. Batteries and other e-waste is recycled. All plastic and fabric and metal is recycled. I keep a big flower pot on my balcony for compost. All the plastic mailers get recycled. We don’t drink pop or bottled water. But we can do better.
Still trying for a zero waste home. Still trying to buy nothing new. Will be wearing my one new sweater tomorrow with a pair of very old earrings. Still looking at how people dress and how people live.
I once worked with a woman who never wore the same dress twice. I also know people with huge closets full of clothes. I like to mix and match my small wardrobe to see how many combinations I can make. It gives me pleasure not to spend money.
We have one bag of garbage each month for 3 of us. Not counting used cat litter. We had one big car and now we have one small car. Even DH finally realized he had an awful lot of clothing. I keep filling bags to give away. I sold two bags of books. I am giving away craft materials I haven’t used in two years. I helped a man empty his mom’s apartment. She died at 102. I counted 6 seam rippers and bags and bags of fabric and yarn. And boxes of rulers.