Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
This week we hear from Matt, who shares with us the life changes that inspired his minimalist journey, and his happiness with his new, pared-down lifestyle.
Matt writes:
My minimalism started nearly two years ago and was born as a result of growing disquiet in my life. It was Christmas day, my four year old daughter was ripping through the umpteenth present, my wife at the time was admiring her newest addition to the clothes collection that would join its predecessors in the wardrobe never to see the light of the day. It was while sitting there, an unnecessarily large pile of presents in front of me that I realised I wasn’t happy, wasn’t happy with my relationship, wasn’t happy with the direction my life was taking and certainly wasn’t happy with the feeling that I was drowning in my house from all the things my family was acquiring.
Fast forward six months and after many discussions, counselling and attempts to fix the problems both my wife and I had decided that enough was enough and we both wanted out. We separated and it was at this point I saw that life had presented me an opportunity, a chance to start again with a clean slate. I packed up a single suitcase with clothes and another with treasured possessions and told her that she could do what she wanted with the rest as I didn’t need them.
As I got in my car and began the drive to my mother’s house I knew that I had turned a corner, that I would never allow myself to be seduced by the power of consumerism and its desire for me to have more. Over a year down the line and my house is in the words of anyone who comes over “sparse”. My friends ask me where my stuff is and I say “it’s all here” at which point they pirouette on the spot and reply “Where? There’s nothing here!”
I don’t have nothing, I have everything I need (and probably more) I simply don’t have stuff. I have a TV, Computer, Sofa (New addition as per my other half), one of every utensil I need in a kitchen and even a fully stocked bookshelf of DVD’s and books. If a new one is purchased then something must go to make room, it’s become an interesting experience having to decide if the new addition is worth the loss of an old favourite.
Not everyone in my life has fully grasped the principles of my minimalist life, people will still attempt to buy me or persuade me to have the latest “must have” and I struggle at times to resist but overall I’m happy with the place I have reached.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Did your daughter make the cut? I don’t meant to sound snarky, but when you say that you were “handed a clean slate” you didn’t mention that your choice in life to have a child left a a mark on that slate that couldn’t be erased. I hope that your relationship with her has blossomed now that other “things” are not in the way.
@Ellen– you beat me to it!
@Ellen – I was wondering the same thing!
I know exactly what you mean by the abundance of gifts at Christmas. I have also been paring down my possessions, leaving only what I truly love.
And your daughter? Where does she fit in?
Good for you Matt! I found the most difficult part of downsizing was having to justify it to family and friends. A family member looked around my new downsized dwelling and said “Gee, you worked hard all your life and this is all you have to show for it?” I answered “Yes, I’ve taken myself off the consumer treadmill and am no longer a slave to a materialistic lifestyle!” Watch and see, some of your friends may even start rethinking their values and start minimalizing as well.
Valid concern for the child of course, but it’s really not fair to jump to conclusions and it is not our place to judge. He may be a wonderful father, we don’t know. Peace be with all of you!
I agree it isn’t fair for people to be jumping to conclusions about Matt. This website and post is about minimalism, which is what Matt’s story is about. A lot of judging going on with very little information because we don’t have any idea what kind of father Matt is or how much time he spends with his daughter.
Agreed. I have never heard anyone jump to the conclusion that just because a woman became a minimalist they were leaving behind their children. The minimalist movement can do without that sort of double standard. Please think people…
No one’s jumping to conclusions or judging, they’re just curious. And I’m doubly curious now since the poster hasn’t responded…!
I have to say I was wondering the same thing as well. You sound like your daughter is now
also out of the picture,which probably wasn’t your intention?
Thanks for writing and contributing to the blog,anyway!
Interlibrary loan is a wonderful thing. We watch DVD’s we borrow, too. Just got rid of 2 more big bags of clothes and took more electronics to recycle. My adult children and I play word games, do puzzles, etc. Being a min-sumer means cupboards are emptier, too. Only buying 1 or 2 of something means you never have stuffed cabinets.
I don’t wish divorce on anyone, however…it has allowed me to focus on what is meaningful to me in my life as well. It also has allowed me, sometimes forced me, to be a real parent and not one that is all about possessions to make a child happy. I am on a road towards minimalism and now my 17 year old son is on board just from seeing how I have lived. Again, while divorce is not suggested, it can be quite a gift to help streamline your life with what is truly important.
I wish everyone who is considering or doing minimalism clarity and ease in the decision they need to make!
I am in agreement with Matt. I have been doing the same thing. I love how my home is coming along and how much easier life is without so much extra stuff. I have cut way back on eating out and have trimmed my social life down to only what I really feel like doing at the moment. Christmas was very simple this year. A few gifts for my daughter and granddaughter and we all were much happier. We all sat around watching holiday movies and enjoyed a very minimal but wonderful meal.
When people ask why my house looks empty I just laugh and if they want to change it, I insist that they keep it clean. I have a small rescue farm and I now have way more time for quality time with my animals. My cats and dogs love the openess/emptiness of my house as well.
I would like to learn more about your small rescue farm and your minimalism. We sound a lot alike. :)
I’m currently going through the process of clearing out my possessions and its a very emotionally taxing and, at times, physically demanding process. I wonder how your ex felt being left everything? you got to just take what you wanted but not deal with what was left. Leaving your ex to deal with it at what was no doubt an already emotionally taxing time.
I appreciate the expression “growing disquiet,” and I think we’ve all felt that at some point in our minimalist journey. I had the same Christmas experience, but thank goodness it wasn’t in my own home. However, facing it year after year with relatives, it did begin to mold my thinking. I’ve been on the minimalist road for three years now and have made great strides, but honestly, I can’t wait for the day when someone calls my house “sparse!” Congratulations!
I appreciate all the truth in your posts. I am just beginning my journey to a minimal lifestyle and find hope and sanity in reading the experience of others!!
Thanks!!
Renee
https://laughupmysleeve.wordpress.com/2015/01/22/cut-the-crap-my-minimalist-beginning/
It didn’t even occur to me that he didn’t include his daughter in his new life and I still don’t get that impression. However, what concerned me was that he just walked away from years of accumulated stuff – leaving his ex with it all. I guess I would want to know – did she want it all? When I got divorced, my ex wanted things (so off he went with the china, silver, crystal, bedroom set, dining room set… you get the picture). BUT, once he didn’t have time to get any more stuff out, he left me with almost the entire basement of decorations, boxes that hadn’t been unpacked when we moved in, antiques, etc. My movers were to get my belongings out the day we closed (as he had the prior weekend to get his belongings out of the house). All of a sudden, the morning of my move, I was left with a ton more than I expected and had to move it so the house would close. Needless to say, I was not happy. A lot of the items were his family heirlooms. He is damned lucky that I am a nice ex-wife (he would probably dispute this assertion) because I moved them to my new house and had him come pick up boxes of belongings that he left behind. I am a bit of a minimalist so I understand the refreshing feeling of leaving all of the crap behind but I do feel for his ex wife for being left with years of accumulated belongings.
When I read Matt’s story I wondered the same as Jennifer – did he really only own one suitcase of clothes and one of treasured possessions? Or did he own a lot more which was just left behind? I notice he says he *told* his wife she could do what she wanted with everything, not asked if she wanted it. It would be interesting to know if she was happy with the arrangement.
There are some lovely stories on this blog, but a worrying number of them have have people leaving their belongings with others in one way or another.
Having to sort someone else’s belongings and guess whether they wanted to keep them or not is a challenge. I’ve just cleaned closets of worn out things and things that don’t fit. I only keep clothes I actually wear. But some people keep things for other reasons.
Matt never answered. I think his life was not what he thought it would be like. My husband of 42 years sees huge houses and says he likes them. I remind him that he hates cleaning, yard work, painting, repair, etc. and that’s why we live in a condo. He says he’d hire someone to do all the work just so he could have a house big enough to fit a 60inch TV which is what he really wants. Reality is my department.
Our condo is 1600 sq ft. I could go smaller if I wanted but my husband needs space. I often think of getting something much smaller and getting rid of more stuff. There are some big old chairs and a dresser which would be numbers 1-3 on my list. Then there is a cabinet at #4 and a table. ‘My husband just realized the other day how many clothes he has. But his clothes fit in one closet and a dresser.
All my books and magazines fit on 2 shelves. We have one small TV. I give boxes or a big bag to Goodwill each week.My son is taking a bookcase. I bought a sweat shirt a few days ago because I gave mine to my daughter. I have lots of stuff I would give away but my husband needs old papers for some reason.