Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
This week, we have a wonderful contribution from Becca. She’s one year into her minimalist journey, and shares with us her challenges and triumphs along the way—as well as the joy and peace a simpler lifestyle has brought her.
Becca writes:
I began my journey to minimalism/simple living in March of 2014. My family and I had a very rough year with two significant deaths that radically changed my perspective on, well, everything as they often do. I knew my life was heading in a completely different direction, but was ready for it all the same, although I truly didn’t know how or where to begin. After discovering the tiny house movement, which lead to many other facets of simplified living including minimalism, I decided to begin the process. For some reason, I really felt inside that this is was what I was supposed to do. My plan was to get my finances in order, purge my possessions, quit my job, sell my house, then move back to my hometown to be closer to family.
In regards to the finances, I attended a free budgeting course at a local credit union which was very helpful. It basically followed the principles of the Dave Ramsey method. I had credit card debt and this allowed me to pay it off fairly quickly. I also eliminated anything I could that was not a necessity like cable TV and also buying anything that was not a necessity. If I needed clothing, it came from Goodwill and if I needed a book or movie, it came from my local library. I was able to save more money then I could have imagined in doing this.
As for purging, I donated most everything. For most things, I didn’t have a problem in letting go. I would forget them as soon as I dropped them off it seemed, but for others it was a bit harder. I would tell myself that maybe, just maybe I could hold onto it and see if it could be used at some point even though I knew that in reality it wasn’t so. Part of this process was changing my thoughts and old beliefs about possessions and how they affected me or made me feel. In the long run I figured out that having all these possessions did not and still do not bring me satisfaction. It can only come from within myself. It is based on the individual. No one can tell you what to keep and what to let go of. Only you can decide that.
Quitting my job was a bit harder. I knew that it had to be done, but it did not ease the stress or anxiety of it. I had been there for seven years and thought that I would remain there indefinitely. Everyone hated to see me go and were quite shocked when I made the announcement that I was leaving, but by that point I had made up my mind and my heart. There was no going back. My last day was only nine short weeks ago, but feels much longer. Do I miss it? Some of the people that I had gotten close to over the years, yes, but surprisingly not much else I have to say. My job took up most of my time during the week. The hours were mostly long and the days so often hectic. Then there was the commute which always ended with sitting in traffic for way too long. I would come home in the evening and be utterly exhausted, not wanting any contact with the outside world. Spending too much time sitting in a fog on the couch surfing the internet to pass the time until I went to sleep, got up, and did the whole routine all over again. Two days off just really was not enough for me to recharge. I had made the job my main focus which is not surprising. I had to pay my bills and that was that. But in doing that, I had lost sight of what truly makes me tick. Who was I? Where was I going? What were my likes or dislikes? I could not say for sure because I honestly did not know.
The house I am now selling is my first house. At 950 sq feet, it is not large by America’s standards, but too large for me I realized. I did not use the extra bedroom, bathroom, or dining room which caused me to rethink how much space I really needed to be comfortable. Now that the house was basically cleaned out I could see that it wasn’t as much as I origionally thought. I spent the last two years fixing it up unaware at the time that I was just to turn around and sell it, but I’m glad that I did. It was certainly a learning experience as I did most of the work myself, Google becoming my closest friend. I will miss the house in some ways, but not the maintenance and the worry it almost always seemed to cause me. I’m not saying that owning a home is a bad thing, I would encourage anyone that desires that to feel free to make it happen. For myself and this period in my life though, I desire simple. I felt that a mortgage made me feel trapped and I didn’t want that feeling any longer. I currently live with my mom in my hometown. She lives upstairs and I live downstairs. Now some people may be thinking this is actually a step backwards for an almost 35 year woman, but for me not so much. I’ve lived with my mom for a large portion of my life when I think about it, so it doesn’t seem like an odd thing to me. We get along wonderfully and she does her thing and I do mine. Plus, we have each other to lean on if needed which was much more difficult when I was living two hours away. Will I stay here forever? Probably not. I will eventually move on, but for now I’m happy here. I have what I need and nothing more.
I can tell you now from experience how much lighter, focused, more peaceful, happier, and free I feel with less. I am eating better, sleeping better, and taking care of myself better. Taking some time off from working has also helped. I can’t imagine going back to old ways and habits. Even though I have gotten rid of a large amount of stuff and moved to a smaller space, I am still finding things to get rid of. The best part is, realizing that I really don’t need to own that much or have a huge space to maintain joy in my life. Connecting with family and friends and creating experiences that lead to great memories is what truly counts. This is what I strive for in the new year and beyond. There were some people who were not as receptive as I would have hoped during this process, but I knew this was a probability. At the end of the day, remaining true to myself is the greatest act of self love I could have ever committed. This new life does not and will not fit everyone, but suits me just fine.
So, now after all this do I know where I am or where I’m going? Well, not exactly, but I can say that each day I feel like I’m getting a bit closer. It’s wonderful to have found not only the courage, but also opportunity to find out.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Becca, really enjoyed your story. Even though you’re young enough to be my daughter or even granddaughter maybe, I really identified with your story more than some others. Stay strong.
Every journey is different. Thank you for sharing yours.
It’s wonderful that you were able to forgo all of your extra possessions and move in with your mother. I am constantly reducing things in our household of three and have found that now I can actually pursue things outside of a work setting. I just don’t know what that is yet! Keep us posted on finding your passion, I think many of us young or old are still on that search.
This story really resonates with me. I have been through my own minimalist journey, and since moving in with my boyfriend (and then my sister moved in with us!) I have become victim of the clutter and stuff again. I long to purge again and can’t wait to simplify my life enough to do many of the things Becca talked about in her post. I am planning to catch up on all the Real Life Minimalist posts to get this inspiration again. I am really excited.
Several generations living under one roof doesn’t have the stigma in Hawaii the way it seems to in other parts of the country. Many of us live with the older generation to be there for them, when needed. I lived away for 20 years and then moved back with my parents 5 years ago (we built an add on studio like space for me attached to the original home). I do pay them rent and could easily afford to live elsewhere. However, living on another island for two decades and working 60 hour weeks didn’t allow me to me spend much time with them. As they get older, time is precious and I’d like to enjoy their company. We do our own thing as well (we’re the type of family that doesn’t interfere or control each other). Your story resonated with me as I’m currently in the process of minimizing my possessions. I’m moving a bit slower than you but along a similar path. Thank you for sharing.
To me my journey is my own so it will never be about depending on a family member to house me. I have lived on my own for over 38 years and always provided for myself. I would never consider letting family bear the brunt of my irresponsibility. To truly find ones journey, be true to yourself, you must stand on your own two feet. It is the only way in life that we accept responsibility for ourselves.
This sounds harsh to me. I don’t think Becca, or Tania, are being irresponsible or dependent. Their arrangements sound more reciprocal or cooperative to me. My husband and I share our home with our son — we are upstairs, he down. We would not be able to afford or maintain this place in our retirement without his help. He has plenty of space to garden and is starting a small business. Win – win!
Alexandra, hopefully the next leg of your journey is to find compassion, and to recognize that we all have different lives, different families, and that not everyone will be like you. Please show some respect for those who are making the effort to share their intimate stories with the rest of us.
I too would like to leave my job but I can’t see a way to make that happen. I buy very little “extra things”, but still need to pay my bills…electricity, water, taxes, food etc.
I’m really interested to know how you are managing it, are you just using up savings, or is there some idea which I haven’t thought of?
I enjoyed reading your story Becca. I am glad that you have the opportunity to pursue your true interests and find what makes you tick. I am also happy that you are spending more time with your mother. Good for you!
This is one of my favorite stories. Thanks for sharing Becca. My question mirrors Eleanors questions. I’d like to know how you are managing your life without employment. Are you using your savings?
I am on my journey of minimalism. I’ve shed so much stuff. Now I am trying to encourage friends and family. Thanks again and I wish you so much peace and happiness.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m about your age and I’ve been radically rethinking my way of life as well. My views have changed a lot from my younger years. There was a time when the thought of living with my mother would have horrified me; I have always been fiercely independent and for a long time believed living at home would be a sign of failure.
But these days I’ve thought a lot more about my values and priorities. I’ve spent a lot of time in developing countries and witnessed the community and family network that is missing from my life and my opinions have changed a lot. Living with family is a wonderful idea as long as everyone contributes in their own way. In response to the above post by Alexandra, there is a difference in living off someone else (in which case I agree with you) and being in a mutually supportive relationship.
All the best x
My son spent 5 years in the Navy. He came back and while he was in grad school, he lived with us and paid some rent. He recently got his master’s and since he was working, he could afford more rent and moved in with my daughter and her boyfriend. Maybe at the end of this summer he will want his own place. My husband got a bigger TV for free and I’m willing to give a TV to my son, but my husband likes having 2 TV’s.
Sorry that I am a little late answering this question on how I am managing things financially in my current situation. After selling my house a couple of months ago, I am now debt free which is amazing! I live off of savings and do odd jobs in the neighborhood for some extra cash. I buy the basic stuff that is necessary, but otherwise spend very little. I plan on working again, but now have the opportunity to be choosey and do something completely different and maybe even a little fun. My mom and I also share household expenses and chores as well. It does seem daunting when you first begin something like this. Like your never going to get through it or it’s impossible. I still cannot believe sometimes that all these goals that started out as this seemingly crazy idea have actually manifested themselves. I now realize that I really can do just about anything I set my mind to which is a wonderful feeling.
I think in the US generations don’t often live together. When our adult son lived with us the advantages were he paid us some rent, watched the cats when we travelled, watered the plants, and the mail was always picked up with no trouble for anyone. He knew there would always be dinner ready, laundry would always be done, dishes would be done, and household supplies would be there. He lives in a 2 BR apt with his sister and her boyfriend now, they live about 2 miles from us. All our kids work full time, including an older son who lives about an hour away with his wife and kids. Being minimalistic means there is always extra closet space and an extra room for whoever is in the area.
I could have my son here because he is very neat and keeps his things cleaned up. My daughter is a hoarder like my mother and she and I couldn’t live together. I try to avoid going to her apt because there is always a lot of stuff I want to throw away.
My daughter needed to have her landlord come over to fix the bathroom sink. Her apt. As always, was a mess. I held out a big bag and told her to put all the garbage in the bag. Then I told her to put every shampoo, conditioner, or other beauty product she never used in a box to give away. Then I had her sweep, mop, and scrub the bathroom. The whole process took less than one hour.