Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
Today, I’m excited to share this fascinating perspective from Viktoria. Memories of her Ukrainian childhood has brought challenges to her minimalist journey; but she’s worked hard to overcome them, and is now embracing the joy and freedom of a lighter lifestyle.
Viktoria writes:
I grew up poor in the Ukraine. Please forgive my spelling mistakes.
When I came to the United States at 19, all I brought with me were the clothes I was wearing and one bag. Coming from the soviet mentality and lifestyle to the Land of plenty was overwhelming to say the least. Here is a short version of my non-minimalist lifestyle that turned into minimalism eventually.
Living in Florida I was purchasing only winter clothes because it was on sale. I was buying sale items to stock up for the rest of my life, just in case there will be no clothes available (just like in the Soviet Union).
I moved quite often for the next few years: Florida to DC, then back to Florida to attend college. I moved with me about a car load of things. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but now that I look back, I am embarrassed. When I moved to college here is what I had in my rented SUV: big TV/DVT/VCR combo, it took 3 people to lift it. Also, I had inverting equipment where you hang up-side-down. Why oh why would any college student need that. I was moving all my winter clothes and sweaters and coats driving to Miami FL! What was I thinking? Every summer I had to put all my belongings into storage because dorms were closed for the summer, every summer, as a student I hired someone to lift and drive that TV to storage and then back when school started, I did it for years. I lived in a dorm as if it was my permanent home, nesting and making it as home like as possible. I made it so much harder than it had to be.
Once I graduated, I bought a condo. All of the years of dreaming about decorating my own place were finally possible. Now I see that I didn’t even have a style or knew what I wanted at that time. I had it painted in Tuscan colors, with nice brown heavy furniture. It was pretty; all the walls were covered in family pictures framed in nice brown expensive wood frames. Everyone liked it, except me. I repainted the whole condo a few times. Finally, I found what I wanted, light bluish gray walls, white furniture, uncluttered easy breezy look. I sold most of my furniture and bought light airy white pieces of furniture.
I also discovered feng shui and the need for the energy to move freely. I also realized that all these family pictures were stressing me because these people were not the ones I loved, their pictures were hanging on my walls out of some unspoken obligation to display family pictures, and because I left all my family in the Ukraine and so desperately wanted to have family, but these pictures did not help, they were hurting me. All of the pictures were taken down, all that money I spent framing it was wasted, but I no longer had to look at these people. I framed just one 4×6 picture of my grandma who was my whole world to me and that picture goes with me everywhere I live, one picture in the whole condo.
So here I was in my clean furnished pretty condo. I could not stop buying decorations at different stores, each new thing was cleverer or prettier or cooler than the one I had. Christmas time, I went nuts decorating my condo lavishly. My God, the amount of money I spent on things was huge, it is so sad to think about it.
Then somehow, I don’t remember why, I bought a book “The Joy of Less” and my world changed, it was like a sip of fresh cold water in the desert. I started uncluttering my stuff. I gently let go “friends” that were not conducive to my life, I learned to say no to time wasters (still learning), I stopped buying mass produced décor and enjoy real art. I took carloads of stuff to donation centers. I didn’t realize I had so much, it’s not like my place is empty now, where was all that stuff hiding?
It was very painful to get rid of all these things, I paid so much money for it, wasted money, wasted time, it makes no sense to get rid of things that you paid for. It felt wasteful to pay so much money and then donate it. It would have never happen in the Ukraine where I was born. Growing up poor makes it very difficult letting go of things. You always have mentality that you need to stock up just in case. But I did let go.
People started worrying about my mental health when they realized I was getting rid of all these things. However, it felt good and light and clear and free. So I kept on going and reducing, uncluttering, removing. What was left, was what I needed, what I loved and what was there to support my daily life. When people would come over, I did not have to clean, it was clean 24/7. I knew where my things were. Without hundreds of pictures on the walls I could enjoy few paintings I loved.
Few years into my minimalist lifestyle I met my love. He was divorced with 3 kids and two story house. Eventually we started uncluttering his house. Things from his ex, kids’ stuff that they outgrew 10 years ago, no one knew these things were there, no one used these or needed these things, but they were there, living alongside humans, for years, taking space in every drawer, every closet, every cabinet, every room. We are not done yet, but we made a huge dent. I could see his pain when he had to let things go, I knew that pain so well. I supported him and comforted him, he let go of so much, probably easier than I did with my stuff. I am so proud of him; I guess I should be proud of myself too. I am glad I went through all that uncluttering first so I could help him do it.
Then came time for me to move in with my love, I decided to rent out my condo and get rid of most of my things that there was no space to bring into his house. You think I would not even blink and get rid of everything. Oh no, just thinking about getting rid of my small amount of furnishings and things, I felt what people feel when they lose their stuff in a house fire, I felt loss before I even lost anything. I could not believe it was happening to me, born again minimalist that was preaching to everyone how to unclutter. Then, while in pain, I started thinking about life, how we come and leave this world with nothing, about what is important to me, about my poor childhood that to this day gives me fear of not enough.
I chose love, I chose people over things, I chose freedom from things owning me, I chose life. I brought my art to his house, we found a place for all of it. I brought my clothes, my toiletries, my books and documents. His place is fully furnished; I realized I need nothing more. And if I ever do need more or move back to my condo, I can always buy what I need, this is the United States of America, not the Soviet Union; I can buy anything I want or need any time.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Really nice story, one I actually read to the end (I don’t normally due to my own issues)
I feel the same way as Viktoria, as I came from the middle east and from a poor family also, so everything I have I want to keep, but this is very wrong, I do see it, and it’s nice to know there are others out there with the same feeling and from the same background as me.
The need to ‘de-clutter’ is passion and I’m in the middle of doing it now, no pictures (from my past life) no material things from the same period, just me, my loved and trusted dog and a few things I need to do the work I love.
Really inspirational, it’s time to move on people!
Dear Viktoria- I’m wishing you well . You did not “waste money”. Rather you spent $ on what you thought made you happy until you matured and learned your style and learned about fully expressing your true self (such as no longer living with potraits just b/c you “should”). Money spent was “tuition” to the evolvoving, intentional Viktoria.
Beautiful thought!
Gail,
Thank you for your words of wisdom! I never thought of my “wasted money” as money spent as “tuition”. You are so right.
Thank you again
With love,
Viktoria
Thank you for sharing your story, Viktoria! You have learned and evolved so much on what was obviously a long and often painful journey. Congratulations to you, and keep up the good work. Much happiness to you!
Hi Francine, may you please post an update soon. It seems like a long time since you last published a piece of your own on the blog.
Dear Viktoria,
Your story is inspirational. Thank you for sharing it with us. Just remember, we are all a work in process. Wishing you much happiness in your new home!
What a great post, Viktoria. You describe so well the feelings that well up when we face getting rid of things we believe we need. Your blog post reminded me of an old Swedish song my grandmother sometimes used to quote – in English it would be something like “You cannot take anything with you where you’re going”. We do indeed leave this life with nothing. It is not the things we have accumulated, but the time we have spent with loved ones and on memorable experiences that matters. Minimalism is an ongoing journey – best of luck with yours. :-)
Great story. We currently have all our things in storage because we had to move from our ranch to a tiny property we had. We are living in a tiny travel trailer on our property. I love having only a couple of acres to care for. Can’t wait for our huge garage sale!
Dear Vikitoria, I’m Carol, nice to meet you.
You have a beautiful story. And you didn’t have no spelling mistakes.
kisses!!
Thanks Carol :-)
“I chose love, I chose people over things, I chose freedom from things owning me, I chose life.” Well said. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Agreed! Viktoria, thank you for sharing your story. You are an inspiration!
Viktoria: Of all the stories I have read on this blog yours inspires me the most. You have overcome great hurdles of the mind in arriving at your present state. You inspire me to pare down even more.
I am striving as an American consumer to purchase used before new,and to recycle and re-use. It is a process, but slowly I am getting there. When I visit the thrift store looking for something I need, it is overwhelming to realize that although the store is overflowing with merchandise, the stock is being sold and constantly replenished. We in America are a nation of excess. Even most of the lower class are living in luxury compared to many nations in the world. It is shameful how much we have when so many others have so little.
Paring down is so freeing, it brings one a sense of peace and tranquility.
Beautiful thought!
Dear Viktoria, my mother came here as a war orphan just before WWII. She never learned to stop filling space with heavy furniture and stuff. When I was growing up, all the closets were full of clothing, fabric, food, you name it. This is truly a wonderful country with so much choice of food, clothing and even shelter available to ordinary people. I think sometimes people can’t cope with it all. Lately, I’ve seen people use the term curate, like a museum to decide what stays and what goes. Choose what is important and give yourself room to live.
So true! I can totally relate! I came to the United States 18 years ago, and at first I would spend my entire paycheck on useless things, just because I could. I couldn’t throw anything out, because back in Russia we would reuse it, or make something out of it. It took me 15 years to overcome that mentality, now its a process of learning that it is ok to let go of your stuff.
Love your story; thank you! I grew up in the US, but was brought up with the idea that you should keep things “just in case” and recently gave away a tablecloth, a gift from my mom’s wedding in 1955 that I’d never used. Just one of hundreds, if not thousands of things I’m so much lighter without. I choose freedom, too.
I too is an immigrant to this US of A, we call this “the land of milk and honey”. No one warned me of the dangers of having excess, on my first week I bought so much grapes and apples that they went bad because they were so cheap .From there I bought and bought and ate and ate. Fast forward 20 years later, I am obese and I have so much stuff, and felt I lost control of my life. Today I am slowly changing , reminding myself constantly that the happiest times of my life was when I had nothing but my family around me. One day I want to be able to walk out my door with a suitcase full of my favorite items, exactly how it was when I first landed in this country with just a suitcase of clothes and a quarter coin to call my family once I landed.
Hi Flor,
I too felt that I lost control of my life. I too was obese and drowning in stuff. Also was drowning in overcommitting and saying yes. Was wasting time on people that were so-called “friends”. Two years ago I met a man who is a good friend of mine. He changed my perspective on life and in turn my life changed. As I told him about all of the hardships of my whole life, he told me about his. Until that day, I thought I had one of the hardest lives possible. He told me about his hardships and these were worse then mine. Amazingly it did not break him down or made him into a criminal or horrible person. He managed to take all that life struggle and use it as “priceless lessons of life”. He is a survivor! He taught me to stop feeling sorry for my life and to start seeing it as gift. Now, I see myself as a survivor! I had lessons in life that made me strong, I can do anything! He gave me a warrior mentality and I think like a warrior. I am grateful for all these lessons. However, the best gift he gave me is this one senesce that now is written on my wall: “Viktoria, always take a good care of yourself FIRST!” I live by it. Any time I feel sad, depressed, overwhelmed, I read it and sure enough, the reason I feel it is because I have been putting myself second, not first.
Dear Flor, take a good care of yourself FIRST! Let go of excess emotional weight, excess stuff, excess obligations and you will no longer need physical weight to protect you from the world.
With love,
Viktoria
I am curious about how you were able to work with your love to organize the decluttering of his home? I am facing a similar situation with a man with 2 children and a home that had been passed down through his family. A few generations of “stuff” collected and not dealt with. He seems to be open to decluttering… but I am afraid to push him too much with this. I realize there is huge emotional reasons for clutter and not letting go in the first place.
Hi Rose,
the way I did it was the following:
He would get upset that he can’t find the right cooking tools because all the drawers are stuffed with things and overflowing. I would suggest to organize these drawers. We all know that uncluttering is the key, not organization. So, I would empty a drawer and ask him what he wants in it and put only these items, lets say a drawer for flatware. We did it to each drawer. Once everything was out of drawers, he realized he had 7-10 of each item, he didn’t even know he had it replicated like that. I suggested to take it to Goodwill so someone can benefit from it and he will get a Tax write-off. He liked that idea so much that we did the whole kitchen like that. Then we did the office, closets, bedroom… Each time I took carload to Goodwill, I itemized the form and gave it to him. I doubt he would have time or desire to do it. At times he would get upset that all I wanted to do was to throw away everything, it would hurt my feelings, but I knew it was just pain talking. I would remind him that we don’t have to do this, that I am just there to help him. Also I would remind him how much space we would gain from removing these items and would also mention tax break. He always chose to continue uncluttering vs stopping.
With love,
Viktoria
I enjoyed your story Thank you for sharing. I grew up in the USA, very destitute and poor- we went without almost everything that others had . One pair of shoes a year, no new clothing for school and most days we were lucky if we had two meals and they were sparse. Life was very difficult without a car , no washing machine , no school activities due to cost, and just very much deprived compared to all around us. I had to walk 10 miles a day to school and back as we could not afford the bus. We had little food and not much possessions, we never went to a clothing store and I never knew what a store was until I was 17 and left for college! Until then I had only seen one food store. I never knew what a drugstore was much less a clothing store. I remember my first time in a drugstore I stood and stared not able to comphrend what the choices or products were. Still today I find it overwhelming. We had one tiny black and white TV. No VCR, No DVD. We went without food, without clothing, without toys and most Christmas were a very sad time. So I understand that need to create a home space and buy things that delight you at the time that you can afford them. You should never feel guilty for elevating yourself above your prior circumstance. its not wasted money, its a joy you give yourself. I gave myself permission to spend on what brings me joy within reason. Give yourself the gift of joy. You deserve it.
Thank you all for such wonderful comments of support and encouragement.
With love,
Viktoria
Consumerism is a disease. Well done you, Viktoria, on seeking to cure yourself of it! xx
“I chose love, I chose people over things, I chose freedom from things owning me, I chose life.” YES! Love those choices and life lessons! Well done!
What a beautiful story. I too wanted to add that you didn’t waste money by donating so many things (I used to think like that); you freely gave them to others who needed them more than you. As for your mental health, well, I can relate to that. My parents helped me move to another city many years ago and my father looked around my apartment and said “That’s all you have to show for your life?” I just smiled and said I don’t need much. He’s from a generation that judges others by the size of their homes, how much they own, type of job/car/neighbourhood, etc. As long as you are happy, who cares what others think :)
Some of my friends shop and shop constantly. They fill many closets with things they don’t need and can’t use. A friend was telling me about her huge heating bill, so I told her to try to live in a smaller place. She got angry. That’s why I seldom discuss minimalism unless someone asks.
I get the same reaction and don’t discuss it unless they ask or mention my “sparse” condo. Oddly enough, I get the same reaction if I say I’m vegan at home but veg elsewhere. Wouldn’t dare say I’m leaning toward mainly raw food!
Someone mentioned a huge cable TV bill the other day. I said we had basic cable only because it came with our condo maintenance.
Friends with big houses full of stuff are talking about decluttering. My friend has 2 houses full of stuff. Life is too short to fill your home with clutter. Start anywhere and fill a few boxes or a bag or two with things you can live without. It gets easier.
We just came back from England, France, Portugal and Spain. For a 7 nights cruise, I took a carryon suitcase and a tote bag. My husband took the same. I took a nice pair of slacks, and a pair of jeans, a few nice tops and some plain T shirts. A sweatshirt, a rain jacket, and a dressy sweater, some underwear, pajamas and a bunch of glittery jewelry that was less than $5 each. We saw a woman with 4 large suitcases and people with huge suitcases. There is so much freedom in Travelling light.