Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
This week, we have a wonderful contribution from Marianne, who tells us how decluttering her stuff has brought her more happiness than owning it.
Marianne writes:
I grew up in a house that was perpetually cluttered. Not hoarders but just a lot of stuff. I would visit friends houses and dream of having all that space in a neat and tidy home. I have two parents that would rarely part with things (and had a lifetime full of stuff) – my dad restored antiques and repaired furniture – many times people would give him castoffs, etc, that he would always accept. My mom loves to shop and has packed many closets full of clothing in the house.
As a kid, I always wanted something on vacation or at the stores…we were middle class to lower middle class – always had enough but didn’t get the brand name clothes that many of my classmates had. When I would convince my mom or dad to buy me a souvenir or other thing from a store, I would be so happy for a while…and then it would fade.
I honestly felt, when I was younger, that money could buy happiness. I would dream of maybe some day being able to just buy whatever I wanted with my earnings. I became a veterinarian, my life long dream and made a living wage. I actively paid down student loans but also started to buy some “big girl” furniture. After years of old furniture that never seemed to leave the house, I bought a sofa and chair. I bought my parents a sofa as a sort of thank you for supporting me and loving me throughout my journey (my pets also destroyed some of their items:).
I moved back in with my parents after vet school to save money. The beautiful sunshine basement was like the cemetery for old furniture and other discarded household things. I began slowly unearthing space for myself by getting permission to donate some of these items. My brother and I used to call our house “the magic shop”, because we seemed to have absolutely EVERYTHING you could think of. It was honestly overwhelming to think of the amount of STUFF that resided (and still resides) in that house. Of course I also had plenty of my own treasures….stuff that I had purchased here and there and in my travels. I had an entire bookcase of printed vet school notes that I lugged home in binders.
I had been fairly active decluttering over the last five years or so but the big kicker came when I was on a trip to Portland, Oregon last year. My friend, Molly and I were in Portland to run a marathon and have a short vacation. We both love thrift store shopping and found a great one in Portland where we each bought a lot of clothing items. We also went to Powell’s books and went a little crazy buying books and other fun items. Then there was a farmers market that sold interesting bags, hats, etc. a leather owl purse made it home with me that day – I just had to have it! All this retail therapy (for some reason) left my head spinning! I got home and felt the need to make a change. I realized that I had many fun and interesting purses that I almost never used – I pretty much always used the same one.
Initially, I had a hard time letting go of these types of things because I had spent good money on them and they were very usable. I also had gifts that people had given me that sat unused with the tags on. I had an entire table of such items that sat almost untouched in my family room for almost a year while I fretted about what to do with them…and then I pretty much just pulled the ripcord. Countless trips to the local catholic thrift store were made. Some items that were unused, I gave as gifts to others or for auction items for charitable events. Some particularly hard items to rid myself of I sold on eBay, which was probably more hassle than it was worth but at least they’re gone. My excitement for decluttering has encouraged my mom (with my gentle urging) and dad to let go of some things. It has honestly become like an addiction.
I was deployed with the Veterinary Corps of the US Army to Kuwait this past July and I was excited to see how little I could travel with. We were allowed four duffles and I probably had 2.5. It was a little bit of a struggle to not buy tons of cool souvenirs from the Middle East. I bought a few things but not much…mainly because I know how painful it is to declutter it once I’ve bought these items. I travelled to another country from Kuwait for 11 days with just a carryon backpack and a small laptop bag. I even had less than the men on the trip!
The thing that I am struggling with now is that it is not about the stuff. Achieving minimalism for me needs to be about clearing the stuff so that I can make room for what’s important and I’m just not sure what that is. I love God, my family and friends, my pets, traveling. This deployment has been a good change for me to shake up my routine and try to prioritize things in my life. I’m 39 and am still in my parents basement (by choice) but maybe it’s time to try something different. I love to read blogs like this about decluttering and minimalism but it’s very easy to lose the forest for the trees. I need to start thinking less about physical decluttering and more about how that helps me be the best version of myself for this world.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
Great post, Marianne, thank you for sharing! I’m a 39-year-old minimalist as well. I don’t think we had way too much stuff when I was growing up, but I remember always trying to pass my things on to my younger sister because I didn’t have the heart to throw out things I had received as presents! The times when she refused to accept more of my unwanted stuff I had to throw it out, and I would stand by the rubbish chute and psyche myself up to do it. It was really difficult severing the emotional links to the things I wanted to get rid of, but I always felt like I was walking on clouds after I had done it! :-)
Although some blogs deal only with shedding the stuff, Marianne, like many of us, know minimalism isn’t really about the stuff, rather it’s about the space in our homes, budget, schedule. The space is pregnant with possibilities, which sometimes is tad bit much. But we find our flow in doing or not doing based on one’s own values, and no one else. Bless you Marianne in helping God’s 4 legged creatures.
Sounds like you are on the verge of a beautiful new life and adventure. Embrace it and enjoy it!!! Great read.
I hope you write again on what you find out about what is important to you and how having less allows you to enjoy what you find. That is the part I struggle with the most.
I am 50 and finally getting to the point of wanting out of my old life and ready for the new one, whatever that is. My house is far from cluttered but I find it don’t want all this stuff. I want to live enjoyably but more streamlined. While I travel for work often, I find I don’t buy souvenirs often. And when I do, they are things I will actually use in my daily life.
Thanks for sharing your journey. Your honesty is refreshing.
Hallo Marianne,
Thanks for sharing. Maybe a new way to fill this place would be to blog. You seem like you have a valuable contribution to make to this world!
Thank you Marianne! This really touched my heart. I too grew up with two loving parents and a large family with plenty of stuff, nothing was thrown out “just in case” it was ever needed. I also wanted the souvenirs and the fancy things I saw in the stores. Yes, I had plenty of “owl purses” 9yours must have been really cute too) and yet if I could have traded them all in for ONE really good purse, I would have done so. Took me a while to get to that place while I continued to buy more. It took me decades to realize the clutter was weighing me down, however organized, stored, or catalogued. Quality over quantity now.
I am also impressed with what you pack for travel. Good for you.
I went shopping and bought 2 shirts and 2 pairs of earrings. I gave away 4 pairs of earrings and a shirt. I have scarves my daughter gave me which I will probably never wear so those will go, too. My mother is still mourning a suit she last wore in 1961 which I gave away. The nursing home where she is threw out more of her papers again. Trying to change a hoarder is impossible, I think it is brain wiring.
Marianne,
Enjoyed your post. Completely relate to the book shelf of school binders unused. Any tips for letting go of these? The whole “might need” them and thought that they somehow “prove” accomplishment standing in the way.
Amazing the mental “baggage” that our possessions represent.
Thanks.
I think minimalism is not only making physical space with less stuff, but also simplifying our lives so we have more space to think and dream and explore. There are so many possibilities when you have the space to simply be. I hope you’re able to use the space you’ve created to live a life that brings you joy. Thank you for sharing your journey (your parents sound a lot like mine)!
Thanks for all the replies! My life has changed a bit since I submitted this. I’ve since bought a small house near my job and am learning some new things. Had to buy some stuff but not too much. Still always purging….
You’ll likely find that physical decluttering can lead you to make major changes in other aspects of your life. Beginning to live intentionally leads to an intentional life philosophy.
I just gave away more necklaces. I am trying to clean out a basket of jewelry. There is only so much that I wear and an awful lot that I never wear. This site makes me think of what I can live without.
I am getting rid of more craft materials. I am almost 66 and I find I do more puzzles and more volunteer work and less crafting. I am keeping my crochet hooks and my drawing pencils and a couple of drawing pads and that will be it.
I have another big bag of crafts materials to give away. I realized I hadn’t made a scrapbook in over a year, so I gave away a big bag of nice papers to a group that makes cards. I had gotten much of my scrap book materials second hand so the money wasn’t much of an issue.
I bought a huge bag of craft items for $3 at a resale shop and immediately gave away 2/3 of the things in the bag because they were colors or designs I would never use. Some went to a friend who volunteers at a nursing home, some went to the children’s room at the library and some went to the park district. What I kept was still worth $30 or more if I had bought the beautiful items on sale at a craft store. I haven’t bought any craft items new in years.
We just came back from a 7 night cruise. We flew to London, went to France, Portugal, Spain, and toured Windsor Castle before coming back to Chicago. We each took a carry on and a tote bag. We watched people take suitcases the size of rowboats and one woman had 4 large suitcases. I only bring old clothes and cheap jewelry. Many people dress as though they will be walking the runway at a fashion show or appearing on a major awards show. At every port we got small city maps and those were the only souvenirs we brought back besides the photos on our cel phones.