Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
Today we have some inspiration for all aspiring-minimalist families: Jennifer shares how she’s trying to pursue a pared-down lifestyle with 13 children (11 still at home)! Be sure to visit her blog to read more of her story.
Jennifer writes:
The first thing I minimized in my life was digital. I started there because it seemed easy, plus I was doubtful minimizing would make THAT much of a difference to someone who’s fairly OCD about organizing. I went through all the email I get regularly that I “junk” or “trash”, scrolled to the bottom and clicked unsubscribe. Sure it was a few minutes of my time to do something I didn’t want to do and it seemed like a waste. Until I was only getting things in my inbox that I wanted. Even that was cleaner, easier, no stress. I unsubscribed to a LinkedIn email (I use it for work, I check it, I don’t need email). The next day I got another email. I went onto the site and checked my settings. There are 27 opt in email alerts. TWENTY SEVEN!!!!! I realized why it’s so easy to get bogged down by crap in our lives that builds up – in literally every area. Minimizing isn’t about having a few too many forks. Now I’m in a habit. Every time I get an email I don’t want, I scroll down and unsubscribe. It’s AMAZING how much less bogged down I am online. I didn’t realize I dreaded checking email until I liked it again.
On Facebook, I tried to go through groups and people and “unfriend” but didn’t get very far. What DID work for me was reading through my news feed. That’s where the negativity showed up and every time I see a person or a group post things I really don’t want to read, I unfollow them. I want the positive in my life – the people, places and things that make me feel even better. Now I really enjoy reading my news feed and being a peripheral part of people’s lives.
The next thing I went through were the vehicles. I like certain things in my car (Advil, tampons, bandaids, benedryl, etc…) but I only need a few things. This was fast and easy and worth it. The house is still a work in progress and will probably take a couple months. Not putting pressure on myself to complete this project with a time-frame made a huge difference. Letting the house become more chaotic while we go through things helped. Just relaxing and somewhat enjoying the process was a way to give myself a break. Calling the MS agency that comes to the house with a truck for donations and setting a date made us accountable. Now we have rules to keeping things:
- Does it bring joy?
- Would we buy it right now?
- Will we use it?
A great side note about this process is that I’ve been somewhat quietly going about my business. We have 13 kids and 11 at home with 9 teenagers. Figuring out how to live a minimalism lifestyle with that volume of kids is an ongoing battle. The kids have been more passively involved. As we purged the home, I let them know the stack of things on the table or couch is being donated because I don’t think we need it, however if there is something they feel we should keep, we can discuss it. My kids are now starting to evaluate their own things.
Deciding to move was another huge catalyst in the minimalism lifestyle. Do we want to pack it, move it, unpack it?? Is it something we’re keeping because it’s sentimental? Do we need it to keep the memory? How and why is it worth bringing to a new home?? Leading by example – letting go of my own things that were very difficult to part with initially – showed our kids that it isn’t the stuff we have that makes a difference. The good news?? We’re playing more board games, because those we decided to keep.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
I hope you can maintain your digital detox. I tried to and I kept finding the junk kept creeping back in :( I have recently deleted all social media accounts,I love the freedom from them. Divided my email so newsletter go to separate accounts (and review them often). I’m still in the stage of wow I can’t believe how little email I now get stage! Think the digital de-clutter was the last one for me, the hardest and yet has been the best.
Wow, 13 kids! I cannot even begin to imagine what a household like that must be like. I come from a family with 4 kids and I remember the amount of noise and chaos (and fun) we had. It was nice, but also stressful at times, trying to carve out some personal space, quiet time, and room for reflection. I also remember the sheer amount of “Stuff” in a 6-person household was huge, so it seems you have your work cut out for you!
I agree with you about the online clutter and I did the massive “unsubscribe” a few years ago. Made all the difference! I’m still in the process of clearing out my home (too many clothes and craft/sewing supplies). It is an ongoing adventure:)
I’m curious…what made you decide to embrace minimalism?
I took a similar approach to Facebook, but was a little more drastic. To start, I got off of Facebook for a week and kept a paper notebook with me. When I thought about things I wanted to post, I wrote them down. Then I asked myself who I was talking to. A lot of times it was a specific person, or a small group of people. When I found myself wondering how specific people were doing, I wrote down their names and what I was curious about.
Then I just started email people, asking them how things were going, sharing a news item I thought they might be interested, engaging with people one on one. Yes, it takes time. Yes, I engage with fewer people. But I engage so much more deeply. If people are unwilling to email, because Facebook is more convenient for them, that’s a filter; why should I put effort into relationships with people who can’t put forth a little effort for me?
I started a new Facebook account with no friends, just a few groups. I don’t chat or PM, I email. My life is quieter, happier, more productive, and filled with a smaller circle of much closer friends!
This is wonderful to hear your story! I’ve tried the unsubscribe email route, but it seems that certain companies don’t stop the flow regardless of how many times I request. I don’t really want to start over since my email address would be hard to replace.
I love how you are working with your family to integrate principles that will serve them all well for a lifetime. You have shown us that regardless of household size, minimalism can apply! Thanks for sharing.
Yes, I’d love to delete my email address and start over, because I, too, will keep getting all the junk from companies that I unsubscribed from, or requested for them to take me off their emailing list. So its like they don’t pay attention to peopes’ unsubscribe requests. And my email address is tied in with so much stuff I do use, like my google account and other things. I guess this might be the easiest route in the end, anyway, to just start over.
On another note, I grew up in a family of 9 kids, and I remember how we were each responsible for keeping our own stuff tidy, clean, and to a minimum. I think this might be where my own minimalist roots come from.
I love with all the people in your home you are trying for a minimalist lifestyle. I can’t imagine the chaos you’d have otherwise.
With 4 kids I find it a challenge to de clutter things. I have been working on it for over a year and finally feel like I have gone through everything once. I need to do it all again but I am meeting some resistance. We are facing a move across country in the next few months so hopefully packing will inspire everyone to consider their own possessions more carefully! I too have done a digital de clutter and found that many sites continue to email me. It is very annoying!
I unsubscribed a few things in my inbox. Spam and one-offs I block sender and consign to junk mail.
I used to receive 12 catalogues (some I requested years ago, others were unwanted), I contacted every one of them and cancelled, I let them know I was going ‘green’ and would bookmark their web sites instead.
Now I receive one annual catalogue (that I DO want) and my post box is wonderfully empty most days.
I am on facebook but rarely ‘chat’ with anyone, although it is nice to see what the rest of my family is up to and keep up-to-date with them.
I grew up with a friend who was the youngest of many siblings, she endured the hand-me-downs, some she loved, others she’d swap with friends. She was one of the first minimalists I ever knew and that was before anyone had a name for it (late 60s).
Way to go in setting an example for your family! That definitely sounds like an undertaking, but it’s great you’re taking it one thing at a time and doing it. If you keep moving forward, you’ll get to where you want to be one step at a time.
I agree with you on the Facebook front: if I don’t want to see it, I simply unfollow. It’s as easy as clicking “like” and my newsfeed is much simpler and cleaner (and more positive!).
First I want to say congratulations on taking care of 13 kids. I had Facebook for awhile a few years ago, and found myself spending a lot of time there so I knew it would be better if I quit cold turkey. I cancelled my account with them and don’t miss it at all.
Some of the people with the busiest lives have the least clutter and junk.