Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
Today, I’m so grateful to Sarah for sharing her story with us. She describes how life circumstances took her through a period of hoarding, and how she dug her way out to lightness and freedom.
Sarah writes:
My story is one of extremes. I grew up in a house filled to the brim with interesting things, books, teetering piles of items. My parents are artists and so saw beauty in some things most don’t and I can relate to that as an artist myself. I guess it set a precedent. What environment we create for our children leaves an almost indelible mark. This is something we all need to think about.
When I moved out I was asked to mind a pile of stuff for family that had gone overseas, and I did. I moved again and another person wanted stuff minded (probably because I was already minding other stuff) and I did. I became the stuff minder!
I majored in sculpture, practiced fine art and had my own collections, then I had children and the stuff that came with that added to the mountain.
My life took a turn and violence entered it. Emotional pain led to me becoming a hoarder. Literally. A real hoarder. Not the catch phrase overly used label of ‘hoarder’ we throw everywhere, a proper hoarder and I was horrified. Something had to change.
The stuff literally had become like an enormous psychological, physical, torturous burden. What started as a favour to family became a monument to submission. I realised that not making a decision about stuff meant that others would make those decisions for me. Other people’s inability to take responsibility for their stuff led to me being buried in it. I was burying myself alive with not only my objects but other peoples as well.
One day I just started digging through it. I started to donate to charity, to give things to others. Get rid of it. The more that left the lighter I felt, the more I felt free. I was suddenly in control and it felt amazing.
Now years later, so many purges later I live in a simple and beautiful environment that I have intentionally created. I have been able to save and see the life I want to live and have taken actions to live it. Dreams are now goals.
Allowing objects to infiltrate and control our lives can lead to letting other things deteriorate. Out dated irrelevant or destructive relationships, jobs we hate, debt, physical or emotional ill health. I cannot express enough how much an intentional existence changes not only how you live but who you are. We all get to create that and that is massively empowering.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or joining my email list.}
Hi Sarah, Thank you for sharing your story.
I am curious to know if a minimal lifestyle altered your creative process in any way.
Good luck on your future endeavours.
I loved your story. You are a beautiful free butterfly. An inspiration. Thank you.
Sarah–I’m truly sorry for the violence you endured and the hoarding aftermath. I admire your comeback and your decision to take control and live intentionally. Kudos!!!!! I’ve a question. Do you think we talk about minimalism with our hoarder friends?
I have two friends who are hoarders: one severe, the other semi-severe. With the semi, I see her often and we do talk about minimizing. Her home is now cleaner, but the stuff still remains. It’s a step. With the severe hoarder, I just try to be a friend and don’t talk about minimalism. But should I??
BTW, in case anyone wants to know, in the past I’ve allowed my children to leave behind 4 bins in my care when they left the nest. My experience is that they live just fine without the items in those bins, so I’m changing the rule to apply to only those who leave home for college.
Thank you for a wonderful story from a point of view I haven’t seen before. I’m so glad you were able to “dig yourself out.” The statement about how we live leaving a mark on our children really resonated with me.
I’m so sorry about what happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story. I think many of us have the potential to develop a hoarding problem given certain trauma or loss in life. I’ve had people’s “stuff” too including my uncle’s pottery collection. He went to live in a home and another relative told me he asked that the entire collection be gifted to me since I often bought him many of the pieces as gifts. She instead decided, on her own, that the fair thing to do would be to split it between all the relatives and then asked me to store the boxes in my garage until she did that. The pieces have some resale value but not much so at the time I thought it was silly to not follow his wishes but I said ok and the boxes sat for several years in my garage collecting dust. One day I unpacked the boxes, split it into two and gave 1/2 to my sister (but asked her first if she wanted it) and put the other 1/2 into regular use in my kitchen (pieces were all functional, not decorative). It’s now been about ten years and no one has ever asked about this pottery! If they ever do (they won’t), I know where the pieces are and if a few pieces are no longer available, oh well.
I do feel for you! I dislike this idea of feeling all one’s possessions have to go to a relative or friend when one dies or has no further use for them. I try to keep as few possessions as I can and I have left very clear instructions to my nephews that they can take what they want, anything else can be sold, all clothes, books etc. to go to the tip unless they can be of use to a charity shop. And hopefully the whole place could be cleared within a few days. It took three months to clear my father’s house! Never again! But at least he didn’t want us to keep particular items, we just took a few things that had sentimental value .In your case, I would say after ten years, if somebody wanted the items they could pay you rent for all the years you kept it in the garage! That might sort things out! Bit of a cheek to ask you to keep them all these years.
Thank you! Your story motivated me ! ?
Yes, living lightly is really possible.
Congratulations on getting rid of the things you no longer had room for in your life. I’m in the process now of getting rid of everything. I’m going to try and sell anything with value so it can fund my dreams. Your dreams are your true calling and they should be given a priority in your life, not the clutter you surround yourself with. I have finally realized that.
My mother in law had many sets of china. Her daughters kept what they wanted. I kept what we could use and either the salt and pepper set or the cream and sugar set from the others. Recently, my husband’s cousin decided to move in with her daughter. I got 4 large houseplants. My kids got some furniture, fish tanks, silverware and china. There is always more stuff coming and going in our lives. No one will fight over my old clothes or my furniture.The only thing I really collect is jewelry and that doesn’t take much space.
I have a lot of house plants. I give them away all year. I only need one or two of each type. I find that they make good gifts if they are in a pretty pot from the thrift store. A few of anything is not a problem. I have 2 cats that were rescued from hoarders. I don’t understand the appeal of Costco or Sam’s Club unless you are shopping for a business or organization.