Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
This week, Bethany shares a touching story about a beloved relative, and the ultimate lesson he taught her about the important things in life. Surf on over to her blog to get to know her better.
Bethany writes:
In October 2015, I lost my wonderful, supportive Granda to Mesothelioma – cancer of the lung which is caused by asbestos, a material he had worked with as an engineering apprentice. It wasn’t until January 2015 when he developed a cough, that we discovered the devastating effect the asbestos had on his body. My Granda loved everything about vintage motorbikes and had refurbished several machines that were previously buckets of rust. He loved gardening and cultivated a vegetable patch that produced the most delicious selection of vegetables you could imagine. He was a rock in our family. If anyone had anything they needed fixed – a roof, a car, tools, jewellery – he could fix it in minutes. He was endlessly supportive of all of us, and let me know often how profoundly proud of me he was. He gradually lost his strength after the initial cough and in less than 10 months he passed away, in the home he had shared with my grandma for almost 50 years.
Immediately after he passed away, all we felt was grief. But after those first few weeks, my grandma started going through his many, many belongings. A few of these brought him profound amounts of joy, e.g. his motorbikes. Others, like ten multipacks of shirts (all unopened) my grandma had purchased for him, were clearly unused and unloved. I seized the opportunity to take one of his belongings for myself, a beautifully made woollen jumper a local clothing company had produced when he was a fisherman, in his twenties or thirties. I knew he loved it, because he had told me its story more than once and wore it often. Despite being five decades old and having been worn by my Granda hundreds of times, it’s still in pristine condition because it was well made and well looked after. He didn’t think to wear much of the clothes bought for him, because he had his favourites and would have rather just worn them.
Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about my amazing Granda. Despite the piles and piles of stuff he had, he did’t get more joy as he got more things. Indeed, only a few things brought him more joy than everything else. I related this to my own life. Why do I have so many things I don’t really care about? Why do I think I need these things? How have I become so brainwashed by my consumerist tendencies that I genuinely believe holding onto crap I don’t give a crap about will make me happy?
These thoughts lead to a tremendous purge in the amount of ‘stuff’ I own. I latched onto the concept of capsule wardrobes – that is, having a smaller, but better curated wardrobe. This lead me to donate nine and selling two bags of new and old clothes – I know, I’m mortified at the amount too. I’ve now halved the amount of clothes I had. While reading about capsule wardrobes, I stumbled across the idea of minimalism. And oh, how things have changed since then. I’ve gotten rid of so many things by donating, selling and repurposing and the clear space in my wardrobe, cupboards and surfaces correlates directly to the clear space in my mind. I have more time to focus on the important things. I spend less time deciding what I need to do, buy, clean, wear and consume. My time is instead split between things I consider to be important: time with family, my boyfriend and my friends, time to look after my physical and mental health and also, time to discover what my passions are and how I can cultivate these passions.
My Granda taught me so much while he was alive and I feel like his final lesson was teaching me how to live a better, more simplified life, only giving time and attention to the people and things I truly love.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or joining my email list.}
What a lovely inheritance to receive from your beloved Granda, Bethany!
I echo Alix – what a longlasting and beautiful legacy! It’s amazing how much one person can inspire us by the way they live their life. And then you, Bethany, make your own changes and in turn inspire us!
My grandfather was a huge influence on my life. He still is 38 years after his death. I love the story you shared. Hugs.
Bethany, your story was very touching. Your Granda would be extremely proud of you.
A beautiful story! We are so fortunate when we have loving memories, and when we can carry with us the love and lessons we are made so much stronger. Thank you for sharing.
I enjoyed this–especially how we’re brainwashed by consumerist tendencies! I have to battle it every time I step into a store!
I haven’t been in a clothing store in ages. I am wearing clothes that are 8- 10 years old or were given to me. I have a lot of T shirts my kids got for free. The kids give us movie passes or restaurant meals for the various occasions in life. Once or twice a year we take a cruise and enjoy ourselves. We take classes, I take a yoga class, do volunteer work, go out for lunch with friends, meet people for dinner.
Thank you, Bethany. You and your Granda’s words helped me. I thought deeply about your question regarding why he kept stuff he didn’t care about, and why he didn’t keep just the stuff he loved. I turned those questions on myself and received an eye-opening revelation. Even though built-in bookshelves run completely empty across one wall in my home, I hung onto thirty, rather thin, recipe books hidden up high in a kitchen cupboard. I’ve only used three of them in the last year or two. Also, on the top shelf of my rather empty linen closet, I still have a stack of tablecloths. I don’t use them, but I can’t let go of them. They hold memories, or they’re still in practically new shape and pretty, or I think I might start using them one day. They meant something to me once, when I used to care about impressing people. Ha! Maybe I’m still concerned about that. Another revelation! But now we have a nice wooden table that I feel needs no cloth, and I take joy in that. Hmm. Suddenly, I feel I can let go of those cloths now that I understand where my true joy is centered. Thank you, again! BTW, I suspect your Granda held onto those multi-packaged shirts out of love for your Grandma. I buy my son shirts, but he LOVES just a plain, white Tee. : )
What a beautiful story. I love people that are so loving and are willing to pitch in and help everyone. I had a grandfather that was the most giving person I have ever met. I feel the same about “stuff” that surrounds me. I’m working to sell, donate and throw away anything I don’t need.
Thank you for this lovely, inspiring post. I’m touched by the love you have for your Granda, and how you have honored his memory.
My dad died in 1972. For many years after his death, I wore a red sweater he used to wear. Sometime in the 1980’s I changed the buttons and wore it for 6 or 7 more years. I teach art classes to kids at our local park district. I explained that people would unravel sweaters and use the yarn again, or use old dress or shirt fabric to make a quilt. When I was a child, people would dye stained clothes or mend torn clothes. Now, some people cut up stained or ripped T shirts to make rugs or other projects. As long as they are buying nothing new it’s fine.