Every Monday I post Real Life Minimalists, a profile of one of my readers in their own words. If you’d like to participate, click here for details.
This week, we have a wonderful story from Daisy. She’s been battling a hoarding tendency since childhood, until a natural disaster gave her a new perspective on her possessions. Visit her blog to follow her minimalist journey.
Daisy writes:
So how’d it get that bad?
You could say I was born with it.
I grew up in a family that was full of love but low on funds. My parents built a business from 6 am to 3 am six or seven days a week while my grandma babysat me.
Bits and pieces of those days are still clear to me: when we couldn’t afford to buy food sometimes, when I wore Mom’s old things to school, and even the time the counselor pulled me aside to see if everything was fine at home. The teachers said it just wasn’t normal for a seven-year-old to turn down parent-child trips and collect her own report cards every semester.
Eventually, hard work and faith in God paid off and we had more than enough to live on. I’m proud of how my family worked hard to provide for us, but that time of lack meant we had learned to hoard everything just in case.
Everything: worn socks I’d had since kindergarten, newspapers from before I was born, free pens that didn’t work, broken paintbrushes… You name it, we probably had it.
In senior year, I started reading books on simplicity and they helped me see my hoarding for what it was. But every time I started decluttering, I couldn’t bear to throw anything out.
So I organized. I bought magazine racks, drawers, and huge plastic bins, and stored everything out of sight. But they eventually overflowed with more stuff and I gave up. All through college, homework was done on the floor since it was the only space I could spread my books on.
During that time, I also began traveling more. I learned to love how I could pack a month’s clothes into a carry-on bag. I felt so free with my little bag when I was away, and so bogged down when I got home to piles of stuff. I promised myself I’d figure out my hoarding problem, but it just felt too hard.
Then I woke up in the middle of a 7.2 magnitude earthquake three years ago. I huddled under a blanket and prayed God would make it stop while the house fell apart.
My family survived without injury but buildings had collapsed and others we knew were worse off.
During the quake, a gift I’d always hated almost killed my dog. Finding out about that left me with lots of feelings: gratefulness my dog had escaped getting hurt, sadness at the thought of what could have happened, but also anger. Anger at the stuff that had made it more dangerous for those I loved in that intense time.
That anger pushed me to take minimalism seriously.
I wanted to keep only the things I’d cared about while I was under that quilt waiting out the disaster. So I gave more than half my things away: 40-ish boxes of perfectly good things I’d rarely used. I also threw out ruined stuff I couldn’t have parted from before.
Why was I able to change that time when I’d kept failing at it years back? Because I’d been looking at minimalism all wrong.
Those other times, I wanted to become a minimalist to have less stuff. But adopting minimalism to be minimal isn’t what all this is about.
Instead, minimalism is a path we can walk towards what we want. In my case, the path would lead to making room for what mattered to me. Aiming to have less stuff wasn’t motivating enough, but building a meaningful life was a dream worth pushing forward for.
Since then, it’s a work in progress. I started writing about killing my hoarding habit on my blog, made friends with other minimalists who’ve encouraged me, and let my feelings of freedom push me to keep going.
Now I’m a real life minimalist, as Francine would say. Simplifying my life has helped me feel less stressed and more “me”.
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or joining my email list.}
Wonderful post. I often think if I had to run out of the house for a fire what “thing” would be important enough for me to grab. After realizing it would be my purse (for ID purpose) and my fire proof box of important papers I knew I was on the road to minimalism. I’ve never looked back.
Yes, framing our things in terms of disasters like a fire helps us focus on what’s important to us. It sure helped me when that earthquake happened. I’d bring out the same things plus my dogs and my violin. :)
Thanks Betsy, I’m glad you liked my story.
When the fire alarm went off in my building, I grabbed my purse, our id folder, and a warm jacket. My daughter grabbed the cat and we went down 11 flights of stairs. It turned out to be a kitchen fire on the floor below us, no real damage to the building. The box of “important” papers and photos got left because it was too big and heavy. I now have a grab and go pack of papers in a waterproof bag and plan to move to a lower floor/building when the lease is done. Our place is fairly minimalist already, thanks to ideas from blogs like this one. We also downsized in a major way after a hurricane damaged a house where wd used to live. Nothing like a disaster to help you decide what is important!
Too true! I live on the 15th floor myself and going up and down the stairs when the elevator was shut down one weekend was a killer. I might borrow that waterproof bag idea as my box of documents are pretty heavy too. Thanks for sharing your story, RJ!
Wow! I thought the drudgery of moving all of your possessions to a new home was the #1 motivation to adopt minimalism and simple living. You have change my mind and I now believe a mega earth quake can force you to involuntarily begin the decluttering process. LOL
I know, right? :D Fire, earthquake, flooding… Sounds morbid but depending on where we all live, it could definitely be the push to begin downsizing everything.
Reading your post, I should have felt haunted as you described the insecurity of my own childhood and why I became someone who could not throw anything else. But I felt free too while reading it as I’ve become a minimalist or at least am getting there. Even a massive flood didn’t push me to it, it took years of the insecurity before I realized the security I longed for is not hoarding things “just in case” or hoping I’ll eventually have a home large enough to hold it all.
I have a small grab-bag for an emergency. Backup drive for the computer (backed up every day), valuables such as any jewellery, passport, cash, important papers. And a change of clothes. Hope I never need such, or if a disaster hits – that’s I’d be home to grab this bag. But there’s not much else I’d need. Sure some art work, a few favourite things, but nothing that I need. It took the minimalist mind set to make me realize that stuff is not life. And I don’t want to spend the rest of my life carting around, carrying for or worrying about stuff.
Thank you for an enlightening post. It helped me realize that I should be proud of the progress I’ve made. And I’m proud of you!
“Stuff is not life.” Your story’s beautiful, Maria. Progress is always worth celebrating, and I’ve proud you’ve gotten this far too! I bet you’ll feel even more free and at peace as you keep at it.
I love your statement…
Minimalism isn’t about being minimal, it is the path we walk
toward what we want…
May you have strength for your journey!
Thanks Candace! I wish you the same!
Time is more valuable than possessions.
It definitely is!
You write beautifully! I loved this story!
Thank you, B.! Happy you think so!
There must be a boarding gene in my family. My mother was a champion and after my dad died my brother and I had to clean her house out every few years. A cousin died in his massive hoard. My sister has a problem throwing out papers. My daughter is afraid if she can’t see an item, it has disappeared. But she will let me give some things away. I have a lot of stuff for a minimalist but very little compared to anyone else I know. I give away hundreds of things every week. Small toys to the food pantry for their “free” table. Clothes and books. Craft supplies.
Since we live in a condo, we will never have a wall of toilet paper. I don’t have more than 6 boxes of breakfast cereal and that is because everyone has a different favorite. A close friend says I don’t wear enough different colors and patterns. A few people have suggested I wear more makeup or the my hair.Still, I keep giving things away.